New Here - have a daughter 21 years old.....

Christine - posted on 06/21/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 21 year old daughter. She has been on her own for a while. I am very discouraged with her. She has moved in with a quite older boyfriend and moved to his home town. When she graduated, she lived in Calgary for a while (before she met the BF) going to college, doing great, had a life with friends, going out doing things, worked on top of college with her friends......
then she meets with very older boyfriend, they move in together....and life stops, she quit her job (boss was being very harsh on her) moved to his home town, she she quit college. They have been together for about a year, she does not work what so ever, (he is 37), neither does she, they are both on Employment Insurance, which is about to run out next month, he will not find a job what so ever, they are poor and struggling. She has not slept right in 4 months, stressed out, life is hard for her, not sure what is going on with her, she was very motivated before she met him, very higly motivated, and now that she has been with him, it has all gone away.
They came to my wedding last month, and he was rude as hell. Would not socialize with us much, always tried to pull her away and go hide. We had friends who were in industries who could have got him a job, but he refused to talk with them, it was and is a night mare.....trying to encourage her to get going here, but he seems to keep slowing her down....help?!

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Christine - posted on 06/28/2010

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Thank you for the awesome comment!
I have a pretty good relationship with my daughter. And we have talked about her relationship.....she is totally, 100 % in love with him, and does not want to leave him any time soon. we have talked about what was and what she was doing, she says she is planning to get back to that, but I do not see any progress towards that yet?! yes, I agree, it is hard watching them, you just want to reach in there and fix it for them, but you can't!
I am happy things worked out good for your daughter, how is she now?

Jodi - posted on 06/26/2010

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As parents we can only hope for the best for our kids. It is really hard watching them make bad decisions but that is how they (hopefully) learn what they need to do to be a successful adult. my daughter is 22 and has had 2 serious relationships where they lived together. Both ended and she moved back home both times. The second one was very upsetting for her because she too gave up a job she really liked to move out of town with him. He ended up cheating on her and she left to move back home and was unable to get her old job back but she was lucky enough to get an even better one. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your daughter. She might just be continuing with this relationship because you don't agree with it. If you have a relationship where you can talk about anything I would try reasoning with her about her future, where she was and was heading before she met this guy and why she gave it all up to be with him. Ask her where they are going to live if they don't find work and the uneployment runs out. If your daughter was smart enough to get started in college she should be smart enough to realize that what she is doing now is not going to make her happy for a lifetime. Good luck!!!!! :)

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