What would you say?

Yesenia - posted on 09/06/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been blessed with our 4 yr old, Joshua. We decided over a year ago that one was all we needed to make our family complete. I feel good in our decision. However, I can't get a little anxious when I think about the day when he asks me "why don't I have a brother or sister? why am I alone?" Just curious to read what other Moms have said, or would say, when their little ones ask this question.


Lynn - posted on 10/31/2009




I was an only child and I never asked my parents why I was an only child. I was around other friends and family so much that i didnt mind being at home and having alone time. my mother had a child when I was 20, so i was already out of the house. And he is almost like a single child since his sister doesnt live with him. But he doesnt ask about being alone either

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Shayna - posted on 03/10/2010




Our son has a half sister who he is close with, so that makes my situation a little easier. But she doesn't live with us, so she is not always around. If he were to ask me one day, I would tell him the truth in a age appropiet manner.

Charmaine - posted on 02/23/2010




tell him the truth, that you thought he was enough and completed the family.. maybe ask yourself why u didnt want him to have a brother or sister and tell him that.. just be truthful

Helen - posted on 01/19/2010




We only have one child who will be 15 very soon.I used to tell her when she asked that she was a precious gift from God and and was special because she was an only child.i now say to her that she is an only child and ...You cant beat perfection!
Be honest with your little one ,start early and being an only child will never be a problem.
The problem I have had is others who presumme that you should have more or have been somewhat selfish only having one...and it is none of their bussines.

Tanya - posted on 01/19/2010




It's natural for a child to ask questions about having a sibling. We are very honest about our reason for having a single child to our daughter. However, we don't go into serious detail since she's young and a simple answers to her questions have worked. She's involved with other families and several different social groups which I feel helps in her development. Like you mentioned, your family is complete and that's a great reason for a single child who you adore and love endlessly. Keep it simple and you'll find the answers will come as needed. Best of luck!

Michelle - posted on 01/08/2010




I have wanted a second child but I am a "single" Mother. I have a fiance' now but he isn't my son's Father. My Fiance' doesn't think it's a good idea to have kids yet and I can understand that. My son is 6 now and asks me all the time to have a brother or sister and it breaks my heart. Your son will ask eventually. I have told my son that now is not the time for Mommy to have another baby. I'm sure you could say something like "We loved you so much we didn't need another baby"

Renae - posted on 12/30/2009




Have a search back through old conversations in this community. There was one going about a month ago on this exact topic with lots of posts.

[deleted account]

Any time we are around annoying cousins that won't quit fighting, I turn to my 13 yr old daughter and say, that's why we only had you! Whenever she goes over to a friends house that has an equally annoying little brother, she comes home thanking us for not having anymore, LOL!

Sharon - posted on 10/02/2009




My son is 6 and he started asking why he was 'alone' when he was 5. I tried to gently explain we couldn't have anymore and he asked me if my 'tummy was empty'. LOL It is difficult to answer, especially as for me it is still a reasonable sensitve issue, but I don't get into too many details, I talk about all his friends and cousins that he can spend time with, and how much we love him. We try and have a laugh about not sharing his toys etc, give him cuddles when he needs them and distract him when I can. I know he feels very lonely, and my fertility issues are emotional for me, so it is hard.

Vikki - posted on 09/15/2009




LOL. I told my son straight out he has plenty of cousins that will treat him like a brother so he didn't need one. Plus just a few months ago My fiancee and I became Godparents so then I told my son here is the brother you wanted. He is 6. and just stated asking about it.

Cindy - posted on 09/07/2009




Yesenia, Many of us who have just one child did so for their own reasons. Sometimes these reasons are too complicated for a child to understand. My daughter went through a period of asking why; along with it came tears and hugs and statements of reality however much it hurt me to be so blunt. I remember one time telling her that she will never have a natural brother and sister and that she was going to have to except that. But, I also told her that she will have many great friends over her lifetime, and perhaps a few of them will indeed feel like having a sibling. She is 12 now and I asked her not too long ago if she would like a brother or sister and she undeniably said no. She enjoys her life and she has many friends (lots of sleepovers) and even many close friends. It's just a hump you'll have to get over with your child and eventually they will come to accept and love their singleness in the family. Having cousins and family around certainly helps with the loneliness they may feel. And if there is no family around, allow them every opportunity to make friends with many children their own age. Your single child will finally come to terms (at various ages I believe) in their own way with their singleton status. Just know you're not the only one that has to go through this. I hope more people respond to your post for many ideas on how to deal with this issue.

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