do i need 2nd child

Natalie - posted on 11/11/2010

it's you and your husband's choice, i don't know what being an only child is like first hand(baby of 10 and grew up with 16 niecees and nephews there is a 24 year gap between my oldest sister and i) my mom passed away 3 years ago and i am so greatful to have my siblings to lean on i do have my husband and 2 best friends to lean on but they could never take the place of my siblings r my niecees and nephews i grew up with weather it's a hurdle in mi life i must over come or it's just to remember the good, the bad, and the ugly growing up we always have each other for those memories; however i've witnessed second-hand with my 6 year old son kind of how it is 2 be an only child he gets lonly true he has his cousins but once he gets home it's just him mom and dad and he always complains he have no one 2 play with my daughter is due to be born in Feb. and he will be 7 not long after so because of their big age difference i know they will still probably be worlds apart for now but in the long run the age gap probably will not make a difference, i'm 29 and just as close to my 52-year-old sister as i am 2 my twin who is only 3-mins. older than me. so don't rush into a deciaion even if u get pregnant now there will be at least a 5 year gap between your kids so they would be in the same age group anyway, if the two of you still decide that you don't want anymore kids then just try 2 make sure that your daughter has a close bond with her cousins or kids of a close family friend, school friends r good but unless u live in a small town they tend to change rapidly every year then once you get 2 middle and high school you tend to loose touch with them when they go to a different school or begin having different intrest.

Eugenie - posted on 11/10/2010

Hi Shweta, I don't know what your plans were during courtship (as far as how many children) but now that you have one child, I'm sure there are many factors to consider....

I have a seven year old son who has been constantly asking for siblings ever since he was about three - four years old. I thought he would have gotten passed it by now, but it only gets worse. It doesn't matter where he goes or how many children stops by his home, as soon as they leave he gets very sad. He said it's not the same as having his own brother or sister, which is true, and God knows it hurts my heart. I would have given him a brother or sister in a heartbeat, but the most important ingredient is not available right now.

Some children handle being an only child differently, and in your case, your daughter seems to be doing okay by herself. Also, your hubby is not ready to have another child - and maybe never will be.

I would definitely tell everyone who ask me if they should have more than one child, that they should - if they have the necessary ingredients and their health will allow it. However, you all are a unit now, and you have to be in agreement in order to keep that unit in tact.

Hope it all works out for the best for all of you!

Deanna - posted on 11/09/2010

I personally think you need to tell everybody to mind their own business. Your husband and you are the ones having, and raising your child or children not them. Not all parents want kids or even more than one. Others love kids and want dozens or just a few. It doesn't matter how many you want but it does matter what you and your husband want and can handle. If you and your husband are fine with one and don't really need or want more then I say good for you. But I also think you need to tell the nosy Nellie's to butt out and mind their own business.

good luck

Tiffany - posted on 11/09/2010

Only have another if you want to. My husband and I received pressure from tohers saying we were selfish not wanting to have another child but I had a difficult pregnancy and in my husband's family there is a genetic disorder that has a 50% chance of being passed onto a child, and our son does have that disorder.

We could not outweigh the risks and will only be having one child.

Rebeca - posted on 11/09/2010

Well in fairness it should be both of your decision you should not be denied a second child if that is truly what your heart desires. Though to answer your question no. I myself have one child. It is tough raising a child especially in todays world. My parents and others still pressure me and my daughter is 10. I have times when I think about it but then I think about it and enjoy the time and things I get to do with my child. I see other parents with multiple children and it is hard to spen individual time with them all and not that there is anything wrong with more than one child. It just is not for everyone. Even my daughter decided against it after actually spending time with friends that had younger siblings they drove her crazy with all the screaming and the fact that the little one always wanted to butt into what they were doing or their friend would sometimes get stuck watching the little one. So it is all in how you feel.

Breda - posted on 11/09/2010

I have 2 girls theres 3yrs difference and they r very close..I know it doesnt work out like this but i think every girl needs a sister!! I can imagine how spoilt my oldest (now 9) would be as an only child. At the end of the day its what you both decide what counts :)

Shweta - posted on 11/09/2010

thanks all of you who respoded to this problem of mine....it definitely will help me to take better decision

Candace - posted on 11/08/2010

Will your friends and mother support a second child financially? Will they be dealing with the stress on your body durning pregnancy? Will they be dealing with sibling rivalry, waking up in the middle of the night, and diaper changes on a regular basis? Then you and your husband need to be the ones deciding when (if ever) it is time for you to bring another child into your life. Tell them if they're so worried that THEY should be having a baby so THEIR child can keep yours company! Perfect solution!

Jakki - posted on 11/08/2010

I'm always getting on circle of moms and urging people to have another child, so I'll do it again - have another! No but seriously, there are always risks to having another - eg it can be tough because the 2nd might be a difficult child, the relationship with the eldest could be bad, it might strain you financially etc etc... but on the other hand, it is more likely that it will be the best thing you ever do!

Re the age gap, my 1st and 3rd children are girls and 4.5 years apart, and to my surprise they play toegther a lot. But I wouldn't leave it for much longer if you do chose to have another because by the time there's a 7 year gap or so, I feel there'd be less opportunity for being close.

Angie - posted on 11/07/2010

We planned to have only one child because my son and I almost died during his birth. I was at the funeral of a friend and watched how the man's adult children comforted each other. Only they had the memories of their father that they could share. Only they could offer that kind of support. I didn't want my son not to have that kind of support when we die. Now he has two little sisters and I can't imagine my life without them.

Karen - posted on 11/06/2010

What do you want? You should have another baby because it's what you and your husband want and not because it is expected or others think you should. Having another baby now would put them outside of each others age group.
I have an 18 year age gap between my two children - and its great! They absolutely adore each other! It also meant that my 23 year old had all the opportunities we could afford and now with my 5 year old it is the same. My friends are always running about trying to meet the need of two or more children at a time and trying to fit in hobbies, sports etc with each of them. Both my children are outgoing, confident and have lots of friends. The age gap wasn't planned, it was just circumstances, but I have had/have the opportunity to enjoy both of my children. But honestly Shweta, it should be a decision that just you and your husband make.

Sharon - posted on 11/06/2010

Do what is right for you. Honestly, there are times I wish I'd never had a second.

K. - posted on 11/06/2010

Have another child if you and your husband want another child. If your daughter needs friends in her age group then take her to the park where she can meet some friends. A sibling who will be at least 5 years younger than your daughter isn't really considered 'company of her age group' anyway. Do what's best for you and your family.

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2010

Only have another child if you both want to. It's also ok to wait a few years. I had another baby when my son was 6 years old because that's when we were ready. I didn't want to have my kids close together and it has worked out very well so far.
Having just 1 child isn't a bad thing! Do what's best for your family and don't have another baby just because that's what people expect. Do it if you want another baby - you will be the one to take care of it after all, not all those other people!

Geraldine - posted on 11/06/2010

I have 3 boys and it is a lovely moment watching them play together and learn from each other. I am so glad I never left it to having 1 child, children need interaction with other children, company in the form of a sibling is how they learn and grow.

Ashleigh - posted on 11/06/2010

i can understand your husband saying that but it is lovely to watch your children to grow up together i have three girls and my there is never a dull moment when they are together they sit there having lovely conversations with each other .