Advice on 9 year old who is maturing but refuses to wear a bra?

Amy - posted on 07/21/2012 ( 67 moms have responded )

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My 9 year old dd is developing but will not wear a bra. In tighter fitting shirts the soft roundness of her breasts is noticeable! She seems oblivious, however. Mentally and emotionally she's still a kid.

Before she went to sleepaway camp a few weeks ago, I took her bra shopping. She picked out two bras, and everything seemed okay. But now (post-camp) she refuses to wear them. She won't say why. She just cries and refuses. (Guess: she was teased at camp.) She also won't go with me to pick out different bras, so I bought a sports bra and a cami (with a built in bra) and put them in her drawer. She won't wear any of them. (She has always hated layers too.)

When I tell her she has to wear something underneath her top she always refuses and fights me. When she does wear something, she is constantly fidgeting, tugging, checking to see if the straps show, etc. I don't understand this, but she is more concerned about her bra/cami being noticed than her breasts being noticed.

I don't know what to do. She LOVES tank tops and bright/white colors. The uniform at her new school includes white polo shirts. I feel embarrassed when her "development" is noticeable, but she doesn't care. Do any moms have advice or experience that would help?

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Dove - posted on 07/21/2012

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For my daughter (10).. it is mandatory that she wear a bra under white or tight shirts. Other than that... I don't care. It's up to her. She doesn't fight me on it though.

Have you talked to her about puberty yet? It sounds like she is self conscious and in denial about her developing body. There is a great book that I read with my daughter when she was 7 called 'The Care and Keeping of You.' It's an American Girl book and is excellent for young girls.

Katie - posted on 07/22/2012

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When I was a kid I got defensive when my mom tried to talk to me about things, but not other people. I wonder if your daughter would feel more comfortable if someone else brought it up (ie an aunt or family friend or even a therapist)? She may take it better if someone besides you talks to her about why she should wear a bra, cami, etc. I hope she didn't get teased at camp- poor girl.

Chloe - posted on 02/04/2013

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I am 10 years old and when I was in second grade I wanted to wear a bra cause all of my friends did at that age. I got a bra last year in 4th when I was 9. All I had to do was go in the bra section at justice and my mom got me two. I was so exited and I still am to wear a bra. Recently you have been able to see my nipples.when me and my mom went to Marshall's and got a bra with a tiny bit of padding. It is big on me for no reason(mostly because my breast aren't big anof) so the part that doesn't fit hangs down. So my mom got me a five pack on amazon for $8 it's came out to $13 with shipping . There suppose to come in tomorrow . The only reason she got the 5 pack is because they had a good deal. Now I have like 30 bras and I am a 32a.here are the stores I like to get my bras from . Marshals sears justice amazon old navy . I hope this was helpful

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2012

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I offer my daughter a choice - the tight shirt with a layer (she'll wear undershirts in lieu of bras and is just beginning development so that's fine) or a looser fitting top. She gets a choice still but we do have to talk about growing up. We discuss that she's right, it isn't "fair" but it is part and parcel of becoming a woman in our culture at least.

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Kaitlyn - posted on 05/18/2014

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Read her the Anerican Girl dolls book, she should understand she needs bras. Or go to nemours.com/kids and find when she should start wearing a bra and tell her. I think it's ages 8-13 for girls, so yeah, she should wear bras.

Maryl - posted on 04/19/2014

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Mary Goodmen D.R An Lawyer Lets her do what she to do her breast deemed executives all type of bras give women heart attacks cancer back pain from wearing all the time you did wear bras an when without yes risk did wear bras health to go without bras all the time.? Furthermore, the study from bras wearing give women risk wearing bras all type of bras on health they were at risk from wearing bras ? Focused on women ages 18 to 35. According to France’s English-language news site The Local, one 28-year-old participant reported multiple benefits: “I breathe more easily, I carry myself better, and I having yes back pain.” We’ll see what she says at age 50. Benefit it’s to go braless all the time without bras. Also on Shine: Is Victoria’s Secret Marketing to Teens with their Bright Young Things Line? Did tell in ones about their bras reported all were at risk from wearing there bras

Katherine - posted on 03/12/2014

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My daughter hates her bras. Although you can see the soft round breasts underneath her shirt. My daughter will refuse to wear her bras. I don't want to force her but they are quite visible she is 21 and her breasts are big. Not giant but not small. She loves tank tops. I do not know what to do either. Can someone help me?

Kathy - posted on 02/18/2014

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If she loves tank tops then why don't you go to a bra store and see if they have built ins that don't show her that they are a built in. I know it seems weird and hard to find but I found 2 before at Victoria's secret. Read her the American Girl Doll book the care and keeping of you book. Tell her she will be bullied more if she walks around showing she is developed then if she wears a bra. My friend when I was a kid started wearing one in 3rd grade and we had the same uniform shirts but she didn't get bullied. Us girls, when she told us, thought it was cool.

Charles - posted on 02/18/2014

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My uncle remarried and had a 9 year old step daughter. I was 28 at the time and she was the same way. She even would go out of her way to make them noticeable, she even admitted this to me. Some young girls do crave the attention of older men, I believe her reason stemmed from not having a father figure in her life. Don't be so quick to judge Jaysmith, you might have 2 daughters but your a naive mother.

Anonymous - posted on 11/01/2013

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@Jaysmith - you are truly a disgusting troll!! I have 2 daughters who both eat and drink healthy foods yet my one started developing at 9 and the other, who is now 9, is no where close to developing. At 9, it's doubtful that she likes attention from males, (I'm assuming even though you typed, "make"). Bras can be very uncomfortable for kids because they feel insecure about being different from the norm. Jaysmith, go back to your little cave and stop being an ass!!!

Jaysmith - posted on 10/25/2013

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She probably likes the make attention why else would she walk around in white see throw shirts

Emilia - posted on 10/12/2013

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My daughter started with a training bra but soon that was too thin and her nipples showed (4th) now she is in 6th grade and is still a 32A like last year. She was nervous to be wearing one when they changed for gym (5th), but she said lots of girls wore them. Now, in 6th grade, she says only two girls don't wear them and her best friend who doesn't always gets embarrassed when my daughter takes off her polo to put on her PE shirt and tells her to "hurry up and stop being nude!" I think some girls are just less comfortable with it than others. Maybe-this sounds odd, but wear a white top with no bra and show her its NOT attractive, and explain she just can't do it and it not safe (predators) hopefully this helps :)

Deatrice - posted on 06/24/2013

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I am glad that I am not alone. I have a 8 year who refuses to wear a bra, sports bra, cami's....nothing! When I even mention it, she gets very upset and and refuses to discuss it. I recently bought her 2 bra and panty sets. I think she has hidden them from me. I can't find them anywhere. She denies seeing them. She is developing by the day. She loves to wear halter tops and light colors too.

I don't understand her attitude. I am 46 years old and have always been open about talking about everything under the sun. We have even touched on sex ( age appropriated), boys, homosexuality, periods, inappropriate touching, etc. I thought that maybe someone has touched her or spoke to her to made her feel uncomfortable about her body. I asked her and she said, "No".

When I was her age (The Stone Age of the 70's), I read, "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" by Judy Blume. I could not wait until I could wear a bra! I wasn't looking forward to wearing pads-back then because it was like wearing a pile of socks-gross!!

I am embarrassed when my friends and even strangers comment on her "development" too.
I try to explain to them that she is warming up to the idea of wearing a bra or that she puts them on in the house. The truth is she will have nothing to do with bras of any design, shape or color.

Any advice from Mama???

Ocean - posted on 12/14/2012

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[This is my Daughters advice] Hi when i was 6 i wanted to start wearing bras so i asked my mum and she said no i am 9.5 years old now and i asked my mum last weekend if i could start wearing bras and she said yes and i got 2 traning bras that are sort of padded and i got 1 set of sport bras but when i wear them you can still see bumps i was sceared to wear the bras to schoolbut in the end it turend out okay

Carolyn - posted on 12/13/2012

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hello! my daughter was excited when we first came home with 3 new sports bras.She wore them happily for a few weeks and wanted nothing to do with them.When I asked she told me that they are uncomfortable ! I will just give her some more time.Her school uniform is a thick white polo shirt so I have a little more time!P.S. She is a small age eleven.

Tracy - posted on 11/05/2012

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Hi my daughter will be 10 and has started to develop and she loves the camis at justice for girls they are in tye die colors. They also have them for less money at tjmaxx. tell her that all the girls her age are wearing them it's like a trend :)

Shawn - posted on 10/28/2012

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my nine year old weres a bra what is wrong with your child my chlid wants to shave and is 9 years old what should i do

Becky - posted on 09/03/2012

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I have a 14 yr. old and a 12 yr. old daughters. They were uncomfortable in bra's as well so I had them sleep in them to get use to it. Since they were in early development it seemed to work fine. They got use to the sensation and nobody saw them wearing it except for our family. That worked out well for us. Good luck!

Kristin - posted on 08/27/2012

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I actually started developing around the same age as your daughter and my mother used to fight me to wear them. It wasn't b/c the fact is was the bra, they were uncomfortalbe to wear always itchy and sometimes slipped off my shoulder. It might be that the bras are uncomfortalbe and she just has to get use to them. I'm reminded to this day how my mom would pick me up from school and before we were pulling out of the parking lot I was trying to remove it.

Sofia - posted on 08/19/2012

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I know I had a hard time getting my daughter use to wearing a bra. She just didn't like the restrictive feeling around her back. I don't have any magic words of wisdom. I can just share in your discomfort and embarrassment for her because went through it too" eventually my daughter started using it but it took her like a year. By then her friends were starting to use them as well so I guess it feltnormal to her.
Good luck!

Brandy - posted on 08/18/2012

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My daughter started at 6 :( so we started with mid tank style as she got bigger she didn't want to cause she was getting teases, my daughter is the tallest in her class, well I luckily have a niece who she looks up to and is about 6 yrs older, you know the cool cousin lol, I had her talk with her about when you start growing boobs it's not a scary and embarrassing thing even though it's natural to feel this, just means she will be able to help her friends when it happens to them, now my daughter at age 11 has a bigger bust than my 16 yr old niece which she says it's not fair :) I do agree with getting that book mentioned above, I got one when she stared going through it and it also talks about odor that comes with all the changes the body makes, really hope she gets comfortable soon, it's rough as a mom to watch our lil girls go through this

Bobbie - posted on 08/16/2012

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Amy ~ just responded but after reading further down I came across the fact that she melts into tears when you bring up camp and that brother is teasing her. The fact that he mimics your voice asking if she has on a bra speaks volumes to how often the subject is brought up in front of family. Boundaries for parents to show children respect is just as important as children giving respect. She doesn't feel safe enough to discuss camp with you yet. I have read many books on child development and how thing effect them. I would hope that you would stop speaking about private things with others, or in front of other. To have a strong bond as she goes through the awkward years it is very important that she feels she has a close confidant and protector of her feeling in you. To put yourself in her shoes here is an example of how the bra conversations felt to her **example** If she came to you in the morning with your husband and son in the room and said "are you planning on wearing a pad today mom, you might get your period and I don't want you walking around with a big ole red spot on your clothes. It's about time you started being more concerned about how you present yourself. Women your age are expected to always be without red spots". I would then think you 'd be able to understand how your actions and words may unknowingly cause her humiliation. Brothers taunts about a stressful and decidedly emotional issue for her can be viewed by her as another betrayal. If he continues to taunt when you don't even know what happened to her at camp and how serious it was emotionally or physically it is very cruel indeed.

Bobbie - posted on 08/16/2012

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Sadly, it does sound like something happened at camp. My advice would be to step back and let her dress without the added items. Don't be embarrassed by her breast showing through clothes. I know this will sound harsh but I feel it is important to note that you worrying what others think is more of an issue than her buds. The new Dove commercials state that a huge amount of girls will drop out of swimming, dance or other sports because they become too self conscience of their bodies. Your daughter has to fight all those emotions from mix messages she gets every day at school. When she sees your efforts and body laungage of embarrassment chances are she thinks you are ashamed her development ( kids are very sensitive to even constructive criticism of the slightest order. Fights over it can be damaging not just your relationship with her but her self esteem.
P.S. My daughter was into the "natural" look for a very long time. It is the simple case of the haves and have nots. Those girls without "buds" are begging for bras and those that have the buds just want them to go away. Girls will be girls :)

Irene - posted on 08/03/2012

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I am 42 years of age, have two children one is a teenage.
Honestly speaking, I HATE BRAS. I have spent a fortune buying all sorts of bras to fit me.... none of them is ever fit for me. I feel tightened up, uncomfortable and just the thought of wearing one makes me feel sick.
At work, by 3 pm i only imagine my getting home and throwing away this uncomfortable item and feeling relaxed.

I have never liked them and will never do. We are all different in our own different way. I personally did not wear one until i was about 20.... just because the society expected me to do so.

I have breastfed both my children till the age of 2 and my bobs are still standing. They have not drooped because of lack of support. Although that is not the main reason i don't wear them.

Please leave the girl alone.... don't expect everyone to agree with the society. Let her be that little girl that she is supposed to be. Get her plenty of vests and that will cover her.

Roxanna - posted on 08/01/2012

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Ladies, I am very protective of my girls and their "girls". I grew up in a home were being dressed modestly was a requirement.

MY opinion is a general comment of young women who let it all hang out. As far as your mom Dove, in no way was this directed to HER. It is a general comment of how I feel. My family was very conservative, to the point where it was stifling. I am more relaxed about alot of things, but not unrestrained breasts, or uber short skirts. You don't live in my house, these are MY children and they put up with my rules. If they choose to take a different path once they are grown and out of my house, that is up to them.

Moving on, I have gone to my 9 year old's school and some little girls are out there bopping along. Especially the little girls that are a bit over wieght. I am disgusted by the Mothers of these girls who allow thier SIX year olds wear daisy dukes with itty bitty tops. But them thier 20 something mom is dressed just like them! And it's worse in High School.

Amy, please do not bury your head in the sand. Your daughter more than likely had a traumatic experience at camp, I'm sorry if that hurts you. My oldest, as a result of a concussion, had flashbacks of being sexually abused by an 11 year old girl when she was only 8 years old. Once it was out in the open, it was much easier to understand why she covered herself more than I required and why she gravitated towards her gay friends. Therapy made a big difference for her and for me for being powerless to protect her. As for your 11 year old son, a serious discussion, by has father needs to take place. He needs to be taught to respect women, not degrade them.

Good luck, Amy.

And ladies, I love these discussions. So many different opinions can make us all think a bit differently sometimes!

Ana - posted on 08/01/2012

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By the way, BOYS would pull the straps on girls bras to prove they were wearing them and say they were "over the shoulder bolder holders"..just dumb kids stuff..

I really don't think your child needs to see a Dr., but I do think that having a get together with her friends, and having them all shop together, maybe eat and talk (about Bras) may help the situation..I think it all feels really forced to her right now..

Ana - posted on 08/01/2012

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Wow.. I was her age when I started to "Bud" and I hated wearing a bra as well. I remember I didn't want to wear one, especially if kids could tell that I had one on, because it meant that I had BREASTS! That I had nipples, that I could feed babies, that boys would pay more attention to me, that I had to wear different shirts.. just HORRIBLE to me at 9/10.
And the boys at school knew that other girls were wearing them and they started to ask ALL the girls down the line, who doesn't wear a bra yet, let us see....

The names they had like Titties, and Boobies and all kinds of stuff MORTIFIED ME!.. So I told my mom I'm NEVER wearing that!

But Sports bras did help. She had me wear very tight tank tops at frist with my shirt, then the sports bras. When ALL my friends started wearing them, (within months) I almost felt like a boy if I didn't have pretty ones too.

Peer pressure did it for me. I didn't have any shame about my breast showing because there was never any discussion about it..not shame wise..Nothing poked out, no one talked about it so it was like wearing shorts, so wearing shirts was like wearing shorts, no big deal.. bras were a different story!

Katherine - posted on 08/01/2012

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take her to a psychologist to see what the major issue with a bra being noticed is, or perhaps have someone she'll open to find out

Amy - posted on 07/31/2012

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Pamela - If anything, she was overdue to get a bra. She started getting "buds" last fall, but I was in denial for the longest time. A few other women, including her teacher, mentioned it to me, but I kept putting it off, even though "things" were becoming more and more noticeable. I was planning to wait until back-to-school sales, but another mom suggested that I get her one prior to camp. As it turns out, she is already past the training bra stage, and yes, she has nipples that make an appearance from time to time!

As for my son, he has picked up on the fact that dd is embarrassed about having to wear a bra. When she wears one, he will do things like ask (mocking me), "Are you wearing your bra?" or tell her (loudly, so all can hear) that her bra is showing, even if it is just barely visible. Needless to say, I am none too pleased.

Sylvia - posted on 07/31/2012

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I'm going to have to disagree with Pamela on this -- don't we already do enough victim-blaming in our society, now we have to start blaming 9-year-old girls for grown men's inability/unwillingness to control their urges?!

I'm all for dressing appropriately, but PLEASE.

Pamela - posted on 07/31/2012

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Explain to her that even though she doesn't care she lives in a society where certain things are considered unacceptable and/or provocative. Explain to her that some young boys and men are "turned on" by seeing young developing breasts and that she can be considered "teasing" others by not properly covering her breasts.

Now, you didn't say if others were bothered by her appearance. If she still refuses after your explanation of WHY it's best. Let it go. It may take one of her friends at school saying something or another adult making a comment. It could be that YOU are the over sensitive one and that no one else has yet noticed!

If her nipples are not perking up and it is just the soft roundness, then let it go until someone else says something to get her attention..or she decides to wear the bra herself.

Laura - posted on 07/30/2012

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The son needs a serious talking too...he's in that unfiltered stage where he just blurts out whatever crosses his mind. One thing that might diffuse him, is when he says something inappropriate "Is that what you really meant to say?"

Amy - posted on 07/30/2012

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Sarah - I've tried to get her to open up about camp, but she just turns into a puddle of tears and clams up.

Also not helping matters is that my 11 year old son has started teasing her about this.

Sarah - posted on 07/30/2012

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You need to ask her what happened at summer camp. That will hold a key bit of info as to why she does not want to wear one at the moment. Let her know that eveyone develops differently and at different rates.

Dove - posted on 07/29/2012

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How many 9 year olds do you know who's boobs jump up and down? Granted, I know there are SOME, but very, very few.

A pervert that is interested in looking at a 9 year old is going to be looking at her even if she's as flat as a board......

Nicole - posted on 07/29/2012

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I understand your amazement but, it is a REALITY. We are woman and are subject to society and what is in it. Things have changed ladies and we need to teach our daughters as such. When was the last time that you heard of a young woman getting snatched off of the street. Now whether she was wearing a bra at the time is NOT IMPORTANT but, a 9 year old walking around with her boobs jumping up and down is something that I personally don't want to see. AT ALL. and a PERVERT would LOVE too.

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Has she started growing pubic hair down there? If so you can let her know that because she doesn't want anyone to see her hair in her panties the same applies to her breasts that are developing. To make sure no one sees them she needs to wear a bra...other than that if she doesn't want to wear one I don't think you should force her to...

Nicole - posted on 07/29/2012

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Not as a protective shield per-say, just as protection against the world. I may have explained it wrong. I am sorry.
Young woman need to know that their body is theirs and not there for the world to see or gawk at.
That is what I meant. I don't know if the "sex" talk has been done. But, now is a great time to show her through your actions that this is very important to her and you.

Laura - posted on 07/29/2012

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Roxanna, if your younger daughter is complaining that her bras as 'tight' it may be time for a new fitting and new bras. Girls' body shapes change rapidly at this age so a review every six months or so may be indicated. I'm a big advocate for that professional fitting. There is nothing worse than undergarments that don't fit correctly.

Dove, I don't think she was referring to modest women such as your mother. There are exceptions to just about everything and it sounds like your mom is just such an exception. Its those with no understanding of modesty I think she's referring to.

Dove - posted on 07/29/2012

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My mother is very modest withOUT a bra. For you to insinuate that no bra automatically equals immodest and inappropriate in the way that you have is actually downright insulting to my very wonderful and, imo, OVER modest 63 year old mother.



Your house, your rules, but may I say that I'm very glad I'm not in your house and that my children are not in your house... and my oldest (at 10) DOES wear a bra... and so do I. ;)

Roxanna - posted on 07/29/2012

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Well.....how opinions vary! And here is mine: Wearing a bra is not about defying authority or about letting it all hang out. It's about providing the proper support for your body. Call me a prude, but even before my girls started budding, they wore undershirts underneath their clothes. No negotiating! During the summer, tanks with built in bras.

My oldest has a wieght problem and developed very quickly and got very big. She fought me tooth and nail about the selection of bras and other undergarments that were apropriate for her age and wieght. I had to not only enlist her Father and my Mother, but her pediatrician, too. She has since lost alot of wieght and becasue she has followed the rule, yes rules, I buy her the pretty frilly stuff because she is at a more manageable size than a 46DDD! But had I not insisted on her wearing the right bras, her boos would be hanging to her stomach!

My now 9 year old began budding a year ago, at first she was thrilled, now she complains they are tight. My oldest who is now 17 has turned into the Bra Police! and if the little one gets dressed and doesnt have oone one, big sister makes her!

Ladies, over the centuries we had to dress in uber conservative clothing because that is what society dictated. But in the last forty years, we have eschewed modesty and mystery and flaunt our bodies in a way that leaves just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much out there. For me, there is nothing more unappealling than seeing a young girl dressed inappropriately, no support on her growing body, under arm hair poking out, smelling...ugh! Same for adult women, and I don't mean cover it all up! But do you really need to wear that top without a bra? And I am talking about the shirt that requeires an under garment.

I have none existent, flabby used to be pretty boobies. But I nursed my youngest for 2 years and her dad would never let me have money to buy anything for myself, including proper undergarments. He also threw hot coffee at me on time and burned the skin on my chest. Seven years later, I regularly go through my underwear to make sure all is in shape or not. I wear tanks with built in bras, but I also wear a bra underneath. I cover as much as I can the damaged skin (which is a small puckered scar, but the shape of my breast is noticeably off), and work my other assets!

Bras are not negoitable!

Sylvia - posted on 07/28/2012

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We've just had the opposite thing at our house -- my DD (almost 10), who absolutely does NOT need a bra (seriously, the child weighs 23 kg and is shaped like a character in an xkcd comic), wants to wear bras because the girls she hangs out with at school need them and she feels awkward being the only one who doesn't wear one. (She was in a split 4/5 class this past year, so many of her classmates were significantly older.) So we went to Sears, tried on everything that came in size Small, and went home with three of one kind and two of another for like $25, and now she's happy.

I'm not sure it is the opposite thing, though -- sounds like maybe your DD feels awkward wearing a bra because her friends don't, whereas mine felt awkward not wearing one because her friends do.

Now, my DD doesn't wear white much -- her favourite colour is deep purple -- and I don't encourage tank tops, nor would I send her to a school that required uniforms :P But honestly ... I think maybe your DD just needs to arrive at the conclusion that bras are a good idea on her own, at her own pace. At some point going braless will become more uncomfortable than wearing a bra, and more of her friends will start wearing them, and that will be that.

Also: the assertion that the world is chock-a-block with perverts just waiting for a look at a braless 9-year-old, or that a bra is any protection against a pervert should you happen to meet one, is so absurd that I'm just shaking my head in amazement.

Laura - posted on 07/26/2012

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Savannah, she may be more comfortable with an extra layer for awhile. A generation ago girls wore full slips or undershirts with their school clothes and play clothes were usually not overly lightweight fabrics. Modestly has left the building and there are times in a young girl's life when it needs to be resurrected.

Savannah - posted on 07/26/2012

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See and my daughter will be 9 in December and i noticed that i can see her nipples in her shirts now so i was wondering does that mean its time for her to start wearing a training bra

Dove - posted on 07/26/2012

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Perverts are perverts with or without a girl wearing a bra. Seriously? If something happens to that child are you going to blame HER for not wearing a bra? Ridiculous.... Wearing a bra does not 'protect' you from anything...

My mom has never worn a bra in her entire life.... it has never once been the cause of a pervert doing a single thing.

Nicole - posted on 07/26/2012

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BOBBIE...
You are also an ADULT.
I don't think as a grown woman that the world should see what you have to offer..

Sammi - posted on 07/25/2012

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My daughter has been wearing a bra since she was 8. At first she thought it was cool then she kinda got tired of them so we done the tank top thing. And now she is fine I just let her pick out the ones she wants like peace sign ones or favorite color, too me this generation is doing everything really early.

Amy - posted on 07/25/2012

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Susan - Her favorite color is anything that is bright and sunny: white, yellow, pink, orange, etc. She picked out white bras -- which of course she doesn't want to wear now.

Nicole - I definitely hear you, but thinking of a bra as some sort of protective shield may be overstating the case. I do agree that a girl who is "obviously" not wearing a bra is going to draw undesired attention.

Nicole - posted on 07/24/2012

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WOW!!! The reason that I say that is because you are giving her a choice on whether or not she is PROTECTED...My old school ways may not be the best but, with all of the perverts out here, She needs to wear a bra. NO ARGUMENT!!!.
Amy, you are the parent and protector of her and her body(until she is old enough to protect herself). Sometime, parents need to put there foot down and say what you mean and mean what you say. For her to tell you that she is NOT going to wear a bra when clearly she needs to is beyond me. Go to the store, buy her some bras and insist that she wears them. PERIOD!! If she does not then you have to take matters into your own hands(ie start taking things away that she likes or not let her go out with her friends). She needs to understand that walking around with her "girls" bouncing around at that age is not appropriate. Also, I am sure that her nipples stand at erection when she gets a chill because we all do. Men, although not right will look at her with lust and again I am saying that it is NOT her fault but, you HAVE to make her wear a bra. FOR HER SAFETY if for nothing else.

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