do you always feel guilty about being a working mom?

Kay - posted on 07/21/2011 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I am a mom of 4 and 5 year old boys, I am a working mom and the older my children get the more i feel like they need me at home more...is this a normal feeling, does anyone feel like i do?

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SiewYean - posted on 07/28/2011

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I never know that I've such strong motherly instinct until I had my kids. Yes, I definitely feel guilty when I was at work...not to mention the business trip I got to go. After think hard (very very hard) for two years, I finally quit from my high profile career and become a WAHM. Though financially it may not be as rewarding compared to my high profile career but it is satisfying. I get to be with the kids and work as and when I want to. No reporting to bosses too!!

Chrystal - posted on 07/26/2011

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One think I have learned is that children never stop needing their parents. Even teenagers really need someone there to make sure they are doing what they need to do and to give loving support. I stayed at home with my daughter until she went to kindergarten and stayed at home with my son until he turned two and I found the perfect job. I felt bad about not staying at home with him as long as I did with his sister. I really enjoy my job and feel that working while my children are in school is a good way for me to use abilities that I have to help others. I have a sense of accomplishment each day and I come home from work refreshed and excited to see my children. They are also excited to see me and we enjoy our time more that we typically do when we spend every waking moment together. I also stay active in their lives by taking off work to be the "class mom" during parties and I help with their sports and extra activities. I never just drop them off for practice and leave. I really think staying to watch them and helping them get better at the activities they enjoy helps with the guilt. Some mothers have to work and the only thing we can do is make it work for our families. I hope you feel good about your decision to work and you are able to give your boys the most of yourself when you are with them. Don't forget to give yourself some time too.

Heather - posted on 07/21/2011

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I felt the same thing especially when the kids were pre-school, and I think the older they have got, the more they have needed me. I have reduced my hours so I only work school hours now so I am always there at school to pick them up, although do work during the school holidays occasionally. To me it is important being there so that they can have help with their homework or even being able to listen to what they did. My life is now organised around school hours, so I have quality time with the kids and no longer feel guilty about working as well.

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Teresa - posted on 08/04/2011

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I think the older children get the more supervision they need. I'm a working mom too and as my son gets older my husbadn is going to have him more and more at work. My husband works for himsel and it will do my son good to help him as he gets older. I don't think there is any age children should be alone.

Kristi - posted on 08/03/2011

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Know that there is guilt associated with both decisions. I have been a working mom and am now a stay at home mom. While I was working I felt bad about not being there for my kids. Now that I am home with them I wonder if I am making the right choice by not contributing financially to the family. As women we will always second and third guess our choices. Its what makes us so good at doing what is best for our families. Whatever decision that makes you happy will be the right one because if you are happy your family will be too.

Dawn - posted on 08/01/2011

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I absolutely love being a mom, but I have always felt guilty that I was not home w/ my kids when they were younger. I had to work though, so it really wasn't a choice. It has always been hard that they don't get as many playdates as the kids w/ stay at home parents. They even make comments about it now, but either way, I do what I can to help w/ that. Now that they are school-age, it has been easier overall. I do feel bad that I can't volunteer often at their schools, but I try to help out in "centers", at classroom parties and field trips (try to do at least one of each a year, more if possible). This helps so that you can get some idea of how things go in their classrooms and so that you know who they are talking about when they talk about their classmates. It makes me feel a little more connected to them. I also spend all of my free time w/ my kids. It is very rare when we have someone else watch them when we are not at work. I try to make the time I have w/ them count. As much as we can feel guilty, it is really the quality time that matters.

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I honestly do not feel guilty working in the least bit. I am a teacher, and I love my career (some days more than others!) I've always felt that if you feel guilty working, then you are in the wrong line of work. I honestly crave adult interaction at work, and quite frankly I am good at what I do. My son has never lacked for anything while I taught part-time, and then when I returned to teaching full-time. He thrived in his child-care & preschool settings. Plus, as an only child, it was so very important for him to be with kids his age on a daily basis. Now don't get me wrong and think I DON'T enjoy my time with my son. That's not the case at all. I love being a mother! It's just that I am NOT the SAHM type at all!

Amanda - posted on 07/29/2011

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I work school hours after taking a two year break from work trying to be a stay at home Mum. As we live rurally I found that being at home was extremely lonely and I needed more mental stimulation then the physical, routine work I did at home. Financially, I feel the need to work to improve our quality of life and altho I'm a little stressed trying to get everything done, I definitely enjoy my work and love & appreciate the time I have with the kids after work & at weekends. I should add I have a great boss that allows me to attend school events whenever I feel the need!

SiewYean - posted on 07/28/2011

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I never know that I've such strong motherly instinct until I had my kids. Yes, I definitely feel guilty when I was at work...not to mention the business trip I got to go. After think hard (very very hard) for two years, I finally quit from my high profile career and become a WAHM. Though financially it may not be as rewarding compared to my high profile career but it is satisfying. I get to be with the kids and work as and when I want to. No reporting to bosses too!!

Kay - posted on 07/27/2011

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Thanks so much to all of you who took the time to answer it's been really helpful advice and grateful for the comforting words

Sara - posted on 07/21/2011

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I have always been a stay at home mom. Then recently I started subbing at the school where all my kids go. The problem is my youngest is still in preschool. So I leave her with my husband most times, but sometimes she goes to daycare. The maximum she would have to go is 9 hours a week, but it still makes me feel guilty. I think it's a normal response for any mom to feel guilt and like she's missing out on her kids lives. But you have to provide for them. Do what is best for your family and know that your kids will be fine in the end. Both my parents worked full time always, and I think it turned out fine. :)

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