Dealing with highly emotional 10 year old daughter

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Kat - posted on 04/10/2013

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My daughter is 10 as well and her emotional roller coaster is making my own anxiety extremely on edge. My husband is military and away a lot so my two sons (11, 12) try to help out as much as possible, but my daughter is so emotional and mean to them. My 11 year old is very protective of her and plays with her a lot, even gives up his time with friends to be with her, but her attitude lately is getting to the point where he feels she doesn't like him and he tries so hard. My 12 year old son is Autistic and argues with her non-stop, I can't keep them in the same room together without an argument. When my husband tries to talk to her or even help her with her homework, she gets angry when she can't figure it out and starts crying, he can't say ANYTHING to her without her crying or yelling at him for something and he tries so hard to be there for her when he can, completely spoils her too! When I try to talk to her she cries and thinks we are ganging up on her. She throws things, screams, gets angry and cries. She is a great kid at school, the faculty loves her, she does what she is told 90% of the time, she is smart and funny, we do things together as a family all the time, but lately she has been a walking emotional bomb and everyone is afraid to be near her. I don't know what else to do or how to explain it to my sons, especially my autistic son. When he is socially disconnected as it is, its hard to tell him to ignore her and hard to tell her that the things he does and says is not directed towards HER in a negative way. It's been so difficult =(

Tiffani - posted on 03/30/2013

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I have a 9 year old who struggles with emotional outbursts (self control). Example she was just playing a video game on the computer and she starts with the dramatic comments and then starts crying because she cannot get further in the game. The emotional outburst are not daily and not with every situation. When she starts crying she really struggles with calming herself down. How do I know if this is hormonal or something else? How do I help her control her emotions?

Even when disciplined for something minor she will dramatize it to the extreme. She is for sure a drama queen.

[deleted account]

Yes, it seems to be the magic age when hormones start kicking in. She gets mad at my husband a lot b/c he likes to try to joke with her; she proclaims, "Ah! You just don't understand!" a lot. LOL.
If she's really out of control, I say, "Listen, it's okay to be mad but it's not okay to act disrespectfully toward your parents." Also, if she's in a negative way of thinking(which I tend to do on my own but recognize it in others) I try to reframe things in a more positive way while still validating her feelings. For instance, if she says, "My friends can NEVER come play, they hate me!" I say, "It feels that way now, but just last week Cindy came over." That kind of thing.
Good luck to one and all-- I have a feeling we'll all be needing it and a boatload of patience.

Lisa - posted on 03/04/2009

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Wow its great to know I am not the onlyone out there. I have an 11yr old and she has been very moody lately. She will be arguing with me one moment and then so sweet the next like nothing happened 2 seconds later. I keep telling myself it i just a phase.

Denise - posted on 03/03/2009

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I have a 10yr old daughter doing the samething.  So I did some figuring and ladies this may scare some of you but I noticed it happens quiet regularily.  YES monthly!  I am understanding that it is a phase they are going through pre-pubesently.  Like it is preparing us for what is going to happen SOON.  I also have the add bonus of her being mild special needs and ADD.  Talk to your daughter.  She may not even understand what she is feeling either.  Take a time-out for both of you!  Have mommy and daughter time.  Prepare her for what is happening to her emotionally and physically without scaring her.

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16 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 10/18/2012

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Yep. My daughter got her period at 10. Crazy. They are babies still and don't understand what they are feeling. :(

Jia - posted on 10/18/2012

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Hi moms

I have 10 year old daughter n she has already started her periods.... hey leslie can u tell me plz how does ur daughter control her attitude when u point her out so i can give my daughter advices.

Heather - posted on 10/14/2012

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my 10 year old crys at the drop of a hat. I'm ready to pull my hair out because it seems like nothing I say or do can make her stop. I hope this passes soon.

Morag - posted on 03/08/2009

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My eldest is 9 (10 in August) and the emotional outbursts are amazing. Certain things on TV she had to stop watching, not because it was inappropriate or scary, but because it was emotional at the end and she would just dissolve into a gooey emotional mess (Cold Case and Ghost Whisperer being the worst when they all made up at the end etc not to mention Pocahontas). Its all hormonal. She's just started developing her breasts recently so I know puberty is at fault. I just try and cuddle her and tell her I love her, how special and beautiful she is, etc...and wait out the next one. Its embarrassing to think though that I was once the same. :(

Lisa - posted on 03/04/2009

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I am having the same thing with my 8 year old the last couple months....my very first thought was it was her ADHD and the meds but she had a crazy growth spurt and there is a frequency to when her moods were.....same time as I get my monthly....go figure...so I'm thinking there will be some other physical changes in the next year or so....she will be 9 soon and her grandmother on dad's side who she takes after got her first monthly when she was 9....I'm hoping the emotional part of puberty lasts for a while...I can deal with mood swings, after all I have the advantage of being somewhat of an expert on that....lol...but I just don't know if I'm ready to teach her how to use feminine products at 9!

Leslie - posted on 03/03/2009

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I have a very emotional 11 year old, she is very moody and the smallest things set her off, it especially seems to be directed at me, we have talked about ways to express irritation or anger without having temper tantrums and we agreed that when she starts to act inappropriately to me I will nicely point it out to her and she would work on her techniques to handle her attitude...so far this seems to be working for us, we will see how long it lasts.

Tina - posted on 03/03/2009

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I'm in the same boat! My 10 yr old has been acting like a mini diva and being rude especially to me. She is the oldest of 3 girls. One night even though i didn't want to I played bingo with her and her sisters. After that she came and asked me what we could do together and I said "how about I help you with your room?" so we went and rearranged her room. I probably spent about 30 min with her alone. After that I had my old child back. I think they just need to know you still love them and want to spend time with them. While we did her room we talked about school, friends, etc. nothing big just small talk.

Amy - posted on 03/03/2009

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She has always been really emotional. Her dad just got back at Christmas from his 2nd tour in Iraq. The first one he was gone 1 1/2 years and the next 7 months. She is the middle child so I am sure that is tough also. I just feel bad for her and wish I could make her life better. I know hormones and her age are not helping. I am planning a mommy and her day thought that might help.

Vickie - posted on 03/03/2009

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I have one of those too.  It seems like this is new 13.  Their hormones are starting to change.  They want to cry one minute and get extremely angry the next.  Unfortunately, it can be little things that set it off.  We are trying to be sensitive to this in our household.  We aren't tip toeing around her, we are just more in tune to what actually sets it off. 

Tina - posted on 03/02/2009

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My oldest is barely 13 and I have a 10year old also. My oldest went through the "phase" of swinging emotions. My 10 yr old is doing it now. I found with my oldest I was able to help her a bit by talking to her when she was having these emotional outbursts. She was alot easier than my now 10 yr old daughter. This one I had to get into therapy. We have to take the time to try and help her understand why she is upset and make her aware in a loving way if it is an appropriate time to express the way she is. We have to do it in a delicate way as to not make her feel like she is wrong for having feelings. This could lead to her shutting down and or other serious issues. We try and help her to find other ways to express what she is feeling. Its a long hard road but it seems to be getting better.

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