why cant we pick our family?

Allicia - posted on 05/03/2011

Veronique Parent- Sorry to hear about ur uncle passing away.
I try to tell them its harder now with the 2 kids to be traveling 3h with them. my younger one is just so bad in the car. she doesnt sleep well when we are away from home and act. I have told them time after time. they just dont get it. I have totally stop talking to my nephew (my older sister's child) becuase we REALLY gone out of our way to help him and other stuff and he is a big asshole. he treats me and my kids like we are a piece of shit on the bottom of his shoe. so we dont bother with him anymore. i will be doing the same with my one sister i bet down the road.

Allicia - posted on 05/03/2011

Stephanie- I am also not going out of my way that much anymore for my sisters. The one i might go some out of my way for her since she isnt to bad its the other one that is really bad. She gives me crap all the time about my in laws. she wont come to anything if there their. she has said to me..".there not ur family i am ur family". i am sorry but they are my family too. i married my husband and its his family so there my family too as the same as my family is now his family too. my husbands family is very nice toward my family. my family is ok toward them. my mom and dad are nice towards them but my mom does say some things sometimes that makes me want to hide. my younger sister doesnt talk to them but maybe hi and good bye. my older sister omg she acts like she is better then them and give them the cold shoulder. i guess thats becuase she doesnt like them. she is kinda nice towards my MIL but can turn very quickly.

Veronique - posted on 05/03/2011

Wow! What a bunch of babies. I'm sorry i know it's your family but really, your the one who has to pack the kids, load them up in the car and drive 3h and hear the kids bitch and complain. I'm sorry, but if they want to see you that often they should get off the ass and take a drive down. Man, if that were me, they would be thanking there lucky stars if they saw me once a year. I had an uncle (passed away 11 months ago ) well his the godfather of my oldest and he lives 3h from us and once a year he would organize a pool party and a family reunion and everyone would drive out to see him and that's pretty much how often we all saw each other. We all have to much of a busy life and everyone on the weekend have there own thing to do.
Good luck!

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2011

Because people are crazy these days and very self centered i find... The person I find to be the most understanding about things is my boyfriends mother. She went threw alot of the same things as me. But still I feel like she doesnt have my back when somthing happens and im the first to blame or w/e it is.

What seems to work for me now is just keeping to myself... I stop updating people or seeing how there doing because its never done in return. or i get a one word reply. If they really care they will reach out. I give up on makeing people happy. Im very sarcastic and people in my boyfriends family are to but in a diffrent way. so i get miss understood and the whole family gets in a huff and puff about it than gives me additude looks. just mean instead of just talking to me.. so i keep my mouth shut. but now im just a snooty bitch! Ha nothing works. but i guess i rather be a snooty bitch than causing problems.

and the whole traveling thing... we will stop and after enough time there really going to want to see our daughter and some i think will make the drive if not w/e.got more things to worry about. =)

family can be just so tough

Allicia - posted on 05/02/2011

Stephanie- man I feel for ya. why cant our families be more understanding?

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2011

sorry for the long post i have held that in for 2 years...

Stephanie - posted on 05/02/2011

Great post! We live in MN next to my boyfriends family. Well actually in his parents basement for now till he graduates collage in October!!!! My family gets on me for not getting to see our daughter. We try and go down every holiday. It gets hard having little money a crappy car the boyfriends school schedule and a five hour drive to them. Our daughter does really good in the car but its that last hour that's about all crying and very unhappy.
Every time we go down there its I wish you guys would come down more often.. Well it cost a good bit of money to just stay a weekend down there. We try to fit these trip in between my boyfriends breaks so he doesn't miss class. We come down about every other break, a term is 3 months. Lately it's been a lot less being that we plan on moving once he graduates so were trying to save money.
I am always asking family to come here and visit. It get hard being the ones to always make the trip. We do not have jobs(we have been trying but are having no luck without a degree.. witch i guess you need now to work at mc Donald's lol), living off school overage, our car could not make that kind of trip so when we do go we have to barrow someone's car then were on their time line of when we have to be back... and that always is changed last minute.
My dad has been up to see us once in the past year for my little ones first birthday (July, she is about to be 2) My mom who i am not close with, only speak with her so she can see my daughter when were around came up this last April but hadn't been here before that since November 2009. Other family last time they were here was my baby shower may of 2009. Im about fed up with this crap.. Our last trip will be this July for her birthday im thinking.. To my surprise guess who is renting a car paying for gas and willing to give us a place to stay while there... MY MOM! Even though we do not get along at all she has been the best about trying to see us or help us get down there. go figure =P

AAAAAAANY how so there is that battle. The whole choosing your family thing, I think you can chose. Horrible things were done to me by my dads side of the family while growing up so my daughter has never me any of them and never will. but me and my Dad are very very close. On the other had my mom and i do not get along/are not close at all but I'm very close with her family. odd huh. don't have much of a problem with them other than they like to tell us what we should be doing with our life what were doing wrong, complain about never getting to see us but make no effort to see us.
My boyfriends family has its ups and downs too. he has two brothers 3 sisters. I get along with all the girls there great! Sadly they all live in Florida and we're in Minnesota. The guys well one i still don't really know after 4 years even though he lives 15 mins away. Can count on one hand how many times he has seen our daughter. Even when he see's her she is never acknowledged. Its about the same with the other he see's her more but still she isnt acknowledged. me and him bump heads and just dont get along so i avoid him. She probably doesn't realize they are he uncles. The person that has been the uncle to her the most is my boyfriends best friend. We see him more offten and he live an hour away. When he is around he talks to her plays with her and even DANCES with her!! He is her uncle! I think she knows who her aunts are though even though she doesnt see them much. they ask about her alot and sent her things and spend lots of time with her when they are around.
The thing that bothers be the most though is my boyfriend's father. He has never sat down and had a conversation with me. He never talks to me he talks threw other people to tell me something or ask about something. Never looks me in the eye or in my direction for that matter. Is just plain out rude and disrespectful being that he doesn't know me and never gave me a chance.
I will probley always feel like an outsider in his family, no matter how hard i try. im quite sick of trying to please everyone and then still left to feel like im out to get everyone or be the first thrown under the bus or accused of anything. That i am no more than a mean negative bitch. Oh well my boyfriend is worth it he is a great person and a great father. We will be moving away from them so maybe that will help. Well won't help them but will help me not be so stresses and always on guard for what's coming next.

Rebecca - posted on 04/30/2011

thanks alicia, i am very thankful i didn't go into labour...my daughter was a very quick labour lol but yes my mother is the biggest bitch on the planet!! she has this grudge on me for moving out just before i turned 16 because i wasn't happy at home...thankfully it was the best thing i could of ever done. Sad thing is, that exact week i did that, my dad and step mom were at my house for 3 days visiting, goes to show how much i mean to them lol

Allicia - posted on 04/30/2011

constance- u didnt. i was just telling u we stay with only my mil and fil and not my side. i bet it pisses them off but i got to think whats best for me and my family.

Allicia - posted on 04/30/2011

rebecca- 35 weeks preg and ur mom made u drive all that way to see her. sorry but what a bitch. thank god u didnt go into labor.

Constance - posted on 04/30/2011

Allicia, I am sorry if I offended you. Was not my intention. I told you I was a smart ass just the way I am.

Rebecca - posted on 04/30/2011

You are not alone!! Sometime i wish i could pick my family, i love my kids and husband, but could change my mother and sister. My family lives 3.5-4 hrs away due to hubbys work, i am surrounded by his family as this is where he grew up. I have been here for 1.5 yrs and my dad and step mom have been to visit, but my mother made me drive 1.5 hours away from my house 35 weeks pregnant, to go visit her at a cottage she was renting for the week to visit her...she wouldn't come visit me, and at the time i didn't really want to drive all that way just incase, as my hubby was been away for work (military) so it was just me and my son...My mother has no respect for me and my family. It just hurts when family are pissy, i go out of my way for them, its just too bad they can't seem to do the same :(

Allicia - posted on 04/30/2011

Constance- We only stay with my MIL and FIL when we come into town becuase they already have everything like a crib and highchair an ect. plus the biggest thing is they dont smoke. my whole side of the family smokes and I cant stand it. plus I dont want my kids being around 2nd hand smoke its not healthy for them. my mother's house is just....yucky (not clean) way to many cats. my older sister keeps moving and did a few things around my kids that was not very good and i dont want my children to see that kinda of behaver if we stayed with her. my younger sister ..omg her house is a death trap for my children. i am on my toes when i am there. she has stairs that go down to the basement and there is a door she could close so my children wont fall down the stairs. i have asked her while we are there visting if we could close the door so they wont fall down the stairs. she said she cant becuase it would up set the cat. We have stayed with my dad in the past before we had children and that was fine. my dad just doesnt have any baby/ children stuff and we would have to bring in so much crap everytime we come in plus my aunt and uncle just moved in with him so there is no room for us anyways. my dad is very understanding and never gives me any crap. he tells me all the time he knows its hard for me to travel with the kids for 3 hrs and then vist everyone. he wants me to just to make sure i am happy and so is my husband and children.

Constance - posted on 04/30/2011

Not to be offensive but it doesn't seem like you are dealing with adults more like dealing with little kids.
You ae mine not hers, No she is mine. Just kidding but I would absolutly hate to deal with all of this. But it sounds like you ae doing you best to make everybody happy but it isn't working very well. You might have to just tell them that you don't have to feel guilty because of things you have to do to see everyone. Or you could do something I would cause this would wok my last nerve. The next time you go up for the weekend stay with either just his family or just yours. Then when they get made cause you didn't see them as well say well one day doesn't seem to make you o anyone else happy so we will stay with one side one weekend and the other the next. They probally will figure it out. If they want to see you guys when ever you can go visit then let them know that you have 2 families to see and you want to do it.
I don't know but personnally that is what I would.

Jayce - posted on 04/30/2011

I hear you Allicia. I have a SIL that I could live without. I live a long way from my family so I'm lucky to see them once a year and my in-laws are the only family close.

But I'll agree with what everyone says about good friends - sometimes they are the best family.

Amber - posted on 04/29/2011

I did pick my family. I spend time with the family members that don't make my life stressful and that I have things in common with (luckily my mom is one of them). Then I have several close friends that have been around 10-15 years. My son calls them aunts and I see them fairly regularly.

The part of my family that causes drama, acts like assholes, or can't keep their opinions to themselves(dad makes this list)? I see them if I happen to run into them on holidays while I'm making my rounds.

Who says you've got to deal with it? I say tell them to stick it :) Make the family in your household happy, let the rest of them make themselves happy.

Teresa - posted on 04/29/2011

Oh, and hi Katherine! Good to see you!!

Teresa - posted on 04/29/2011

You can't pick your relatives, but I am a big believer in picking your own family. All of the people that I really consider my family.... aren't related to me at all... Except for my ex's step-cousin. I kept him and his wife (who I've known for 20 years) in the divorce. ;)

The only REAL relative that I consider a part of my family is my mom, but she lives 3,000 miles away so it's kind of hard. My dad is less involved than she is and he only lives about 15-20 minutes away from me....

Sorry that your relatives suck!!

Katherine - posted on 04/29/2011

Sounds like they all need to get over it and grow up. My family is about as dysfunctional as you can get. The thing is, is that we aren't a big family. It makes it hard though because everyone knows everyone's business.
Why don't you just split the time?