The Venting Vent

Johnny - posted on 05/10/2011 ( 95 moms have responded )

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What the fuck is wih all the drama? Someone posted a vent a week or so ago about the piddly little shit that people vent about, as a joke. But really? We're venting & then getting into fights about peoples on the internets who irritate us now?

I see some threads in here that are from women who REALLY need to vent about tough things going on in their lives. Problems with family, health, friends, work, daily life issues. Stuff that we all need to blow off steam about in here because no one is supposed to judge us or attack us. A safe place to let out our frustrations.

Sometimes I see little joking vents about how the coffee maker broke this morning or how a kid is actually claiming a dog ate their homework or how you can't get the pee stain out of the stroller seat (my own personal issue of the day). A little light laugh about those small things that bother us and bring us together in a sense of common irkfulness. We can all share the laugh because we've all had those moments. It lifts the mood.

But was this really supposed to be a place where we come and start threads to bitch at each other about perceived slights from other COM communities? Seriously. GET A LIFE!

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Nikki - posted on 05/14/2011

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*Don't attack me please...... deep breaths before I say this...

Isn't this entire post a little hypocritical?? Aren't we inadvertently talking about mums on CoM who have been guilty of dragging the drama out, isn't this kind of the same? It could be seen as an attack on some who have posted vents in angry moments. Morally the posts we drag across from the welcome page and laugh at, well it's not very nice even if the mother doesn't stumble across it, but yet we do it because it's entertaining, let's be truthful. I think most of us are a little guilty at times in participating in the darker side of CoM.

Ill duck for cover now ;P

Mary - posted on 05/14/2011

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Reading this thread is sort of like a "who's on first"...a vent about a vent about a vent about vent.....



I get the point Carol is trying to make. It's not about dictating what is 'appropriate" to vent about. It's about the occasional thread that is a thinly disguised dig at another specific member, knowing damned well that the targeted member is a part of this community, and is going to see it.



Let's be honest - many of us here are members of the same communities, so we see a lot of the threads that devolve into personal attacks and fights. Let's say that Johnny and I really get into it in a thread on DM about pit bulls. It starts out as a discussion of the breed, but quickly escalates to a huge fight, with her telling me I am a horrible mother for endangering the safety of my child, and should be sterilized to protect any unborn children from my abusive home. I in turn tell her she is the next Hitler for supporting BSL, and that her child should be removed so she cannot indoctrinate her with her hatred of dogs.



THe thread gets locked, but I'm still pissed, so I come here and start a thread "venting" about the asshole Nazi dog haters of the world, and how I wish they would all be locked in a cage with a bunch of rabid, man-eating hamsters (since she thinks those are the only safe pets for children). Now, I haven't mentioned her by name, but everyone here knows exactly what spurred this post, and exactly who I am directing my ire at.



It may not 'technically' flaunt the CoM guidelines, but we all know that what I am doing is continuing the fight over from another community, and trying to get some of you to join my "I hate Johnny" bandwagon, and publicly humiliate her (in an indirect manner). It's not really a vent - it's a thinly veiled attack on a specific member - and if we are being honest, we all know the difference.



***ETA***

I think the point is...if you have a heated difference of opinion with someone you know is a member of this community, please refrain from dragging the rest of us into it, and perpetuating the drama. Johnny, please feel free to correct me if I am wrong =)

Mary - posted on 05/14/2011

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Oh, Tah - I think misinterpretations like that do happen here. If, after my heated debate withJohnny, I then went on to have a really shitty day in RL that prompted me to post a vent about all the stupid assholes of the world - fine. I guess, if Johnny were to misinterpret that as slam against her, and then post some inflammatory rebuttal, the onus would be on me to clarify that my vent was not, in fact, even remotely related to her, without furthering the fight.



Now, this is where it gets dicey. If I simply post something like "Johnny, in light of our recent brawl, I can see how you might misunderstand, and think this was directed at you. Sorry, but it really had nothing at all to do with you - and everything to do with the assholes at the DMV, and the morons I work with" - then it should end there.



However, it seems the issue arises when I don't just correct the misunderstanding, but respond with a snarky comeback whose goal is not to correct the mistake, but rather add to the trading of insults...well, that is where the problem comes in.



C'mon Tah....you know all about me and my "high road", lol! I'm just trying to spread the love here! ;-)

Johnny - posted on 05/15/2011

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Sadly some people need guidelines because they just are not mature enough to use adult judgment. I frankly see that here on COM on a daily basis.

I've got to wonder why it isn't as simple as Jodi put it? Are we really so deeply troubled.by our exchanges on this site that we need to chance offending other members in a community such as this?

[deleted account]

Wow what a thread .

Perhaps I can lend my perspective on this , as someone who needs to vent I would love to see this community as a general venting place not a circle of moms warground .
I agree with Jamie - Leigh that if things are weighing people down to the point of venting every week perhaps therapy is a better option , it is nothing to be ashamed of to go to therapy , I would suggest that if a person finds that their threads are constantly ending in argument ( Like I have not had the pleasure of reading in this community ) and it happens to follow them from thread to thread that maybe the problem is in their delivery or online demeanor to have trouble follow you in one thread is understandable but in several threads with several people ? personally I would wonder why I was being seen that way .
Jhonny I agree , COM should be for venting and we should all be here to give advice and support each other .

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95 Comments

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Tiffany - posted on 03/09/2012

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Completely agree!!!! If we are just going to argue one another whats the point of this..we have all been there done that so if anyone should understand it should be other moms they are the only ones who can truly understand the exact feelings we are trying to vent..All we need is someone to listen or at least pretend to listen lol.. Most of the time Im not looking for any response just a good bitchfest to get it all out and carry on with my day!

Stifler's - posted on 05/16/2011

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I love this community... I can whinge about people from real life and they don't know. Bahahahaha.

[deleted account]

Reading this 'vent' is what prompted me to write it bc I don't know if this has to do with my vent or not so I thought maybe I should clear the air. It wasn't a vent to mess with anyone and I want that to be known.

Kate CP - posted on 05/16/2011

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Do I have to start taking away sticks?! *leers at everyone* Don't make me put my slippers on and come over there... ;P

[deleted account]

Just in case this vent had something to do with my post I posted to mine again to try to clear up any misconceptions or assumptions that anyone had.

Kate CP - posted on 05/16/2011

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Wow. This community if full of dead horses that are just being beaten mercilessly. SOME ONE CALL THE SPCA!

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2011

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I understand what you mean Tracey. I see where it was easily misinterpreted as to what I meant. I didn't mean not to vent about frustrations about topics or disagreements in general, but not to vent about the person. I don't know if that makes sense. Sorry, I was up at 5:30 this morning and feel like I have been sleepwalking all day, so forgive me if I'm only half making sense. It is one of the reasons I have not ventured into any debates on sensitive topics today!!!

Sneaky - posted on 05/15/2011

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Unfortunately, sometimes, yes. I have been so deeply troubled by a thread on another group that I have vented here. Not often, but it has happened.

See now if Jodi had said: "Sadly some people need guidelines because they just are not mature enough to use adult judgment.", I would have just agreed and moved on with my life. What Jodi said was: "Let's stop using this community to start threads to vent about our disagreements in communities where we are common members". In my opinion the first is a suggestion (a GOOD suggestion), the second is a blanket statement about forming a rule - same basic idea, just worded differently and with different implications.

See 'guidelines for the immature' does NOT make me feel like one of the immature, 'rules for participation' makes me feel like have been doing something wrong.

Sneaky - posted on 05/15/2011

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" I think it is. Simple message in this thread. Let's stop using this community to start threads to vent about our disagreements in communities where we are common members, such as DM. Then there IS nothing to take personally. I don't think that's rocket science :) "

But what if I need to vent about a disagreement I've had in another community (regardless of it being DM or the welcome page)? I do not mean starting a thread and saying that 'XY & Z should be attacked by feral dogs and eaten', or even 'I'm cranky because I had a fight in another thread', but just 'I'm cranky'??

I'm really not trying to stir up shit, I'm just perplexed at the idea that I should come here to vent about stuff that happens in real life, and vent in real life about stuff that happens here!

Again, I am not denying the point that a vent can be abused and used to be a personal attack, but I am not comfortable with the idea that there needs to be 'rules' about what we can and can not vent about. I was hoping that we were all grown ups and could just agree - personal attack bad, venting about another thread OK as long as you make the effort to make sure it is not taken as a personal attack ok.

Shannin, no, we are not talking about you :o)

Jodi - posted on 05/15/2011

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I think it is. Simple message in this thread. Let's stop using this community to start threads to vent about our disagreements in communities where we are common members, such as DM. Then there IS nothing to take personally. I don't think that's rocket science :)

Tah - posted on 05/15/2011

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Sometimes it's the venter and sometimes it's people taking things personally that weren't even meant for them. So it's not so cut and dry.

Jaime - posted on 05/15/2011

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I'm thinking that if a person has so much to vent about from week to week, then a vent forum is not what they need and rather counseling or therapy would be better suited for them. This IS a vent forum, but if so much stress piles up that all of the irksome things in one person's life become compounded into one huge vent that is taken personal by others, it may be a good idea for the venter to step away and seek out another source of venting. Just a thought.

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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That's okay then, I just thought you might have been :) It was probably just the way I read it.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Wasn't saying you called me a liar..or anyone on here...lol, so not taking it personally at all, I'm saying in prior instances, I've had heated debates, crap day, seen something on tv, or from the debate had a idea for a thread or commented...wasn't upset with the person at all, but they felt my thread or comment was because I didn't like them, or was directed towards them..when really it wasn't, and when I said so, they didn't believe me...more than once..not talking about you...or Johnny, or nikki...or....so basically no one on here..lol...just wanna be clear...And people call me crazy at least 4 times a week..again, not you..lol

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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Actually Tah, I said she wasn't pointing fingers nor directing this post at anyone in particular. I don't think anyone called you crazy or a liar......

I just can't understand why people have chosen to take this thread so personally.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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I'm not saying drag your personal arguments here..if Jodi(just an example..lol) and I have disagreed in a heated fashion over something..maybe breasfeeding and bottle-feeding then should I come on here and say..." I wish these breastfeeding Nazi moms would jump in the frigging lake"....then yes..you all know for sure I'm doing it and it's wrong...but if I have that disagreement with her..and then during the remainder of my day or week several other crap things happen...and I come here and say..people drive me crazy, they think they know everything and I'm over it...what's the problem...maybe our argument is included in it and compounded by the rest of my life..but who knows that for sure but me....you can't assume, and when you make a thread like this from assumptions it will wrongly make people think I really don't have a safe place to go...





Am I making sense, I'm tired now and pain meds for sciatica kicking in..lol

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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As Jodi said, it is not about pointing fingers at all. If we are pissed at someone who hangs out in here either find a way to clear the air like an adult or vent elsewhere. If someone takes something personally that was not about them, just clarify politely. How hard is that? I'm so tired of hearing people complain that what they say online is being taken the wrong way. Of course that happens...it is an impersonal medium where tone of voice and facial expressions are absent. Clarify your point and get on with it.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Thank you Johnny, because I'm not crazy..wait..scratch that, I'd be lying..but it's obvious you had some people in mind..lol, but I do want to say, I get why you posted it, and I see how people on Both ends can be deterred from venting here, thinking they will be targeted after a disagreement..which I know happens, but I also know I've been accused of this for crap that didn't even cross my mind after it took place,and then when I said..umm no, has nothing to do with you, actually forgot about you, and was called a liar... and then some people who have been attacked or angered here and then had a hard day after will feel they can't post...

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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So are some people here arguing that this is the place to drag our personal arguments to?

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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Yes I do. Quite a number of them actually. Like I said, this is not about one person. I certainly was not and am not planning to name names or point fingers but to get people to think about the bullshit they are spewing and if they really want to turn this community into a more personal version of DM like some sort of online fight club.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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If she doesn't have any particular people in mind why even start this thread..and then say it's for things you've seen on here this past week, and then say that they would deny it and be full of it...so these threads that prompted her post were started by imaginary people...yes we will be agreeing to disagree...moving on...

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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I have read everything, and I will have to agree to disagree with you. Johnny has made it very clear that she wasn't pointing fingers. I believe her, you obviously don't.

Moving on......

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Well...whoever the persons are who started the threads that prompted her to start this one...so I can't be reading to much into something that's obvious..she said she's noticed it...then in this thread while commenting(not sure if you've read everything)...she stated that these persons would probably deny they were specifically targeting anyone and that they would be full of it..so I'd say she has some persons in mind.

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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If this.community just becomes a place to drag our personal arguments and drama from other communities then it WILL cease to be a safe place for people to vent about their shit. Which is what this community was desifned to be originally. If a member of the community feels.that others here are attacking them based on shit from elsewhere, they will be unlikely to feel that they will get non-judgemental support for their personal issues. That all I could think about when reading all the mud slinging and drama over the last few weeks. I could not help but wonder how free some people would feel to open up after someone drags shit from a bloody debate over here and makes it personal. And I am NOT specifically pointing fingers at any one person in this community at all. It has been participated in by many.

And yes Nikki it may well be hypocritical to say that we.shouldn' t attack each other but it is.okay to do it towards people in our own lives or random other people in COM. But then what would be the point? A majority of posts here involve people venting about other people, like the ever popular MIL. But if we bitch and bent about one another, its not really a venting community but another debating community.

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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"this post is obviously directed at some persons and could be perceived as such... "



How is it obviously directed at someone? I didn't interpret it that way, and I am fairly sure that is not the way it was intended. Johnny has made it clear it isn't directed at any individuals in particular, but the community as a whole. I would say you are reading more into it than you should?

Jaime - posted on 05/14/2011

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Some moms are complete morons....is not the same as saying "Sally Smith is a stupid cow and she shouldn't be allowed to breathe air let alone be a mother". This isn't a pissing contest about who is giving the better lecture about what not to say in a vent forum, it's just a general statement about some of the noted conversations that border on vendetta as opposed to vent. Bitch and complain all you want about the stuff that irks you in daily life, but leave your personal scores to settle out of it....it's really THAT simple.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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@ Jodi..okay, and yes nikki we will leave it up to Katherine who has said, vent away, and I'm sure if she saw anything inappropriate...clearly saw it, she handled it and will continue to do so...

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Don't duck and cover it's true, we have all been guilty of it, personal attacks, And border lining it, I've seen people on this post call people names, not care that the person was hurt and insulted and offended and I've done it as well in the heat of the moment...so you are right and it's the truth..this post is obviously directed at some persons and could be perceived as such...

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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No-one is pointing fingers at any one person here as far as I can see, and yes, I am pretty sure that is EXACTLY what Johhny was trying to say. Starting a post aimed at a particular member is really a personal attack. If you didn't mean it to be directed toward a particular member, then it isn't. I think the line is pretty clear. But that's just me.

Nikki - posted on 05/14/2011

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I think we just need to leave it up to Katherine to decide what's appropriate and what's not. Good luck Katherine! :)

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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But I do thi k is it's making others paranoid now about what they vent about because they figured they could come say what they wanted here like Tracey said

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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Yes Tracey, feeling eerily like debating mums....and lots of things border on personal attacks, if it's obvious like marys example fine....if not then you are assuming and making judgements and don't know anything for sure, if people want to vent, this is where they are supposed to come...supposed to, without their vents being judged, scrutinized and policed...

Jodi - posted on 05/14/2011

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No, I think she has a point, and I totally agree with her. It has been happening. I've seen quite a few. It borderlines on a personal attack. And it shouldn't happen.

Tah - posted on 05/14/2011

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All of this because someone thinks that someone else may have said something that could have been possibly directed towards them....for the love of chili this whole thing is ridiculous....

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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There is a big difference between a vent about someone random and trying to purposely pick fights.

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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I think that my point was about when people vent about someone they know to be a regular member of this community. Not some random person on com who is not known to be in this community and who is probably too stupid to find their own face let alone a thread alluding to them in a group they probably have no idea even exists.

Sneaky - posted on 05/14/2011

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Vicki, my reference to the 'troll' was just an example of the coming here to vet about COM 'issues'. I have no idea why that womens post got to me so bad, so I came here to vent about it (I actually joined a thread about stupid people instead of starting my own). Yet by the general consensus here I should not have done that because the person who wrote the thread I was talking about might have found my vent, been offended and we got into a cat fight?

Johnny - posted on 05/14/2011

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Mary absolutely hit it bang on. Exactly my point. Obviously sometimes people.are.sensitive and will think that general "peopl are assholes" posts are specifically targeting them. That can be easily cleared up through pm or a public clarification as noted. It just seems lately that lately there have been a few vents that are more vendettas, as Jaime said. We can all share in those "some people on the Welcome page are world-class morons" vents. But I just don't think this is the right place to drag our private fights.

Unless we're catty pre-teens here. Seems like.its sometimes the case. Those posts might be better off in the "Bitches that need to bitch" community.



And yes,this is admittedly rather "who's on first". I wanted to point out the issue before this community devolved into a fight club.

[deleted account]

instigate, bait, smoke and mirrors. whatever the words I think we actually are along the same line of thinking. and yes, I too agree mary got it bang on.

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