Why is everything a competition??

Kimberly - posted on 05/27/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )

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So I just really need to vent to some complete strangers right now!!

I have a very odd relationship with my husband's sister and her husband. They're very nice people and we all get along well, but I mainly feel like my SIL doesn't like me. My husband says she's just shy but we've been married 4 years and were together 3 years before that, so you'd think she'd be over it by now. My main issue with them is that they're complete know-it-alls and have to make a competition out of everything. When my daughter was born they occasionally gave me unwanted advice on what I should be doing with her. Neither of them (at this point) had a child or even had been around children, whereas I worked in childcare for 7 years before having my daughter and have several qualifications in child development. I don't in any way think this makes me an expert, I still have questions just like everyone! but I would consider myself more knowledgeable than them in this particular area of life.

Nobody in the family EVER thought my SIL would get pregnant. They're more the like-to-have-expensive-meals-out-travel-the-world kind of people. So when she announced she was pregnant we were all pretty shocked. Their little boy arrived in March. They make lots of comments about how perfect he is, which I don't blame them, they're in love with their baby! But it just gets a little boring hearing over and over, Auntie Kim, aren't I just the most beautiful precious baby you've ever seen?? Umm...actually no, MY baby is the most beautiful precious baby I've ever seen :P

Anyway...my main gripe, and the whole reason I'm writing this post is because I know my BIL is super competitive, but now he's starting the competition between his son and my daughter, and I am NOT cool with it. I posted on facebook the other day that I was going to take my daughter to the swimming pool (her second time ever, she's 20 months old) and how the first time we went my daughter was unsure and a little freaked out so a random woman there told us to blow in her face and dunk her under the water! I was horrified. Personally, I don't think dunking her under the water when she's already unsure is the way to make her confident in the water. So my BIL responded, "Billy" goes under the water in his swimming lessons...?? and then made a face. I responded about how their son is 2 months old and has no idea what's going on, whereas my daughter is 20 months and it's her first time, blah blah blah, but then I ended up deleting it just coz I didn't want to get into it...This isn't the only time in the last 2 months that they've made comments about, oh "billy" can do this, when did Pippa do it?? I don't think I can go the rest of our lives with them comparing their child to mine constantly. I just feel like screaming down their throats that you can't compare the development/behavior of a 2 month old to a 20 month old. I don't want my daughter growing up with her uncle always saying her cousin can do everything better than her. Does anybody have some polite ways to tell them to f*ck off! I really don't want to cause a rift or make anybody upset, but I honestly can't keep quiet about this or else I'm going to explode and say something I shouldn't...

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Nikki - posted on 05/27/2011

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I agree with the other ladies and Tracey I have read the study on late walkers, it was determined in the study (I can't recall the statistics or amount of children used in the study) that they generally had a higher iq later in life.

Sneaky - posted on 05/27/2011

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The next time they ask a question like that, then on facebook (or in another public forum) I would just reply "Well, you know that girls and boys develop differently - there is no point trying to compare them".

Then if the competition questions continued I would just be 'sympathetic' to them e.g. "when did Pippa crawl?" I'd reply: "Oh, don't worry about it, babies do it when they are ready and not before", etc. . . .

lol! There was a reference somewhere around here about a study that suggests late walkers are more intelligent than earlier walkers (it's like their brains are too busy growing to bother putting any energy into walking!). Might be good to find a link and post that on your facebook walk now and say something like "oh now I know why Pippa was never interested in walking early!".

Yes, yes I am evil at times :o) he, he, he.

Katherine - posted on 05/27/2011

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Ha ha this IS the place to vent.

I would just tell them as nicely as you can that you are not in competition with them and you don't appreciate it. THEN tell them to fuck off.
So what they're kid likes water, your's is apprehensive, they are sooooooooo jealous. BTW the name Pippa is so cute.

Stay away for a while.

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Christy - posted on 06/10/2011

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I think it is an insecurity issue with your in laws and their baby. They reflect how they see themselves in their baby. They don't realize this of course. I would just bite my tongue and acknowledge their comments and IMMEDIATELY change the subject, each and every time.

Sarah - posted on 06/09/2011

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2 month old, having swimming lessons? Is it advisable to take them to public pools on a regular basis before they have much of an immune system? My child health nurses would not have allowed swimming in anything other than a bath tub under 3 months of age... Partly because the chlorine/salt is bad for their skin and chlorine, bad for them to be breathing in and partly because they are an absolute breeding ground for germs lol!
Maybe you could say that to them? :)
Oh and my daughter is 14 months so a little younger than yours but she hates being DUNKED!
She loves the water, baths, showers, pools, lakes... but hates having water on her face! Im guessing because when she was about 7 months she had her first swimming lesson and was dunked! haha!

Jayce - posted on 05/29/2011

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The way I dealt with the competitive momin my life was to make up ridiculous lies. Yup, I bold-faced lied but it shut her up. She would come up with something like, 'Lil Suzy is so smart, she's walking at 8 months.' My reply, 'She just started walking! Wow, my guy has been walking since he was seven months.' After several totally unrealistic conversations like this she stopped comparing.

Sneaky - posted on 05/28/2011

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Ha! My daughter was a late talker! She didn't really start until age three and has only just caught up to her peers (at age 5 - she had some ear issues). She was walking at 13.5 months too :o) Some people are just nuts, lol!

Kimberly - posted on 05/28/2011

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Tracey and Nikki - What does the study consider is a late walker? My daughter was walking confidently on her own around 13/14 months...It always used to piss me off because my MIL would tell EVERYONE that my daughter was a late talker because she was focusing all her energy on walking...my daughter was not a late talker...how many 14 month olds do you know that can string words together :P Uggh in-laws!

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