Leigh - posted on 11/05/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )
On November 28th it will be a year since I lost my baby.
The month before I lost the baby i was having unbearable stomach pains and i have no idea that I was pregnant. I ended up having to live my class and go to the ER. the doctor ran a ton of tests and gave me medicine for an intestinal disorder...I never took the medicine because I didn't that it was that at all. Eventually the pain went away...I assumed it was from stress. I was going to school and working full time and had a toddler. Plus me and her father were splinting up.
On the 26th of last year i took a pregnancy at home...i just felt pregnant and i was having weird symptoms. like having a light period, dizziness, extremely tired, and i cried a lot...and the stomach pains were back..well i was pregnant. I was excited. I love the time i spent with my daughter and wanted more children, even with timing being off....like the timing is ever right.
The next day I told, daughter she was going to be a big sister...i started looking up stuff for the baby and looking for a o.b, since i got rid of everything and the doctor i had for my daughter retired. I felt awesome that day
On the 28th i woke up covered in blood...i was scared and then i felt kind of spacey, like i wasn't happening. I got cleaned up and took my daughter with me to the hospital...it didn't matter. The doctor keep telling all the ways that i could of kill the baby....like too much caffeine, not eating right, stress..ect. I remember just getting my daughter from the nurse and leaving...i didn't care that he was still talking.
I never call anyone that night...just put my daughter to bed and sat on the couch...just thinking of all the ways i could of stopped it...I know now it not my fault, but it still hurts that she not there. I took me all day to call my ex and tell my mom. I needed to talk to someone.
They tired to be comforting and don't yet me wrong I really appreciate them for tiring, but telling me it better this way, or maybe there was something wrong with the kid is not comforting. I was really surprised by my mom, she had a problems and ended up having 5 miscarriages. she told me in a few months that i wouldn't think about it at all. That everything heals with time.
I want to yell at her right now....it hasn't passed with time. How can she just forget about it? I think about it all the time.....I try to stay busy, why am I still crying? All i wanted to do is have my baby in my arms and to stop feeling like this all the time.