Am I wrong for not wanting my adopted daughter's birth mother at her graduation?

Suzanne - posted on 05/14/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My daughter is graduating next week and she wants to invite her birth mother. Our daughter came to us when she was 2 1/2 months old. The birth mother did not have any contact with her again until my daughter asked (at age 4 yrs.) to see the lady who's belly she was in. I contacted her and they met. At that time the B M asked if she could keep in touch and I said yes. She called once and they met one more time. Then when my daughter started middle school she became very good friends with a girl that ended up being her maternal cousin. Then at that time she got back in touch with her B M and occasionally would see her B M when she would sleep over at her cousins. My daughter has been disappointed several times on holidays waiting for that phone call or card. I just feel that this (Graduation) is a time to celebrate all of my daughter's accomplishments in school and in life. I would appreciate ANY feedback on this subject. Especially if you yourself have gone through this very situation.

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1 Comment

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Carrie - posted on 10/01/2010

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I don't think so, but I REALLY think it should be your daughter's choice. She needs to make up her mind about her B.M. I have an open adoption, when my son graduated preschool his B G'ma was invited to his graduation along w/his then 10 year old big sis. The G'ma decided to invite my son's B M, I at that time put my foot down on her coming to his graduation only because he was too young to make the choice. However... the G'ma decided since her daughter was not welcome she would not attend either and thus my son's big sister didn't get to see her "baby" brother graduate. I think my and his sister both lost because of adult choices but still stand behind my choice.