Eve - posted on 06/26/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )
1. Turning into The Hulk. When people ask me, "how are you feeling?" I'm tempted to say I feel like kicking everyone in the nuts just so they can feel my pain! And if I'm not ready to tear my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs, I'm a blubbering mess over the stupidest commercials. Even my children mock me, "you're about to cry again, aren't you?" Even worse, I can't win an argument even if my point is valid because my hubby just blames it on my crazy hormones.
2. Morning sickness. My doctor lied. It's not just in the morning, and it did not go away after the first trimester! Do you know how much I hate not being able to eat ice cream, or bacon (or ice cream WITH bacon) just to save myself the trouble of involuntary projectile upchucking?
3. Being asked the same questions over and over. I should walk around in a shirt that says "Yes, I'm expecting; this isn't the Freshman 15. No, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl; and no, I don't care what the baby's gender is as long as it's healthy...etc., etc..."
4. The guessing game. "I bet it's a girl because your belly is round" or "It's gotta be a boy because you already have two girls." As if there's any medical basis to their predictions, or that I had any control over my husband's sperm giving me the X or the Y chromosome...
5. Strangers rubbing my belly. Whoa! I don't know you. At least take me out to dinner before you start touching me inappropriately.
6. Wearing the same outfits week after week because nothing else fits. I refuse to wear fugly maternity clothes so I'm left with tops that look like tents and bottoms that are stretchy or have drawstrings. Everyone says that I have that beautiful pregnancy glow. Trust me, it's just because I've been huffing and puffing trying to squeeze into my clothes.
7. Sweaty b••bs. Need I say more?
8. My whole body hurts -- shooting leg cramps, hips dislocated with every waddle, and my baby's kicks feel like it's trying to punch its way out of my vajayjay!
9. Swollen fingers. Sometimes I just have to take my wedding ring off so it doesn't cut off circulation to my fat finger, but then I get the dirtiest looks, like they think I'm 16 and pregnant :(
10. My pea-sized bladder. Why do I have to run to the bathroom every 10 minutes? It really makes getting ready to go out take even longer. And forget about coughing or sneezing -- ain't nobody got time for that! I might as well just wear Depends!