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As if depression wasn't enough.....

Jeanette - posted on 11/29/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I've mentioned in other posts that I suffer from chronic depression, and that it's worsened in the long months that I've been laid off. Now, within the past couple of weeks, I've started developing an intense either anxiety or paranoia of something bad happening to someone I care about.

I've always worried about family members when I knew they were going to be traveling on highways or busy state routes, but now it's become an intense, almost paralyzing fear. It got a thousand percent worse when my dad had a massive heart attack almost 2 weeks ago. He had several blockages, but amazingly enough, it didn't do any damage to his heart. It brought back memories of last year on Mother's Day weekend, when I got a call that he'd had a stroke, and while driving. He got very lucky there too, as it turned out to be a TIA rather than a full blown stroke. I've since become convinced that the man has a whole fleet of guardian angels watching over him at all times, but even he knows that

But now, every time my phone rings, or I get a text message, I'm literally petrified of what I'm going to see or hear. I'm in a total state of panic if my husband has to go somewhere out of town, and it's a ton worse if he has our son with him. I can't relax until I know he's arrived safely, and then again until they are home.

I know it's natural to worry about your family, but I feel like this is consuming my thoughts almost constantly, which seems pretty abnormal to me. My son has a checkup appointment with our doctor on the 7th, and I'm thinking I should bring it up. Since I have chronic pain problems too, I can't help but think all of the stress hormones the worry is causing can't be good for my pain levels either. I'm just hoping the doctor doesn't want me to go through CBT because I've been through it twice, for a total of about 4 years, so I'm not sure there is anything else they can do to help. I know in my head that these fears are irrational, but just can't seem to stop them. And I'm not sure if the fear stems from something actually happening to them, or the lack of control......or both.

Does anyone else have this problem?

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Jeanette - posted on 12/10/2009

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Kori, I did end up going to see my doctor. I had an appt. scheduled for the 29th for a med check on my chronic pain stuff, but when we were there for my son's 12 month checkup on Monday, and told him what was going on, he told me to have the receptionist move it up to as soon as possible.



There was a student doctor in with him when I went (that right there makes me anxious cause it takes me forever to feel comfortable with a doc), so I got to hear a lot more detail than he would normally go into. He was telling her about some anxiety scale, with high anxiety events being a 3, and normal life stressors being a 0 to 1. Every single thing he mentioned as a 3 was an event that has happened in my life the past year or so!



Since I've had depressive episodes in the past, he put me back on Celexa. That was all he was going to do, at least til he listened to my heart. As he was doing that, he turned to the medical student and said "Despite the fact that she looks outwardly fairly calm, she's in tachycardia". Apparently, even though that wasn't the most anxious I've felt, my heart rate was up over 100, when it's normally in the mid 70's. So he ended up putting me on Xanax too....three times a day if needed! I hate the idea of adding more meds, since I'm already on 3 for chronic pain, but I know I'm not going to be able to tackle this problem with just counseling. I know the Celexa probably won't be a temporary thing, but I'm really hoping the Xanax is! I have to go back for a recheck in a month, and am really hoping to be able to go back off of it, since the a/d will have had enough time to start working.



Now hopefully I can concentrate enough to meditate and do the relaxation and visualization techniques I learned in counseling. My mind was racing too much before to be able to focus enough. Hopefully this helps!

Jeanette - posted on 12/05/2009

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Kori, I used to meditate quite a bit, but now, I just can't get to that state of calm anymore. I've tried that, and even relaxation techniques I learned in CBT, but I'm just not getting anywhere. It's like my brain just won't shut off from the worries. I'm starting to wonder if the excessive worrying about family is anxiety, or if it's leaning more towards an obsession. Hopefully on Monday, the doctor will be able to help! Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in feeling this way!

Kori - posted on 12/04/2009

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I GO THROUGH THE SAME THING. MY FATHER Has had a stroke and i worry about him ON TOP OF THE WORRY NFOR MY HUSBAND AND KIDS. MEDITATION HELPS ME WHEN I FEEL THAT THINGS R OUT OF MY CONTROL. I PRAY AND MEDITATE WHEN MY ANXIETY BECOMES TOO MUCH. I WOULD FOR SURE MENTION THIS TO THE DOCTOR THO.

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