behavior problems.. does wrong and knows it.

Sara - posted on 05/18/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have 2 boys my older one (douglas) is 7 and my youngest is (ryly). ryly for at least 2 years is having behavior problems and he knows it is wrong but still does it and repeats doing it. He does join in a early childhood class and go's to daycare while i'm at work.. 1 time ryly was in his early childhood class and tore apart the whole room cuz he said"i wanted to go home and be with mommy and watch t.v". You tell him to stay by you in the store and he will run ahead or if you leave the idle and he's not ready he will stay there til he's ready. he teases he's older brother knowing he makes him mad. plus douglas has add,adhd, autism. If you tell ryly NO to movies,games, outside anything he will scream and yell and throw things and run off if need be..I've tried alot for punishment but nothing seems to work.. please help..

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Amanda - posted on 05/20/2011

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There are books called Love and Logic that I read and applied to help raising my children. It is very easy and really helps take some of the stress away when you use it, but takes a little bit of practice. I have 3 children, (2 boys 13 &11 and a girl 9) and the books really helped me. My oldest son has ADD/ADHD and I didnt want to medicate him so I had to find other ways to help him learn to control himself. Like the diet Christy mentioned (I would add to take out all bleached products i.e...white bread) learning relaxation excerises to help focus, but in doing so my younger son would act out since I was spending so much time and energy with my oldest. I think the "trainning" that Christy was explaining is kind of the same idea. I have found that the more stressed and frazzled I was the more out of control my children became. I would think that if Ryly is otherwise ok other than his behavior he is probably wanting some control and feels he has none so he misbehaves and gets to then control how you or his brother feels. Once you give him other control like that his behavior will reflect how he spends his free time, what to do when spending time with just you or what you will have for dinner one night, he will maybe calm down a bit.
Good luck, I hope I helped some.

Andi - posted on 05/20/2011

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As for me I've watched the Nanny deal with many children with that disposition and saw the nanny change their behavior. I only speaking about myself here have been raised with a military father who always had strick guidelines and we paid our consequences!!! .I had saw on the television show the Nanny She keeps everything out of range of the naughty chair, it didn't matter how long the childs temper lasted they were sent their. The child would get up and the parent put them back with a calm tone. "You stay there for (minutes per year of child) Repeat sending them back and starting the time over if they persist getting out. Reward only when the child does good. Have a calendar that you can place stars on and when he gets stars all the way across then he will get rewarded with per say a toy. You need to stay firm and strong and don't show any fatigue infront of him. He will in time "give up" but anytime he starts this up, you need to repeat this process. As far as school distruction, I would tell him that he can't act this way because he will be placed in the naughty chair or time out chair what ever name you want to name it, and tell him his action of not behaving "he won't get rewarded" . If the other child deserves it then reward the other child. Be strong and don't reward negative behavior.
My daughter is now 8. When she misbehaves I tell her that she is on restriction. I've showed her that all of us have restrictions if we mess up even being adults. So if she leaves her room a mess after 3 times of me asking her to clean it up then I tell her no TV for so many days and I can add to that if need be. For example. No TV, Nintendo, Play time, Computer time etc
I hoped that helped.

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Laura - posted on 09/10/2011

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Be consistent and do not ever ever ever give in. Make sure you follow through on all punishments, not just a threat. Find what works and stick to it. Let him know why he is being punished. It is not going to be easy at first, but you have to let him know that the behaviors are not acceptable.

Ilene - posted on 05/22/2011

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My seven year old thinks it is funny to misbehave. He has adhd although the school teacher thinks it is aspergers. Doctor says not enough time to watch him to tell if it is more than ADHD. He thinks it is so funny when he gets in trouble and continues to do the things daily that get himin trouble. I just don't know how to get through to him.

Tania - posted on 05/20/2011

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i have same problem ...i have 11 yr old with autism and his younger brother drives me crazy ...he sound s the same i think its just an age thing . good luck

Christy - posted on 05/18/2011

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Put your boys in "training" individually. I start training with my kids when they're 2 years old. You'll need to do some research as to what extra that will entail with your autistic son. It is possible! I don't know if you are willing to medicate the ADD/ADHD, but that might make it easier to deal with his autism if he doesn't have so very much going on. The autism can also be medicated. If he's as difficult as you describe, I highly recommend you seek professional help for him.

I do know that diet can help reduce the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, which helps calm the mind. NO SUGAR! And low carb diet helps the mind not be so very busy. Also, oddly, caffeine is GOOD for ADD/ADHD (without the sugar) so regular pepsi or coke or whatever your family preference should help calm him down. If it were my kid, I'd go for the mt. dew! That's my personal preference, but it also has more caffeine. I know these may be difficult lifestyle changes, but for your own sanity, it may be worth it.

Ok, back to "training." One on one, you help the child understand what you expect of him. I start when they're two because at that point in time they are old enough to understand me, and small enough for me to physically remove them from a situation. For example, at the grocery store with my two year old, we practice holding the cart beside mommy. If and when s/he lets go and wanders off, s/he is put in the seat and buckled. Tantrums result from my taking away the privilege of walking. So I whisper to the child that we're practicing how to be good in the store. When s/he is quiet and ready to try again, I will let him/her down so s/he can hold the cart again while we walk through the store.

It takes a year or two but this process is SO worth it. It teaches your kids to mind and behave in so many more aspects than just holding the cart. The funny thing is I now have teenagers and when I take them with me to the store, they hold the cart even though I don't need them to anymore!

I would recommend you start a community for mom's with autistic kids. While I don't have a great deal to help you with it, I have friends with autistic kids who are doing great! Do your research, keep training ongoing with your 7 year old and be positive, use reward systems! He will do so much better with structure and expectations! You will also have to train the daycare as to how to handle him.

Don't give up! The good Lord would not have given you this challenge if you couldn't handle it!

Christy
mother of 4!

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