Anybody else out there have a daughter that HATES being a girl and refuses to wear girl clothes?
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Dani - posted on 12/15/2012
Hello, im a 16 year old young lady. I am just like your daughter, i refuse and HATE like wearing dresses, skirts, high heels ect but i dont wear really manly clothes.
I love my Superdry hoodies, skinny jeans, high tops and snap back hats. I also wear nothing revealing. I dont know why, but i feel like myself and comfortable.
My mum wasnt really happy, but she excepts me for who i am. They tell me im a 16 yr old young lady and i need to act and dress like one. But to me; i will do it when i want too and am ready too.
Im happy, and im sure your daughter is too. Ive been dressing like this since i was 12/13.
Shes fine, just let her be who she wants to be! She will come out of it when she wants too like i will, only thing is i have no sisters and 4 brothers so i believe they are partially to blame!
Kamden - posted on 10/15/2012
I'm still one of those girls. I play hockey, swim, and watch hockey. I know more hockey trivia than most boys and I love math and science and know my way around a toolbox. I keep my hair in a boy's haircut; I'm routinely mistaken for a boy. It's not bad to let us girls who don't care for our feminine traits to be boys but it's very dangerous to try to change it. Please tread lightly; I became (secretly) depressed in high school and university. I battled this alone without medication. I became friends with some questionable people. Encourage and embrace your daughter for who she is. Chances are you're upset (like my mum is) that you didn't get the daughter-mother bond you really wanted. (Shoes, emotions, all that crap.) But if you try to take an interest (even if it's feigned) in some of her interests and habits, she'll open up to you more.
Please be aware too that you may have a future asexual person (see: http://www.aven.org/) or lesbian on your hands. You must be careful to tread lightly since we do have higher suicidal rates based on society's attempts to change us, or at least to judge us.
Stephanie - posted on 11/16/2009
Hi. Does your daughter hate being a girl or does she hate girl clothes? These are two different questions. Like the previous reply's she may just need to wear whatever makes her comfortable. If she hates being a girl and wishes she were a boy then she may need some support with gender variance concerns. A great book to help with language and gives lots of stories of children and families is The Transgendered Child by Stephanie Brill. What I love about this book is that she talks about the entire range of gender: from wearing opposite gender clothes all the way to a full transgendered person. This book was a great resource for me in giving me a lot of language to use when my son would wear a dress or skirt to school or an event. He just doesn't care what anyone else thinks, he enjoys wearing them because they are cool and fun. I love have a kid with such a wonderful self image and self esteem and am so proud of him.
Crystal - posted on 11/23/2009
Don't fret to badly about it. That's how I was growing up. i still don't like frilly, pink and all that. I only started wearing "Female" clothes last year because my hisband bought them for my birthday and wanted me to just TRY them. lol. He thought they looked better than my formless jeans and tees. I still don't do heels. For me it was all about comfort, but if you are still worried, try talking to her. That's really the best method for this type of situation. :D Good Luck hun!!
Raye - posted on 03/06/2015
Jennifer, gender identity and sexual preference have nothing to do with each other. She can identify with being a boy and still be sexually attracted to boys. It doesn't mean that she's necessarily transgender. Since her boyfriend talks about being pangender, then it could just be a phase. If I were you, I wouldn't make too much of a big deal over it. She will figure out who she is on her own.
Trisha - posted on 03/03/2015
:) You guys are describing me to a T from when I as a teenager. After I got a big older, and got a boyfriend and he let me know that he liked it when I dressed up pretty I started to dress more femininely.
I also started dressing more appropriate to my gender when I started into roles at work that required it.
Let them be who they are and don't be upset about it. Being comfortable in their own skin is very important to a teenager. You can't force it, and ultimately it doesn't matter.
Jennifer - posted on 03/03/2015
I have a daughter (14) who has always been on the Tomboy'ish side. She has always preferred guys clothes to that of dresses etc... today, she just came to me telling me she really hates having boobs and curves and feels uncomfortable as a girl. Understanding that she is only 14 and things can change, so she doesnt want anything drastic to change but currently feels gender ripped off. Doesnt even want me to call her by her very feminine name. HELP.... I don't know what to do or say ... I love her to pieces and I will support her no matter what, however I feel a little crushed nonetheless. She is beautiful ...I do believe some of it is influenced by a boy she likes (yes she likes boys) who talks a lot to her about himself being pan-gender. I had never even heard of this term before! I do believe he has influenced her in a lot of ways...although she disagrees.
Kaitlyn - posted on 07/10/2013
Who cares? High heels kill your feet! Why be uncomfortable? And i dont wear dresses or skirts cause what if i want to play and i have to worry about my underwear showing? Have a girls night!!! Play in makeup, nail polish, and dress her up(not in skirts and dresses) maybe a tight shirt, a black blazer, and skinny jeans. Something kinda of dressup but not really
Niketa - posted on 10/27/2012
Hi, My name is Niki Bhatia and I am the author o a childrens book, PINK IS JUST A COLOR AND SO IS BLUE. It is about letting go of our old gender stereotypes about colors (pink and blue) and toys kids choose to play with. The main character is a little boy who is not too athletic and his best friend is a feisty little girl who is "tomboyish". Our ultimate goal is to assure that our kids grow upto be confident, productive individuals, without placing so much emphasis on color and toys when they are sooo young.
Hi, I have a boy, but I was one of those girls. Don't worry about it! I wore overalls & pants because they were comfortable. Just because she's not expressing herself in what we call a "feminine" way, doesn't mean she hates being a girl She'll grow into herself. My advice is to relax, let her be herself, and enjoy the brief time we have as parents of young children!
My niece. The last time she wore a dress was for her third birthday. She turned 10 last week and her favourite clothes are army relief and rugby tops (she also plays rugby). No girl colours either since she was four - everything was spiderman and then other action heroes. But her parents are confident she'll grow out of it once boys become an issue. ;)
Ashley - posted on 11/16/2009
I was the biggest Tom-Boy when I was younger, and actually it really wasn't until about 3 or 4 years ago that I finally started wearing "girl" clothes... I absolutley refused to wear a dress or skirt for the longest time, not even to holiday functions... I just got my first pair of high heals last summer!!! So as afraid as you may be right now, fear not and don't stress, let your daughter express herself in a way that she is comfortable with for now... her tastes will change... and if not... Hey, they have got some killer pants suits for women out there!!
Erin - posted on 11/15/2009
hi, i don't have this issue with my own girls but my niece very much wanted to be a boy, for about a year when she was 6 or 7 she tried to convence everyone to call her jason. she has always been very much into sports and most of her friends were boys. her mother let her be herself, with the exception of calling her jason, and now at 14 she is still into sports and still won't wear dresses, but she does wear girl clothing anf alot of pink and baby blue. once she figured out you don't have to be a boy to do "boy" things she became more comfortable showing her feminine side.
Charmaine - posted on 11/15/2009
Yes, I have a 10 year old daughter who refuses to wear anything girlie. No dresses, no skirts, nothing pink or purple, only black, blue, grey or green. She wears mostly flannels, hoodies and t-shirts. I just let her, I have 3 other girls and she is the only one like this. I just think she is expressing herself, so I think it is totally healthy and normal.
Kelly - posted on 11/15/2009
I do not have this issue with my daughter but I knew someone who did. Her daughter was more interested in playing sports, playing with stereotypical "boy" toys, and always wanted to wear clothes like athletic shorts/pants, jerseys etc. Her mom just decided that she would let her daughter wear what she wanted and express herself in her own way. She is 10 now and still dresses like boys but also enjoys wearing "girl" clothes for special occassions. She plays hockey and basketball and is a very happy girl. Allowing her to express herself in her own way proved to be the best way for her to go with her daughter.
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