Birds and Bees -- Please Help!

Marlana - posted on 07/06/2013 ( 19 moms have responded )

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My 8 yr old son asked me last night .. Mom, where do babies come from? I first said my belly -- He said NO. "How do they come out, your butt"??? I said No way Christian. I said umm.. "the stork" he said whats that? I said a bird? He said "yeah right" ! I changed the subject and I said maybe you should talk to your dad? (we have been separated since he was a tiny baby) we both are remarried. He begged me please, don't tell my dad? I don't know what do to? He still believes in Santa Claus so I don't think its really time to have the birds and bees talk?? Could someone please help? I'm not comfortable with how the conversation was left? I want him to always feel he can talk to me?

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Jen - posted on 07/16/2013

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As a parent who pushed off this conversation much longer than she should have with one of my kids, I'd say if he's asking, tell him. You don't have to dump every detail on him, start simple and basic and if he seems satisfied, you can wait for him to ask for more. Since you already ended the conversation, I'd say a book would be a good way to break the ice and start over - you can talk and then he can have the book to look at on his own. There's a million books out there - some are meant for very young kids, and others go into a lot of depth. Pick something you think is right for your child.

But if he's curious, he WILL try to find out. Whether he asks his friends, tries to find books about it at the library, or googles it. If you let him do that instead of talking to him, you risk him getting misinformation and/or finding out WAAY more than he was ready for.

Julie - posted on 07/11/2013

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If they are asking, they are ready to know...I bought the book "IT wasn't the Stork" and read it to both my boys. They surprisingly really enjoyed it. Covered ALL the bases, and if they had questions, I'd answer with as minimal truth as needed. Now the book is in there library with all the other books so they can refer to it any time they feel like it

Lauren - posted on 07/11/2013

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My 7-year-old has skirted this issue as well. I've kept it as basic as possible and been honest, telling him, "As you get older, we'll talk about it more, but for now, that's all you need to know." I basically tell him that it takes both a man and a woman to make a baby (with the help of God ...he relates well to connections to our faith). Our bodies are made of many parts that determine how we look and how our body works, and some part of those are the same as our mom and some are the same as our dad. For now, I use the term "love" in place of sex--"Two people love each other and both play a part in making a new baby." But as he gets older, he will obviously learn that not all babies come from the same situation. For now, it works to simply say it takes both a man and woman to make a baby together and that a baby comes from a part of my tummy through my "private parts." Usually, I'll say, "Isn't that silly? Our bodies work in funny ways." And then I remind him again that as he gets older, he can keep asking questions but that there are certain things he doesn't need to understand yet. Good luck!

Shawnn - posted on 07/08/2013

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Honey, he's asking, and you better be ready to tell.

Honestly, do you really want him to grow up with the whole stork idea, or that babies come from the cabbage patch?

Give him age appropriate answers, but don't lie to the kid, he already knows more than you want to give him credit for. The more uncomfortable you are with it, the less likely you are to be forthcoming with information throughout his life. If you can't address human sexuality, how in the bloody hell are you going to have the relationship talk with him when he hits dating age?

Carla - posted on 07/26/2013

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I was honest with my daughter when she got curious around 6yrs old. She asked how she got out of my belly. I told her straight up. Every once in awhile she will have another question and I answer honestly but don't go any further than what she is asking.

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Diane - posted on 08/02/2013

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if hes asking so directly (and using his imagination, "your butt", to get the answers) hes old enough to know the truth. with the correct words. in this country we teach our kids that sex and their body parts are taboo...so ridiculous. look where thats gotten us. teen pregnancies, etc etc. maybe if our kids were correctly informed and allowed to embrace what they are capable of, and the responsibilities that go along with it, we'd have a more empowered group of kids, making better choices.

Holly - posted on 07/23/2013

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You can use nonspecific terms that are still correct. I don't use graphic terms with my kids so they don't disturb others when they talk. My kids know breasts as "the place where babies eat." Gives function without offensive terminology. C-section birth is easy, you just show the scar & say the dr. took you out here. Vaginal birth can be described as a "special baby exit/way out." Whatever you tell them, you can make it vague but true. If you don't, you will lose credibility & next time they will ask their friends, not you... My son is 8 too. A really good book for life inside the womb http://www.amazon.com/Angel-Waters-Regin... It gives them basic info, but not enough to be too much. Good luck.

Jenna - posted on 07/23/2013

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Be honest, I told my 8year old how his bang sister was going to escape the womb! He was fine! Just said ' that must hurt' we didn't need to go into detail about how the baby was made or got there he just wanted to know how they come out and was satisfied with the answer :)

Mel - posted on 07/15/2013

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Im very honest and stick to anatomical terms. If you act embarassed then hell pick up that its something shameful or requiring secrecy. I told my kids from about 3 that babies come out of your vagina. Theyve never questioned any further - they immediately lost interest in fact.

Rachel - posted on 07/14/2013

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It's funny- most people can't even tell you how birds and bees are necessary for cross pollenation, and other natural processes. Good grief, what good can really come from not educating? do you know how young kids can start masturbating? How young they. can be addicted to porn? You have to be an active agent in giving your kids a healthy mature and happy sex life, or the culture will just spread the attachmentless emotionally dead adrenaline driven sex education du jour. Nine is definitely old enough.

Michelle - posted on 07/14/2013

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If hes asking questions, give him the info. 8 is not too young to give basic facts. There is no need to go into details about how a baby is created, he simply wants to know how it comes out. My 6 year old knows that a baby grows in the uterus and is most often born coming out of the vagina. He also knows that some babies, if they can not come out the vagina, that they are born by C-section; an incision into the belly. Kids should know their anatomical parts (boys have a penis and girls a vagina). I was always told if a child is asking questions, then they are ready for the answers. There is no shame in knowing the info. If you don't tell him, someone else will, and you may not like the answer he gets. Also, he is too old to tell him a bird brings it, he clearly saw right through that answer and you are setting yourself up for him not to be able to trust the info you give him on any subject. Be honest and open, and you start a great relationship for him to come to you as he gets older, and into his teen years. If you make him think its a taboo subject, he will not come to you for answers and advice in the future. All 3 of my boys (6, 9, and 12) know where babies come from, and how they are born. They know a woman's breasts are for feeding and that is why men don't have them. My 9yr old knows that a baby is made by a sperm from dad and egg from mom (he has not asked how they come together, so i did not give any further details. When he asks, I will tell). I'm only now just telling my 12yr old about sex and all that goes with it. It is an open subject in my house, and in turn my kids feel they can ask me anything and i will tell them the truth.

Lisa - posted on 07/14/2013

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I never mentioned anything about the indigos and sex, i responded to this last night, saying 8 is to you, i would tell him hes from heaven, so if you look above, you will see.

You had better keep your attitude in check. I don't know who you feel your talking too, I'm not a kid. so shut up.,, you have no idea what you talking about, you seem to be very angry person, or someone who goes out of their way to create drama and conflict. stay out of my posts, go out and take a walk

Tenesia - posted on 07/14/2013

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When my oldest daughter was 8, she said to me, "Mommy, I know how the baby gets in your belly. God put him there. But, how are they made." Naturally, I wanted to tell her anything to keep from teaching her what sex is, but I thought it best to tell her the truth. My husband and I were separated at the time (we are still married, now and the relationship is stronger than ever) but even though she didn't want me to talk to him about her asking, I still did. I explained that her dad loves her as much as I do and before I told her how babies are made, that I was going to talk to him about it first. I would want my son to have that talk with his father, too, but if he really doesn't want to talk to his father, I think you should still answer his questions with the truth, even though you are uncomfortable, and explain to him that it's good that it is a good thing that his father know's that he wants to know and that you are going to tell him. Also, let him know that he about to start changing, and there are things that only a father can teach a son. Just as there are things only a mother can. That's my experience and opinions anyway..

Lisa - posted on 07/14/2013

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at 8 yrs old, i feel thats to young, im sure he heard of this from friends, school, etc. I would say "Heaven" and talk with him at 13.

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2013

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Check out Amy Lang of Birds + Bee's + kids.

She will get you on the right track.

If you are not being honest your Son will not come and ask you again as you're not going to tell him the truth. You want to be the expert on all things related to sex, not his friends or their siblings.

Brooke - posted on 07/12/2013

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If he is asking, then it is time. Just answer his questions honestly, and don't add any details unless he asks. Truly, he will most likely be so grossed out that he won't ask any more.

Enna - posted on 07/11/2013

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It sounds like you panicked. :) This was one of those subjects I thought about way before it was time because I was so embarrassed and I was afraid I would freak out and say something goofy (like the stork).
I think what Lauren said is good advice. I have a couple things to add: You don't have to give a lot of details, but in a few years he will be learning it at school anyway. If he's not sure about it, then he will probably hear about it from his friends, especially the ones who tell all to their kids. Some parents think you should tell them everything (including vocabulary) from the beginning. And finally, Who do you want your soon to hear about this from: you, his friends at school, or whatever they teach at school.

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