Correcting toiletting issues in a 7 yr old

Kim - posted on 07/25/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have a wowee of a question. Our 7 and a half year old refuses to go to the toilet, choosing instead to wet her pants wherever she is. We have just had three fully wet (down to her knees) knickers and trousers in the last four hours alone. We have tried stickers and rewards, hourly reminders, encouragement, even a smack on the bum - she lies to us about it too - and nothing is working. We are aware that her mother believed her to be fully toilet trained day and night between 18 months and 2yr old...hmmm! Any ideas? It is an issue which is causing so much stress in our house that it is becoming unbearable, because our daughter simply doesn't seem to care!

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Brandy - posted on 07/27/2009

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Unfortunatly as a teacher of student with behavioral issues this is frequently a way that children tend to express behavior. Since there is stress between the 2 households your daughter may be feeling the stress, even if you are trying to conceal it from her. This issue along with the lying sounds like a control issues. Many children will do things like this as a way to control something, when everything else in their lives is beyond their control. I also agree with the person who said to not spank her. Negitive attention is better than no attention. With some children the spanking is worth being able to control something. Good luck!

Kim - posted on 07/26/2009

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Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. Yes, her mother lives in a separate town to her father and I (for those with that query), and yes, unfortunately there is a great deal of stress between the households - we try to ensure our daughter is unaware of this though. I am seriously hoping that it is not an abuse issue (however it has crossed my mind - various actions, comments etc she has made...) and we have attempted to seek help on that line too, but have hit government beaurocracy every step of the way. We shall keep trying, every new idea helps - we've had the medical side checked out, and also the psychological to a certain extent, but as I say, she lies quite freely and especially to health professionals (and they, of course, believe her - being that she's seven!) Fingers crossed that we will finally crack the mystery and soon, because it's affecting every part of her life - particularly at school when the other kids tease her because they don't understand why she does it...

Ashley - posted on 07/25/2009

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Who is her mother? This is confusing, I'd take her to a doctor right away and stop hitting her. This is a sign of something wrong, perhaps as small as a bladder infection or as big as something worse ie abuse.

Dawn - posted on 07/25/2009

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I agree with everything everyone has said!! Have you made her sit in it for awhile or make her clean her own underware out. Every child is different... if you have tried everything else ie.. treats, stickers, apprasial, discipline, and reminders then maybe it is a medical issue.

Christine - posted on 07/25/2009

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Is this an adopted child that just came to live with you? The reason I ask is b/c you say that "We are aware that her mother believed..." If so, this could be stemming from emotional issues, attention issues, or any number of things. Or, if she was toiletting just fine and then all of a sudden started this behavior I would have her seen by a doctor (possibly a psychologist) b/c these types of behaviors can sometimes be indicative of sexual abuse. I'm not trying to freak you out or anything, I just wanted to propose what popped to my mind as a teacher (and a mom, of course).

Mimi (Hilary) - posted on 07/25/2009

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Like Tammee said, she may have a medical condition.. sometimes the bladder can weaken and be difficult to even realize you have to go potty .... I would take her to a doctor to rule out any medical conditions... if there have been any big changes in her home life such as a move, loss of a parent, or a seperation forrm a close relative etc... this could be causing the problem anything to stressful on a child can cause this....



if you find that its out of laziness .... I recomend you make her wash the items of clothing her self by hand ... my son at 5 started getting lazy.. and I made him "wash" the clothes by hand.. ( i still rewashd them afterwards with out his knowledge) after having to wash his wet clothes 4 or 5 times in one day the problem stopped.



also explain that holding it is not an option sometimes when a child is haveing alot of fun they try to hold it so they can keep playing ... next thing ya know theres an acccident...

Tammee - posted on 07/25/2009

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Hi Kim, Have you ruled out any medical issues? Sometimes a new baby can trigger this behavior. If there have been any other changes in her behavior emotionally it is possible that something bigger may have happened or is worrying her. Hope I was helpful.

Tiffany - posted on 07/25/2009

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my five year old is doing the same thing! i'll be reading the replies too =) hang in there its gotta end sometime right?

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