need help with 6 yr old sons reaction to hubbys tdy

Amanda - posted on 08/03/2009 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My husband left tdy this past Friday. Our oldest is 6 and his behavior has always changed everytime my husband has left, ususally it was not listening, defiance etc. this time has been very differant. He has been very down this time, he actually said for the first time that he missed his daddy, then today he cried.

I make sure that he gets some extra time with my dad while my husband is away so he will have some male interaction and I do everything I can for him [he is sleeping in my bed for the second time tonight] but I dont want to let it get to far out of hand to where he thinks he can get away with anything just because his daddy is gone for awhile.

I let him email his daddy tonight and I encourage him to call my husband. He seemed to like the idea of emailing his daddy but he is not really interested in calling him, he obviously needs the physical contact and not just to hear his dads voice.

Does anyone have any ideas of how I can help my little boy get throught htese tdy's [he has 3 more coming up :p]

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Stephanie - posted on 09/24/2009

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He wants to sleep with you because then he definitely knows that you aren't going to leave him as well. As hard as it is to be a military wife, I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to be a military child. Maybe you can find new distractions and new routines to do with your son. If you do the same old stuff you do when your hubby's home it will feel more empty for your son. Try new projects. Look up project ideas that take more than just a day to do so you can set goals with your son. If you setup a fun calendar for your son to show him what he'll be doing until his dad comes home maybe it'll excite him. Have him make things for your hubby and send it off in the mail to him.

Amanda - posted on 08/06/2009

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That is a really great idea Mandy :) Do you fill the jar with just the amount of candies that will add up to one for each day? we have a countdown calender but it is just one that I have written myself and let him cross off one day at a time as a countdown. The candy would definatly give him somthing to look forward to at the end of hte day. The evenings seem to be the hardest for him, those are the least structured tomes of the day for him right now.

thanks again!

Mandy - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hi Amamda, my husband is also gone and for my boys I have a jar with gummy candy (I usually dont let them have it cause its bad for there teeth) and it is filled one candy for each day my husband will be gone and each night they can have one before they brush their teeth. It helped mine with realizing the amount of time he will be gone but maybe a special treat will help your son. With the different tdy's you could let your son pick the treat as well. Hope this can be helpful. Good Luck

Amanda - posted on 08/04/2009

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Thank you so much Sandy, I really appreaciate all the help I can get, our oldest son who is 6 is the one I was posting about, our middle girl is 4 and our youngest is a boy also and he is 5 months. I really think our oldest son is having a harder time than our daughter since boys need their daddys.

We also go to the ymca and he is in soccer, I made the mistake of letting him stay home from the ymca day camp he goes to yesterday and I think he just had to much time on his hands and that is why he cried. I love the idea of him spending 30 min on the phone, now if I could just get my hubby to commet to that lol! The welcome home sign is pretty good too, and my kids are def. at the age where they could get into something like that.

My husband has three more tdy's between this year and next. the last one being in February, which will include our youngest sons first birthday and our daughters fifth birthday, he missed our oldests fist day of kindergarten last year, I guess I shoud look on the bright side that he will not be gone during our oldests birthday this year, I really dont think my little boy could handle that. So if he has to be gone during any of their birthdays I guess it is good that it will be the two kids that handle him being gone the best.

Again thanks so much for the ideas I will be going to buy some poster board for the welcome home sign!! And before he leaves again in Sept. I will make sure he has a little extra cash to take to buy some fun things to send home along with some stamps and cards to take with him.

One thing that we have done in the past that your girls might like is to keep a journal each day he is gone, I have not bought one for our daughter yet but I bought a speacial notebook just for tdy's for my son that we write in every night that daddy is gone about our day, I also let him draw a little illistration to go along with what he wrote.

good luck with the next two weeks, mine will be home on the 14th of August, then gone in Sept for 2 weeks then in Feb. and hopefully that will be the last one for he year. But you never know lol!!!

Sandy - posted on 08/04/2009

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Hi Amanda, My husband is currently TDY also to BNCOC. He has been gone for 8 weeks now,2 more to go. We have 2 girls ages 6 and12. My husband TDY's atleast 2 times a year. The girls actually deal with it very well. Usually before my husband leaves he spends some one on one time with each of our girls. While he's gone he calls them when he can and spends atleast 30 minutes on the phone with each of them. He also sends them cards and depending on how long he'll be gone he'll send home a goodie box with trinkets from where he is. The girls love it! We try to keep very busy(YMCA,sports camps etc). We have tons and tons of pictures around the house. The girls even have their own collage of photos with their Dad in their rooms. We always make Welcome Home signs for my husband no matter how long or short he will be gone. The girls really seem to enjoy that! Look at the website www.flatdaddies.com I know a lot of people that have ordered a flat daddy when their spouse was deployed. Take care!!

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