Dating with 4 Kids

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

I've been dating for quite some time now. My kids ( 2 boys 10 & 4/ 2 girls 5 & 2) have been introduced to him as well. We just had our first Christmas together. He feels like the boys have not accepted him yet. He works shift work and the kids are with their dad (also a shift worker) 10 days out of the month. He has no children and never married. I want this relationship to work, just not sure how to make him comfortable. This dating thing is very complex after being married for so long. How can we all come together? Any ideas? The kids have never showed signs of being uncomfortable around him, they just seem not to care. Is this ok?

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[deleted account]

When began dating again, my kids were 7, 11 boys and 9 , 13 girls. None of them seemed to mind or care when Dave was around. As he was around more, they warmed up to them. The 9 yr old girl was the one that I was concerned most about.

She is now 13 and living with us and refers to her step dad as "dad". Of course some of the others who got close to him right off have cooled their heels and now that they are 13, 14, 16, and 18 the 2 oldest don't come much or at all and the youngest 2 are closer to him.

I think that it is just kids and they will adapt as best they can. The less you push and worry about things the better it will be, unless they go backwards in their behavior (ie: lose out on the potty training, or temper tantrums that were under control).

He will get more comfortable the more time he spends around them. Just spending regular time together, not doting on any one of them but doing what you would normally do on Saturdays or whatever leaves the kids more comfortable and you as well. The children will feed off of your behavior, if you are anxious, they will be anxious.

Kids not seeming to care . . . get used to it, it gets worse and in a lot more situations.
Hope this helps.

Michelle - posted on 01/08/2012

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Sounds like your kids are quite close to their bio dad so they may just not be interested in someone they feel is trying to replace him, I would plan a few activities where the boys and your bf can bond boy stuff like laser tag, stuff like that it is hard but they will come around. It has taken my son almost 3 years to bond with my other half he was always worried it would hurt his dad if he loved his step dad. He knows now that it was silly but at the time he was sure he was right, we just kept doing stuff together as a family playing video games and such and at the age of 11 he loves his step dad as much as his dad.

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