Appropriate age for sex talk?

Jessica - posted on 07/07/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )

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Since the school shows the sex video in the 5th grade now at the age of 10 is that still an appropriate age for me to talk to my girls about sex? I have no idea how to handle this talk.

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Heather - posted on 08/05/2012

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I'm seeing the same things over and over so I thought I'd sum them up for you. :)

1. It is definitely a good idea for the parent(s) to be talking about the kid(s) with this, instead of the kid(s) hearing it from peers, or from school.
2. There are books and DVDs to help you. They are not hard to find. Many folks like the American Girl book, Usborne has a book for each gender available, and so forth. If you are uncomfortable, you can use a book to help you through the harder parts.
3. Talk to your daughter(s) NOW. Don't wait. It is preferable to have the talk with them before the school does, if possible.

And the reason I wanted to post to this discussion... In some cases, sex can start at the age of 9 (yes, you read that correctly, NINE years old) in public schools. There is misinformation out there that kids pass to each other -- specifically that oral sex "isn't sex" and therefore "is OK". Since kids are starting to develop by this age, it is VERY important, imho, to arm your children with the facts... facts like, Yes, any touching of genitalia is considered sexual behavior. No, it is not necessary to "prove your love" for someone to have sexual contact with them. etc.

Good luck!! I am praying for you, that you will have the wisdom and courage to be able to talk with your beloved daughters. :)

[deleted account]

It's said children are having sex at younger ages now. If I had daughters I would talk to them about sex since they are showing the sex video in school. And make sure I tell them that their body is a temple and cherish it. I have to have that talk with my 12 year old niece. And I know I am going to tell her all the things that was not told to me at that age when I was growing up.

Monica - posted on 07/08/2010

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Age 10, before 5th grade. It is better if they hear it from you and not the kids at school. They do talk about it and I doubt the information is all that accurate.

Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2010

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I talked to my children ate 8 and 9 because they do learn so much now days from peers--but i explained to them it's not something you tell your friends because their mommy and daddy have to tell them. I didn't go into graphic details just talked about puberty, where babies come from, and answered questions

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Kristy - posted on 11/06/2012

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My daughter has been approached by an older boy to be his girlfriend, he is a bad boy who I do not approve of. Let's just say he has a police record at a VERY young age. I had to call the school and let them know about him touching my daughters hair. I immediately explained to her that NO ONE is allowed to touch her private parts and if and when that happens she is to TELL one of us or a teacher right away. Shortly after I called the school and was about to take her off the bus and expressed this cuz it's only been 2 weeks since another kindergardener was kissing on my daughters chest and she told us about it. I called the school back then and that hasn't fully been resolved to my knowledge yet either.

Try - posted on 10/09/2012

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It's better that they hear it from you than their teachers. I've taught sex ed - you wouldn't believe the amount of things we're flat out banned from telling them, even if they ask. Even non-sex stuff, like aids transmission through needles.

Mary1959 - posted on 04/18/2011

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our son is 8yr g 9yr
i sit down and answer any thing they wanted to know
they had lot question. they done knew the diffence between boy and girls body since they share teh same bedroon

Lesley - posted on 07/14/2010

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My husband had the talk with my son when he was 8 or 9, the nasty little girl across the street took it upon herself to give him an education (just talk thank goodness). He was comfortable enough with me to run everything she told him by me, and it was ALL WRONG! So, when he learned what the things really were, he replied with "OH GROSS!! I'm never having sex!!" Right answer! :-)

Lesley - posted on 07/14/2010

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Buy a book to help you, I know it is a difficult thing to talk about, but it needs to be done! They should def. be aware of what is happening to their bodies, and what to expect, and how girls are different from boys.

Nags - posted on 07/14/2010

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I think its appropriate if kids are told by mother/father first than peers/school. Age is getting lower by the day- cant do anything about it... teen pregnancies are on the rise... may be a chat that anthing is up for discussion will help... for further questions, i mean... even sexual orientations have to be tackled someday by us

Caroline - posted on 07/13/2010

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I teach this subject to children of all ages and the key thing is to be bland and honest only answer the basic question they asked dont over complicate the answeres and take a deep breath and you know your kids best you know what they will understand good luck x

Delta - posted on 07/13/2010

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My daughter figured out on her own. When she was 6/7 years old she checked a book out at the school library about hamsters, and came home and told me and dad that we are not allowed to have another baby. So we kinda got lucky not having to explain it to her when she figured it out just by ready a book about hamsters.

Chrisanna - posted on 07/13/2010

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My daughter is 10 and just finished the 5th grade and she had to take the class showing them what a period was and how their body works. When she came home we sat down and talked about what she saw and if she had any question she could ask me, we have been very close since then and I couldn't ask for anything more. I am glad that I talked to her now and not have waited because I had her when I was 17 and I want to avoid that with her.

Monica - posted on 07/13/2010

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Marc Brown (Arther series) has a book called Whats the Big Secret? Talking to Boys and Girls about Sex. It is very appopriate for the 7-12 year range of kids. It provides the matter of facts, without a lot of detail. Proper names of body parts, etc.

Megan - posted on 07/12/2010

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It is an interesting topic. My daughter has just turned 5 and our son has just turned 7 telling us a girl in his class was talking about having sex with her boyfriend down the road from her house. We were shocked and felt that a little inappropriate for this age group. Out of concern I will be mentioning it to the teacher this afternoon whilst realising that kids can also make up things too. We told Sam that it is something that two people do when they love each other and is private. It's not a topic we wanted to go right into at this age. But I feel being honest, comfortable and age appropriate is the best way to handle it.

Lisa - posted on 07/12/2010

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i had issues when my sons religious education class wanted to teach him in 1st grade. hes in 4th now and we had the talk, he was learning wrong information from fellow classmates. they are learning younger and younger now a days.

Joy - posted on 07/12/2010

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Ok the sex talk is not easy for anyone. It all depends on your child and what you think they can take in a learn from. You can talk about sex without going into alot of detail. Take to the level of their maturity and don't go any farther. If they ask what is sex get the dictionary and explain it that way. If they ask any other questions take it one at a time and answer it the way you think they will understand. You don't have to go into a hole lot of details. You know your child the best and how they will take what you say. It is normal for kids to ask questions. If you have girls I suggest the book for the American Girl collection called The Care & Keeping of you. It is $10 at the book store and it talks about all the changes a girl gos through. She will have questions because it gos into detail on the changes but it is a good one for them to read and you to read with her. Hope this help and God Bless.

Chandra - posted on 07/11/2010

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Yes I do feel that it is an appropriate. When my son was in 5th we had a small talk about sex and when he got into 6th grade we had the full talk and only because the kids at his school knew more than they should and I wanted him to hear it from me.

Sonia - posted on 07/11/2010

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I started talking to my oldest daughter when she was 6, not full details but because I was expecting and we were planning on having more children it was easy to segway into the conversation. Over the years we just added a little more detail and expanded on what she already knew. She became comfortable enough to come to us with questions. She is now 18 and has thanked us for not making the topic of sex a taboo for her. We have two boys 14 and 8 and a little girl who is now 7. We have followed the same process. In today's society it is difficult to avoid the topic. So instead we face it and leave it open to discussion at any time that the kids feel comfortable, always filling in the blanks, and never forcing the subject. The discussion should be natural not forced nor stilted.

Lauren - posted on 07/11/2010

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Yes, similar here, the school did a six week video and talk on the subject. We had the choice to opt out for them, but seen as my daughter has two older siblings and also other children at school would be talking about the subject we decided it would be best for her to join with the rest of the class as it is part of the curriculum. She was a little dubious herself, so I explained in basic terms about puberty etc. Puberty does generally start earlier these days as obesity is more common and children are become physically more mature earlier. Yet mentally I wouldn't have had 'the talk' with her until say 14 years old, but went with the flow so she would be on the same level as her peers. If you find it difficult to talk on this subject a good idea may be to get your girls some books on the subject from the library or a book store. also sure there must be lots of info online. Good luck and don't worry,

Trish - posted on 07/11/2010

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My daughter was 7 when I was pregnant with my son. Driving to the movies one day, she asked me 'mommy, do you have to do something to get pregnant or do you just ask God and he puts a baby in your belly?' She already knew the answer....some of the older kids on the school bus told her. I was honest with her without giving any real details. It was shocking for me, I wasnt ready to talk to her about it then. But unfortunately it's not always something you can control. Music and TV are full of sex and kids are questioning things earlier than we did. But I firmly believe that honesty now will create a trusting and open relationship with your kids down the road.

Kathy - posted on 07/11/2010

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Age 10 before the 5th grade. My husband told our 9 year old when he was in the 4th grade. You want them to hear it from u first....Then maybe it will be easier for them to talk to you about "sex" when they need to ask u questions. My 9 year old took it pretty good.

SHALINE - posted on 07/11/2010

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The only way to answer is openly, honestly and using the correct terminology. Teach them about safe sex too. I was given a book called "Where did I come from" and it answered alot of questions for me. There are more books in the range I think another one is called "What's happening to me" and this deals with puberty, read these together and be prepared to answer any questions. Be approachable and set the standard now and the girls will come to you in the future with any of their queries about sex and relationships. Good Luck.

Tina - posted on 07/09/2010

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AS SOON AS THEY NOW WHAT SEX IS YOU SHOULD HAVE TALK AND JUST BE YOURSELF DON'T MAKE IT A HUGE DEAL JUST MAKE IT A TALK LIKE ANY OTHER AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOUN EXCEPECT OF THEM!!!

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I had to have the talk with my son when he was 7 years old and he was in the 1st grade....and that's because someone from his class had asked him what a oral sex was....YUP!!!

I was dumb founded and embarrassed but I didn't show him my reactions. I called the kid's parents and explained to them what my son heard from their child and told them how furious I was. Honestly, they really didn't care either. So, I decided that that was the time to have the "TALK". So I had sat him down and (at that time, my daughter was 4 years old and I need to protect her as well) so I talked to both of them and I have to say...It was the best decision I ever made. Because now my son is 15 years old and my daugther is 11 and they talk to be about EVERYTHING!!!....Yes, everything.

I am really lucky because I have that type of open relationship with them and they feel confident enough to speak with me about any topic.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2010

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My daughters are 6 soon to be 7 in aug. I was thinking that 10 would be the perfect age to talk about sex to a boy or girl.. Some people say even younger.. IMO I think 10 is the perfect age..
You can look up ways to handle this talk on the internet. Just go to google.com and put in Ways to talk to my child about sex. I'm sure that will help.

Judy - posted on 07/08/2010

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My oldest will be in 5th grade in the fall. I have to talk to her about it very soon. I should just get it over with. I dont know what Im afraid of. That movie seems like a good idea. Thanks!

Jessica - posted on 07/08/2010

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I went ahead and allowed our 12 year old to watch Secret Life of the American Teenager. It thought it would be ok because it talks about sex and the peer pressure without getting graphic. I watch it with her and then talk to her about it when she has questions. Do you think that is still ok. I just worry because now days you hear about so many young girls getting pregnant and we have 5 girls. I just don't want them to be one of them.

Jeannie - posted on 07/07/2010

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I learned about it at that age and girls usually start menstruating around that age so I would say definitely so....just be calm, make sure you r honest but phrase everything at the age appropriate level.....my son is 8 and is raised only by me so he unfortunately already knows why woman bleed monthly lol, and how babies r born (not conceived)....they will find out eventually so if they ask be honest, and even if they don't ask 10 I think is the perfect age for mothers to talk to there daughters. good luck sweetie!

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