Childcare provider needs to know!!!

Julie - posted on 03/09/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am a licensed childcare provider. I have an almost 5 year old in care daily. Mom still gives her a bottle! She has not wanted a bottle while in care for over 2 years, and doesn't use on when she is with her dad. We have had her in care for extended periods (mom had surgery, out of town on business, etc.) She is a very smart little girl. Adds, subtracts, reads, etc. The problem doesn't exist with the child! It is strictly the mom's issue! This child suffers from some of the physical effects of Downs syndrome (without any cognitive effects). Her older brother is ADHD and high anxiety, along with a ton of emotional baggage. I see the mom instilling in the children some very hedonistic beliefs. Teaches them to lie about money (bills unpaid, yet excessive shopping), has the children believing that all landlords are bad because they have been evicted from more houses than the children can count, makes excuse after excuse for the children to behave badly. A very simple example of this is the almost 5 year old took a toy from a toddler. I told her that she needed to give it back and when the other child is done with it, she could play with it. Mom says "did you just want to borrow it and forget to ask?" No...she simply took it because she wanted it! I don't know how to address these issues with this family...or even if I should! I will have these 2 children in care daily for the next several years. Is it possible to talk to mom about the fact that she is not doing these children any favors with teaching them self-centeredness, me me me, and victimization...or would I simply be opening up a can of worms that will go nowhere anyway? HELP!!! I, like all childcare providers, take seriously my role in influencing children to be the very best that they can be, and it really bothers me that I have not made positive movement on these issues!

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Linda - posted on 03/17/2013

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I feel for you all to often I experience similar situations with parents not being informed about appropriate guidance of their children. It is hard to address these type of concerns but it has to be done. It is awkward but please attempt to find a way of getting your concerns through to the parent without placing the blame on her. My approach when very delicate verbal communication was not helpful has been with consistent memo communication with the parent, followed by telling them how I handled the situation and the child's response. This sometimes gets a result. It is very useful to have a policy in-place to address these type of situations explaining the consequence if the behavior is not corrected. Be prepared to follow through. You may be dealing with a self centered parent. Reminding the parent of the policy almost always gets a result. In my 10 years of providing child care I have had only one situation which resulted in my having to dismiss a child solely because the parent was not attempting to work with me to correct the disruption after two years of consistent attempts to get through to her. This was very hard for me. I truly wanted to be there for the both of them.

Melissa - posted on 03/16/2010

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I feel that there is a way to approach every issue whether or not it ends in a way that you wish it to or not, at least you have put it out there and know in your heart you have done something. I FEEL that its possibly something you should bring uop with your local CPS office or just simply your licenser. Theres never any harm in asking questions. I dont know about you but if something were to happen to those children and I hadnt said anything I wouldnt be able to forgive myself. If anything asking the RIGHT people some questions, without giving names, will give you ideas on how to open teh conversation with that mother. Dont give up...LISTEN TO YOUR GUT as a mom and a childcare provider. Someone needs to be the advocate for those children if the mothers not willing to be. Good Luck. Please let us know how it turns out

Peita - posted on 03/09/2010

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It is hard Julie, I have to tell myself that they aren't mine sometimes or I would loose it I think! You sound like you care about these kids, so just make sure they know that and just keep trying your best with them, I guess that's all that can be done at this point! Take Care

Julie - posted on 03/09/2010

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Thank you Peita! I know that there are so many worse parents out there...but it bothers me when there are the little things that you KNOW will change the direction of a child's life! I address many issues that I see by doing newsletters!! I love that tool!! My favorite one included an article about words to use to express your disapproval other than "you are a bad girl". I suppose we give them what we can, and give the rest to God!!

Karen - posted on 03/09/2010

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boy what a hard one. I suppose one idea is just to do your best to show the children the beliefs and values that your centre has with everything and hopefully they will take that in and when they are older realize which way doing things is better for them. good luck

Peita - posted on 03/09/2010

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Unfortunately, if there is no neglect or harmful abuse going on, then there is not much you can do! I have worked in both centres and in home care in Australia and there will always be those families that you don't completely agree with about child rearing! I had a family once that were quite dirty and all the child used to do while at my home was eat and sleep! I knew that at home, there were no set meal times (they did get fed) and bed time was between 9.30 - 10.30pm for a 4yo)! Mum had 7 kids and bath time didn't always occur either! I just figure that if I have them all the time, then I know they are being well looked after! I think if you do everything possible to build their self-steem, teach them wrong from right and have clear guildelines and policies for your service that you can back yourself up with, then all should be fine if you do decide to speak to the parents! It is very hard to look at the children you care for for so long not get the love and care you wish they had, but I think as long as there are other strong support systems in their lives other than parents, then things will turn out ok! You could try talking to mum, or do newsletters that include developmental milestones and such to hand out to everyone just to get the information out there! Hope this helps, it is hard to watch this hapen to strangers kids, let onlone children you care for! Good luck!

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