any advise to help my daughter (and me!)?

Luan - posted on 10/21/2009

I'm with the majority here.Speak to the principal as soon as you can.You may find that this has been brought to the headteachers attention by other parents in the past.Whether or not this is the case the head is there to address this problem on your behalf.Be brave and go for it-it won't be as bad as you think and you and your daughter will feel much better for it.Good Luck and let us know how it goes x

Kirsten - posted on 10/21/2009

A child cannot control their bladder or bowels to fit in with a teacher's time table.

If it were me, I would get together with other mothers to write an open, formal letter of complaint to be posted in public - and keep the pressure up.

If a child isn't allowed to the bathroom, it won't drink - dangerous. It will also hold things in unnaturally long - also dangerous. It will have an inferiority complex for needing the toilet or having accidents - also very dangerous.

Don't settle for it - get the rules changed.

Teena - posted on 10/20/2009

I would go to the Principal. Don't wait for the other parents! You have to be your childs advicate. At my childrens school the Kindergarten has its own wing with its own bathroom, right outside the classroom door. The bathrooms are there for a reason. Your child has the right and the need to use it. If you don't get anywhere with the principal than if you can try to volunteer in the classroom a couple times a week and go in early if possible. My thinking is because the teacher will set volunteer helpers during times that the kids can use the bathroom. So if you go in a little early you can try to see what is happening in the classroom. If you can volunteer more than once a week try to make the times different so you can try to be there during several different class schedule times. Hopefully you will be able to get a glipse of what is going on in the classroom. Kindergarten is hard enough without having a teacher or classmates teasing them. I just had a problem with my daughters substitute teacher that she had all last week. In my case 9 of us parents went to the principal and changes were made the next day. I hope this helps.

Kristie - posted on 10/20/2009

Fight for your daughter. If you are not going to fight for her and her rights then no one else will. My oldest daughter had a similar problem. She was not having accidents but was forced to hold it way too long. It did turn into a UTI. She now suffers from bladder spasams. Her bladder is as weak as mine is after having several children. She leaks urine and has to see a uriologist on a regular basis. Her doctor has provided a letter to her teacher saying that she has a medical condition and must be permitted to go to the restroom at anytime she needs. Her teacher this year has been wonderful about this. All my daughter has to do is just give her teacher a look and the teacher shakes her head to allow her to leave. The principal needs to be aware of this situation.

Hailey - posted on 10/19/2009

I'm no counselor but had similar problems with all 3 of my children. Even though the teacher and counselor say you daughters fears are unfounded, they are not. The teacher obviously told the class something about the rules concerning going to the bathroom during class time that she interpreted to mean that she would be punished if she needed to go. My kids were told that they would have to "flip cards" if they used the bathroom during class. They would then try to hold it until break and end up with accidents. When asked about this rule the teachers have denied not allowing them or punishing them. I would saythe teacher needs to clarify things for your daughter. I ended up telling my kids that if the teacher didn't allow then to go the ther bathroom when they needed, they should tell the teacher to call me immediately and I would speak to her.

Tracy - posted on 10/19/2009

Do what ever it takes to let the school know what this teacher is doing to the children. A teacher can not deny your child the bathroom privilages. They don't have to stop teaching, but they do have to let them go without consiquences. As a parent, you have the right to observe your childs class during the day. Don't be afraid to "ruffle feathers," this could have serious effects on your daughter if you don't stop this at once.

Good Luck, & stand up for your daughter

Dana - posted on 10/19/2009

I would schedule a conference with her and the principal at the same time about the situation. And she does not need to see a counselor. You have to think of it in their shoes and how they feel. I would not care if I ruffeled feathers for that. I would also teel them other parents are complaining to. If she denies it I would call her out on it and say there is a handful more parents that I have talked to in the same situation, should we bring them in also? They are shaping your childs future everyday.

Heather - posted on 10/18/2009

Be that mom! Is my advice. Last year my son was with a teacher that didn't care and I wish I had done something about it. Instead we just changed schools the following year. He was in kindergarden last year and pasted. Got to school this year and had to go back because he hadn't learned anything. Please don't wait stand up for your daughter and the other children in her classroom.

Crystal - posted on 10/18/2009

I agree with the others, don't wait for the other mom's. It should be dealt with now. I was that poor kid who had a strict teacher about the bathroom and I had a accident in class and was teased for years. I have told both of my girls that they need to go to bathroom before class during recess ect but if they have to go in between to go. If the teacher has an issues with a young child using the facility then they need to find a new profession

Stacy - posted on 10/17/2009

I'm with Joanne - don't wait for others! Go straight to the principal about this. If that doesn't get the results you need, go up the chain of command. If you do not know who this is in your district, you can find their website and it should tell you, or at least give you a main number to call. This is not behavior that should be tolerated from a teacher, no matter what grade they are in. Kindergarten is way to young to expect a strict bathroom schedule from kids. That is why the bathroom is usually located very close to the classroom for K-2.

Julie - posted on 10/17/2009

I wouldn't wait to get the other parents to go with you to the principal. If this was my daughter, I'd be in the office already demanding to speak to the principal. It's obvious this teacher shouldn't be a teacher. Why did the teacher refer you to the school counsler? Is she qualified to diagnoise your daughter? If I was you, I'd go to the principal first thing Monday morning.

Joanne - posted on 10/17/2009

I would be tempted to talk to someone higher up than the teacher or the counsilor and have her moved rooms. Maybe its not just the teacher it could be that she is scared of a kid in the class room. Lots of kids seem to have accidents when they feel threatened or scared. The first few months of School one of my daughters was so scared to put her hand up and tell the teacher she needed to go that she did it in her seat. Once I went in and talked to the teacher with her we came up with a plan that she could just go for the next week when ever she needed to as long as she told the teacher. It worked after that week she realized it wasn't that scary to put your hand up. I also told her if she is that busting and the teacher says no to just go anyway and when I pick her up to tell me and ill sort the teacher out. Basically its a new place and new people and they just need reassurance that they are safe and that your still there for them. I dont know if any of this can help but it worked for us.