Bullying

Jennifer - posted on 02/11/2010

HAVE YOU WENT TO THE SCHOOL TO LET THEM THAT YOUR SON BEEN BULLIED FROM ONE OF HIS PEERS FROM SCHOOL IF NOT THEN YOU DO SO BECAUSE IF YOU DO NOT STEP IN IT MITE LEAD TO OTHER PROBM AT SCHOOL AND THEN IT MITE BE TO LATE THIRE ARE ALOT OF KIDS THAT GET BUILLES FROM SCHOOL AND THEN BEFORE KNOW IT TO LATE

Kevyn - posted on 02/10/2010

I have dealt with a LOT of bullying issues this year. We have a 6th grader, a 4th grader, and Kindergartener in the same school. Let me first say this (with absolutely no finger pointing), as a parent with a child who has been continually bullied... I was horrified to find out that my stepson was actually doing things to make the situation worse. In other words, Two kids bullying each other ended up coming to us as "Dad, Kev, I'm being bullied by so-and-so all the time by x,y,z" That's where we are now. What has led us up to this point are these actions I have taken: ABSOLUTELY talk to the school. You need to know what they are (or aren't) seeing and have them explain as thoroughly as possible. These days, schools have moniters EVERYWHERE and also school resource officers affiliated with your local police department. Secondly, I followed the kids to and from school on random days, to see what was going on when we weren't around. Make sure you find out your child's part in this whole deal. Ultimately, my stepson is in a group at school that talks about bullying and how it affects others. HIS bully is in the same group at a different time because they can't be in the same place together. I think it's silly but I wholeheartedly believe there is a reason and it can be circumvented with the right information and tools. DIG for that information, then find the right tools :) All of the eyes and ears of the school should help - staff, friends of your child, friends of the bully. Most kids school age children still don't want to get snippy with adults, especially ones who are making themselves known around the school. Above all - teach your child the difference between self-defense and assault and to know his rights as an individual. Also teach him that self-defense should only be used in an emergency or when no adults are around to assist him. Otherwise, we stick with the 'tell the teacher' routine. Our conversations usually go like that 'Did you tell the teacher?' "No.." 'Why not?' etc etc. Bullies are aweful, but also a natural part of the growing up process.

Jamaica - posted on 02/10/2010

go to the school anyways and talk to the principal and make sure these other kids' parents are notified. let ur child knw its ok to fight when defending hiself. i tell my kids that if they get hit they better hit back at all times. u have to teach them to not be afraid of size, age, or any of that stuff. most bullies are cowards who pick on the ones they knw wont get back in their faces. running away doesnt solve it and it sends a message to the bullies that they can intimidate u. if ur son doesnt stand up to them he will be running from bullies all his life and u dnt want that.

Vicky - posted on 02/10/2010

I phoned the school and spoke to my sons teacher when he was in a simular situation and explained what was happening and that my son was worried about me speaking to them. The school was great and gave a talk about bullying and keeped a watch out for my son, they caught the bullys in the act and dealt with them and the bullys didn't know that my son had told on them so no repocussions for him.

Sharon - posted on 02/10/2010

am sorry my son was going thro same thing he is aged 9 i ended up goin to the school and talking to headteacher with out my son knowin and got it dealt with because he was pretending to b ill always late

Sherri - posted on 02/10/2010

I think if it was me, I would still go to the school, or even the parents and say something. I know he doesnt want you to, but children think differently then adults. He thinks if you do something about it, then it will get worse. If you try and talk to the parents and let them know what their kids are up to, you are letting not only the bullies know that your not going to tolerate the behavior, but you are letting your child know that he needs to stick up for himself, and if someone is picking on him, he shouldnt have to tolerate it either.

Elizabeth - posted on 02/09/2010

Unless it is physical then take ever measure possible to get the matter settled..

Elizabeth - posted on 02/09/2010

I would like to recommend reading the Barbara Coloroso book " the bully, the bullied, and the bystander." It has some good stratigies to help with.. If he is truly afraid maybe it might be time to intervene...If it means speaking to a higher authority I would bullying is a no go zone for many scools and is really looked down on... And who knows if there are threats of being charged or if you involve the parents it could help... but really just support you son show that you understand and that he is stong and that you love him... So then he has somewhere to go if he feels like he has no reprieve. The best thing you could do is listen and be there for him

Amber - posted on 02/09/2010

Joanie- my daughter is in the EXACT same position. THe kids on her bus are constantly teasing her and bullying her ( according to her they are not hitting her) but she did get in trouble for punching one in the arm after he pushed her forward whilst getting off the bus. She's taken Tae kwon Do, which has helped her develope confidence, respect and integrity. She understands the difference between violence and defence, and I think that all kids should take some form of discipline and self defence training and learn that as well. You can't prevent bullying, but you sure can teach your kids to defend themselves.

best of luck!

Brandi - posted on 02/09/2010

Thank you all so much for the information!

Jenni - posted on 02/08/2010

if the school is doin nothin, go higher up over the princapals head if that doesnt work go 2 ur local paper... ive been there n u ave to speak to the school cause at the moment they r gettin away with it hey.

Erin - posted on 02/08/2010

My son is involved at school with the safe school ambassador program, and I've heard him talk about the things that they teach him in this program... one of the things is to distract the bully by changing the subject. Have him find someone to walk with him in the halls... and I do agree with what one woman said earlier in the comments... he has a right to defend himself if push comes to shove. I know that is the worst case senerio! Talk to him about being a leader in these situation, tell him to stand tall, make eye contact... bullies pick on kids who appear weak. If he's shy talk to him about his confidence and what it means to project confidence to others. Kids unfortunatly have to step outside their comfort zone and "fake it till they make it!"... going to the school will generally make the situation worse. I would only go to the school if it is really bad. Children need to learn how to handle their own situations, and if mom pops in everytime there is a problem, he will be made fun of... trust me, I've made that mistake! Tell him to be proud of who he is and lastly tell him none of these kids will make a bit of difference once they are out of grade school!

Jennifer - posted on 02/08/2010

I am having the same problem with my fifth grader. She now wants to move schools. I went in and talked to the school counselor, and he has been meeting with her. This has allowed her to talk about what is going on and not let the kids know she told. They have been very good about protecting her privacy till she is ready to come public to them. We also have been reading a lot of books about bullies and talking about things she can do. Hope some of this helps. It seems to be a long process, but letting it go could end so bad this day and age.

Lisa - posted on 02/08/2010

Teach him as much as u can to walk his on walk that being himself i better than anything and that these boys are horrible now but they onyl do it for reasons of insecurty ... they r threatened by him obviously ... just be there for him and make sure even if its every day u tell him theree is nothing better than being yourself

Brandi - posted on 02/08/2010

My husband and I are friends with the principal out of school and she gave us some pointers. We will be going to talk to her in school as soon as we are finished with all of these snow days!

Dara - posted on 02/07/2010

I would volunteer to be in your child's classroom for a day...Follow the class, see what happens, but don't involve yourself if your child is being bullied while you're there. Alert the teachers, assistant principal, superintendent, etc. Don't let the bully get to you too! And most of all, don't even let on that you've contacted the school. If it gets to the point where it's physical, tell the school you'll alert the proper authorities if nothing is done about it.

When I was in 6th grade we had a balcony at the end of a staircase. I was going to class, and a bully had tried to push me over it. I lost most of my books, but worst of all, cracked a couple of ribs on the railings. I reported it to my principal, and the school didn't look into it, and did nothing further than call my mom so she could take me to the doc. - - This was about 15 years ago...When bullying, according to the principal of my school, "wasn't a problem". (asshole!)

Anna - posted on 02/07/2010

Having gone through this myself I wish I took that option of approaching the school first. So my advice to you is go and speak to his teacher. I would do it not in a negative way but in a way to make them aware of what is happening and avenues that they can take to stop this from occuring. Why does your son need to know that you have approached the school???? The school have ways of being discrete, and you do want them on your side. You can continue telling your son that they are the ones with the problem and not him.Oh Dr Phil son book that his written is an excellent reference book.....

Angie - posted on 02/06/2010

I have to agree with Lee Vang on most things but disagree with her last thoughts..... DON'T GO TO THE BULLY'S PARENTS. They will defend him and things will get WAY worse at school. If the bullying is physical let the school know that your son has been given permission to defend himself and that you will deal with the consequences of that later. Understand, if he is seen fighting he will likely be suspended. It's not fair but that's life. I've been through this with my own son so I totally understand how you feel.

Lee - posted on 02/05/2010

I've given both my kids permission to FIGHT if they are defending themselves. If they're being bullied, I've told them to give the bully a fair warning. First, let a teacher know. 2nd, let the principal know. And 3rd, if it still continues, beat the crap out of the bully. I'm not a fighter and I am not OK with my kids fighting, but I expect my kids to stand up for themselves when I'm not there to protect them.

You should seriously consider your son's safety and speak to the bully's parents. It's your job to keep your son safe. Speak to the teacher and principal.

Kimberly - posted on 02/05/2010

I have a 6 year old and I hate when he comes home and tells me someone has been mean to him. I just want to go & take that kid's lollipop away and stomp in the ground. Now I sound like a bully. The one thing I remember about bullies is they don't usually mess with you if you are in a group of friends. I bet your child is not the only one being bullied and as the saying goes, "birds of a feather flock together" so get them to stay in a group.

Kimberly - posted on 02/05/2010

i just won my daughters battle of being bullyed for 5 months shes 11 and in the 6th grade i teach my kids to defend themselves but my daughter is not a fighter,she does have a mouth, these girls from her school sent highschool girls to jump her thankgod i found out about it first i went and talked these highschool girls myself and they stopped then the girls her age kept going with thier stupidness and my daughter did not want me to go to the school ethier her attitude changed alot she put a armor up i finally talked to her about letting me go to the school and i told her trust me so i went i raised hell and yes they called her a snitch and would keep harrassing her and i kept right on fighting for her going to the school calling them and telling them they were responsible for my daughter and if any thing happend to her i would have thier ass so this lil girl turned the bullying on my daughter every time i would cry sometimes at night for her having to go through all this i would wish i was young so i could kick thier ass so it all comes down to the bully was expelled from the school yesterday she broke down confessed and ratted all her friends out so we won! yay! i say go tell the school let them now and tell your son to hold his head up high these kids are just losers

Rere - posted on 02/05/2010

i would go to the school, talk to the principal, get these boy's parents to front up and have a meeting with them and if it doesn't stop get these boys expelled or press assault charges. If all talks failed i would visit the school while they're on a lunch break and see how they like being bullied!!!!

Joanie - posted on 02/04/2010

My daughter is 6 and in k5 class. She has a bully that is in the first grade and rides her bus. I was able to put a stop to the girl bulling her on the bus, but in the hall ways in school is a different story. This little girl has sent my child home with bruses on her leggs from being kicked and sores from being scratched. If it was only name calling I would tell her to ignore it. But because my daughters case is physical, My daughter knows that it's ok to defend herself. My daughter is tough, we scuffel alot and she hits really hard to be a small kid but she dont like to hurt other people. She wants to be friends with everyone. But there comes a day when you have to put your foot down and let bullies know that they can't treat them that way. With my daughter it took this girl to start bullying my daughters best friend for her to stand up to this kid.

Kellie - posted on 02/04/2010

I am a fan of Dr. Phil's and his son Jay wrote a book "Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies." You can buy it on this site: www.drphilstore.com. Hopefully it will help you and your son come up with a solution to this growing epidemic. Keep him talking to you and help him reason things out. Find out what he is saying to himself about it to make sure he is not "believing" the lies. I'll be praying for him.

Kammy - posted on 02/04/2010

My suggestion is to help your son feel confident. If they are name calling, reassure him that these boys only call him names because they are not confident in themselves.. If they are roughing him up, then tell him it is ok to simply walk away. And if worst comes to worst, he is aloud to defend himself.

Sharonda - posted on 02/04/2010

My daughter will be entering 6th grade in the Fall, and my husband and I are petrified that she will endure the same kind of behaviors. Our daughter is so timid. She has already said that she hope the kids don't pick on her in the higher grades. She loves school, and plan to be a school teacher one day. We got our fingers cross, hoping, and praying.

Marie - posted on 02/04/2010

dear brandi i understand where you are coming from i wish i could help but i dont have all the anwers im right now dealing with my son being bullyed.