Is it selfish to have only one child?

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Supriya - posted on 03/12/2012

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Ahh...there's nothing selfish to it...wanting to be a healthy happy parent to one child rather than being a frustrated busy one to two...how can this be being selfish?? I have one girl child aged five and we are just too happy to have one :-)

Ilene - posted on 07/19/2009

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I have one five year old son who has asked me why so and so has a brother or sister and have told him that he was a blessing and that he is who we wanted. At 42, I don't see getting pregnant again. I've thought about it but it would be a huge deal for him because we'd have to take half the stuff out of his room to make room for a crib/changing table and we're just happy with him. I worry about birth defects etc at this age as well. We don't have an big extended family as there are no cousins, but he will have plenty of kids to play with at school.

Sian - posted on 08/22/2012

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Sometimes its just as selfish to have lots of children! That yes you can provide love for but they won't get the same as just one child on their own will get I have a 3 and a half year old and at this moment in time I have no intention of having another maybe when his older as I'm only 25 I've got plenty of time but he isn't bothered all his friends have new babies when I asked if he wanted a baby he said no thanks I want a puppy lol x

Shantel - posted on 04/21/2010

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I think it depends ... at my baby shower, the video camera went around asking peoples opinions and any words of advice... five different people told me "just dont have an only child"... which made me think... and the only childeren who are grown up now and are having their own kids are definately having more than one...for reasons that they wish now that they are older and their parents are getting older that they had a brother or a sister to grow up with... because most friends come and go, or stay forever but arent as close as youd liek to be... anyway, long story short, some people cant afford more kids than one, and some cant even put up with one child... nonetheless, Im pregnant with my second and my son is going to be 2 in June, and I decided to have more kids and have them closer together so they have eachother. I dont think that it will affect on how much attention they each get, because as a mother its natural to have enough love to go around. It shouldnt affect material needs or wants because we are financially in a good position. Its all up to you and what your life will allow :)

[deleted account]

NO. I was an only child and I only want one child. I got my tubes tied, that's how strongly I feel about it. Children are expensive and I want to get my son everything (at least almost everything) he wants. I admire other moms w/ 3,4,5 kids and I also ask myself why? I personally don't have the patience and I want ME time once in awhile.

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31 Comments

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Ami - posted on 01/31/2013

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Thank you to all of you, I have a three year old daughter and I have been wondering if I am depriving her of anything but my pregnancy was so horrible and how could I do that to her (and my husband again). I know there is adoption and other things but those take such energy and time that I can use on her and she was such a miracle in the first place. I cherish my time with her, every funny face, every funny remark, everything. I think of some mom's I know that seem to miss out on their child's development and it makes me sad. I am proud to be her mom and I won't lie it has taken me some time to get to this point but every minute I am with her she is with me and it makes me want to be a better person. She is so smart and funny and happy I just cannot imagine anything else in my life.

Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2011

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Guess what...there is no rule that says you can't be selfish now and then! Having one child means you have more resources to devote to that child, more time, more money, more attention, and yes...more time for YOU as well.

I have one daughter and have had an Adiana procedure done (plugs in my fallopian tubes) to ensure that I don't have anymore. As a back up, just in case, I kept my IUD too! I made that decision for all the reasons stated above and yes I took myself into consideration when I made it. Having more time for just ME means I have time to unwind, de-stress, and just relax and that makes me calmer which makes me a better mom because I am not frazzled all the time. Being selfish in this instance manages to come around to being the best thing for my daughter overall...which makes it not so selfish. :D

In the end it's your family and your uterus...don't let anyone make you feel guilty for your decisions concerning either one.

Kelly - posted on 06/11/2011

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i don't think it is selfish at all. u have to do what is right for u. i have 2 children because i wanted 2, not because someone else thought is should. some people r meant to have only one child, some r meant to have more, some r meant to have none. i know a few people who only have one child and i don't think they could handle another one. guess it all depends on your reasons for not wanting another baby

Misty - posted on 05/16/2010

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No i dont think it is. Im kind of feeling the same way, i have one son that is 4 months old and i really dont want anymore. But im also a only child and i have to say its lonley, I wish everyday i had a brother or sister.

[deleted account]

I don't think it's selfish of you to only want one child...it looks to me like you are happy with what God gave you.. and you aren't asking for more.
That would make you.... anti-selfish... right?

Chezronda - posted on 04/12/2010

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No! it is not selfish! It all depends on what you and your husband(or just you) want, or what you can take on financially, etc! someone people arent even blessed enough to have one due to health problems, so be happy with one, and don't let someone-else's opinion be yours!

Michelle - posted on 11/23/2009

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How can anyone be selfish for making the right decision that suits them? I would love another child (I already have a 3.5 year old boy) but i don't know why. I love being able to give my little boy my everything, my time, my energy and my love. I love my peaceful evening/nights my me time when he's at school and the fact that grandparents are happy to babysit just the one. but when all is said and done i miss the patter of tiny feet and my body doesn't feel like it's finished baby making yet, but whichever i choose to do i know i will be doing it for the most selfless reasons. I am the only one left in my group with one child and they all envy me and my relationship with my son. Do what you feel is right for you.

Barbara - posted on 11/22/2009

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I believe there are pros and cons to each situation...whatever you feel is right is what you should always do without pressure from anyone or anything...good luck!

[deleted account]

My 11 year old daughter is a handful all on her own. I cant imagine having more than her, she gets my full attention for school, social, and emotional problems and support. She wanted a sibling for a long time but has realized ( after moving closer to my sis that has three children ) that she has the better deal. Its a personal choice , but 1 is perfect for us. shes my whole life and she knows it.

Gail - posted on 11/18/2009

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No way,,, I have just a had a little boy and have no intentions of having anymore. Its a personal choice. Im hoping to go part time next year so my hubbie and i can share the daycare so wee man gets to bond with both parents get lots of love and attention. I have already joined a baby group and plan to take him to play groups etc so he is used to other children and make it easier to make friends when he's older.

Kristi - posted on 11/08/2009

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no it's not sellfish!!!!!! It doesn't matter how many you want wether it is just one.

Christina - posted on 10/30/2009

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I dont think it is selfish. I have a 15 moth old daughter and I will not be having any more children. I look at it as my daughter and I can be closer and spend more time with each other. Plus I can give her all of my attention and love and not split it by 2 or more.

Tracy - posted on 10/28/2009

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my daughter is 2, and as i pressure my husband for another, him being the one working while i'm at home with the youngin' can only revert back to the $$ of it all, but to be honest, it is nice getting a full nights rest, not having to change diapers (she's potty trained), not having to make a seperate 'baby food', and she's such a handful, it's hard to keep up with her.. although i would love a sibling, having a single child is a reality i'm learning to accept, now if we can keep those questioning grandparents off our back..

Vikki - posted on 09/15/2009

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I never saw it as selfish I see it as I can give my one child more than I could if I had 2 or more. More attention, more everything.

Kerry - posted on 09/03/2009

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People will tell you you're selfish for having no children, for having one, for having more than one. You have to make the decisions that are the right ones for your own family.

Laura - posted on 08/10/2009

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I only have one child, and I'd like another, but that is a problem right now, because I don't have a man. I like my son with me just fine. He is safe, happy and a joy to be around. I know if he has a brother or sister he'd help out, because he is a little older now. Whether it happens or not, it will be a blessing either way, because I have a child already.

Catrina - posted on 07/15/2009

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Don't let other people's assumptions about having more than one child make you feel guilty or selfish. As a parent of a 4 year old son with no intentions of having more I am constantly bombarded with when am I going to have another. My son has plenty of cousins and friends. If you make sure your child is well-rounded there's nothing selfish about it. I will say with having an only to make sure you do set up play-dates, pre-school, etc to get those well needeed social interactions that children with siblings get on a daily basis whether they want them or not. LOL

Krystle - posted on 07/06/2009

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Hey everyone i have a 3 year old son and everyone says to me you need to have a brother or sister for him but me and my boyfriend are happy with just him we both get to spend are alone time with him so no i dont think it is selfish

Latavia - posted on 04/23/2009

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Being selfish is when all you think about is yourself. You have a child to share every and anything with, so technically your not being selfish.

[deleted account]

I don't think it's selfish. I have only one and I like it that way. I had her at a late age and never thought of having another one. We can devote more to her - more time, more patience, more love. And it is financially less stressful (if you want to be practical) on our family.

[deleted account]

I enjoyed reading everyone's replies... My son is 2 in July so people are starting to ask when the next one is coming which I find quite stressful as I am happy with one. I agree totally with what others have replied.

Gabrielle - posted on 04/15/2009

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How can it be selfish? We have more money and time to give to our only child. We can take her to Disneyland and camping. We can schedule time for her to see her friends, which we do every weekend. We are less stressed about covering daycare and other expenses. I get a full night's sleep every night, so I'm able to wake up with her. She has her own room. This is definitely the right choice for us.

Stephanie - posted on 04/15/2009

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I don't think so. Seems like a lot of kids who have brothers and sisters wish they didn't and only children wish they did. Either way your child will have you so it should matter. I think its easier to keep focus on one child than it is multiple ones. (and cheaper)

Tina - posted on 04/14/2009

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No it is not selfish! Don't let anyone tell you any different! I have only one daughter and I like it that way. My daughter has plenty of cousins and plenty of friends that are just like family. She is well loved by all of us and I don't think she minds being the only child much.

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