My story and possible upcoming fears.

Rachel - posted on 12/30/2009 ( no moms have responded yet )

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So here is my story...

My name is Rachel, I have one son age 4 whom is my world. My husband I decided to try for another baby shortly before our son turned 2. After going off of the Birth Control (Depo shot) and no luck for months and no periods I started going to the Dr. After many mis-diagnoses they found I have Endometriosis and Ovarian cysts (Also high Insulin Levels and underarm/inner leg discoloration so possible PCOS as well). My Dr. told me I need to try now or I might lose my chance at being a mother again. Well we had tried for almost 3 years and I was scheduled to have another Surgery for the Endometriosis and I found out I was pregnant...but I had A LOT of pain so they did an ultrasound and blood work, They found nothing on the 1st Ultrasound but blood levels were consistent. So I went in every 2 days for another Ultrasound and more blood work. My levels were going up, but I was still having so much pain and nothing was showing on the ultrasound. My Dr told me that if nothing showed on the next one that he wanted to terminate in fear of Tubal/Ectopic. This was a very emotional time....well we went to the Ultrasound and the Sac was in there...HOPE! Went in for Ultrasounds every 2 weeks, the baby was growing and they did detect a Heartbeat. But they said I was measuring behind. Well they were going off of the 1st day of my last period which was Aug. 1st, but I know for a fact that conception had to have happened the 3rd week in Aug. I was in the hospital the 1st week for an illness and still sick and weak at home for another week, 3rd week fine and 4th week sick with Bronchitis. So I was not that concerned...I still had an ultrasound set 2 weeks from the last. One week away from the next Ultrasound I woke up at 4:30am (Husband works nights so was home alone with my son asleep in his room) to go to the bathroom and noticed blood. I started freaking out and went into a full blown Panic Attack, My mother-in-law came over to sit with my son and I called the Ambulance...Got to the Hospital and they did a pelvic exam and there was no tissue or blood and was told that is a good sign...they then did blood work and my levels were still very high and within the range they should be...was told that was a good sign. They then did an Ultrasound which I could not bare to watch them do...they came back and said the baby had died. I was so devastated...it went from bad to good to horrible. I lost the baby October 8th 2009 and had a D&C don eon October 12th. The 1st 2 weeks were the worst, I could not sleep even with the help of Valium. Went back to the Xanax and still no help. The thing that has kept me going is my son and the fact that Christmas was coming up and I wanted him to have a good Christmas...now that is is over I feel myself slipping again....Starting this weekend I will start Birth Control pills for 2 months since I have yet to have a period and am having a lot of pain. I want another baby more than anything and I want to do this and try again so badly, yet I am terrified to go through this again...

So that is my very long story, feels good to vent it all.

~Rachel

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