Boy and Girl sharing a room

Teresa - posted on 11/28/2011

Since I receive assistance from HUD (otherwise known as Section 8) I would like to add one thing... They USED to care about ages and sexes of kids in bedrooms and would fund accordingly. Now because of budget cuts... they fund for 2 people per room regardless of sex, age, or relationship. That would be why, as a single mom, I will probably NEVER be able to get my son out of my bedroom... cuz his 2 sisters have the other room. ;)

Crystal - posted on 11/28/2011

There is no problem. We adults tend to make more things up in our heads than is in reality. I'm with Shawnn I believe it was...the only time a child is going to "explore" is if they have already been tainted by someone else...such as an adult. If a child has never experienced being molested, they aren't going to be curious about that. My kids have never shared a room but my son has crawled into his older sister's bed occasionally and still does it. They are now 14 & 11. He does it for comfort. Sometimes he's scared at night and just likes being in the room with someone. My kids have even slept on the floor of my bedroom when they were freaked out. Neither of my kids have ever been molested and neither have ever shown an interest in "exploring" the opposite sex. They just don't think like that because they've not been exposed to that. Kids only do what they see or what has been done to them. I've been a stay at home Mom all their lives and I've never left them alone with anyone I thought would do them harm so I'm 100% confident nothing has happened to them. That said...it really doesn't matter. It's all a personal choice. Again, too many parents/people overthink things and ultimately screw things up because they see something that isn't there. I think it's perfectly fine. Just make sure the kids have their own space to change clothes. My son doesn't even want ME in the room when he's changing. They learn modesty when you teach it to them. I've always told them it's inappropriate for them to be dressing in front of each other and so they'll find privacy. It's all how you teach your kids. If you don't teach them those things, then yes, you might have to worry. But if you have actual conversations with them and talk to them, they will understand and they will follow what you've taught. It's inactive parents who have problems with their kids. And for the record...I've been having the sex talk with my kids from the time they were 8-9 years old. It's not a topic that we discussed once and left it alone. It's something that's always being discussed and so far, my kids have been good about not getting too curious about it all. My daughter hasn't even kissed a boy yet. So I'm a firm believer in talking to your kids about anything and everything. The specific details you go into depend on you and your child. You know what they can and cannot handle/understand.

The decision is ultimately up to the parents. If the financial/housing situation necessitates siblings of the opposite sex sharing a room, then by all means, do what needs to be done. Again, one child can dress in the bedroom while the other dresses in the bathroom or they can take turns. There are ways to make it more comfortable for you. It's your discomfort that prevents you from wanting to let them share the room...not theirs. They don't know enough yet to be uncomfortable, but they will feel your discomfort and will then wonder what the problem is. And the government doesn't have the right to tell you what you're sleeping arrangemnts should be in your own home. Like someone stated: are they going to provide you with a house that allows everyone to have their own rooms? I think not. Families used to have to share one and two bedroom homes and the way the economy is these days...it's getting back to that. I know several people who are downsizing, including ourselves, because life has become more expensive, yet the income hasn't budged. The house we're moving into is much smaller and is technically a two bedroom house, but the owners converted the carport into another room, which makes it a three bedroom. We had to move, though, and if we had to, we would have made it so my daughter would have to share a room with her brother. He has a bunk bed so it's not a huge issue. Luckily, though, it has that "extra" room. But we still would have figured out something that would have worked without them being uncomfortable.

BTW...I'm studying psychology to become a counselor/therapist specializing in adolescents. No degree yet, but I'm getting there. :)

Deb - posted on 11/28/2011

I agree with Shawnn Lively. It depends on the kids and the situation. I know when I was younger we lived with my grandmother off and on and I had to share a room with bunks with three of my brothers. I've had to do it with my own kids on occasion, especially my youngest two. They were close together in age and it was like separating twins when they got their own rooms, they really missed each other.

Casey - posted on 11/26/2011

My boyfriends kids and my son share a room. Its a very large room. They are 4(boy), 4(boy), and 7(girl), they all have their own beds and my step daughter has a huge walk in closet that is all hers. They dont mind. We dont have any other option right now. We are hoping to find a 3 bedroom min. house by the end of next summer.
I dont see the problem in it as long as there arent any problems. We havent had any.

Terri - posted on 11/23/2011

My Brother and I (1 yr apart, me older) shared a room out of necessity until we were 10 and 11 or there abouts. I don't recall any problems. Now we are in our forties and normal, productive adults. So I don't see a problem, except that boys tend to be messier!

Shawnn - posted on 11/22/2011

Oh my...The numbers of people who will assume that little ones sharing a bedroom will lead to exploration...

Children know what they are taught. If they are molested, then they will be likely to molest, and to start at an early age. But, honestly? Your average 3 year old is NOT going to fondle their 5 year old opposite gender sibling. Some people need to quit being over cautious.

And, family services are nanny staters. They want to dictate how you live. Is family services going to provide a larger home to a family who's opposite gender children are forced to share a room? I haven't seen it happen yet...

I have known opposite gender twins that shared a room their entire lives without a problem. It truly depends on the situation!

Shawnn - posted on 11/22/2011

I think it depends on the situation. How much room is there in the house? Are the kids behaving inappropriately, in a way that causes concern about molestation issues? Are the kids "connected" in that they are upset if they are apart?

There really isn't a big problem with room sharing. Historically, genders have been mixed in rooms, based on the same questions I asked above.

Night time is a lonely time for little ones, and having someone in the room that is familiar, whether its brother/sister, or two brothers or two sisters sharing, it's a company thing.

Now, once they are getting to the age where privacy will be a concern, a screen dividing the room, or alternate arrangements should be in place. Had a niece and nephew that shared a room from the time my niece was born until her mother moved to Illinois. The first thing she said was "I miss my brother". There was no inappropriate behavior, and neither kid seemed to suffer from the sleeping arrangements. In that house it was the only way to get around one having a bedroom, and one having a nook...

It would be nice to hear from those who are adamantly against it, as to what the reasoning is, just to have a solid comparison

Meg - posted on 11/22/2011

I don't think it's OK. Neither do social services in many states...just FYI. Most apartments have guidelines that follow social services too.

Victoria - posted on 11/21/2011

I have a 4 yr daughter and 3 yr son. They have shared a room their whole lives. We have decided that once my daughter starts school (next fall) then she'll move in with my eldest daughter. Until then I see no har in the sharing a room.

Tania - posted on 11/21/2011

I personally think it's ok. They will let you know when they need their privacy.... I have 10 yr old boy/girl twins and they have always shared a room together, even when they had their own room, they still sleep in the same room. I just have a twin mattress floor for one of them to sleep on. They do have their privacy time. They just like to sleep in the same room together.

Teresa - posted on 11/18/2011

For those that have a problem w/ it... When you have no space, it's NOT a problem. My brother, Dad, and I all lived in a one room cabin for a year and a half when I was 16-17 and brother was 19-20.... Granted, as kids we had seperate rooms, but really... not an issue (except that my dad and brother both SNORE! lol). My kids step-siblings (boy and girl) currently share a room and they're 6 and 14. They've shared a room their entire lives and will until the house addition is finished. When you have no space... you do what you have to do. It's only 'inappropriate' if someone MAKES it inappropriate. :)

Aniesha - posted on 11/18/2011

I think for as long as they're comfortable with it, it's fine. When I was 11, I shared a room with my 7 yr old brother for a couple of months, it was fine, then we both wanted our own space, so moved on. Obviously we had our privacy for things like getting changed etc.

Sharlene - posted on 11/17/2011

At that age is okay for now , But when your son's probably 5/6 yrs old you might want to move him in his own room,I n my case 7 kids , 3 older girls sleep together and 2 older boys seperate room from girls, Agers 9 to 7 month old. I hope this might help.cheers

Bunmi - posted on 11/17/2011

I dont think it is ok for they will need privacy as they grow older

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2011

When they start showing signs of the need for privacy then you want to look at finding separate rooms if you can. At that age they're fine. My daughter's 9 and when she's at her dad's she shares a room with her 5 year old half-brother. She's recently though started to feel she wants privacy so I have a conversation with her dad. But until she started feeling that way, no need to change it.

Sherri - posted on 11/15/2011

Hell so many families have no choice and their kids share a room of different genders till they are grown. I can't possibly see why anyone would ever have a problem with it.



Who gives a rats ass if they know the difference in genders.



I personally think way too many people way over think such innocent things and make them into evil bad things that have no business being so.

Amber - posted on 11/15/2011

when I was growing up me and my brother did this kinda thing all the time. Now, not so sure. I think kids are to curious these days. Stuff can happen you might not want to. I would say if it can't be avoided then you can take different precautions to avoid stuff. Changing in a different room. Different beds. Set rules. It's never to young for rules and to sit down and talk to each other.

Kelly - posted on 11/15/2011

My kids are 8 (daughter) and 6 (son) and they share a room out of necessity. They have bunk beds, and my daughter is afraid to sleep alone, even though she cant see her brother, who sleeps on bottom. When they get dressed, my daughter changes in their room and my son changes in my room (I am a single mom living with my parents). I don't see anything wrong with it, but I know my daughter is getting to the age that she wants friends to stay the night, and then they sleep on the hideaway couch in the sunroom. I sleep on the couch in the living room.

Teresa - posted on 11/15/2011

I have no problem w/ it as long as THEY have no problem w/ it.

Patty - posted on 11/15/2011

My children, a boy and girl, are 4 years apart, and they have been sharing a room since my son was an infant. Partly due to the fact that we don't have a whole lot of space, the kids share a room. My daughter will be 10 in a few weeks, and pretty soon, she will need her own room. However, both of the kids really seem to enjoy sharing their room, and they miss each other if one is not there. We recently bought a bunkbed for them, and they love it! They play well together, and are very close. I do think for a 3 and 5 year old, it shouldn't be a problem.

Audrea - posted on 11/14/2011

My children are also half brother and sister ages 5 and 4 and they share a room. They have bunkbeds and they love being together going to sleep. I think it is ok as long as they are in separate beds of course and have private places to change. But after a certain age, I'd say 10 or so, then it's definitely time to separate them.

Tamara - posted on 11/14/2011

My youngest two (7 and 9) just recently moved in to separate rooms when we moved because we didn't have anyplace else for them to go, now they each have their own room and miss each other lol

Jane - posted on 11/14/2011

As others say, at age 5 or 6 they should be separated if possible. That is the age when they become more aware of gender differences.

However, if space is limited, then a temporary divider can give each child their own space. They could stay like this until about 3rd or 4th grade. Once they get to ages 11 or 12, they do need separate rooms.

LEAH - posted on 11/14/2011

I think it depends. If you can avoid it I say great. But I know back when I was growing up there were many families who just could not do anything about it. They managed,

I have a 5 year old son and an almost 7 year old daughter. They shared a room for a brief minute when they were around 1 and three. I had to switch them out because they were keeping each other up at night lol.

Katherine - posted on 11/14/2011

I dont feel it is okay, they need separate rooms if they are above the age of 5.

Denikka - posted on 11/14/2011

I think that up until school age, 5 ish, it's fine. Unless they specifically ask for their own space.
I would give a certain amount of privacy for things like changing, either they go into the bathroom to change clothes, or in the bedroom individually. But for playing and sleeping, I don't see much of a problem with it for 5 and under.
After age 6 though, or when they request the privacy, I would definitely be separating them into their own rooms.