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Juliette - posted on 10/08/2011

Welcome Amanda! Congrats on being able to reach out for help. A lot of people (moms especially) don't ask for help. We like to think that we can do it all, all by ourselves. I was also diagnosed with depression at an early age (17). At that time, I chose to go the route of "I don't need medication for that!!" It was only after I had my daughter at 25 that it became unmanageable. I didn't ask for help or reach out to anyone until I realised that my daughter would actually flinch when I walked in to a room. She never knew which mommy she was going to get. She asked me once when she was 3 if I was the sad mommy or the happy mommy. That was enough to get me moving. I spoke to my doctor; joined the assistance programme at work and told my fiance about my depression. I understand that sometimes finances can get in the way of going to therapy or buying medication, so you have to find a way to not let all that crappy stuff build up in your head. I have found that venting in a diary or journal works for me. Getting started writing down my feelings was really hard at first... I just couldn't find the energy or desire to do anything most of the time. I walked around with an empty journal for weeks before I wrote anything in it. But I did eventually, and it got easier. Find something that works for you. It doesn't matter if you start and stop a dozen things before you find your outlet. The point is that you keep trying to get a handle on what's going on in your head. Never give up on yourself. I don't know how old your kids are, but try getting them in to a routine where you can get 20 minutes to yourself during the day. From my experience, waiting until they go to bed at night just isn't enough. Sometimes (most times) you need a moment or two during the day, to get a grip. I have been battling an episode for the past year (hence my lack of actually administering this group) and I'm only now getting out of it.
I want you to remember 3 things:
1. You can't be everything to everyone all the time. If you're cleaning out, let the kids run wild in their room. If you're spending time with your kids, forget about what you're cooking for dinner. Focus on one thing at a time and enjoy the moment.
2. Find your outlet. It may not seem important, but you are no good to anyone if you're angry & frustrated all the time. Whether it's reading , writing, standing in the shower and having a good cry (this works for me on occasion), you need to take care of you too.
3. You can't do it alone. Talk to your husband. Often. Tell him when you've had a good day, and tell him when it sucks. He's still there, so chances are he wants to work things out with you. Above all, let him know how much you love him and how grateful you are that he has stuck by you.
If you ever need to vent in an email, you can send me a message here, or email me @ bateaucy@live.com.
I know it's hard. But that doesn't mean it's impossible. I hope to hear from you.
Juliette

Sabrina - posted on 01/11/2011

HEllO, well it's a better day for you starting now. ( i hope) :) I'm here to talk if you need me. I was a mom by your age and younger. so i might have an idea of how you feel. I think your stress level warrents some coping skills. for sure. so im glad your open to therapy..but YES i really DO get the whole transportation issue. having been there myself, my best sisterly advice would be something like this: I'm worried you could get to a place where things get untouchable/out of hand and being an effective person, let alone mom and wife become impossible. it happened to me, several times. my depression was so bad I didnt eat, comb my hair or literally get out of bed for 5-6 days, i stopped speaking literally, my CAR battery went dead! no joke! i can giggle at that now, it does get better i promise. so know that if you dont use whatever enrgy you can right NOW to fight this nasTy little disease, it can swallow you up and leave you with no choice and ppl will have to start making choices for you. not tryng to scare you, just being honest.with that said, i think you can should make a plan using a calender, every day.mark on a scale of 1-10 just how deep your depression feels. 10 is harm to self/others.1 is it was a good day.plan small goals for yourself, by day. on really bad days it could be .i took a shower , on ok days. you made dinner and chores and played for an hour with kids. my hope is for you to get past basic self care of showers and meals into planning things with others like time at the park/artwork with kids to reading a book and being social withppl. use as a guide to see a pattern? see that things Do get better and so that when you DO get to a therapist they can have a better way as to how to treat you. just show the calender, being STUCK anywhere..is the pits. I went for walks, didnt know a soul, jst hlpd feel alive and i bet if you go to the same park or play area youll see same ppl there and make a connection. also consider a journal and even a sketch pad for art, there is value on this type of stuff that helps a person vent and cope.carry it everywhere.draw/collage, sounds juvinile but it works. i would also look into community resorces for child care /support groups and let them know you have a medical issue so the kids need daycare.ask for support groups check the hospital and online. library near you? free activities for kids all over.as far as transport. the bus? ride share? you may need to save money and make a day of it. library has storytime, go for a nature walk with the kids, come home and let them help you cook. fight the blues by keeping busy and call the mental health agency in your area and let them know you may need a home vist for not having a car. also a medical social worker back at the hospital should be a place to ask for help, even your community college may have a free daycare and bus pass if you enroll on income limitations with a class or 2..PE? child development? art? lastthing, try the church, ask to talk to a pastor or preist, they are trained in counseling most times and if not are usually very use to guiding in that way. they may even be able to connect you with someone who can help visit with the kidscheck in on you everyweek and even just call you to say hi, call around. your hubby can help check in with you, mark your calander, ask him to make some calls for you, if he can and if he cant do not any of these, ITS OK FOR NOW...you still do what you can for yourself and the kids. if your at a loss, just tell him, I feel sad, i need a hug, i love you...he gets that.in time, he may come around. one day at a time, just keep pushing forward. BTW...read some books, you can take the kids to the bookstore and read while they read, blogs or online support groups if nothing else. you can get through this. trust that. your ot alone. Im 33, been dealing with this my entire life, It never really gets easy but it does get easier to Deal with. for sure.