The most embarrassing thing your kids ever said

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2011 ( 35 moms have responded )

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1. While discussing the 10 Commandments at Vacation Bible School (!), comparing "God's Rules" with rules the kids might have at home, my oldest -- then about 7 -- spouted: AT MY HOUSE, YOU DON'T DRINK FROM MOM'S CUP OF SODA WHEN IT HAS LIQUOR IN IT! -- Meredith

2. [My son] asked where my wienie was as I got out of the shower one day. I said, "Well, Mommies have a different kind of wienie than Daddies." So we get to the store later that day and he informs the cashier, "My Mommy has a different kind of wienie." Awesome. --Tiffini

3. Grocery store experience: my kid screamed, "PIRATE!!!" at a man wearing an eye patch. -- Cora

4. My son is bi-racial and thought every black man was Daddy. Once we were at the local grocery store and our cashier happened to be a black teenage boy. As we approached the register, my then 2-year old started yelling over and over, "DADDY." -- Lauren

5. My 4-year-old son felt the need to warn "old" people they will die ... he told a lady in the grocery, "Old people die ... and you don’t look so good" -- Edna

6. My 6-year-old grabbed our Rabbi's butt and said, "Squishy, squishy." -- Vicki

7. Age 3, regarding a morbidly obese lady dressed in red in a store: "Holy crap, that is a BIG, RED shirt!" -- Kerri

8. Saying our dinner prayer with the family, my 5-year-old wanted to say the prayer. So being that he wanted to be the big boy, we said sure. He says: God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy! -- Lena

9. Walking by the wine section of Whole Foods: "Mommy! Look at all this mommy juice! Look! Mommy juice everywhere!" I got more than a few snickers. -- Emily

10. My husband took my 4-year-old son to his uncle's funeral. When they were bringing the casket in or out of somewhere, my son said (pretty loudly), "What's in the box?" Luckily it got a few laughs, but ohhhh that was not one of his finest moments! -- Christina

11. My son pointed at a guy playing basketball, who had a prosthetic leg, and shouted, "Look mom! He's a cyborg!" I dragged him away quickly. He's totally into robots and all that, so it was a huge compliment coming from my son! -- Carissa

12. When I quit smoking, my 5-year-old at the time (she's 23 now) told her kindergarten teacher that she was so proud of me because I quit drugs. -- Erin

13. I guess I did not have great bathroom boundaries with my daughter. While in a shopping cart, checking out, sucking on a lollipop, my daughter pulls the lollipop out of her mouth and tells the person bagging the groceries: "Sometimes my mommy pees red." She said it like I was a superhero. -- Jennifer

14. Just a few weeks ago, my son was in the bath and declared, "I just have a kid-sized penis because I'm a kid. Not Daddy, though. He's a grownup, so he has a big penis. Daddy, your penis is THIS big" [said while holding his hands quite a wide distance apart]. My husband, however, told him, "Now THAT you're allowed to repeat anywhere and everywhere you want." -- Dorothy

15. ‎My 3-year-old daughter was out with her grandma, and the lady in front of them in line was writing a check without ID and generally being irritating. At the top of her lungs, she sighs and says, "Grandma, this is taking FOREVER. It takes daddy less time to poop and he's in there long enough to play a world of Angry Birds!" -- Jane

What's the most embarrassing thing your kid ever said?

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35 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 05/31/2012

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lol Katherine! My son recently started asking what the "machines" in the ladies room are for. I told him it's for ladies, that's all he needs to know. I think it's gonna be time for Daddy to take him to the washroom more!

Katherine - posted on 05/31/2012

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My daughters do the same stuff to me Sarah! Every time we're somewhere it's, "Mommy! Do you need a tampon?" ALWAYS in public!

Sarah - posted on 05/30/2012

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I made the mistake when I took my son to the potty at Costco of using the time to go myself. I had my period at the time. Well, he started announcing very loudly, "Mommy, you don't put red pee in there, you need to put yellow pee in there." I tried to shush him, we washed up and left, then went to meet my husband who had continued shopping with our daughter. My son saw him at the end of the aisle as we walked towards him and started yelling to him, "DADDY! MOMMY HAS RED PEE! MOMMY HAS RED PEE!" To make it even worse, 3 months later I went with him again to a washroom (I did not have my period). When I was done, he started exclaiming quite loudly again, "Good job Mommy! You're pee is yellow, not red!" An elderly lady in there thought it was quite cute cause as we were washing up she smiled at me, giggled, and said, "Aw, the joys of parenthood." At least she had a sense of humour!

Jacqueline - posted on 05/20/2012

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My daughter and I were at target, 2 at the time, a "big lady" was walking past us wearing spandex pants. They were VERY in at the time. My daughter yells, "WOOOH MOMMY LOOK AT HER BUTT IT'S SOOOOOO BIG!!! SHE NEEDS TO STOP EATING CAKE!!!" needless to say I left the store without what I needed haha

Sarah - posted on 05/19/2012

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my son had started to shave. and had given him some advice on shaving etc, well doing my legs suppose there were cross terms i could use as advice
one day a friend was here for coffee, chat and moan about men as we do. My son was upstairs and shouted down saying he thinks he had an ingrowing hair and that it hurt. I shouted back put some hot water on it and may soften the skin to make it pop out. 5 mins later he said it hadnt.
now i am fairly open in the household and y boys are as well, he didnt know my friend was here, I said for him to let me have alook. He walked into the lounge starkers. his ingrowing hair was in his pubic area at side of thigh. I dont know who had the bigger shock, son or my friend lol

Megan - posted on 03/12/2012

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I ordered pizza several months back, but didn't tell the kids about it so they'd be surprised (I don't order out very often). When the doorbell rang, my 5-year-old, mildly-autistic son Elijah jumped up and peeked out the window, squealed excitedly at the sight of the Domino's car in our driveway, and started racing around the living room yelling "THE PIZZA GUY IS HERE! THE PIZZA GUY IS HERE!!" My three daughters came racing downstairs to see for themselves; in the meanwhile, I had opened the door and was standing in the doorway, paying the (very heavyset) delivery man. Elijah had still not stopped with his hyperactive "THE PIZZA GUY IS HERE! THE PIZZA GUY IS HERE!!" when suddenly he zoomed to the doorway and came to a screeching halt. He surveyed the pizza man for a moment, then turned and yelled to his sisters (who were like 3 feet away), "THE PIZZA GUY IS HERE! ....AND HE'S FAT!!" Omg I could have died on the spot!! There was this long, awkward moment of silence because I was dying to tell Elijah, "No he's not! You apologize right now!" but I COULDN'T. He really WAS fat (not trying to be mean, just saying), and saying "no he's not" about someone who probably weighs close to 300 pounds just makes you look like a stupid liar, and I couldn't think of anything else to say. Finally, I apologized and mumbled something about how he's always saying mean things about people, and I hurried up and got the pizzas and shut the door so I could die of shame in the privacy of my own home! LOL I had to have a talk with Elijah about how most adults feel about being called fat, and thankfully he hasn't called anyone that since, but I cringe every time I think about that!

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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My daughter asked questions about my period when she was 2. She never embarrassed me like that, but she too thought I was bleeding out my butt lol!

Candi - posted on 03/09/2012

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I had my daughter with me when I went in to the restroom at store. She was around 3 at the time. I was on my period and she was asking all kinds of questions. Did I poo my pants? and things like that. I told her it was blood and quickly changed the subject. We walked around the store for about an hour. She did not say another word about it until we got to the check out line. She starts to tell everyone " My mommy is bleeding out her butt, my mommy is bleeding out her butt." She just keep saying it over and over. I was so embarrassed.

Corinne - posted on 11/24/2011

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I took my little man to the loo in Asda the other day, I hadn't trimmed the lady garden in a couple of days and nearly died when Devon shouted 'Mummy, why have you got a dirty vagina?' Peals of laughter from the other stalls while I explained that it was hair, he says 'My penis better not get it, it's gross'. Thanks a lot son.

[deleted account]

When my son was just starting to talk he asked if we could get some "minty butt-holes" when we were in the bread aisle at the grocery store. I was like what?!? and he said it again pointing to a bag of mini bagels! Everyone was laughing while I was slowly pronouncing the words to him the right way!

Danielle - posted on 11/22/2011

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I had went to the Dr b/c I had a UTI, they gave me meds that turned my urine blue. My daughter was completely fascinated by this and had to go to the bathroom with me EVERY TIME I peed so she could see. We were in the checkout line in Walmart one night and her and her brother were looking at the candy so I told my husband I was going to the bathroom. Next thing I know I hear (very loudly) "MOM! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? ARE YOU GOING TO PEE BLUE? I WANNA GO! PLEASE LET ME GO WITH YOU SO I CAN SEE YOU PEE BLUE!!" It was like the entire store stopped what they were doing just to look at us lol.

Katherine - posted on 11/21/2011

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My daughter once said she could run 90mph while carrying her newborn sister.

Charity - posted on 11/21/2011

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Ok, so this isn't something embarrassing/funny my son said, but something embarrassing/funny he did. My husband, daughter, son & myself were on our way to my mother-in-laws house. My son, 3, said he needed to pee. We were driving down a highway & were almost to my mother-in-law's so we asked if he could hold it. He said "yes" so his Dad tells him when we get to Mamo's (My Mother-in-law) he can go pee in the yard. He then processed to tell him it's a right of passage for a boy. We get there & he runs to the side of the house & pees. Now the embarrassing/funny part.... Later that night we are sitting around the fire outside talking & my son says he needs to go potty. He walks in the house & come back out saying its too dark. He starts walking down the walkway & then steps to the side & pulls his pants down, (we thought he was going to pee again) squats & poops in the middle of my mother-in-laws yard! He got done & looked at his Dad & says "Daddy are you gonna wipe my butt now?" I thought I was going to pee myself laughing at him. I was embarrassed although I was laughing. Now it's just funny!

Now the funniest thing he has ever said. I was going to the bathroom & he came in with me because he needed to pee too. When I got done & went to pull my pants up he looks at me & says "Mommy what happened to your penis? I have a penis & Daddy has a penis, but you & sissy don't". I told him "Girls don't have a penis". He looks at me & as serious as can be says "Mommy you broke your penis off!". I just laughed & said "Yes son, I broke my penis off". (Thankfully I was at home when this happened) After I stopped laughing I told him that girls have a vagina & boys have a penis. Now anytime he sees me not dressed he looks at me laughs & says "Mommy you broke your penis off so now you have a 'gina". He has said this twice now while in a public restroom. I usually hear giggles through out the bathroom whenever he decides to inform me of the fact.

My son's definitely the comedian around our house. I never remember my daughter saying or doing anything that really embarrassed me.

[deleted account]

oh my gosh! these are hilarious!!

I had one experience with my daughter who for some reason knows ALL my facial expressions. She was about three and walking right next to me at the store and this lady in a hurry who was walking into everyone and being quite rude happened to run into my daughter, i basically made face at her which in my mind interprets to "dipshit" so i looked annoyed picked up my child and my daughter looks right into the ladies eyes and says DIPSHIT i just looked at the lady... and said shes right and kept walking, i prob would have apologized but since she didnt apologize for almost running over my daughter i didnt think twice.. but my god the kids are sooooooo observant... she knew my facial expression... scary..

Jurnee - posted on 11/16/2011

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When my older son, hes 23 now, was about 5 he said very loudly in church" we have to eat his body, gross". We were sitting next to an older woman and she gave us a look that could kill.
my younger son, when I introduced him to some one I was dating, walked into the house and said in an amazed voice," your house is BIG, are you rich"'.

[deleted account]

This wasn't my kid, it was a kid on J's baseball team last spring. His dad had brought him early for practice and his mom had met them at the field before the actual game began. She was sitting on the bleachers with the rest of the mom when her son looked over from 2nd base and saw her.

"Hey Mom!" he called out, then added with a hint of surprise "You decided to wear clothes today! Cool!"

Barb - posted on 11/16/2011

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Oh that is awesome Kelly!! LOL barked like a dog.. i'm not even going to tell Doug that or he'll start doing it.

[deleted account]

OMG! Barb that is hilarious!!

J did pee on a tree at a wedding one time :P At least it was outside so it just seeped into the ground--embarrassing all the same though...especially since he barked like a dog while he did it.

Barb - posted on 11/16/2011

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i know this is suppose to be funny things our kids say and do, but i read many of them out loud to my husband who wants me to tell this story about his little brother.

This would have been the early 1960's. She was potty training Brad, he was around 3 i believe. They had gone to Sears and were looking around when Brad said he had to go potty. She was looking at a display when behind her she heard Brad yell; "MOOOOM?! Where's the little paper?" To her horror she turned to see he had climbed onto a display toilet and went poop in it right there in the middle of the store.

Denikka - posted on 11/16/2011

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My son is only 2.5, so we haven't had too many yet, but the best so far was Halloween of '10. He was about 1.5yrs at that point and we took him trick or treating for the first time. Took him a little while to get the hang of it, then he got super excited and was so happy to be knocking on doors by himself and whatnot :P
Well, he'd been getting a fair bit from each house and we made it to this one house that had a woman, I'd say in her 50's or so. She was kinda stingey (in comparison) and only gave him like 2 things. He looked at his bag, looked back up and really politely asked *more?*. I'm totally embarrassed, kids looks greedy :P but she gave him a couple more pieces, and was really nice about it.
Then he looks down again at his bag, looks straight at her and says *more.*
I coulda died XD She was super nice about it, and I did tell him not to be greedy, but just the look on his face was priceless XD

Johnny - posted on 11/16/2011

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When I was 7, I came out with a similar thing to number 8. One of my great aunties was visiting and she is one of the only religious people in our family. So to show respect, my father said grace. I followed that up with, "I believe in God and Molson's Canadian (beer)". She left the next day.

I think Michaela's finest moment so far was when she was about 2 and I'd taught her about her body parts. She was in her stroller in the meat department at the grocery store, and pointed to the crotch of this lady leaning past her to grab some chicken and yelled "vagina!" Lucky for me, the lady and the other people in that area of the store thought it was hilarious. I was totally embarassed but at least everyone had a good laugh.

Barb - posted on 11/16/2011

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When my son was little, my husband (his stepfather) would play a game. My husband would ask Jr "do you know what today is?" and Jr would say say "no". Doug would say "it's child beating day!!" and grab jr up and tickle him, the two of them would wrestle and carry on. One Sunday Jr started it with Doug who was fighting off a flu.. "know what today is Doug?" Doug:"no" Jr: "It's child beating day!!" and begins to attack Doug. Doug says "oh, you didn't get the memo? Child beating day has been moved to Tuesday".

Wednesday of that week i'm at work and i get a phone call from the school counselor who is not only an old friend of mine, but also my husband's ex wife's sister. She needs me to come down right away.

I get down to the school and she shows me Jr's daily journal that says "Today is Tuesday. Today is child beating day." awesome Jr! I explained and we had a good laugh over it.

Lacye - posted on 11/15/2011

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LOL love it! Here are my stories:

When my daughter was about 11 months old, she was starting to talk a little bit. I was at church one day and my child yells out "shit!" We just so happened to be sitting behind my very religious father who does not cuss! Luckily he didn't say anything.

When my niece Kathleen was about 3, she had just been potty trained. Once again, we were at church and she runs up to my daddy in the middle of services and yells out "I've got to pee PawPaw!" LOL My sister turned bright red!

I was outside with my daughter one day, talking with the manager of my apartment building. The lady asked Lily if she had been a good girl today. Lily said, "NO!" The manager just died out laughing!

[deleted account]

Oh....here's another one

Last summer we were at the pool and it was time to reapply our sunscreen. J is very fair and MUST wear sunscreen or he burns to a crisp, but he HATES sunscreen. So I'm trying my best to slather it on while he tries his best to get away.
"J! You HAVE to let me do this, you will Burn Up!" I urge sternly.
"Oh!" he snaps back, "I see, you want to set me on fire!"
"What? No!" I stammer, taken aback a bit because that is NOT what I said.
In my confusion, I loose my grip and he runs straight over to supermom who is married to the principal of the laughably elitist private school, supervising her 3 perfect kids do breast stroke laps in perfect unison and yells to her:
"My mom said if I don't wear sunscreen she's going to set me on fire and watch me burn!"
I tried to explain, and the lifeguard & other moms gave a giggle, but supermom just gave me this overly concerned look and said "I see."

[deleted account]

I've got a couple.

A few years ago, J was 4ish, I think. We were at dinner with my husband's boss, the founder of his firm, and the boss asked J what he wanted to be when he grew up.
"I don't want to grow up," J responded.
"You don't want to grow up?" questioned the boss, "Why not?"
"Because I don't want to be like you. You're boring." J replied.
NOT John's best professional moment. Luckily the guy is awesome and thought it was funny.

And Just the other day....
J must have heard me talking with my cousin about how hungover her son was after his 21st birthday. She said he was puking all day and could barely stand up.
At school this week, one of the mom's from the PTA who has been away saw J and asked where I've been. J responded "She doesn't volunteer much anymore because she's always hungover now."
His teacher heard him, but the mom walked off before she could catch her to explain that I'm on chemotherapy :P

Aniesha - posted on 11/15/2011

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My son had an infection on his penis awhile back, & has since then become extremely aware of that particular body part, wanted to know what it's called, etc, and we tend to have a lot of conversations surrounding it now, lol, especially as we're in the middle of toilet training too. The other night after his bath when his Daddy was trying to dry him off & get a nighttime nappy on him, he's just screaming "penis penis penis" at the top of his lungs......had to be when my parents & siblings were visiting too, lol. They politely pretended not to notice, altho my Mum had a bit of a snicker behind her hand:p

Stifler's - posted on 11/15/2011

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fucking hahahaha i can't even pick one to like the best they're all so good.

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2011

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I would DIE at half of these. I can't remember anything my kid has said that was embarrassing. I'm sure it will happen though *sigh*

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