Does anyone know how to help build self-esteem? My 8 yr old daughter needs a boost and I have run out of ideas.

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Hilary - posted on 11/16/2008

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Is your daughter involved in any activities? I have always had a really hard time with my self-esteem (who doesn't) and didn't really want my girls to go through the same things. I know that my husband have always used positive reenforcement and, when warrented, constructive advice (I don't like the word criticism). I have found that having my girls involved in activites that they enjoy (soccer, gymnastics, Brownies, art class) it really helps them feel good about what they can do and themselves. Also the best building block of self-esteem is example. Even though I have alway struggled with self-esteem, I try not to show my negative feelings about myself to the girls. It has actually help me as well, has me believing what I am showing :)

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2008

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Get her into, or spending more time on something she is good at. If there is a specific issue, problem at school, it will not solve the anxiety, but can ease the pain. Being productive is a real pick me up at any age.

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Marion - posted on 11/30/2012

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how can I help my 12yr old grandson to be more confident. and have more self esteen, can anyone help please!!!

Schmoopy - posted on 09/01/2012

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I agree w other posts. Get her involved in something she's good at and enjoys doing... Soccer, art, a church youth group, brownies. If she can hone a skill, she'll develop a sense of pride and accomplishment.

Jakki - posted on 08/30/2012

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Oh - have you thought about promoting "resilience" rather than "self esteem" - just google resilience in children and you'll find all kinds of good ideas. eg There's a book called "The Optimistic Child" by Martin Seligman. He says we should get away from the idea of boosting self esteem and think more about boosting resilience.



With my kids I find that doing well at something really helps them. So we don't fall into the trap of constantly complimenting our kids for whatever they do, because that is meaningless for them, but you give them opportunities to work hard to achieve something - and then they feel good about it and aren't relying on validation from someone else.

Beverly - posted on 08/30/2012

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My 8 year old grandson has low self esteem. How do you help an 8 year old with this? I know all the factors in his life but don't know how to get him to talk about things that he's worried about. He's a follower and not an ounce of leadership in him and we all want this to change.

Tammy - posted on 11/16/2008

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Ok I know how this will sound at first... because I was always totally against it!!! My daughter was taking several classes from a local gym and the owner and I had become friends. She always did a Christmas Pageant for the girls and made it fair for everyone, and everyone received prizes!! Well, she convienced me to just let my daughter try and see how she would do, so I reluctantly did. And I was right, so I thought... My daughter was terrified in front of the croud, I had to walk her across the stage, hand in hand. She did really well, I was just proud of her for being strong enough to go threw with it.





So after that pageant was over a week or so went by and my friend came to me again and told me of another pageant that was in a city nearby and that we should take our girls. I said ok no I am most definately not gonna be that Pageant Mom!! No WAY!! But she is a great sales person (I think she is in the wrong field, HA), why let the dress I had purchased for the first pageant go to waste at least let her get some wear out of it and sit back and watch...



Ok so she won again and we went, we get there a little early and I show her the big stage and show her where she is suppose to walk and do her turns and everything... the night goes on and it is her turn to go walk,... and my child turned to walk and turned to me and said I can do it on my own. Julie thank you so much for the advice, Lexie and I will never forget it. I was a VERY proud parent that night... because she did it on her own... and the bonus was she actually WON!!!!! It was an amazing night and I firmly believe this has made a very large awesome impact on my child life and future. We have only done a few pageants and haven't done any in a while, but she is no longer afraid in front of a crowd and is part of her school counsil and a real leader not a follower. I just hope it stays that way, she is now 10.



Tammy Cotton

Yeehaaajrfan@aol.com

Melissa - posted on 11/16/2008

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The Book "Girls will Be Girls " Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters is a great resource by Joann Deak. Sports have been wonderful for my daughter (9) - Girls Scouts or Camp Fire are great too.

Jamie - posted on 11/16/2008

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I want to Thank you all for the great advice. I have heard of and done alot of these things myself for her. So I will keep at the positive and hope that someday (soon) things will get better.

Michelle - posted on 11/16/2008

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Hi. I also have an 8 yr old and a 4yr old and 10 yr old-all girls. My 10 yr old has very low self esteem, we put them all in Karate about a month ago and it has made a huge difference. Martial arts is known to raise self esteem. I hope this helps.

Alicia - posted on 11/16/2008

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I try to focus on things my daughter is good at. For example she is 7, her front teeth stick out really bad and her lips are soooo chaped and cracked they hurt & she has to keep vitamin E or vasaline on them. She told me one day she wished her lips looked as pretty as mine & her sisters. I told her she was pretty and focused on her pretty features...long eyelashes big blue eyes. Then I pulled out my photo album & showed her pictures of when I was little had buck teeth crazy curly hair, etc and it seemed to make her feel better. Best of luck!!

Lori - posted on 11/16/2008

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Here is a good link. Teach your kids positive self talk. And I agree, make sure they are involved in something they are good at. Some times, individual sports is easier on them than team sports....if they aren't very athletic. I know my daughter does better in Scouts, drama, karate, etc. Things she can do her best and not be competitive (as much) with another team.

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/pare...

When I used to teach preschool, my mom (who used to teach preschool for 20 yrs) would tell me..."Find something to compliment each child, each day. Sometimes that's hard, but even if it's just......"I like the way you threw away the trash today.".....then that's at least a compliment." Stay away from empty compliments, but say those that show action. Instead of you are so beautiful....say...I love the way YOU did your hair today. You look beautiful.

"Beautiful" is something you are born with....not something they have control over....so if you give them credit for something they did, they feel better. I love the clothes you picked out. You look gorgeous in them."

Hope this helps.

Just know that girls all go through this......make sure she knows that. ALL girls struggle with fitting in, feeling worthy, etc. Even the popular girls that seem to have it all together. Actually, they really have alot of stress trying to maintain an image!

Dad's are important in helping with the process....if Dad is around. If not, some other male figure that can be that person. They need someone to set an example of a good man/husband....to show them how a young man needs to treat them when they get older. SO IMPORTANT. Low self esteem will drive them to the first boy, unless they have high standards.

Kim - posted on 11/16/2008

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we have a school group called Destination imagination. This has helped my oldest with her self-esteem and her confidence. You work as a team to solve a problem, and everyone has to help and have at least one line or one thing to do in the project. My oldest daughter is very introverted, and this has help her come out of her shell!! I also got a book at Bath and Body Works by American Girl that also helped! It has everything in it for girls from friends to pubirty(sp). My daughter and I have read the book together, and it helped out alot. We found a special time to read together,which she really enjoyed. This way she feels she can talk to me about anything. good luck!!

Angel - posted on 11/15/2008

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The Dove Self-Esteem Fund website might have some good ideas. My daughter is only five and hasn't run into any problems yet, so I haven't really looked at the website, but I have heard good things about it. I think self-esteem is the biggest challenge young children face these days, so if you find anything interesting please post it :) good luck

Beth - posted on 11/15/2008

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I personally don't have a ton of ideas, but we are having self esteem issues with our 8 year old as well.

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