only one

Louise - posted on 01/23/2009

Quoting Christy:

I am an only child and mu husband and I were not sure about even having kids. She was a happy surprise! I was laid off during my maternity leave and money is tight and is not going to change so to have the expense of another one is scary. Plus my daughter is about all I can handle at home right now. We always said that if we did not have kids by the time I was 35 we would not have any. Turned 35 over the summer and husband just had a vasectomy. It seems everyone wants to know what is wrong with us - that we are stopping at one. I want to know what is wrong with others for having more than one!

SNAP!! Same here.  We sort of hadn't got round to it, and hubby wasn't really sure.  Then I also had a "happy surprise".  Unfortunately I had some nasty pregnancy symptoms, a fairly unpleasant birth experience (3 1/2 days, TENS, pethidine, gas and air, epidural, and finally spinal block for emergency c-section) and we both found the first two years tough going.  Although our daughter is utterly gorgeous she didn't sleep through until she was 22 months and we were exhausted.  If I were to have another one the problems I had in pregnancy would recur, and my daughter would suffer as a result.   I'm not so selfish, or desperate to give her a playmate, as to do that to her.  I do understand why people have more than one, but there is no guarantees, whether you have one or you have more, that they will be happy with the situation.   Some adults loath their siblings, some children also do.  Some love their siblings and play with them as children and/or  spend time with them as adults.   Some only children feel isolated and that they have "missed out", others are happy and enjoy the close relationship with their parents.   

I am also a teacher and used to find that only children were more likely to be mollycoddled or spoilt, but nowadays it is hard to spot only children in a class.    In fact, it is now the "babies" of multiple sibling families who are mollycoddled and spoilt - by their older siblings as well as their parents!! They often DO stand out!  Prima Donnas!!

So, as I reach my late 30s do I wish, for Emma's sake, that she had a sibling?  No.  She has lots of social contact with friends, at her childminder's, and with her cousins, but she also has high quality time with us - the best of both worlds!! We take extra care not to spoil her though - eg she doesn't get everything she wants and we don't let her win all the time at games!!

Valeria - posted on 01/22/2009

Having only one child is great. As a mom I get to give my son who is now 9 all my attention. I do think about maybe having another child some day, but happy with only having one for now. My mom had her other (second) child when I was 15. Raising kids is very difficult and having only one for me works.

Julie - posted on 01/22/2009

I didn't plan to have any kids, and surprise! My daughter is the center of my life and I can't imagine not having her. But unless I win the lottery and can be a stay-at-home mom, I'm not having any others. I do plan to foster kids for the state when my daughter is a bit older.

Helen - posted on 01/20/2009

I still get very broody,my only child is almost 14,no more came along .God Blessed us with one beautiful daughter ,so I ask for no more.it still hurts when folks think Im a selfish mum who only had one,and make remarks that she has been spoilt.

My husband has recently had to have surgery ,which has left him sterile ,he is now also disabled ,so often I am an only parent of an only child ,or so it seems....

Aphie - posted on 01/15/2009

Quoting Louise:

I'm consistently amazed that people ask me when we'll have another - and they're darn intrusive about it too! I've discovered that just plain saying that it's not possible shuts them up fast

Sure does!

We're not sure if I am capable of having another since the surgeon who deliverred my son found an obvious cyst on one of my ovaries, and I had a really traumatic late pregnancy and new-mum experience, so am still not sure if I want to contemplate doing it again.

But that's a mouthful to say to people - especially strangers on the street.

Easier to say "we can't" and watch them realise how rude and nasty they're being and backpedal madly. :p

Heather - posted on 01/13/2009

I am an only as is my hubby and we always planned on just one so we are very happy with our little girl. People do ask when we plan to have another and I just say that our family is perfect just the way it is!

Jessica - posted on 01/13/2009

I've said since I was sixteen that if I ever had kids, I'd have ONE daughter. Friends and family laughed and told me I couldn't pick...but lo and behold...ONE daughter! One wardrobe, one homework, one dinner, one college education someday! But I also get HUNDREDS of kisses, Thousands of smiles, pounds of hugs and one little hand that wraps around mine thoughlessly. I had a tubal ligation last spring, and every time I think about it, I'm happier than the last time I thought about it!

Louise - posted on 01/13/2009

I have a beautiful eight-year-old daughter.



I was never sure I wanted kids, but then decided to try for a baby when we'd been married for a couple of years. I found out I was pregnant on my 30th birthday. I had a very traumatic pregnancy which ended in an emergency c-section.



We absolutely love our small family - being three is awesome! We knew we only wanted one - I didn't enjoy pregnancy or the newborn stage. My daughter also went through a couple of bad illnesses which left her with autoimmune diseases that are manageable but chronic. However, her illnesses and my pregnancy were not the defining factors in having one child. It just fits us.



I'm consistently amazed that people ask me when we'll have another - and they're darn intrusive about it too! I've discovered that just plain saying that it's not possible shuts them up fast (hubby is fixed, so it's not possible - by our choice). I've heard all the arguments why we should have more, but at the end of the day our daughter is lovely, well-rounded and sensitive - and we're a happy family. That's all that matters!

Erica - posted on 12/26/2008

I thought that I would have 4 kids! Now, I cannot entertain that thought. I don't know if I would survive the stress. We have enough money that I can stay at home, but time is the real issue. My husband can work over 100 hours per week. We know that in a few years this will change (because he doesn't like the situation any more than I do), but I also want some free time to pursue my own goals. I really don't plan to go back to work, but I like to paint and write. I just want to get to a point where I have a few hours to myself each day. I feel that if I have more, I may permanently lose my own identity and only exist as a mother.

Christy - posted on 12/16/2008

I am an only child and mu husband and I were not sure about even having kids. She was a happy surprise! I was laid off during my maternity leave and money is tight and is not going to change so to have the expense of another one is scary. Plus my daughter is about all I can handle at home right now. We always said that if we did not have kids by the time I was 35 we would not have any. Turned 35 over the summer and husband just had a vasectomy. It seems everyone wants to know what is wrong with us - that we are stopping at one. I want to know what is wrong with others for having more than one!

Paulena - posted on 12/16/2008

I am in the one in this relationship that wants only one child. I love my son very very much.. But with being a stay at home mom and living on a loose budget... I'd much rather offer everything I can to my son and I would like to go back to college and start my career some day. Not only that, I hated being pregnant and I just don't think that I have it in me to go through pregnancy again. labor and delivery again and the new born stage again. Not only that I want to be able to spoil my son and take him on cruises for his first birthday (He had 2 birthday parties, one land side and one sea side) If we were to have two kids that would not have been an option. I love my perfect family right now.... and I personally don't want to change it.

Amy - posted on 12/15/2008

Same here! Had some medical issues that prevented any further babies. I have an awesome ten year old and two failed adoptions. Now, though, one is great! We love it and so does he. :)

Cheryl - posted on 12/10/2008

I am always pressured by my family to have another child. My husband wouldn't mind having another, but as a stay at home Mom, I find it hard sometimes to be the main caretaker of our daughter. She is almost school age and I can't imagine staying home for longer than this. I also feel that she is so sensitive that she might be really hurt when another baby comes along.

Kimberly - posted on 11/20/2008

I always knew I wanted children, but God had other plans for us as well, and now we are the proud (foster) parents of two. We got our daughter when she was 7 weeks old on May 2nd. We were very happy and would have been content to dote on her as an only child. I used to say that I would never have only one because they will be spoiled. But, after experiencing the joys, work and occasional headaches one brings, I knew my life would be more than full of enough love with just one. Then, in September, CFS called us again with a little boy who really needs a home. We weren't sure we wanted to open our hearts and home to another one, but after some soul searching and much prayer - we said yes. Our son joined our home when he was 16 days old. Having 2, especially so young is hard work - but it's imense joy as well. One or more, it really doesn't matter. What matters is that you open yourself up to the blessings of children and God will bless you with as few or as many as He has planned.

Wendy - posted on 11/20/2008

Everyone's situation is different, but I know for myself, one is good for now. The reality of our society and world today is that my husband and I both have to work in order to provide for our family. I don't care what anybody says, when the children multiply, the attention parents can pay is divided. Time and energy does not magically stretch just because you have more kids. If anything, the time and energy get used up even faster. I'm so thankful for my family and my son. I was very ill right after his birth and almost did not live. God brought me through and answered many prayers. It's all in His hands. If He plans for me to have another, then it will happen. I'm just not trying to. If He plans for you to have another, He will work that out. Enjoy every day!!!