Computer restriction for an 11 year old.

Silvia - posted on 03/31/2011 ( 21 moms have responded )

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My 11 year old boy is asking me to take his computer restriction off. He is a nice boy but things could be very tempting, I don't allow him to enter certain websites, he has time limits, can't download certain things, I have to put my password for him to do so. I tried to explain but he is telling me that I don't trust him and I do to certain point ... friends or the net can get him into trouble. How can I make him understand that this is not a punishment? or am I too strict? Please suggestions.

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Sara - posted on 04/02/2011

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this is a tough one, i admit....the challenge is being the protective parent, which is what i aim to always be, and the parent who tries to help your child grow and experience life in a social way, with necessary limits...i am a single parent and reluctantly let my son have internet privileges when he was 11 (he is 12 now) - with very clear rules: both his father and i have the password to his email, no chats online, no "friending" with people i don't know, the computers are in the main living area and we are in the room when he is online......we check his email every night when he is in bed and i must say, he did well for close to a year until I recently discovered that he had disobeyed one of the rules.........the consequence was that he lost all priveleges for 2 months.....we have discussed the dangers etc and while he understand before, he clearly knows now - he still has the same limitations and i still have the same trepidations....there will be no second chance - if he makes another mistake, he has NO priveleges.........but, i felt that i had to let him grow a little bit on his own so i gave him back his priveleges- I still have my daily checks and balances but the fact is, kids, especially close to the teenage years, will do what they think they can get away with - the key is watching them diligently and not letting them get away with things they know they shouldn't - and talking with your child - really talking with them.

Dawn - posted on 04/10/2011

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I have a 16/13 year old & they still have restrictions on there computer.. Just keep telling him it has nothing to do with him it has to do with all the bad people & things that can just pop up on a computer..

Heidi - posted on 04/13/2011

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You are definitely doing the right thing! He doesn't have to agree with you or understand it, he just has to respect your rules and trust that you want what's best for him.

Zandra - posted on 04/10/2011

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you are not strict at all! You are doing the right thing. Him asking you to take his computer restriction off is a red flag! KEEP IT ON!!!

Julie - posted on 04/05/2011

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You keep it up. I have restrictions set up as well as time limits. If we don't do it, they would be on all the time. We also have our one computer in a highly accessible and visible place. NO secrecy allowed there. My son wants to meet his friends after supper and we have a rule about no "screen time" after dinner. He has to wait till the weekend or he gets it as a special treat.

Keep up the good work Mom.

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21 Comments

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Sherri - posted on 04/14/2011

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I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and allow him the freedom and only if he breaks your rules or trust do they go back on. Your kind of telling him you don't trust him.

Autumn - posted on 04/14/2011

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I think I will be the voice of dissent here. I think it is important for kids to be able to have their own relationships, and build their own life. 11 is the cusp of teenagerhood.. if he hasn't done anything to violate your trust, why not trust him? If you're worried about accidental porn, you can put programs on the computer to keep him from going to porn sites. I think it shows respect for your son to let him have his own life without snooping. If, on the other hand, he violates the trust by doing things that are against the rules, the snooping gloves could come off. That's my take on it, anyhow.

Dina - posted on 04/13/2011

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Online limits are good but making the right decision is very difficult and I struggled with it. Now day’s kids are on the computer for everything like reading plus, text book, assignments and online chatting on skype. I call it the skype generation. It is very scary and hard to control especially when all the kids are on facebook and don't understand the long term consequences of posting photos and the wrong words. A girl in my friends kid's school reported her friend for showing her bra while chatting on skype with her and a boy from her class and took a picture of her doing that on skype. The School considered this child pornography and the family of the girl who showed her bra were reported to Child Protective Services by the school. Things can get messy and complicated. I was always afraid of being too strict which could backfire and make kids do things behind your back. I felt as long as I know about it, I can monitor it and advise or teach my kids about the responsibility that goes with using facebook or chatting with friends online. I am also afraid of what they might do behind my back. I read all my kid's messages and I think it is always better to have your child use the computer in family room or kitchen so you can see and hear what they are doing. Sometimes when siblings are in the picture your kid might want some privacy to talk to his or her friends, do give some privacy as long as there is no locks on their doors and they know you can walk in and check on them at anytime. Raising kids in the internet generation is so difficult and they grow up so quickly too quickly.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 04/05/2011

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Hes 11, he needs restrictions on things. The net has a lot of smutty stuff these days as wel as somr other bad influences.
Just explain to him that its not him you dont trust, its everyone/everything else on the met that you dont trust/like.
At the end of the day you are the mum. He is the child.

Meena - posted on 04/05/2011

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It is very important to control kids internet/computer habits at this age. My son is 13 and I have restricted him to 1 hour internet use..U have to convince your son abt the misleading kids by others at this age and parents needs to protect their children getting harmed by the people who look for the opportnities to mislead/harm children thru internet...Sit with him and show him news regarding this..there are so many children getting abused on/thru internet..Hope he will understand..

Deepti - posted on 04/04/2011

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u can make them join some sports club or dance class or something similar which we will leave less time for computers.

Deepti - posted on 04/04/2011

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i agree with u ... u r doing the right thing.. u can tell him that too much of computer can damage his vision and he should get more involved with his friends and participate in some physical activity rather than sitting in front of the computer... also u can place some monitoring software to keep a watch on him...
visit here:http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/...

Keri - posted on 04/03/2011

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no you are not too strict, keep it simple and reinforce the parent-child relationship. it is not about trust or not trust, it is about being a parent and setting healthy boundaries and rules. I have an 11 year old, he is only allowed 1 hr a day of video game. that is it, no if ands or butts. that is my rule and I am the mom. explain the difference between punishment and love, and show him love when he is not playing on his computer. that is what I do. seems to work. and he enjoys the time we spend together without the video games.

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We have NO gaming systems and won't have them. Unless the kids buy them for themselves when they are older. Then... I might consider it. Not at this point though. I don't care that everyone they know has one. I'm only mom to my kids. :)

Silvia - posted on 04/02/2011

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Thank you for all your comments. It is pure pier pressure as well. It breaks my heart when he tells me I don't trust him. This age is very tough and he is not a teenager yet OMG! I have 3 boys and I refused to give them the wii or xboxes, I encourage them to play lots of sports, they are very active, but most of their friends have these electronic games. I'm old fashion and I don't know if that is a good thing or I have to just go with "the program". It is sad to see kids exercising their thumbs, I can't stand it!

Cori - posted on 04/02/2011

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I never thought of doing that. We are just coming into this so this was an interesting point of view.

[deleted account]

I think you are doing a GREAT thing. How to explain it properly to an 11 year old boy is not something I have a clue on though. My girls are only 9 and have a lot of limits as well. They don't object yet (except for wanting more time, but that's just tough).

Lisa - posted on 04/01/2011

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I actually looked in on this conversation for some ideas. I have the same problem with my 13 year old. He is on the computer and face-book ALL THE TIME. It is so hard since it seems like everything is done on computer nowadays and our kids social life seems revolved around the computer. My husband answered the phone yesterday to a friend of my son's who (thinking my husband was my son) immediately said, "go online, so we can chat" I couldn't believe it, why not just talk on the phone?
I also monitor what he is on and I am sure that it is only face-book and play-station 3, but he is still on there way too much. BTW, he does have many other interests and is involved in physical activities.

Heather - posted on 03/31/2011

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Go girl! You are doing the right thing. When it get down to it, his safety and health (time limits) are your responsibility and you know more about the dangers of the internet and too much computer access, than he does. Maybe explaining to him that he will slowly have more access to time and internet options as he gets older but that 11 is still childhood. Motherhood is sometimes about making the hard, unpopular choices because you love your children too much to allow them to be the boss! Well done! Keep it up!

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