ahte bein married to self employed keep beggin him 2 get normal job, does any1 feel the same?

Cathy - posted on 10/15/2010

I Love that my husband is self employeed! I believe it does have its ups and downs but so does everyother job! I love the fact that he can help out when needed and work around it by making his own schedule yes sometimes that means coming home really late but those are the sacrifices we have to face with children!

Jen - posted on 08/27/2010

I empathize a million- fold! My 12 year marriage is on the brink of divorce because of my husband's business- I have begged him for years to give it up and get a 'normal' job, to no avail, I am now considering divorce.

Linda - posted on 03/15/2010

Hi it is so good to read these responses and to know that i am not the only one who feels this way.I hate how unpredictable it is and not being able to budget EVER.We own an asphalting company and if it rains he can't work.We are always waiting on payments and the money issues cause me so much stress.We have had it going on 6 years but it is still so erratic.He has taken 2nd jobs but they don't last because murphys law that is when we get busy!!!! I do the GST and admin work and have 2year old twin boys.I find this self employed life a challenge on a daily basis and just want stability and to know how much money is coming in each week.Its either a feast or a famine.I'm always trying to put away when its good and can't enjoy it because i know it will slow up and we will need to use it down the track.How do you get ahead or save in this position???

Nikki - posted on 02/06/2010

Thanks every1 4 ur comments, just 2 update u all, i finally go hubby to give up bein self employed to go back into a job he hated, he left thinking that he could find something similar but better paid, and found nothing, a month later he got a job as a careworker and waitied 2 months for his crb check to come back, so over christmas we had no income, luckly i saved all year for xmas, so hopefully the job he starts now, he will enjoy (only time will tell) i guess the moral to this story is either have savings for a rainy day or stick with what you know.

Jada - posted on 02/05/2010

Okay I've only just cottoned onto this post but oh yes, the topic doesnt get old aye! Funny how you knew what you were getting into but it still sucks when it sucks. Other times, like when big drawdowns coincide with Christmas, it can be awesome. Other times, when you would just like to be able to have a steady weekly payroll income come into your account each week and it doesnt, it can be uber depressing.
I hope you're going okay and it's not still horrendous. When i hate it (once a week) I remember that my hubby gets to stay home and play with our son whenever the mood takes him, when our son was first born he "took" 4 weeks paternity leave pretty much (working from home) but loving on his boy 24/7 and their relationship reflects that.
Ours gets snippety at times, but theirs never does. Sacrifice huh?

Emily - posted on 11/23/2009

My husband is doing his best in this economy. I am grateful though that he is self-employed. He used to be in advertising. His former company has laid-off 75% of the sales staff! At least having his own company, he can change this around to meet the market-demands.

Barbi - posted on 07/20/2009

I hate that he is self employed! His work is never steady and we are always fighting about money. The upside to it is that he is able to be home with the kids if need be so I don't miss much work with appointments and sick kids, but it really bothers me that when I tell him that there is no money for that new toy (dirt bike or such) he wants he has the nerve to tell me that I need to make more money. What the heck????

Genevieve - posted on 07/06/2009

Yes!!! Finally am not along. My husband start at 16 years old and he is now 28. He use to work with a guy 6days a week 10h per day. And then the guy move away and start to work alone he love it but start to work more like maybe 2days off per month. Now he took his brother to show him and train him so now he take one weeken every to weeks cause it's the time his brother have his daughter. I find it hard on the family I can see that my daughter miss him. She always ask where her father his. And i'm expecting or second child in a few days and his not sure if he will be able to be at the hospitable with me.
And on top of that he think about taking a side job ( witch I think he already have cause sometime he do some contract on the side) to be able to pay his taxes, oh and by the way I work to 5days a week.
Does it ever stop. We also like to have a house but because is a selfworker we have to give 20%down on the house. Witch we definitely don't have because of the end of the year taxes. I'm goona stop here :OP
By the way am a happy wife anyway and I have to say that when he is home he is very helping and a wonderflu father it's just that sometime I fell a little bit alone.

Jovanne - posted on 06/09/2009

SAME HERE! It got so bad, we are living with family now - and still not keeping up with expenses. It's a roll of the dice if we make our bills or not (truck note, truck insurance, cell phones, health insurance, etc.). They are gamblers! Gambling life! I have accepted him for this. He starting to find work, so happy for awhile.

Beverley - posted on 05/15/2009

I so totally agree. Wouldn't bother me if he were making any money, but he isn't & he works his guts out for nothing. Wish he would put that much effort into our family & relationship

Charnette - posted on 05/13/2009

Before my husband became a naturopathic doctor, we used to own a chain of 3 dry cleaning businesses. it was nightmare. he did not have time for me untill he get out of it. he went to school, love alternative medicine, he started this business and he is good at it. as of now, it is 10 times better and he has more time for me and my son. he can pick up my son from the day care, go to different places together, so i am loving it.

Sarah - posted on 05/05/2009

Quoting Melissa:

I USED to feel the same way. It's been 5 years now and we are finally starting to see some financial improvements and real growth in the company (except for the time being with the recession just hitting us). Now I'm proud of my husband, and proud to say that he runs his own company. He loves what he does and he's good at it, and no matter what he's always taken care of us. I see it as my role in the company when I'm home with the kids all the time, and doing everything. I help him be able to do what he does, and I know when he profits, so do I. i think everything like this is hard in the beginning, but if you stick it out, you'll eventually see the rewards.

I totally agree with you Melissa.  I used to absolutly hate that my husband was self-employed.  We have been married 10 years, and it took me a good 8 years to finally be happy with it.  Things are finally going well for us.  I still hate the long hours he has to put in though.  Right now things are rough with the economy being poor though. 

Vicky - posted on 04/21/2009

I feel as though I am a single mom most days... my husband works 12 or more hours a day we eat dinner and sometimes even go to bed before he even gets home we miss him:( I agree tax time sucks !!!!!! I do love being home with the kids just wish he could be around more.

Juna - posted on 04/15/2009

I understand.  Lots of emotional ups and downs being self-employed.  The worst part is the costs of insurance!  But on the up side of things I love that my husband is much happier and he can set his schedule.  Even with a "regular" job there are ups and downs and still never a gurantee that the job will be there tomorrow.

Brandi - posted on 04/14/2009

yep...me too. my hubby frames houses for a living...but for now, NOTHING is goin on. he has not worked since November and i am a server...not the biggest banking job if you know what i mean.. he's been looking, yet nothing. i'd rather he go flip burgers somewhere than to have no job at all, but he acts like all that is "below his level" or something. i wonder if he even truly cares how much crap i deal with just to buy a gallon of milk?

Deangela-Deanne - posted on 04/14/2009

We have been at it for 15 years now and have gone back and forth on the issue of get a job or not. He cannot make as much getting a job so we have stuck it out and even though we are making it it is still a strain. He is a procrastinator on things that he doesn't want to do so I have learned to stay on top of him and do what I can to keep the basics running. I run the books for the home and I keep him on track with doing what he needs to do to keep us safe.

This issue is you married him, and unless you want to leave him, suck it up and make it work. He is the head of the home and you are the support that keeps the home together. If you turn on him your home falls apart.

Build him up. A man that believes his woman believes in him is more likely to succeed than one whose woman turns on him all the time. Encouragement and support makes a difference in their ability to do well.

Kenda - posted on 04/13/2009

My husband has owned his own business for the past 11 years and I can honestly say that it doesn't get any easier. You just have to find a happy medium to it. You learn to budget your money and find happiness in the little things. It's been extremely difficult to start a family and build a new home when you really aren't sure when (or IF) you'll be getting paid. I just try to focus on the perks...time off whenever he wants it, giving himself his own raises, him being able to stay home with the kids when it's needed so I can still work, and TAX SEASON!!! I know it's hard to understand that as Moms, we feel as if our "jobs" are to take care of the kids. Men feel the need to provide. Just keep talking to eachother and take one day at a time.

Tamera - posted on 03/25/2009

Quoting Melissa:

I USED to feel the same way. It's been 5 years now and we are finally starting to see some financial improvements and real growth in the company (except for the time being with the recession just hitting us). Now I'm proud of my husband, and proud to say that he runs his own company. He loves what he does and he's good at it, and no matter what he's always taken care of us. I see it as my role in the company when I'm home with the kids all the time, and doing everything. I help him be able to do what he does, and I know when he profits, so do I. i think everything like this is hard in the beginning, but if you stick it out, you'll eventually see the rewards.

Amen!  I also had my own business and was very good at it, but when we had our daughter my husband didn't want me to go back to work.  I felt very lost and didn't really know how to make being a mom a rewarding job.  So I went back to work to find that I hated being away from my daughter.  My husband works very hard and we never go without, in fact, he spoils us.  He takes providing for us very seriously.  Sit down and discuss with your husband how much he enjoys being at work for 12-14 hours, and ask him if missing out on day-to-day milestones bothers him.  More than likely he isn't thrilled about putting in the time, but is much happier not having a boss on his back!

Biz - posted on 03/22/2009

My husband has owned his own business for 4 years.  He quite his job before establishing a client base.  He relied on other subcontractors to give him any excess work that they couldn't get to.  It worked for a couple of years as there was tons of work.  In the last couple of years though we have really struggled.  I can't bug him to get a normal reliable job though because when he does finally land a job he has quoted on it pays more than he would make at an hourly job in 3 months, in just 3 weeks.

I am doing taxes now though and just realized that he only did about 4 big jobs last year.  Enough to pay the mortgage, but not enough to contribute to anything else. 

Another thing is that I would really not mind him not working if he would watch the kids full time and become the house husband.  You know - clean something in the 9 hours while I spend working outside the home.  We spent almost $12,000 in childcare last year.  That's some peoples yearly income.  Is it worth having him work at all??

I have just stopped worrying and arguing about it.  It doesn't help and things always work themselves out for the best.  Bills mysteriously get paid although I often look back and say "how?"

Cheryl - posted on 03/19/2009

I Love that my husband is his own boss! We can go on Vacations anytime of the year. Or if the kids have Doc appointments or are sick he can stay home and help! He is much happier being his own boss, which makes me happier. We have learned to budget our money well, and my husband hasn't missed anything extra curricular with our kids which is really important to us!

Melissa - posted on 02/09/2009

I USED to feel the same way. It's been 5 years now and we are finally starting to see some financial improvements and real growth in the company (except for the time being with the recession just hitting us). Now I'm proud of my husband, and proud to say that he runs his own company. He loves what he does and he's good at it, and no matter what he's always taken care of us. I see it as my role in the company when I'm home with the kids all the time, and doing everything. I help him be able to do what he does, and I know when he profits, so do I. i think everything like this is hard in the beginning, but if you stick it out, you'll eventually see the rewards.

Michelle - posted on 02/06/2009

My husband has been self-employed for 8 years since he was laid off from a normal job. It has been hard we have since had our baby (she is 3) and now with the economy we have been watching his client base fall off. When we talk about him getting a real job again he tells me that there are no jobs in his "field". That is that. When did our generation acquire the entitlement of a job in their "field" or it is not worth working it - even when money is so tight?????

Shana - posted on 01/30/2009

I feel the same way. My husband has been self employed for over 15 years. We have been married for almost 10. It is always hard. There is never a guarantee of work...especially these days. OMG! and I hate tax time! I get so tired of hearing all of my friends talk about all the money they are going to get back. We pay in every year and it sucks! But it is so hard after all these years for my husband to try and get a "normal" job because nothing pays as well as what he makes being self employed.

Dawn - posted on 01/20/2009

my husband just started his own construction company after working with another guy for 10 years. it's just him so far...and his first job was a big kitchen remodel. he's been working 12-14 hour days 6 or 7 days a week. it's taking it's toll on me being home all day with 2 kids. i was hoping to get out and do some part time work or go the home party route but i have to put that on hold for awhile. i don't think he realized how much went into the "behind the scene of it all". when he was working with the other guy he just worked like 6-8 hours a day and was home all weekend. so it's a big adjustment for us all. however he is a lot happier now that he's doing it himself. and once he gets the hang of it all i think things will be better. if your husband is happy then support him as much as you can and don't be afraid if things don't improve after awhile to talk to him about it. communication is crucial in marriage. i wish you luck:)

Jen - posted on 12/30/2008

omg i wish! i know it will never happen but i still stress out about it on a regular basis. yes, i knew what i was getting into when we decided to have a child but things could be different as we all make choices. it is a never ending cycle over here...i get upset, i get over it and repeat. i could vent for hours ... as some of the moms know from my moms group

Kim - posted on 12/05/2008

I feel the same way, my husband owns his own construction buss for the last 10 years and it is killing our marriage due to fighting about money, I just wish he would see the reality we live in and get a job for someone else...