Any tips on how to get a very stubborn 4 year old to tidy her room!

Laura - posted on 08/24/2010

i had the same problem with my daughter and i have found it easier to remind her throughout the day to put one toy away before geting another out and that helps. if not have you tried making a game out of it or offering rewards such as put 5 toys away and you can have a sticker then increasing the amount of toys over time also offering a bigger reward once the room is tidy might help good luck x

Dara - posted on 08/20/2010

I went through the same thing with my 5 year old. What finally ended up working for us was giving her a monthly allowance, on the stipulation that she has to have a clean room by the end of the month or she doesn't get it. She only gets $5 per month, but to a kid, that's a fortune! She also has to save half of it until she has enough to buy something she has been saving for. The other half she uses for treats or whatnot when we go to the store. This has taught her that a) she gets rewarded for a good behavior and b) that her toys actually have value, because she has to save her money to buy them.

I would also try getting rid of the toys your child doesn't seem to play with anymore (either store them to rotate out later, or give them to goodwill or something), and allow her to keep only special ones. Then don't buy new ones until she learns to care for the ones she has. They key here is to be consistent, and stick to the punishments you dole out. My daughter still complains when she cleans her room, but she knows that if it doesn't get done, there is nothing to put in the piggy bank. She also takes better care of things she buys herself.

Lesley - posted on 08/20/2010

My daughter's room is a chaotic mess at most times. My son is the complete opposite and is very organized. At age 4 with my daughter we went through all the same problems and broke out the trash bags and bagged everything up. But she had the same reaction...she didn't really care. As it turns out...it is not that she did not care...she couldn't understand the full magnitude of the situation. At the age of 4 everything just magically appears and if it is lost ....a new one will come. So we took a different route. Her room was overwhelming to her when I would tell her to clean it up. So when it came to clean up time we would break the room up into smaller sections and make a game of it. I printed pictures (polly pocket, barbie, pet shop) on separate pieces of paper. I would post the first picture on her door and set the timer for 10 min. She would rush through her room and look for all the polly pocket items and get them into the bucket before the timer stopped. Then on to the next item. Then to give her an understanding that things don't magically appear and that mom/dad work hard to earn money to buy these things....she had to do extra stuff (simple things) like help mommy put away dishes or help organize the throw pillows on the sofa. This would earn her play money. One dollar for every good deed. When she earned 5 of these..she could buy back one of her toys in the bag. She caught on to the idea fast and started helping out around the house and even cleaning her room without being told because she wanted to earn her toys back. She is now 7 and we don't have the problem with bagging the toys but she still uses the concept of breaking her room into sections and cleaning it. While it is easy as adults to tackle large messes and organize our thoughts this is not something a young child is capable of and it is frustrating to them. They want to do what mom/dad want but it makes them feel "bad" when they can't accomplish the task at hand. Help her figure out a way to do it in small parts that make sense to her.

Karen - posted on 03/24/2009

I must have lucked out because my 4 year old LOVES to pick up her room, vacuum and wipe down the kitchen table. She does it every chance she gets and loves to brag about it... now my 10 year old son on the other hand... total slob! Forget about picking up his room, I'm just trying to get him to stop wiping boogers on his wall! ;-)

Holly - posted on 03/24/2009

We play Cinderella... she get's to play dress up, then off to her room to make it sparkle...wearing those little heels... I should take a picture.

Mellissa - posted on 03/24/2009

Have you ever heard of the clean up song. "clean up clean up everybody do you share clean uo clean up everybody everywhere clean up clean everybody do your share".  Worked for my daughter. otherwise like you said if she dont care u take them away then idk what else to tell ya. in time they will clean up there rooom because they want things where they want them or my daughter is just a little ocd cuz she always keeps her room tidy.

Amber - posted on 03/20/2009

well, 1 of 3 (or all of 3) things can happen: 1.  she gets little to now toys for christmas.  writing to santa doesn't always result in toys.  2.  set up a toy store of her toys in your room or closet and have her earn "money" to buy them back.  $.25 here and there.  the 3 thing is when it's time to clean, do it with her.  ask her where do you want me to put this toy?  my husband gets my kids to clean every night i work and it's because he is cleaning with them rather than what i do which is tell them the things that need to be cleaned and to go do it, they don't... they never do.  but they will if you do it with them.  give her the power of where do you want this and that may give her some pride in her items.

Alison - posted on 03/19/2009

Mary Poppins or have a look on the supernanny website.

Kari - posted on 03/18/2009

Ever thought to just shut the door?  My son, age 5, does this periodically, but in all frankness, his messy, cluttered room doesn't effect me.  It's not my space in the house, it is his.  However, as long as his room is messy, he doesn't get to enjoy the "fruits" of my other clean rooms including the living room.  As long as his room is messy, all toys are to remain in his domain.  Not cluttering mine because he doesn't have the room to play in his room.  Just as adults, when he is ready and tired of stepping on his legos, he'll clean it up.

Jessica - posted on 03/18/2009

im sorry if i come a cross as rude, but give them to goodwill! start with one or two things and she'll learn. my son knows if i go to get a plastic garbage bag, it means im picking everything i see up off the floor and giving them away. dont give out empty threats, if youre going to threaten it, do it.

if youre looking to keep all the toys, take her to a home organizing store and have her help you pick out storage containers and then at home with masking tape and a sharpie, label what each bin is for, it will help her organize and start recognizing words. then organize everything in the bins with her so she can associate the word on the bin with the item that goes in it. another thing i do with my son is before christmas and before his birthday (theyre both about 6 months (give or take a few days) within eachother which is awesome) we go through his toys and he gives away his old things he no longer plays with. it makes clean ups easier and not so overwhelming and it helps me teach him how to be a caring and giving individual

Katie - posted on 03/17/2009

Quoting Sarah:

Thanks for all your suggestions i will give them a try and let you know the out come, she did eventually do her room , but it took 4 hours!!

Don't worry.  It'll get better.  Mine was the same way.  They wait for us to give in!!!  Don't give up!!!  :)

Linda - posted on 03/17/2009

Dont try to do too much at once. The timer helps. Set it for 5 minutes and if we can get all the washing put away/ toys off the floor etc. in that time then she can have a miniture hero!

Sarah - posted on 03/17/2009

Thanks for all your suggestions i will give them a try and let you know the out come, she did eventually do her room , but it took 4 hours!!

Katie - posted on 03/17/2009

Oh I have felt your pain!!!!  My daughter, now 5, was the same way last year.  So, the rule quickly became if she wanted to play with one thing it had to be put back before something else could be brought out.  And if it wasn't it was gone!  The fact of the matter is they think it'll be okay that they will eventually get new toys but once they see something in the trash or go several days without something they love it devastates them.  Even now when she cleans her room she knows if she says it's clean and we go up stairs and it's not, we throw away whatever is on the floor "because obviously she has too many toys and it's such hard work we don't want her to have to do."  It will take about a month or so but it works.  My friends have done the same thing with their daughters (both are 3).

Amy - posted on 03/17/2009

If she knows you aren't going to get rid of them, then there is no meaning in the threat and she still didn't have to clean up. 

It might help if you work with her to help clean up. That motivated my older daughter, however my 2nd daughter (just turned 5) had to learn the hard way that mommy really would donate her toys to charity if she didn't want to take care of them. It only took one time and she is much better about cleaning up now.

Gretchen - posted on 03/17/2009

Tell her Christmas is a looong time away and Santa is ALWAYS watching, lol. If that's not the best route, try taking other priveleges away from her until she does her chores - no playing outdoors till it's done, or cancel a playdate or something. I wish you the best! With mine, I would have to use that route on her "bad" days, and when she was in a good mood, I'd make a game out of it.

Tammy - posted on 03/17/2009

Make it like a race or a game and play it with her or him while singing or playing music!

Crystal - posted on 03/17/2009

I have the same problem.. Right after christmas i did the same thing... she cried and cried the whole time... I kept them in bags for about a week. then both of us put all her toys away and i told her that if she didn't start keeping her room clean that i would really throw away all her toys. it hasn't worked. I don't know what to do either....