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Anyone struggle with consistency of... everything (disciplining the kids, housework, etc)?

Kelly - posted on 10/20/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

I have two girls. One is 3.5 years old. The other is 5, well, nearly 6 years old. And, I'm telling you, I cannot get my "stuff" together with consistency of... everything or so it seems. My biggest issues are probably with being consistent with discipline and teaching them responsibility through chores/jobs. See, even if I went all out and gave specific chores, maybe even creating some sort of handy-dandy chore chart to keep them motivated/reminded, I wouldn't remember to check them or keep up with what they're supposed to be doing. It's the same with discipline. I've never been able to manage a time-out and instead will resort to having the "offender" be my shadow or sit near me if she can't do what I 'm doing at that moment. It's obviously an out-of-sight-out-of-mind thing as are most of my major ADHD self-complaints. If only I could come up with some better systems, that I could really stick to, I might be able to enjoy the "better" aspects of it. Really, if it weren't for my short comings in the "planning something and sticking with it" department, I'd have no issues at all with having ADHD and all of the quirkieness that goes with

I should also add that I probably need more "simple" ideas. My brain is already chock full with trying to keep up with my oldest's kindergarten responisbilities (i.e. homework and daily reading - it's obnoxious... and that's coming from, me, a former elementary and early childhood teacher turned SAHM), keeping up with housework and small room makeovers (truly for the sake of organization) after moving about a year ago, and the icing on the cake (tongue-in-cheek, of course) the death of both my parents -dad's was about 10 months ago and mom's has been just over a month. Prior to their deaths I was also consumed with keeping up with them (not exactly taking care of them but pretty much taking care of them... its a long story and it's complicated). Anyway, maybe my feeling out-of-control with discipline and whatnot has more to do with that and getting through the grief... I don't know. I just know that as a stay-at-home-mom and wife of a great husband, but who works a crappy second shift schedule as a cop no less, life is incredibly challenging right now.

Anyone up for the task of offering ideas???

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Jane - posted on 10/20/2011

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The only way I can cope is with lists posted in the parts of the house where whatever it is should happen. That means there is a list on the bathroom mirror, a list by the front door, a list in each bedroom, and so on. I also put labels on drawers to remind everyone, including myself, what should go in there. This is what they do in residential treatment, where my son has spent some time because he is severely ADHD, but also ODD and Bipolar. And it helps all of us remember.

In addition, I set up simple schedules, but they help, too. School days, homework before TV. Monday, wash sheets. Tuesday, clean bathroom. Wednesday, Youth Group. Thursday, grocery shopping. Friday, garbage day. Sunday night, deadline for my online classwork. I teach these schedules to the kids so they can help me remember and so they also can help me get things done.

I would suspect, however, that grief is a big part of what is going on right now. I have lost three uncles, my husband and my mother in the space of 18 months, and I know that each loss was a physical blow that made even the simplest tasks much harder than they used to be. I suspect that over time you will be able to cope better. Perhaps a grief support group might help.

Good luck.