ungrateful step kids never saying thanks for anything bday coming up should we give her anything?

Bethany - posted on 06/15/2012 ( 13 moms have responded )

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ok the basic of the story, mypartner has 2 boys 17 n 15, who are def his, his ex also has a daughter, who my partner considers as his daughter as she has only ever know him as her dad, however his parents do not consider her their grandchild and this has caused so many problems, there are major doubts about her paternity as there was only a slim chance that a encounter could have produced her and when she was born the ex proudly announced that she was someone elses...

but the issue we have is that the almost 15 yr old is just so damn rude when it comes to he getting anything from anyone, ie her bday last year we gave her a really nice watch, bracelet n earing set and $50, we got a gee thanks but i dont wear earings and at xmas she got $20 and not even a thanks for the cash, what else can u get a teen for both when they are a couple months apart and mum buys everything she wants and leaves us nothing to get? also at easter we got her heaps of chocolate and absolutly no mention of a thanks at all...

i might add the boys are good and say thanks for what ever they get and usually only want cash lol.

so my question is do we give her nothing and see what happens and deal with the rath that follows or bight the bullet and just give her $20??

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Dove - posted on 06/15/2012

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I had a grandma that her entire life gave bday and Christmas gifts/money (depending on how far away they lived) to every grandchild even if she didn't hear a word from them all year long and never received a thank you. I also had a grandma who's love and gifts were dependent upon the thanks she received. The first woman was my favorite person in the world and she is who I strive to be like. ♥

Pamela - posted on 06/16/2012

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No need to bring up her past inconsiderate behavior. Get her a nice b-day card and sign it and give it to her. See what happens when you don't give her a gift. If she asks why there is no gift, you can say, "Gee (whatever her name is) we didn't think you wanted anything because you have never thanked us for our gifts in the past, so we figured you just didn't want anything from us."

Then accept her response, whatever it may be. If she apologizes for her behavior then discuss what she might want and if you decide you wish to give her that, do so.. If she simply huffs, pouts or disregards what you are trying to get her to recognize, leave it at that. She will have made her choice by her own reactions.

Don't get into a space of guilt in your own mind. If her Mother really gives her everything she wants, then she shouldn't have a problem with getting nothing from you.

Dove - posted on 06/15/2012

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I would. I don't give gifts looking for thanks (don't expect or even want them either). I give gifts because I want to and because I love the person.

Amy - posted on 06/15/2012

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I would continue giving gifts, if she wasn't raised with manners then you can't expect that they would magically appear. If you really want a thank you then give her one last gift and let her know if you don't receive a proper heart felt thank you than she shouldn't expect them in the future. Give her the benefit of the doubt one more time with the above stipulation and see if you get a proper "thank you".

I

Katherine - posted on 06/15/2012

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I'm with Dove on this one. I LOVE giving gifts! I really don't care if I get a thank you or not most of the time.

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Katherine - posted on 06/15/2012

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That's what I thought, Bethany. It's a manners issue. I can totally relate to that.

Bethany - posted on 06/15/2012

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no they dont live with us the oldest did for almost 3 years but she has stayed with us only once, but generally cos they live so far away! and at 14 i believe that she should be using her manners even if it is unfelt.

Katherine - posted on 06/15/2012

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I guess I would care in this situation ONLY because teens are so stuck up lol. My aunt hasn't talked to me since October of last year because I didn't thank her ENOUGH for getting my girls things. I just found this out and I'm pretty pissed. I have said thank you.

Every year I send her a birthday card and present from the girls, and every year I NEVER get a thank you!!!!! I don't expect it, but this is the pot calling the kettle black here. She can bite me.

I think in your case it's a matter of principal and manners. They really should say thanks at that age.

Dove - posted on 06/15/2012

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I actually prefer giving gifts anonymously so that I DON'T get thanks....

Bethany - posted on 06/15/2012

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thanks dove and we usually do give gifts because we want to but i just feel that i dont want to give to someone even a young teen who seems to be so selfish that a simple thank you cant be said, its more about her lack of manners or rudeness if we do get her something other than money. when it comes down to it i dont want to give her anything due to her attitude towards everything including her half brother (my son). mark is the only person who calls her dad and i have always defended her to his parents saying it was mums decision not to put her on the court documents naming him as father not her choice and shes never called anyone else dad, and yes i would like some simple manners.
if you constantly gave gifts cos you wanted to but got no accnolegement at all would you still keep giving them after 4 years?

Bethany - posted on 06/15/2012

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thanks Corinne, we have tried that and also getting her brother to remind her but she seems to be just as ungratefull and as much of a bicth as her mother, who does nothing but scam the govement for hand outs and sit on her arse n not work cos why should she?

Corinne - posted on 06/15/2012

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I'd give her the $20 and just say 'you're welcome'. My kids are 6 & (nearly) 4 yrs old, they rarely forget to say thanks but saying 'you're welcome' usually reminds them. It may just make her stop and think.....or not. I personally can't stand ungratefulness, it's just rude.

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