Getting children to obey

Juanita - posted on 03/31/2011 ( 9 moms have responded )

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How can I get my 9 year old son to listen to me,and abide by my rules.He's about to be 10 in May and I know children sometimes wants to be the parents.

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Seema - posted on 02/27/2013

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My daughter is 9 years old .She is very careless in studies and does not obey me & her food habits are very poor.No nutritious food at all. She gets angry soon.advice

Lori - posted on 04/07/2011

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1. Pick your battles..
2. Make sure you and Dad are on the same page
3. Be clear - No speeches - keep your instructions short, tell him exactly what you want him to do and what will happen if it's not done. Don't do this in the middle of a melt down he won't hear a word you say.
4. If he doesn't do what you want.. Follow through on the consequences... But make sure they are real.. like don't threaten to take away his games for life you both know that's not going to happen.
5. Praise him when he gets it right... Say... "I really like it when you did your homework without me asking you to - I was really proud of you" ... If they know exactly what you like they will do more of it! Don't say that's really awesome and leave it at that cause they don't have a clue what you think is awesome.. lol.

I got this stuff from the Total Transformation Program by James Lehman.. I've been using it for about 6 months and seen major changes in my kids. Not to mention major changes in the stress level in my house.

I found out I was training my kids how to manipulate me. The more I continued the worse they got. Now that I see the pattern it's easier for me to avoid it and get them to do what they are supposed to do.

Sondra - posted on 04/04/2011

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I think 9 is the new 13, lol. My son started acting the same way around 9 years old. I make sure that he knows the consequences for not obeying me. We have a rule in our house, both kids know it by heart. It is, "If you disobey, you get your stuff taken away." He hates this rule, but its posted in plain view, and I remind him when he acts up of the rules and even make him read them. It doesn't always make him obey, but he doesn't like having his psp taken away either. Hope this helps.

Deepti - posted on 04/04/2011

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its lot difficult to make the child listen and obey...but one has to be slow but steady in the efforts... after all we cant leave the children the way they are... we have to modify them... and this will begin when we modify our non workable methods... for some time don't bother about their non cooperation... for teaching them respect, speak with dignity and calmness with kids say for one week avoid yelling.. t i change my way if the other way is not working with them..use positive language and do not give bad names or wrong language... we need to do this to set a good example..

give him some responsibility along with decision making,.that is exciting... ask for his suggestions in some work and encourage to complete the task together this will make him feel important and motivated.

for more ideas on this visit:http://perspectiveofdeepti.blogspot.com/...

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Mia - posted on 05/10/2013

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hello,
i am very tensed these days, my 9 yrs old realy don't listen to me until i start
yelling at him , i don't like to spank him but he argues a lot on every single
step or thing he should do.

pls help me , and tell me what i can do to hadle this situation

thanks!

Alma - posted on 04/11/2011

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My daughter is almost 6 and she acts like she doesn't have to listen to me at all. I just get so tired of dealing with that, I have locked myself in my room just so I could calm down and when I come out thinking that since I am calm now maybe she will listen to me. She doesn't she continues to have the same behavior. Nothing has worked for me so I understand what you are saying!

Penny - posted on 04/07/2011

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As with the rest...my son started this behavior at 9. It's a daily struggle I think Sondra is right...9 is the new 13. What works best for me is he is in direct competition with his cousins. They are all about the same age. So when they follow the rules they get certain perks, like time on the computer or helping with dinner or even going to play laser tag or bowling. just something simple. When my son starts to fret about not doing the " extra " stuff he is told it's because of his behavior. He is also told that only HE can change his behavior. If he wants to be apart of the rewards then he needs to behave as I expect him to and I know he can. Granted he just turned 10 but I started this about 7mos ago and it has actually helped. He still tries to defy and express himself but not as often as he used to. I hope this helps.

Kim - posted on 04/04/2011

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I have the same problem with my 9yr old. I have just gotten really strict with him and I don't give in to him anymore. It seems to be working.

Heather - posted on 03/31/2011

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If he has a dad, grandfather or male figure in his life, get that male to 'boot his butt' (not physically) and tell him that real men don't act like that. Boys look up to blokes in a way that that has a strong effect sometimes. Worth giving it a go - it works for me! Good luck.

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