At the end of my tether with 7 year old daughter's attitude!!!

Emma - posted on 05/16/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am at breaking point with my 7 year old daughter, who just won't give me any respect! I have never smacked her, i don't deserve the way she talks to me, like i am something she just stepped in! And i am now at the point where i don't want to take her anywhere because i am embarrassed by the way she acts like everyone is worthless around her! This isn't the way i have bought her up, and it's literally happened overnight. She lies to me, and tells tales to her friends about me and her family, and i am so worried she is going to end up with no friends and pushing me away. I just don't know what to try next, i have tried time out, i have tried sending her to her room to calm down and think about what she has said, i have tried taking things away from her, grounding her, talking to her, teachers talking to her. I don't know what to do!!!!!!! Please help!!!!!

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Michelle - posted on 05/19/2011

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I have two 7 year old boys, a five year old boy, and a three old boy. Someone is always testing me. For the most part they don't give me to much attitude. Not saying they don't, but nothing in excessive of what I would expect.

I don't know what you have done in the past with parenting, family situations, issues at school, etc , so it is hard to give specific advice.

What I do and have always done with all my boys is positive parenting. That's not say they don't get time outs and privileges revoked because they do. Whenever I see body attitude, tone of voice attitude meaning they might say the correct words but say it with attitude, or any type of disrespect I call it out.

What I find is that they always test me every once in awhile, but as long as I call it out and don't let them get away with it, the attitude ends.

Sometimes I ask them is their a reason they are having their attitude. Are they tired, hungry, personal issues, need some quiet time, etc. I also will ask them 'Do they feel good when they treat me or others with disrespect?' and such. And asking them about their disrespectful behavior doesn't excuse it, but you both can hopefully find a solution easier.

Try to call out disrespectful behavior every time you see or hear it.

As other posters have commented have stated reinforce positive behavior. When they are done with their time out and they didn't give to much attitude about their attitude, say 'Thank you for listening. I appreciate it.' Or whatever. Also, I will sometimes go in near the end of a time out and talk to the boys. Ask them do they know why they are in time out. What can they do to not get in time out or in trouble again. Etc.

Also, make sure you and your partner don't treat your kids or others with disrespect, too. They will pick up on it and repeat it.

Other commentators have given great advice. It is not easy always being on top of the ball with calling out bad behavior and remembering to call out good behavior. But it is worth it.

Good luck!

Eleena - posted on 05/19/2011

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i have been having this problem with my 9 year old boy,and as far as i can see it is for attention.i have started a course called positive parenting,basicly it teaches you to focus on all the positive things they do,if you catch them being good,tell them,set up at least 10 minutes a day of ''special time' for just the two of you where you can do something together.Try and ignore the bad behaviour and praise all the good,even if its just taking her plate to the sink,brushing her teeth well,i didnt think it would work,but we have seen an improvement in my sons behaviour.Also if remember to thank her if she has been good when out.The more special time you have together the more she will see that you do care and are interested in her life,and she may open up to you more.

Roxanne - posted on 03/14/2013

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i had this problem with my four year old and now i know what to do. If it has to come to it here's what you do YOU HAVE TO GIVE HER A SPANKING. i know you love your daughter a whole lot but you can't let her go around like this. now dont give her one of those spankings where you hit her once, see her cry and immediatley stop and hug her. No. that is just going to tell her: She cant hit me so i'll act however i want. give her at least three swatts on her bottom and then send her to her room. no matter what do not apologize for it! and if you have to do it a lot then you have to do it a lot. and the older she gets is the more swatts she gets. hope i helped u. :)

Kalda - posted on 12/23/2011

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Don't give her anything my daughter gets very mouthy I'm sorry but no Christmas for you until you change your your attitude if she get unruly in public start leaving her home when she wants something ignore her and if it's that bad then YES SMACK HER BEHIND I'm sorry these kids today have no fear of parenting but they want and expect everything and until we stop giving in they will learn to respect us or deal with the consequences. I have three girls and have been thru hell with the first two now there grown now but my youngest is starting early so nip it in the bud I hope this helps.

Christy - posted on 05/18/2011

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When my kids get out of line like this or with homework, I take away all their privileges. No TV, no friends, no electronic devices. You'll need to figure out what is important to her and take it away. I let my child know it's for two days. IF the child can show respect, and mind and be helpful, THEN s/he can receive privileges back. If that doesn't happen after two days, we will keep practicing. The whole point is to practice. During this time the child gets to spend a lot of extra time with me having fun, doing chores, working on dinner, etc. Some of it should be quality time. When the whining starts, remind her this is practicing what is appropriate and you really would like to give her privileges back.

Once they're not on restriction anymore, I let my kids know we can do it again if needed. It's important to practice appropriate behavior and I enjoy spending extra time with him/her.

Yes, this is a bit extra for you, but whatever you decide on you have to be willing to follow through. I also recommend the book, "Parenting with Love and Logic." You might be able to find it on CD at your local library. It teaches you how to implement natural consequences so that the punishment fits the crime.

Christy
mother of 4!

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Katrina - posted on 05/18/2011

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I would let her know how you are feeling about what she is doing. Some children do not understand how the way they act is looked at. Maybe explain to her that until you can take her somewhere without feeling embarrassed or ashamed that you will not be taking her anywhere, find out what the root cause of the behavior is and take tiny steps to change the out comes.

Janet - posted on 05/18/2011

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I'm going to stick my two cents in here - because I think that the mother's who've posted before me have some great ideas. So here’s what I would do if I were you.



1) Pick one thing first as said by Kristin Hilder



2) Find the thing she uses the most and restrict it until she provides the desired behavior for situation 1. (Also thanks to Kristin).



3) Try to talk to your daughter when she’s not upset to see if there’s a particular reason as to why she’s acting that way. Be prepared for her not to walk to tell you – try to remain calm. (as said by Julie Evans



4) Try to spend some time with her, on her terms.. Maybe take her window shopping or go for a walk.. I have no idea what you’d both like to do together, but try to make an effort that way – again, be prepared to be shot down here, but the point is that you try..



5) This is something that parents forget a lot (myself included) but it’s very very very important to remember. Catch them being good. Catch her when she’s being nice, calm or whatnot, and just mention it. “You know, I really liked that you came to ask me something instead of yelling from the bedroom; that was great! I appreciated it.” It may sound odd, but people really like to hear when they’re doing well instead of when they’re doing poorly.



6) Keep a journal of when she’s disrespectful, what she says, what happened just before, and what happened immediately after. You may see a pattern which will help you to determine what the issue might be, even if she’s not willing to open up to you.



I know some were repeats, but I know it helps me to summarize LOL. – Good luck!

Deepti - posted on 05/18/2011

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since u have already tried every possible ways.. try some other way which is more gentle.whenever she is in good mood , talk to her and try to figure out the problem. if she has any problem at school or with friends.
u can share some of ur childhood experience or create story where she can get the message of behaving well.
if u can find some movie then show her which talks about relationship in fun way.also go to this link for help:http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/...

Julie - posted on 05/17/2011

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This may sound patronizing please forgive me, have you tried asking her why she as become so unhappy and angry'encourage her to sit and talk to you without fear of punishment if she can't put into words ask her to draw a picture of how she feels. Lots of children go through these phases my youngest grandson thought his mum only wanted a baby he thought she did not want a big boy because she kept treating him like a baby feeding him etc, so he became scared that mummy would not love him if he grew up. Little things can become very big problems to a child, you need to make special time for your daughter where you just sit and listen or do something you both enjoy together
best Wish's Julie Evans mother and Grandmother

Kristin - posted on 05/17/2011

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Also when she starts to actually try, create a a warning word for her(and with her) when you notice her starting to show the behaviour you don't like. Like when I see you starting to be "behaviour", I'm going to say "pickle" so you have a chance to redeem yourself. :D

Kristin - posted on 05/17/2011

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Pick one item you are really having trouble with. Start with that, is it general rudeness, how she treats you specifically, nail down your biggest issue with this at the moment. Now sit down and figure out what she uses for toys the most, or is it tv time, or computer time. Now, sit down with her. Tell her each time "behaviour I don't like" happens I am going to take one "barbie" away. To get the "barbie" back you need to go 1 day without said behaviour. Now this will take about a month of work. Be patient and consistant. Do not change what you decided in the begining. Make sure the items are special but not security items, also make sure you can deal with her not having it for a day or in the beginning quite a few days. A friend swears by this, she used her daughters porcelain doll collection. The dolls weren't a big deal until she got down to the last one and it really kicked into gear then. Good luck, whatever it is you decide to do, remember be consistant in your response. Decide one thing and stick with it for a while, these things take a good month to turn around.

Karen - posted on 05/17/2011

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My 7 yr. old son and my best friends 9 yr. old have the same attitude and disrespect. the 9 yr. old started acting like that at about 6/7yrs. old. I'm slowly starting to see a change in her, but her mom is still sressing. so I think it's a stage. they are testing their limits. We keep reminding our kids we are the mom and they are the kids. what we say go's and that's the end of it. Try not to let her see that it bothers you. They thrive on that. My son actually told me he is trying to make me hate him. lol. I said "well you can try as hard as you want to, but I love you and there is nothing you can do about it. So you better just get used to it and learn to deal with it" Don't argue w/her. Put it plain and simple. She is going to respect you and that's that. Sometimes if I can make a joke out of it I will. He will come out calling me a stupid head or something. i will giggle and not long after he thinks about his made up word and laughs too. If he's cranky we look up funny youtube videos and laugh together. It usually gets him to cheer up and be nicer to me. I think they are screaming out for attention. A change in daily routine. I don't know.

Jane - posted on 05/17/2011

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Wish I had an answer for you. I go through the same thing and my daughter will be 8 in a few days. Although unfortunately my daughter's behavior is caused by my divorcing her father and him bad mouthing me, etc. I will tell you, I took her to see a child behavior counselor and it did seem to help. Gave her someone to talk to outside of the family and not feel pressured by worrying about hurting anyones feelings, etc. My daughter doesn't want to say anything to hurt my feelings so she shuts me out. Plus it doesn't help that her father tells her not to talk about anything that goes on while at his house bc it's nobodies business. ( real mature way to handle a divorce, I know right) We have shared parenting so the children are with him half the time and me half the time so it makes it difficult to raise them the way I want to. My only suggestion would be to check with your health ins and see what kind of benefits they offer towards mental health and maybe take her to see a counselor/therapists. Wish you all the best.

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