Grand parents role... What is this in your family?

Andrea - posted on 05/26/2009

I personally think grandparents play an important role in my childrens life. I dont feel any parent can offer them the world of knowledge they need to know. Grandparents just by being there help to do this.



I do tink they can set their own limits on when they watch the children (all 4 sets of my childrens grandparents do) but that does not mean you can not visit often and they can not see them often. I allow my kids to spend as much time with their grandparents as everyone wants. Of couse i ask them to baby sit them. but for me normally its the other way around - they ask me to take them to spend time with them (or when they can see i am stressed to give me a break)...



To me my children are my responsibility and i do not palm that responsibility off to anyone but i honestly believe it takes a villiage of views to raise healthy well ajusted children.

Kate - posted on 05/26/2009

My husbands parents both died young (40 and 47) so none of our children knew their grandmother and my eldest daughter was only three when her grandfather died.



My own parents are thankfully still alive, healthy and very active. They often spend the day helping us with our garden, as we are novice gardeners and they are expert! This would often involve the children planting or weeding or just helping out. Whenever we need a babysitter or a lift or just a friendly ear to listen, they are there for both us and our three children. I have been blessed, and my children are very close to both of them. My brother has five children and they are very good to them too.



We ourselves lived with my own grandparents for four years as small children, and they were definitely a guiding influence in my upbringing. I think grandparents are a vital part of a childs life, and it is a shame if they can't, or won't, get involved.

Mary - posted on 05/25/2009

I think every grandparent has different expectations as to what "grand parenting" is. I am a single mom living with my mother and she and I have both taken on a parenting role to my boys. She gets to play good cop and I play bad cop, but we both lay down the law and she does as much feeding, bathing and caring for them as I do, although I get to do most of the dirty work. They are my kids after all... lol My mom loves planning outings for them on the weekends and taking them to museums and festivals and parks that I would not be able to visit with them if I was on my own.



My older son's father lives with his mother and her parents. His mother is also very active in caring for my older son, watching him on my ex's days with our son while he is at work and taking our son to school in the mornings. Her parents play a less involved role, but still cook him meals and watch TV with him.



My younger son's father also lives with his parents, but they are much less involved in child care. They will babysit of needed to, but only for a few hours and even then they complain. They say they "aren't baby people". I think they are missing the best days of their grandson's life, but that is their problem.

Alison - posted on 05/22/2009

Hi Brooke,

My Dad passed away before my son was born and my mum was ill at the time. She passed away when Euan was 3 years old. My partners parents are divorced and his Dad lives across channel in the UK. We're in Ireland. Euan hardly ever sees his grandad as the man doesn't seem bothered to make the short flight every now and again to see him. It's us that have to do the visiting. So my partner's mum is the only available grandparent. Thankfully, she is very oblidging and loves looking after Euan. She lives about 30 miles away and comes nearly every Saturday to babysit (if we decide to go out) and she stays overnight. She has even taken him on holiday with her to the countryside for a week a handful of times for us. But I wouldn't overstep the mark because she's already very good to us and has done her fair share of rearing. She has her own life too.

Alison

Sarah - posted on 05/22/2009

hi Brooke, i sympathize with you, my mum will go and look after my sisters kids for whole weekends and sometimes more because my sister has a huge house, i have a tiny two bed, so my mum won't come down to babysit. she only lives an hr away and yet rarely visits which upsets me sometimes. my dad takes my eldest to school every morning because i can't drive which is really nice of him. my dad's ex girlfriend (it's a bit of a long story ha ha!!) babysits for me whenever she can. much more than mum which is weird!! i would have thought Granparents would LOVE to spend as much time as possible with their Grand kids, so i find weird when they don't. anyway, hope your situation sorts itself out soon :)

Heather - posted on 05/21/2009

I know where you are coming from. My Dad and Stepmum go all gooey over my stepsister's child but give little thought or time to my daughter. They look after her at the drop of a hat for days at a time sometimes but if I asked them to take care of my daughter for a few hours it was a big issue. We now live 700 miles away and have no contact with them at the moment which is sad but maybe it's for the best. I left the ball in their court and they haven't bothered. My mum is 450 miles away and wishes she were nearer and we speak regularly. I know that if I needed her she would travel all that way to help out. My husbands parents have both passed on. We've adopted friends as family and it works out well.

Angie - posted on 05/21/2009

He's right, as a grandparent he gets to set the limits. It's nice when grandparents can watch granchildren but since the aleady have other grandchildren in their home, it's not unreasonable for them not to feel comfortable taking your three too. My parents have watched my kids a couple of time over the last 16 years but that's it. I think when parents live close by, we expect them to be our on call babysitters and that not fair to them or our children.

Helen - posted on 05/21/2009

Hi Brooke, my parents are divorced and my mom has remarried. They live in the uk and i live in Austraila. My mom and sam visit every November. They are here for 4 weeks and spend between 2 and 3 of that with us. Our son is 7 and hyperactive most of the time. Although they find it a bit challenging with him they do make an effort and take him to places we wouldnt usually go, like last year took him to seaworld. They are also more than happy to take him to the park or play a game in the back paddock. My dad and christine come over when they can afford to do so. They stay with us so it gives us a break when they are here for 3 months. My hubbys parents are the complete opposite. They live about an hour away from us and have yet to see our 7 week old daughter. They havnt seen our son since January. We dont rely on them at all. We have some close friends that have kids too and as we live on acerage our friends tend to come to us and the kids have space to play. You are not alone in grandparents not seeming to be all that interested.

Bianca - posted on 05/21/2009

Hey Brooke

My partner and i have the same trouble with our parents. I dont know what it is but watching their grandchildren has to be scheduled at least 2 weeks before something is to happen or they just wont do it or have time. We have learnt not to rely on anyone but ourselves, which is unfortunate.

Bianca