5yo stealing

Nature (Ash) - posted on 11/25/2010 ( 30 moms have responded )

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My 5yo is about to get suspended from school because she stole 5 markers from her teacher. This is not the first time she has stole. She took $40 out my my purse and took some nail polish and gum from a store. I did not find out about it till I was an hour away. I am at my whits end I have grounded her, gave her timeouts, and taken toys away. I do not know what to do. Her principle said I should Spank her but I do not believe in it. Anyone got Ideas about what to do?

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Laurie - posted on 12/09/2010

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Her principal should shut it. You are doing is what is right. Often times at that age it is a phase but to break that phase you gotta embarass her. My 5 year old stole candy from a store one time. I marched her into the store made her tell the teller what she had done and pay for the candy with the money we got when we took her new toy back. She was embarrassed and upset but learned two things. One that things have value and the value of that stolen candy was the same as her toy and that people get their feelings hurt when people take their stuff. The teller really played it up for me that she was so hurt and did not think there would be enough candy to sell to pay for the things she needed for her childrens toys etc. She got the message. The important thing is to remember that they are not stealing at that age because they are malicious they still are developing a conscience and like with anything else to have a conscience it has to be taught not punished into them

Mary - posted on 12/09/2010

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My middle child (now 8) stole a necklace at school when she was in kindergarten. She had taken some things from her sister prior to this, and I was afraid she was starting to set a pattern. When I talked to her about it, what scared me most was that she would say only that she really wanted whatever it was that she took (not that she understood that it was wrong). We met with her teacher before school the next day so my daughter could "fess up" and return the necklace. Her teacher was great, "forgave" her for stealing, and we both shared stories about how we did the same type of thing when we were little. I never did get a sense at the time that my daughter fully understood, but I haven't seen the problem since. Good luck, momma.

Jane - posted on 12/09/2010

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discipline drives foolishness away from a child but the opposite ruins a child for a life time. Do Make wise choices. he who cries first laughs at last and the opposite is true!

Jane - posted on 12/09/2010

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Discipline drives away foolishness from a child and the opposite ruins the child for a life time! Choose!

Nature (Ash) - posted on 12/08/2010

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I am looking into other schools. But I am waiting until she gets tested I want to make sure I am putting her in the right school

Cathy - posted on 12/07/2010

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It sounds to me you are doing a great job! I think the school might be a problem; they would rather suspend a 5 year old ( who they suspect of having a learning/development issue), rather than dealing with the issue?? The school principal thinks hitting a child works? Is there another school you could take them to? My son when he was 4, used to come home with toy cars from nursery school- when I made him return them and apologised to the teacher, she said it happened all the time!

Amanda - posted on 12/07/2010

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does she like school is something going on there that might trigger it was there something that happrnd the day she stole from the store i have a 5yo son n id like to think he knows its wrong but i doubt he really understands the severaty oof it and the school needs to take a chill pill its not like she stole her wallet

Nature (Ash) - posted on 12/02/2010

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She is having trouble keeping up with the other kids. We are going to get her tested for Autism in January per the principles request. She just is not catching on like the other kids are. She was given a list of ten words she needs to learn. the list was given to her at the beginning of the year, and out of the ten words she has learned three. I have been working with her everyday and she just shuts down on me. I have even tried to make them a game and song. If she does have autism she is high functioning.

Ruby - posted on 12/02/2010

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could i ask why she hates school?
i have told my son if he doesn't close his mouth in class i was going to pull him out and he literally melted and apologized profusely. lol, but he's still a motor mouth!

Nature (Ash) - posted on 12/02/2010

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She is still in trouble. She is spending the next two weeks in PEAK. I know it sounds like I am protecting her, but that is not the case. If she is sent home from school she would see it as a good thing. She hates school and wants to spend her days at home with me. so suspending her would give her what she wants. I do not condone what she did. but to put a permenent record over some markers that she returned and said she was sorry for. is not the way to handle a five year old child. like I said before if she was fighting that would be completely different.

Suzanne - posted on 12/02/2010

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i don't think suspending a 5 year old teaches them anything they would just look at it as cool extra play time

Ruby - posted on 12/02/2010

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honestly scaring your 5 year old can have serious psychological consequences later. most 5yr. olds that do this do not have a serious grasp on possessions and monetary value; teaching this doesn't really cross most parents minds, it is usually assumed this boundary would be established when we enforce right and wrong. talk to her about this when she hasn't done anything so she won't be on the defense and actually hear her (be fore warned, what she may say can upset you, this is why you do it outside of chastisement) then talk to her about what happens to people who becomes a "grown up" and do this (i used the words grown-up because this age thinks jr. high and high school kids are grown, lol)
I do understand that talking does NOT alway solve things, so here is something i learned from my mother and grandmother - show her you mean business by example! in other words, go in her room, right in front of her and decide that you are going to take a few of her favorite items and hold on to it for a few days, but don't allow her to forget you have it. yes this may seem a bit harsh but you are allowing her to feel your disappointment. when she begins to cry or complain tell her you felt the same exact way when she did "XY&Z" and talk to her about what you did wrong and what does she think you should have done.
This process may seem long and tedious, but take it from me it is not!

Suzanne - posted on 12/02/2010

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i have to admit i did it one time as a kid, my mom took me back to the store with the item and made me tell the person working what i did and pay for it, ( a chocolate bar) then i had to give it to the first person i seen out side the store i was so embaressed and mad that i never did it again

Bree - posted on 12/01/2010

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That is ridiculous. And it's a school, I think that they should be your right hand man in trying to help you find a solution to what it is that she is struggling with, instead of slamming down the book on her. Hang in there!!

Nature (Ash) - posted on 12/01/2010

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Thanks everyone I am trying to get a friend of a friend to come over in uniform and talk to her. I talked the school out of suspending her. I had to resort to threating them with a law sute to cover my lost wages. but it worked. I could see if she was hurting someone or being really disruptive, but other than the markers she is a good student. I hate that the only way to get people to see reason is to threaten to sue.

Bree - posted on 12/01/2010

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I live in a small town and we know the officers here on a first name basis which makes it easy for me because my daughter has done the same thing. I had the officer come by my house and talk to her about what happens when people steal and so far she hasn't stolen anything since! I know it's scary for them but its better than the alternative if it continues as they get older! Best of luck!!

Davida - posted on 12/01/2010

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Try no to worry too much. She is just 5 and even though Im not making excuses for it, I feel she will eventually grow out of it. Unfortunately, some children develop slower than others when it comes to moral values. I think she may be a lttile to young to fully understand the magniture of what she is doing. Expecially when you said this isn't her first offense.
I went through something simular to this with my son when he was 4 and then again at 7. He would pick up things like cell phones and car keys and stick them in his pocket. You can imagine the fallout from those instances but he is now 12 and I haven't had any "sticky finger" problems in the last 5 years. Sometimes I think these schools over-react to alot of situations because they are so eager to suspend a 5 year old for markers. Not realizing that to send a 5 year old home for 2 or 3 days of uninterrupted time with Mom or Dad is heaven in most of their eyes (LOL) It isn't affective at all to say the least nor will she be able to relate why this has happened to her. Take my advise and just continue to talk to her. Let her know about the cost of things and how she has to be responsible for replacing things (like the markers) when she takes them from someone. In time, she will begin to learn the value of things and will start to beg you to buy her somethings instead!!!! LOL! Good Luck!

Vicky - posted on 11/29/2010

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has this all started recently?,my advice would be to think about what has triggered these actions,have there been any changes in your household, that may make your daughter act in this way. are you spending less time with her and is she possibly vying for your attention in good or indeed bad way, and find out what has upset her idea of balance.

Katherine - posted on 11/28/2010

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Ah!!! There we go. Maybe that's it. Now we're getting somewhere. :) I'm glad you chose not to spank, because that may have made it a lot worse for her.

Nature (Ash) - posted on 11/27/2010

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I give each girl time by their self with me. I am working on getting her to talk to me but she just clams up. I am looking into a councilor for her and her sisters. with their Birth mom coming around again I am thinking that might have something to do with it.

Katherine - posted on 11/27/2010

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Hmm, middle child. Maybe she is wanting your attention? Maybe you need to try and spend some time with her and figure out what's going on.
I know it's hard when you have a child misbehaving. Your first inclination is to get angry. But she may need you, for a good reason.

Katherine - posted on 11/26/2010

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Yes, I did say it was extreme :/ I have a 5yo and she can be a stinker. It was a knee jerk reaction.

Amanda - posted on 11/26/2010

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Hey our son who is almost 7 was like that too! He would take things, and we would march him right back into the store and he'd tell the manager he wanted it so he took it, they took it back and told him that it's wrong to steal. That's all...soooo I took things into my own hands. Called in a friend of ours who works for the local sheriffs dept. He came over to our hosue, and talked to our son about what can happen when you get caught stealing, and that the people who steal things, end up making the people who pay for their things have to pay more. Our son felt bad and he hasn't stolen since! Maybe just a talk from an officer at your home may do the trick! I think going to jail is a little extreme for her age! Good luck!

Nature (Ash) - posted on 11/26/2010

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I do like that Idea as a last resort. I took her to the store and they would not do anything. just made me pay for the stuff she took. I was hoping they would have scared her. I have tried to talk to her and all she says is she wanted it so she took it.

Katherine - posted on 11/26/2010

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Ok, so I think my idea is a bit extreme. I think it should be a last resort though.

Maybe you should sit down with her and see WHY or WHAT is making her need this attention.

Katherine - posted on 11/25/2010

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Go to your police station, talk to an officer there. Explain what's been going on. I guarantee she will NEVER steal again. I swear do it. Seriously. It will scare the sense into her.

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