first grade bully

Angela - posted on 09/11/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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My first grader is being bullied by her so-called "BFF". Subtle things like "I won't play with you at recess if you don't give me your snack" or "I won't be your friend if you don't let me wear your bracelet." to more threatening stuff like "I'll hit you if you don't let me have your lunchbox!" My child is too naive to even see she is being bullied by her friend! She makes excuses for her and when I try to get her to stand up to her, she backs down and gives in to the demands. I've tried various scenarios to help her handle it, but now I think it's time to step in. Does that make things worse? Thanks for any suggestions!

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Shahnaz - posted on 09/11/2009

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Hi Angela. I can only imagine what you're going through. My daughter is also in grade one and her class mate is being bullied by another child who is supposedlt this childs best friend too.

Her mom spoke to me on how to handle it. She approached the class teacher but it was brushed off as something minor. I suggest to you as i did her to report the matter to the next in charge. We really dont want this little ones not wanting to go to school which is likely to happen soon. The counsellor in school can surely assist here. Maybe u can also invite the child over for a playdate and see how they interact and maybe sit her down and chat.

I also suggest maybe enrolling your child some confidence building activities like karate, kiddies workshops etc!

Good luck and keep in touch
Lotsa luv
shahnaz

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Kay - posted on 09/26/2009

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I had this same kind of problem with my oldest son but it was a fifth grader picking on him. I told him if he didn't stop I would have a talk with his Grandma who he lived with. It worked he watched out for my son all year long.

Cortney - posted on 09/25/2009

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I've had this probelm with my child as well. I think you ask the teacher for a conference with them. Explain to them what is happening and see if there is any way they can help. For example keeping these children separated or keeping an eye on the "bully" and trying to stop the attitude this child is show toward your child. That might help.

Amy - posted on 09/24/2009

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We went through almost the same thing last year. Our son is going to be 8 in a week and a half. He was in first grade last year and was bullied on and off all year. He had a rough time. He does not like school so this makes it even harder. There were days he would cry and not want to go. He would not tell me why untill later. Amd if was always someone different. We went to the principal and to the guidence counslor. But it did not stop but too my son never went to anyone in his school and told anyone what happened . One time two boys through rocks at him and his eye was swollen. My husband and I was so mad. I have had some issues anyway with the school. Not getting in to it here. Incase there are people from my area. I hope it works out. I am here if you need a shoulder to lean on. It is not easy when you see what your child has to go through and not know what to do, Feel free to keep in touch.

Jeannie - posted on 09/11/2009

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Have you spoken with her teacher or Principal?

Another option you might try - if your child doesn't 'listen' to you about standing up for herself with a bully so-called-friend like this is to set up an appt. with her Guidance counselor and let her know what's going on. She will know both of the girls, and might be able to shed some light on this other child's situation -- and she will probably suggest speaking with your daughter about how to handle friends like this. Then she might speak to this other little girl about how to treat other friends. She might even speak with them together. But I would try this before I would approach the other girls parents - if that's what you were thinking. Unless you know the parents REALLY well, like BFF's - it's not going to go well to have you tell them what's going on - it could make it worse. So I would suggest speaking with the Guidance Counselor at the school - I've had to do this once or twice for a similiar situation and both times it helped. It helped for my daughter to have someone 'other than Mom' tell her the same things ........ but coming from someone else it might have a different effect and outcome on her. No offence but you know kids think we don't know anything (smile). Anyway just thought I would suggest something to help you out -- how old is your daughter and her friend anyway if you don't mind my asking?

Good Luck! Jeannie

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2009

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i dont know what age ur daughter is ( i'm from ireland and we dont call it first grade). it sounds as if ur daughters bff is insecure and maybe jealous of ur daughter, try to explain this to ur girl so she's not hurt by her bff behaviour. if it was my daughter and i knew the mom , i would approach her in a nice way, most decent mom would want to rectify the matter. maybe encourage ur daughter to play with someone else for awhile by you inviting another friend over to play, its better for kids to have more than one bff to rely on!! ur daughter might be able to say to her friend that " i dont want to play with u now because u try to take my stuff", her bff might cop on to herself that she wont have friends if she's mean. best of luck, i found it heartbreaking when the other girls would fall out with my daughter, but like they say girls can be b****** and there is always one of them falling out with one or other.

Diedra - posted on 09/11/2009

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I have dealt with this exact situation myself. When I come up on things like this I always think back about how my own mother handled a particular incident when I was young, and how I felt about the actions she took. I can honestly say that after repeated attempts to try to solve a situation myself, with no posative outcome, I was always gratefull when my mom stepped in and took it out of my hands. My advice to you would be to call the childs mother and let her know you are concerned about your daughters relationship with her own child, explain some of the things that have been going on between them and your efforts to help your child deal with it. Maybe the "friend" does not exhibit these behaviors at home, only when she is at school, away from her parents' authority. Ask her to sit down with her little one and find out what is going on with her and to explain that these behaviors are not acceptable. She could herself have been bullied, or maybe there are issues in her own home and out of frusteration she is taking them out on your daughter. Kids have alot more pressure on them now than we did as kids. I do not think that going to her parents could make anything worse, and its worth the effort if it could resolve a bad situation.

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