6 yr old with defiant behavior problems in school

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 yr old boy who will be going into 2nd grade. Kindergarten and 1st grade were a nightmare. He was ok academically but he really struggles with the teachers. He doens't listen, often leaves the room, runs from the teacher, has started throwing things and hitting other kids and spends more time in the principals office than he does in the classroom. He is going to the YMCA this summer for daycare and I was hoping it would be different but already after 1 week the behavior letter came home stating he is disobediant, defiant, has trouble with the teachers, doesn't list, etc. We just started counseling and he has been to 3 sessions already... of which all the counselor does is play... he thinks its a joke and play time.. I have an appointment with his pediatrician this coming Friday to have his levels tested to see if he has any imbalances or what is going on.. I DO NOT want medication and that will be only as a last resort.



Any suggestions?

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My son had an awful, awful year last year in kindergarten. He was sent to the principle for disobedience, was called willful and defiant, and labeled as a kid who wouldn't listen. His teacher refered him to the school counselor, and it really did help. I know it seems like play time, but they build on positive encouragement which really helps. I know for my son, when he feels like he's doing wrong or is letting people down, he doesn't bother trying anymore because he's discouraged. If the teacher acts like he's a bad kid, he acts like one. I made sure this years teacher worked with positive reinforcement, and had meetings with her and the counselor to discuss his weak points and his strong points, and the best ways to get good behavior from him. He started school on Monday and has had a WONDERFUL week!! I would work with the teachers and school counselors to find the best way to encourage positive behaviors, and creative ideas to teach him how to handle is frustrations to keep from hitting, and rewards and consequences. My son has a behavior chart in hour increments that is taped to his desk. Every hour if he's good he gets to color in a happy face. That way he has something right in front of him that he can see as a reminder to behave. That enough helps encourage him to behave better. And we also try to take away temptations for misbehavior, like he walks besides the teacher in the hallways instead of in line so he isn't tempted to kick or hit kids, and he has a water bottle at his desk so that he doesn't get up every few minutes and distract the class with water. He also has his desk right next to the teacher in the front, and he has a special desk set aside where he is alone when there is independent time so that he doesn't talk to his neighbors or mess with them. You just have to get to know what your son needs and work with the school.

Iris - posted on 09/29/2013

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Hey! Sorry you're having a hard time. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch with my six year old. He's not listening at school. It seems to be moderate. He spent his kindergarten year with a horrible class of very undisciplined kids. That's when his change began. I changed his school and they are much more structures and I'm hoping he stops this being the class clown behavior. Any tips i would love it.

Ginnie - posted on 07/11/2009

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As a teacher, I can assure you that teachers talk about things that happen year to year. When he gets his teacher for next year and make sure there is going to be a positive reinforcement system in place in the classroom. You may want to explain that there has been problems in the past and you are trying to work on things. Ask for a behavior system. He may have a chart that every 15 minutes he gets a check, smiley face, etc. This time can be increased as he becomes successful. Also, have the teacher send home a note each day. That way he gets a note on good days, too. At home you may want to set up something, so that when he brings home 4 out of 5 good notes, he gets something special. This can be increased to a two week period and so on. When a teacher and parent can communicate daily the child knows the consequences and rewards both at home and school. If the teacher is able to get in touch with you at the beginning of the "outburst" you may can intervene before it escalates. Sometimes just talking to the parent and the parent reinforcing the consequences and rewards it helps. I hope this helps. Keep us updated and let us know how things go.

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Elaine - posted on 12/21/2013

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Same issue with a 6 year old daughter. Every day issue. In Alaska they assign a defiant child a adult shadow who follows them around all day..it's hard to deal with the stress...

Katelyn - posted on 09/04/2013

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Hi Jessica
I am so sorry to hear about all this, I have a 6 year old son who WAS the same way, very defiant, didn't respect nor listen to teachers, always in the principles office, it was terrible but I had him tested and he was diagnosed with adhd, my doctor also said he may have a defiance disorder, he is scheduled to see a psychologist in a few weeks so we will see, I wish you luck!!

Rosanna - posted on 11/07/2011

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i have a 6 year old daughter we are going throught he same kind of thing with we all sat down and said right chloe what do you think will be a good punishment for your actions when you behave like this? what would you not like the most .. she replied not being able to join in.. so when she miss behaves she gets put on a mat to the side where she has to watch all the other children doing school work playing joining in she is also taking in how other children behave do things and is thinking about it .. its not always that easy she throws tantrums etc but all other students have been told to just carry on like its not happening so chloe is learning that this isnt going to get her attention and thats no fun about 2 tearms have gone past with this in place and chloe is spending less and less time on the mat she gets praises when she doing great and we treat her at home with being able to help me bake or things she may miss out on for i do it during the day rules have to be the same at school at home at friends places etc talking to others adults involved with your son and explaining 99% of the time they will support it and follow through at tis age they are very cleaver and are going to push boundries its what they do .. good luck with it it is not easy i cant tell you how many times ive broken down but be consistant

Tracy - posted on 07/09/2009

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My girlfriend had the exact same issues with her now 9 year old. He had been kicked out of school as well. She found these behavior pockets online so she bought one for her son and my 2 kids ( mine r just minor behavior issues compared to you ). She has seen alot of improvement and so have I. The site is www.disciplinemommy.com. Good luck!

Kim - posted on 07/09/2009

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Have you read the book The Five Love Languages of Children by Dr. Gary Smalley? Great book! Fast easy read! Two other great books are Bringing Up Boys and the Strong Willed Child, both by Dr. James Dobson. check your local library for them. www.doorposts.net has a great discipline and reward chart system for about $25. I have 3 boys and 1 daughter. She is the youngest and has the strongest will. The counseling may seem to you like it is all play, but it is through that play the counselor is able to help isolate and treat issues. My oldest went to counseling when he was around 4 until he was around 6. I feel for you.....good luck and God bless....

Brooke - posted on 07/08/2009

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we have had issues with my oldest in the past and she still gives us a run! I know that i always go back to our parenting. whatever he is doing in school he is also doing at home. start at home with love, patience, respect ( on both :all ends) and clear boundries and clear conquences. i am not perfect, nor my daughters but when things get ickey- i go back to the basics. good luck to you

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