7 yr old has thoughts of killing me

Lauri - posted on 05/15/2013

Adriel - posted on 10/01/2012

my daughter is five and she just told me this on saturday that she wanted to kill me and her stepdad

Ashley - posted on 08/08/2012

OCD causes unwanted and intrusive thoughts such as these .

Sudden onset of OCD can sometimes be caused by strep. It happened to my son and now he is having thoughts like this along with other ocd symptoms. It is a sudden change overnight and happens when there is a confirmed case of strep. Its important to rule this out. Proper treatment with antibiotics can help if this is the case. Sometimes kids don't even show symptoms of strep but test positive. I know this is rare but if one parent sees this and a child can be helped its worth it. Its called PANDAS. The national institute of mental health is studying it. Just like strep effects the heart or joints in rheumatic fever, in the case of PANDAS it effects the basal ganglia of the brain. It can also happen with viruses or flu. In this case its called PANS.

Sabrina - posted on 07/24/2012

Seek help immediately. This is not something most 7 yr olds think about. I am truly sorry if this is not helping but get some help...

Tasha - posted on 07/19/2012

I know what you are going through totally. My daughter does tell me the same think and is sometimes for graphic. This started last year before I deployed than her dad and I divorced. She is currently going to counseling but the things she says hurts.

Heather - posted on 10/01/2011

Probably should of read your response posts better ;0)!

@Wendy- it makes even more sense, and though my previous post still is helpful, there is a few extras I'd like to add:

It sounds to me that your childhood wasn't the greatest either. I don't know of any SANE parent the would want there child and grandchild to stay in such a place! And I'm so very sorry and angry that you have that extra 'Bump' to deal with!

You have already made GREAT choices with getting clean, HUGE KUDDOS!!!! BUT, you now HAVE to make yet another Important decision! Which may even be harder!

I'm sure you have heard of 'caught in the circle', if not, it basically means that a child will seek out what they know. A son who sees his Mom being abused will then abuse his wife. A girl will be with an abuser. They assume this is 'normal' or they can't find better. Add to that a few extra pounds and an abusive partner, and it makes it that much harder. Most times an abusive mate will tell his wife that no one would want her, or you're lucky I put up w/ you, etc. She ends up believing him and is completely in his control.

Now, you have a daughter. Would you want her to be w/ a man that treats her the same way? If not, Leave! Your daughter will A) lose respect in you for not getting her and you away from this! B) will believe what her father says about you and treat you the same. C) get pregnant early or shack up w/ a guy to escape her dads house.

At 7, she has NO say! She is trapped as long as you stay. How frustrating and terrifying must that be? Also, he may not abuse her yet, but he (more than likely) will one day!

Allow her to be a child. Not worry with adult concerns. Even if you are not able to stay home, she will respect you more! Go back to school as well. Then, make every moment with her count. There are many single mom out there that raise amazing kids! And you can definitely be one of them.

On last note- when you do leave, don't start dating right away! Build your confidence up! Know that you can provide for you and your daughter w/ out any help from a man! And then, and ONLY then, will you be able to find a good man and step-dad. It is also important that when you do begin dating, do not introduce or bring him home to your daughter for quite some time. So you know for sure things are serious. And NEVER settle!

Good luck to you Hun! You have the Power to make your life and that of your daughters absolutely AMAZING!!!

Heather - posted on 10/01/2011

@Andrea, Wendy, & others w/ a similar situation-

It is NOT normal for a young child to tell there parent they wish they were dead, and even LESS normal for ANY age child to say that They will Kill you! Now a Teenager is slightly different, and Sadly, wanting to get a rise fom you or Hurt you, they may say things like: "I wish I had so-n-so's parent", "I wish you were dead!", "I wish you were gone!", "I wish you weren't my Mom!", etc. BUT, to actually say that They, Themself, wants to kill you (or anyone else), is NOT okay, or should be ignored! And Definately, any younger child, should not say (or ignored), any variance of the above!

Now, w/ that said, it doesn't mean your child is a Sociopath path either.

What it does mean is that there is something going on. It also means that you NEED to figure out where your child is picking up this sort of behavior! Is their a Teenager in your home, or around your child? Does your child have a friend that is saying similar statements? What kind of TV shows is your child watching? Do you, or any other adult, that is around your child, using similar phrases (even if it's not exactly the same, i.e. "I'm so glad they killed Obama!" "I could kill you for that!" (even if you said it joking around), "I'm going to kill your brother when he gets home, for making me worry!", and so on.

Young children do NOT just come up w/ these statements! They also have NO understanding of the permanence (as 1 poster stated) of death, unless they have lost someone/ thing close to them. TV doesn't help this either. A character is killed, shot, etc, only to come back later; or in another movie! Younger kids just do not understand! Hence why their are accidental shooting among friends/ siblings, etc. They get mad, and if access to a weapon, shoot the person, and then can't understand why s/he won't wake up.

As another mentioned, the majority of the time a child is angry and (since they can't physically harm you) wants to 'hurt' you. So it is important, even though difficult, to not react w/ anger or any other over reaction! BUT, it is EQUALLY important to "just ignore it" in hopes it will "disappear"!

I would Calmly explain/ state that "Their comment really hurt you"! Ask them why they wish that and why (s)he is so upset/ angry with you. Ask if they are mad at you or did something happen at school or w/ a friend? Enforce that you would NEVER want anything to happen to you and how much you love them. Let them know that, just like friends, family members can get upset w/ 1 another, but what is important is to communicate, try and understand each others view, and Forgive!

I also mention, for those with Faith, that God made each one of us. Life is such a Precious gift that we must respect and cherish.

Kids learn from us, others, TV, video games, EVERYTHING they see and hear! I would strongly recommend putting on your microscope, radar, and super hearing to figure out where they are picking this up. Also, ask your child where they heard (w/o over reaction) that comment.

The MOST important thing is to never over react, punish, lecture, or judge! Keep your discussion age appropriate, sincere, and not to long for your child's age! As yet another posted, it is VITAL that our children are ALWAYS comfortable to come to us! We do NOT want them bottling it up or seeking advice from a peer or someone w/ different Morals! Good Luck! Parenting is by far the hardest job out there, But is deffinately the MOST Rewarding!

Sophia - posted on 10/01/2011

If you are worried if it is just talk, or if it is something to REALLY worry about, I think you should just have her checked over by her pediatrician who will then refer you to a counselor who can perform the appropriate testing. Good Luck.

Amanda - posted on 09/26/2011

Honey I'm NOT trying 2 put u or ur family down or anything but here goes. For starters ur FATHER of all people should want u OUT of an abusive relationship no matter what type of abuse it is. My Mom freaks out on me because my bf can sometimes be a little mentally abusive towards me or she thinks he yells at me 2 much. That's enough for her 2 want me away from him. As 4 my Dad well he lives over 250miles away so he doesn't see as much as she does but if I was going through even half of what u are with ur husband my Dad would be here probally in half the time he should be packing mine & my girls' things. Then he would send my children & I away from the house & have a nice long talk 2 him about the way I was being treated. Now my Dad is a totally NON VIOLENT man but if someone was doing this 2 his daughter he WOULD do what ever it took 2 put a stop 2 it. So the fact that ur Dad thinks it's ok 4 him 2 treat u like this seems like there's something wrong with ur Dads perspective of things. All I can say is honey I know it's hard but u need 2 get away from ur husband & if ur family doesn't support u on this then u may want 2 get away from them as well. There's so many different services that can help u do this. U just need 2 decide that this is what u want 2 do NOT only 4 urself but 4 ur little girl & do it without looking back. Because think of what this is doing 2 her this in itself could be some of what's causing her 2 have such violent thoughts. When most of the time that u & ur husband are together she sees or hears violence. This could greatly affect who she is now & who she will become. But like I was saying there are many welfare services that will help u & make it so that u can leave. I went through physical abuse when I was a child from my step father I was afraid 2 tell anyone even my Mom. When I finally got the nerve 2 tell her she left him. It was rough because it was just me & her but through different places & services we made it. Now I maynot have had everything I WANTED but I did have everything I NEEDED. Now that I'm older looking back I KNOW that what she did was 4 the BEST. But because if what I went through when I was a little girls age 10-13 yrs old when I got into my 1st serious relationship I felt it was ok when he would hurt me. So I went through all that all over again. Then when I had my 2 girls I relized that if I DIDNT leave him that chances were pretty high that at least 1 of them at 1 point or another would be in this kind of situation & I wanted them 2 know that it ISN'T RIGHT. That NO 1 should EVER abuse them so I left him. Honey what u need 2 think about is NOT what ur going through although that is VERY important but what ur daughter IS GOING THROUGH & if u want her 2 think that this is ok 4 a man 2 do. Especially later in her life when she's the one going through it with the man she chose 2 be with. All I can really say is think about ur daughter & what's best for her. Do u ever want her 2 go through what ur going through right now?

Aurora - posted on 09/20/2011

Her telling you this is a cry for help for both of you. She doesn't know what to do and feels helpless, as I am sure you feel frustrated and out of sorts when you are in the heat of the moment. Try walking away, stopping yourself midsentence, or busying yourself with something that requires you not to talk. It will help you and her regroup. I find that with my nine year old it keeps us both from doing the shouting match, and we both get what we want ( i.e, for her to clean her room and for her, mommy not to talk in angry voice). The frustration will come but it is only because in the end we want what is best for the child. You have every right to keep talking to your child. There is no question that you want to be the loudest voice in her head when she is not around you, but maybe you can find different ways of teaching your child as opposed to lecturing. Unbelievable as it is, there are books, movies and audio CDS that can help you get the message across. Spending time with family members can also help with teaching life lessons. You don't have to take on the entire job of teaching your child about life alone, it does take a village. School counselors can also help. It will give you both the balance you need. Maybe also let her ask you questions and only provide the answer she is requesting. Her attention span is still limited at this point.

Michele - posted on 09/19/2011

That is scary and sad! Be careful what you let her watch on tv, movies, hear from family and friends, etc... Ppl made fun of me when my son was small for not letting him around anything w/ violence or negativity involved. It's a lot harder to watch them like a hawk and monitor what they are doing all the time and ask them how it makes them feel or what they are thinking, but it's worth it. At the risk of sounding like a "holy-roller" reading the bible to a child is some of the best teaching that you can do. Also, if you can't reach her on an emotional level, maybe you can talk about laws and consequences and try to get a visit with her to the police dept to see what happens in terms of punishment when you do things that are wrong in society's eyes. If I were you, FIRST, I would take her to a dr. to determine if she needs help. Some emotional problems due to chemical imbalances from what I've heard.

Teoni - posted on 09/16/2011

dont know if u r still ready these but the first few that i looked at just quickly were all saying to get her some help, which sounds like a good idea but i was wondering if u have tired to teach her about her feelings and whatt all the different ones are and when we are most likely to feel them

Virginia - posted on 09/13/2011

i have to say absolutely agree with everyone who said this is a matter of inadequate choice of words. i have heard adults say "i'll kill you!" to their children. ofcourse - without meaning that they wanted to actually stab or strangle their offspring. it is very likely that the little girl learned this fraze from TV, at school, in the street - thousands of possibilities

Simone - posted on 09/12/2011

Has your daughter had someone close pass away? Does she understand what Killing would mean? Or is it just a strong enough word that she knows it would do the job of making you be quiet?
When my son was about 6 he started to yell he "I hate you!" I told him he had to ask some adults what those words mean. And if he still thought he hated me I would have to live with that. A few weeks later and 4 conversations with some adults he came back and said "Mom I do not hate you, but there are days I really dislike you" I am not sure to this day what any of the adult told him, but it made him think differntly about the words he uses. Now my daughter is 8 and started swearing, so I have told her "You can say those words but only after you look up the original meaning" After a few harsh swear words she has quit since learning what they mean.

Terry - posted on 09/11/2011

keep every thing lock up! never leave anything in her reach...better to be safe than sorry

Virginia - posted on 09/06/2011

wow! wendy, dear - you have a lot on your plate!!! how are you coping? do you have any support from your family and friends? did you find a job?
i am a single mom myself with no financial support coming from any other place but my own hard hard work. i know how it is, darling! i know how it is when you have to sacrifice your time with child over bills, how you have to keep all four corners of the house on your own shoulders. be strong, love. don't let anything discourage you! you will find a way. this is for the better, i know this! words may not help much when you need solution. but if you don't let yourself get discouraged, and keep going, you will find the way.

Wendy - posted on 09/06/2011

Virginia, actually, my daughter's father walked out a little over a month ago. Had I not been a stay@home mom for the past 8 yrs & a little more independent, it would've been the best thing in the world 4 her& me! Things are more peaceful here- not as much tension in the home, however he left w/o as much as a "goodbye"- even 2 her...didn't even say bye! We were unprepared, no income ALL bills due...there is a lot of anger on her part for him (as she puts it...)"betraying her". Anyway...that's where the daddy issue stands. She hasn't seen or talked 2 him since he walked away.

Terri - posted on 09/04/2011

I would ask her what exactly she know about killing a person. It could be that she really doesn't know what it means to kill

Virginia - posted on 09/03/2011

wendy, i just saw that there WERE more posts. another whole page. but how is the situation at home, and with her dad...how is that going? it seamed to me that was the key issue....

Virginia - posted on 09/03/2011

dear wendy, i wonder how things are going with you and your daughter. it seems there have been no posts since january, today is september - i hope the absence of posts means you did something to turn your life around and now are too busy to find time for internet chats. and i hope you know that even if this is not the case, then still you can find support here from people who dealt with problems like yours. not only that - you can be a story of inspiration and encouragement. it is very brave to be conscious about
things. it takes a lot of strength to make decisions about changing situations. but these are just first steps to take. there is a way to after the decision is made. a lot of us crumble after walking just a short way. it doesn't mean we are week, it doesn't mean we made a wrong decision. we need to keep going if we want to reach the destination. please let me know how you are doing.....

Rebecca - posted on 09/02/2011

Are you sure she understands the complete meaning and consequences of murder. I watched children for years and I have seen many children use the the phrase "I will kill you" (If you touch my toys I will kill you, If you dont stop I will kill you) Whenever I ask where they have learned this, its always the television....

Dawn - posted on 09/01/2011

I went through this with my oldest who is 20 now we did put her in therapy sometimes that is the best way to do it. I know it may cost a little but, it is helpful for the child and for you. Because sometimes they can give them other ways to deal with it. We also with my oldest one we went to a program called F.I.T Family in training. It was also helpful. Lucky for me my 7 year old the worst thing she says to me is she want to go live with Grandma so she can be close to sissy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I know it is hard.

Daisy - posted on 08/29/2011

Have you told the Doctor or the Therapist. You must bring it up to the Doctor as soon as possible. She has too be evaluated

Casey - posted on 08/23/2011

"it, i knew, but was just so mad. however, i never wanted her dead-much less 'kill' her by my own hands & you're telling me you not only want me dead, but to DO it yourself. i started CRYING during this IN FRONT OF HER. she came up tome, hugged me, begged me not to cry, she loves me more than anything & said she wished she had never told me. i told her NO don't feel that way. sometimes people need to hear how you are thinking/feeling" I feel like you put alot of pressure on your daughter - she's seven and it kind of felt like you wanted her to understand what she had sad to you from an adults view. My daughter is almost seven, I just couldn't imagine landing her with that kind of guilt trip. I agree she probably needed therapy to help herself but she doesn't need your issues on top of hers. I'm not trying to be mean or put you down, I am sure you do the best you can just like the rest of us :)

Christina - posted on 08/23/2011

Wendy and Andrea,
As I stated earlier, my daughter also says these mean things sometimes. At one point, she told me she would be happy if I died. I said, "Who's going to take care of you then?" She said she had a Daddy and that he would take care of her just fine. So I said "Well he's going to need someone to help take care of him. I bet he'll marry a really mean, fat, ugly woman with a wart on her nose who likes to make little girls do chores all day." That really got the wheels turning in her little brain. Now she doesn't imagine a horrible demise for me - she just tells me that when she grows up she's going to move far away from me!

Wendy - posted on 08/22/2011

@Andrea, I know what u mean...it hurts 2 hear that & I agree w/ the "how do you know when it's real" part. I will tell you that I started taking my daughter to a therapist & she(the therapist) showed NO signs of concern...she said if it was accompanied w/ killing animals & other things then it would be a concern. She asked me, "haven't you ever been so mad @ some1 that you wished harm on them or said that you wished bad things would happen 2 them? Your kids are no different". She said wanting 2 "kill" you is just their expression of being angry & how they know 2 put it...How I see it is this...therapy can never hurt. If you are concerned, let your child talk 2 someone & get a professional opinion. My daughter LOVES going bc it's ALL ABOUT HER TIME!! If a therapist is not an option 4 you for some reason...remember if there IS a problem with them wanting to REALLY commit murder, you will see other signs. not just them getting mad & saying it...they are just young & mad & trying 2 find the BEST WAY POSSIBLE to make you mad like you made them AND release the anger that's built up (that they haven't learned 2 deal w/yet,either) all in one shot!! (I think my daughter's therapy helped ME more than it did her :) !!!!)

Andrea - posted on 08/22/2011

I wish I knew the answer to this as well. It makes me feel horrible when my 5 yr old tells me that her kids will kill me and she will let them. I told her after she was done being angry that I wont have to worry about her kids wanting to kill me...she said, "Why?" I asked her, "How do you feel about your grandma?" And smiled. She totally got it. Tonight when she was mad at me she said, "If my kids wont kill you then I will." So I just about flip every time she does it and i know that I should let it go and not give it wings. But how do you know when its real?

Leslie - posted on 02/16/2011

i would talk to her pediatrician....just a kids phase from what i can tell but if you trust your kid dr take her..

Wendy - posted on 02/16/2011

yeah, christina, it does help. thank you for writing that to me. you're the only person who has ever told me they have heard similar things from their child & i appreciate that. you are also VERY right about those thoughts, I HAVE THEM and so do most adults & no one thinks twice about that. your perspective on this was very enlightening to me. thank you.

Christina - posted on 02/15/2011

Wendy,
I also have a daughter that says those kinds of things. In fact, when she was only three she got very angry at me about something (can't even remember what) and told me that she wished I fell down and died. She also had a girl in preschool that was mean to her. One day she came home and said matter of factly, "Mommy, I wish a big rock would fall on Chloe." I was worried that maybe she was going to be a psychopath or something. But I also knew she was a very imaginative child. She always had her head in the clouds and was thinking. Obviously she was sometimes imagining a terrible death for one of her enemies. Unlike your daughter she was not the least bit bothered about telling me these thoughts. I have to admit that there are days when someone makes me really mad that I wish maybe a big rock would fall on THEM. Or maybe I imagine them getting hit by a bus or something. Does that make me a psychopath? No. If I drove a bus and hit them, THEN I would be a psychopath. Imagining is different than DOING. We all have anger. If your daughter isn't hurting other people or her pets then it may not be a big deal. Because of the things my daughter said I really worried that she had no empathy. Then one day her pet mouse died -- and she was hysterical about it. She said she wished there was no death and that mice could live as long as people. I believe that before the loss of her little pet she really had no idea of what death or killing really meant. It was just an abstract thing. I hope this helps you not feel so alone.

Wendy - posted on 02/09/2011

for any1 who has kept w/this- we have been to a couple therapy appts- the therapist seems to think this is nothing to worry about. there are things in her life upsetting her & as dr put it, I "am a safe target". some1 in her life that she trusts & knows that she can take some things out on & not worry about me hurting her back. there is some1 her at school bullying her- worse than i knew about...so far, the dr believes this is nothing to be concerned about. main goal is healthy ways to release anger. thanks for all of your help here & keeping w/ me!!

Deanna - posted on 01/23/2011

Therapist....yep she needs one and you are NOT a therapist so find her a professional. Now. Those feelings/thoughts are NOT normal and NOT ok under any circumstance. Get her help now. Before she ends up doing or trying it later.

Heather - posted on 01/23/2011

I would be a bit worried. Though children "Know" what death is, they also don't 100% understand the finality of it. I know teenagers, myself included when I was that age, may tell their parents- "I wish you were gone!" or "I wish you were dead!" (I pers. didn't say the last one). This can be some what normal at this age group, However at 7yrs, this is VERY worrisome, especially the fact that SHE wants to KILL you! I obviously do not know your family situations or other children you may have, as if your 7yr old heard this from another family member she may be repeating what she's heard, or if she watched something on TV, no matter what the reason, this does need to be addressed.Why she is feeling this way; when did it start; when the thought enters her mind, is it to the point of obsessive; etc. Good Luck to you & your daughter. Peace!

Wendy - posted on 01/23/2011

crystal, thanx for what you said. i'm sorry if i got a little too bent out of shape. your last reply actually made me cry- in a good way!

Crystal - posted on 01/23/2011

Wendy, sweetie... I never meant my small scolding to be taken so harshly. I said it with a little elbow nudge of "darn your hide" with a hug to follow. You've been through so much, I should have realized that without the warm touch that comes from personal communication you might take that as yet more unwelcome criticism. Please understand it I never meant it as such. I tend to believe everything is connected, and sometimes there is a big picture that isn't just focused on Action A. Taken at just the face value of your daughter says something like this, it might be a real big issue, but with all you both have been taking lately it makes it more understandable.

Fyi, you are important. You are very important. I completely get you do everything for everyone else first, it is all over your words, and I see the caring, the love and the concern so much. All the stuff you are going through is also stuff she is going through. Personally, I tend to think that if this is about moms getting advice, we matter. So don't be afraid to jump into something that concerns you about your life... its all connected really isn't it? We, as moms, care about one another too right? I wish you luck with this, please keep us updated ;)

Michelle - posted on 01/23/2011

My daughter will be 7 in March, she knows what death is, unfortunately she has had to deal with it in her short life.. I have expressed to her (and my younger daughter) that any question that they may have, please just come to Mommy and ask, I will be as honest as I can ( to their level of knowledge) I was straight forward with my oldest, asked her if she knew what kill meant, and she said "no", "what does it mean?" I didn't pursue that conversation, I am thankful that she didn't know.. We do not have cable, they watch informational DVD's, and for playtime, we play Wii, Nickelodeon characters, exercise, and family games.

Ali - posted on 01/22/2011

I am not a doctor so I can't say whether the thoughts are normal or not. I think she needs an outlet for her anger - some way even if its physical to vent that anger and get it out of her in a controlled environment. Perhaps boxing classes or a punching bag or something. I agree with the others though, you may want to discus this with a professional, first by yourself. If they feel the need to talk to your daughter then take that next step together. Let her know that you will go thru this with her if she desires it. She may want to see the professional by herself. Either way continue being supportive and encouraging her to be open with you.

Wendy - posted on 01/22/2011

melessa, thank you for opening up to me about your experiences. that must've been hard to have to go through. i'm happy for you & your daughter that you are getting things resolved. i will keep you & what you told me in mind while we are getting things straightened out over here. thank you

Melessa - posted on 01/22/2011

About 2 years ago my daughter was going through the same thing. She would hit,kick,scream and call me names that I never thought that she knew. At first I tried to talk to her myself and get to the bottom of all her anger, frustration and hurt. Well, when she turned 6 she started playing with knives. I would put them up and hide them and for reason she would always find them and play with them and started to hide them in her bedroom. At that point I knew what I was doing was not helping so I took her to a child phycoligist. He said she is ADHD and BI-POLAR. She is now 7 yrs old and although we still have some issues it is no longer as bad as it was. Yes, she does take medication~and honestly at first I was really against and fought with th doctors about it~ but this medication is really helping her. Now Im not saying that your daughter has adhd or bi polar but in my opinion I would seek medical help for her before it gets worse. I told you the story of my daughter because your daughter reminded me so much of mine before I finally broke down and took her to the doctor. Good luck and if you need to talk I am more then willing to try to help!

Wendy - posted on 01/21/2011

so you all know, sky's therapy appt is january 26 (next week). my therapy appt is february 3 (the week after). i want ALL of you guys to know that i appreciate the time you have taken to respond to my 'conversation'. your replies here are the only sensible words of advice i have gotten- you guys are a great help 2 me

Wendy - posted on 01/21/2011

Crystal, i disclosed what i felt was necessary- which was simply 'do you guys feel this is something to be concerned about & what should i do?'. i actually hesitated on even posting the post about me & her father on this site being that it is a 'child' site. for days i have looked for a site to post MY situation to get advice for me & have only found 'enter your credit card for a personalized response'. i felt like it appeared self-centered to post about myself on this site. however, when questions started appearing concerning me & the situation @ home, i answered them accordingly (& happily- maybe gave some additional info, too) in hopes of getting some better advice concerning her (& me as well) my family is all i have & their advice is to stay due to the few days a mo. thing. my dad actually cut us off completely when i had her dad put in jail the last time & as we were headed to the homeless shelter, i wound up taking him back & my dad was 'proud' of me for that. however wrong it may be- this is my support system. it bothers me to read 'shame on me for not disclosing the whole situation' -it sounds as though i intentionally omitted things. i 'disclosed' what i felt necessary to get some advice that i could take & apply to our situation. i am an open book & will willingly give ALL info anyone wants to help me- i would NEVER withhold info to mislead anyone. my daughter is my life & i want to be the best mom i can for her, sometimes i need advice- yet have no one to turn to. this site has been great for me to find. yet, its only so long, so, i didnt feel i SHOULD add my junk to the post concerning whether or not i should be concerned over thoughts she is having- UNTIL someone started questioning me concerning 'my junk'. HOWEVER, that aside, the things you said gave me some things to think about, the boy's clothes hiding figure flaws & the weight issue. as well as displaying anger toward her dad @ me. i think you may have a point & thanks for taking the time 2 reply.

Kelley - posted on 01/20/2011

I personally do not think it is normal to think about killing your mother. Maybe you should consult your doctor.

Crystal - posted on 01/20/2011

Back when my daughter was an infant... and those fits of crying that are never appeased by any logical means? I used to think that taking her head and spinning it like a top would make it stop once and for all. I sincerely think smoking on my back step, plugging my ears and singing "la lal la lalalalala" on my back steps probably kept her alive to make it to her post-toddler stage. The point is it passed.... for the most part ;) Now when she's driving me crazy, I just look deep in her eyes and say "you know... I do like you a LOT better than my other children..." (fyi, she's an only) Too bad she's already figured out her mom is full of it... kind of ruins my diabolical plans for her teens years.



Sorry to those who disagree, people have strong emotions, feeling things and acting on them on two different things.



Amen to you Angie.Shame on you, Wendy, for not for not disclosing the whole situation. But that's ok.



Think about it, she's 7 and watches her mom stay with a guy who is abusive (whatever the way), she has no real control over the situation, but this is anger at you for continuing to take it. She can't get mad at her dad, he's never there. The weight is probably yet another coping mechanism. (FYI, boy's clothes come in looser, more figure-hiding styles, I suspect that could be the reason behind that one.)



Being a good mom is rooted in being happy and healthy, not in 24/7 availability. Afterschool programs will force her to connect with others outside of you and one of those could involve soccer or martial arts (i.e. an outlet for the aggression), and that is important. Yes, doing it alone is hard, but it sounds like it would be the empowerment you both need.

Wendy - posted on 01/20/2011

Thank you for everything you said. no one has ever nailed it so completely before.i have been a 'stay at home mom' since 5mos. pregnant-im scared of all the 'what ifs' & the excuses of only afew days a month & this being her daddy are the ones i tend to use to stay, but you are right. there is more to it than that. she knows there has been violence toward me even though she hasn't seen it- she has however, heard him in his room cussing & throwing things alone & of course, the psychological as well. a few days a month of that to be able to devote myslf to her the rest of the time has seemed feasible but, you are right, it's not.and if i didn't feel 'trapped', that few days a month would get me outta here. i am going to print what you wrote & read it to myself daily. i'm scared of the change even though i hate the situation.i HAVE to do something. i really want whats best for her. thank you, you have inspired me.

Angie - posted on 01/20/2011

Darling it sounds to me like you need to go and get some help. Have you got any domestic violence in your home??(It is not just physical and psychological is much worse anyway) I am wondering if your little one is very frustrated and upset about the situation and this is one of the cries for help that kids do. I have just left a violent man and am noticing a massive difference in my kids because of it. When kids feel extreme emotion about small things its because they are not coping. Think about what you are staying for and think about how much damage you will continue to see in your girl if you stay... You dont stay in a relationship because of the children you stay because you feel trapped and because you arent able to see it for what it is and leave. Remember the longer you let her see his behaviour the more ingrained it is in her mind to think that this is normal. She will then grow up believing that she deserves no better than this and will end up being partnered to a similar person and having the same type of relationships. She sounds like a smart girl and if she is telling you she doesnt want to be there then you should listen to her and get the support you need to do the right thing for yourself and your girl. Giving her a peaceful home and a loving mum is more important for her development than living in a household where she is scared and waiting for him to be angry or violent even if it isnt all the time it still kills a girl inside. Good luck sweet i know how hard it can be xxx

Wendy - posted on 01/19/2011

rachel, i wanted to comment on a few of your questions about nutrition, health, things going on w/her & @ home, etc. skylar is not malnourished- she IS however overweight & we don't eat that healthily. the dr.s are always making comments about her weight. she wants to lose weight & i am trying to help her (& me) to accomplish that but it is very tough-tougher w/a child than yourself but i know it bothers her. she is a 'tomboy' & claims she wishes she was a boy cuz they make the cool toys for them- (which she gets also bc its what she chooses). she asked if i would take her to the boys dept for a shirt this wkend & she's excited over that. At home, she & i are very close- we do everything together-she is my life & knows it. before i got pregnant, i drank & did drugs, i changed my life for her. i am in a methadone program & want to help others w/cleaning up their lives. her father, however, never quit anything. he is an alcoholic. he is a truck driver who is rarely home so i stayed w/him so i could be home for her, however when he is home, you never know how it's going to be. i don't know what would be best for her or i would do it-stay w/him & deal w/ it a few days a month so i can be available for her at all times or leave him & work & have less time with & available for her-she says she wants me to find a boyfriend that will spend time with & play with her. i told her i was gonna try to stay w/daddy & it made her sad, but she doesn't want to sacrifice time w/me either. i don't know which is best for her...(INPUT PLEASE). but this is some about her life & her parents, if this helps any1 ww/some advice, i need it. thank u all for your help

Wendy - posted on 01/19/2011

kristi, ya know, you are right concerning the 'dramatic' language. i didn;t know what you meant about '@ the end of my post' until i looked back & reread it. i just didn't even realize that i had used the word 'kill' at all. i will try to watch the language better & thank you, stephanie about the 'medicated child' show info. i will check that out tonight on netflix. what i am about to say i did, might have been a mistake, but, i talked to her again about this. i started by asking if she wanted to go live with her grandmother. she asked me why i would ask her that & i told her b/c she said i was the only person she had ever thought about killing. i told her i had gotten very angry @ my mom as a child & said i hated her. but, afterwards i felt bad & knew i didn't mean it-even when i said it, i knew, but was just so mad. however, i never wanted her dead-much less 'kill' her by my own hands & you're telling me you not only want me dead, but to DO it yourself. i started CRYING during this IN FRONT OF HER. she came up tome, hugged me, begged me not to cry, she loves me more than anything & said she wished she had never told me. i told her NO don't feel that way. sometimes people need to hear how you are thinking/feeling even if it hurts them, just like if you no longer love your mate, it may hurt themto hear it, but they need to know. and i need to know if you feel this way, so, we can work on this/ help you to not feel this way.i asked how she felt after the thought would happen. she said she didn't know. she said after i quit the lecture, she was just glad it was over & didn't think about it anymore.just while i'm talking she wants to kill me to stop the talking, then when the talking stops, she doesn't think about it anymore. i hope i didn't mess up communication.

Maggie - posted on 01/19/2011

I am not being ugly when I ask these next questions I promise.
1. Have you thought about taking her to a counselor or psychiatrist? -this would relieve some of your crying and give your daughter an outside perspective into her feelings.
2. Has your family gone through any changes? (divorce/seperation, financial crisis, or abuses of any kind)
There also may be a possibilty of her having a form of ADD/ADHD. Sometimes thoughts and/or actions about hurting others is a red flag symptom. Be very aware of her behavior, words, and social/personal relationships. Sometimes children are crying for attention, but in a negative way. I am not saying you don't already provide this but just observe her.

Doris - posted on 01/18/2011

The way things are with kids today I would not dismiss it. I would be concerned. Whether she comprehends the word kill or not, and I am sure she probably does, something is up with her thinking. So please take her to a counselor of some kind and just have her talk with her, just two weeks ago a ten-year old killed his mother, here in our area a fourteen-year old killed his father, and that's not to scare you. She could just be trying to get under your skin, but you won't know until you find out for sure. I agree with Stephanie to be careful about medications, some docs are too quick to refer to them. My daughter has problems also and is taking meds for ADHD and anxiety, but I worry about it all the time. Good luck.

Stephanie - posted on 01/18/2011

I'm with Kristi on this one. Unless your daughter is exhibiting other signs of mental illness, I would work on teaching her how to express her feelings (by modeling the behavior yourself) and be more careful about what you say around her and what TV, Movies, and video games she sees. Unless she has exhibited violent behavior, extreme mood swings, extreme over-reaction to little things, I wouldn't worry. If she has, then by all means take her to a doctor, but don't let a Pediatrician prescribe your daughter meds - make sure she gets proper screenings by a Child Psychologist and Child Psychiatrist first. There is a big trend in diagnosing very young kids with bipolar when they don't really understand it in Adults who can tell them what's going on, much less children. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy before you jump on the medication bandwagon because it's very hard to go back once you start. Please watch "The Medicated Child" at the PBS website or on Netflix before you make any decisions. I am not anti-medication (my son takes meds, but not for bipolar), but I am very cautious about it and we should always err on the side of caution with developing brains.