Held back in Kindergarten

Crissy - posted on 06/07/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )

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Have any of you had your child held back in Kindergarten?? My daughter has been held back, a decisions made by both her teacher and my husband and I because she is a considerable amount behind on her reading and writing. I'm very proud of her and the progress she has made since the beginning of the year. I told her doing Kindergarten again is not a bad thing at all it just means she has more time to study and practice. Her teacher used to be a first grade teacher and felt that if she promoted her that Darlene may struggle and we want her to enjoy school not struggle with it so after looking over everything we agreed on her repeating. My sister repeated and went on to do great things in school. I've had quite a few mean hearted comments from other parents, mostly understanding, but a few mean. My daughter has heard a few of these mean hearted things and understood some of them. I keep telling her she's very smart and I'm very proud of her and we practice on our own everyday. I just don't know what to do about these mean parents. Some of them have said things directly to her, what did/would you do?? I almost slapped one the other day but I took a breath grabbed my daughters hand, told the lady I'm proud of my daughters accomplishments and walked away.

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Rebecca - posted on 06/10/2010

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My daughter had 2 years of head start, early 5's, and now in kindergarten she did very well, and moving to 1st. Sometimes they just aren't ready. If your child had no previous schooling then she was getting used to the routine, behavior, and trying to learn and it's a lot on them. You chose wisely, next year she'll be right on the money and doing great you'll see. No worries!! I should also mention that my daughter and I had a lot of emotional issues at home during her early yrs of school which took a tole on her education. So, I wasn't too worried she needed extra schooling because it got her back on track.

Carla - posted on 06/08/2010

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We wanted to hold our son back in kindergarten, he had severe hearing problems, and was behind. His teacher and the principal were sure he could catch up, so, against our better judgement, they promoted him. He had to repeat 1st grade, which was devastating to him! Repeating kindergarten is better; she will be on top of things next year and eager to start 1st.

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Carla - posted on 11/21/2012

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Christy, it's a little early to be thinking about holding her back. Give it some more time. Our little granddaughter is in kindergarten and she WASN'T happy about it--ANY of it! She's smart as a whip, she's been doing her brother's school work along with him for two years now, but she wants to be with her brother in his class (they're a year apart, and she's very attached to him) or with us. We've been working with her, talking about school, about making friends, etc., and she seems to be coming around.



Kindergarten is a rough transition. Keep working with her, talking about not having to be perfect, even point out when you make a mistake, so they can actually SEE that other people aren't perfect. We also drive home hard the point that what we DO do well, has taken a LOT of time to perfect. Remember, kids learn what they see. If they see you being human and making a mistake sometimes, they will relax and figure out it's okay, you just have to keep working at it.



Good luck, honey

Christy - posted on 11/20/2012

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My daughter is in her 3rd month of kindergarten, we just had a teacher conference. Our daughter is a hard worker and pays attention. she is making friends and loves school. However some of her work has been inconsistent. Somedays she gets it all right and other days she struggles. She is a July birthday and is 5 years old. We noticed that she gets upset or frustrated when she's not perfect and she seems to think all the other kids are! we tell her all the time no one is perfect and it's ok to make mistakes. She also seems to get nervous when she is unsure of something. We discussed with the teacher possibility of holding her back to repeat Kindergarten. I feel in my heart we probably should but I'm so worried it will hurt her self esteem and she loves her friends. I think that will upset her too not moving on with them! I need thoughts ladies!!

Laura - posted on 05/24/2012

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I just received a call from my sons school that they decided to hold him back..Im ok with it,..

Crissy - posted on 08/20/2010

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Thank you everybody so much for all of your feedback. We had meet the teacher night yesterday and got to meet my daughters new kindergarten teacher. She's the teacher that they send the more advanced students to and therefore expects more and pushes them to do more, I think it will be good for Darlene instead of repeating everything she did last year there is going to be a little more expected of her. She's really excited, she likes her new teacher adn can't wait to go back to school which starts on Monday.

Nonie - posted on 06/11/2010

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We had a discussion with our daughter's teacher about them possibly holding her back in Kindergarten. She's just turning 6 now (June 14) and the teacher was worried that her maturity level wasn't going to be ready for first grade. My only concern with this was that academically she's right on with the rest of her classmates and I didn't want her to get "bored" with doing the same thing next year (she's usually the first one done with her work and then starts talking/disrupting). Two months have passed and the teacher agrees she's now ready to move on, but if I didn't feel she was ready or if academically she wasn't there, I would've kept her back without hesitation! Shame on anyone who would criticize a parent (or worse a child directly) for repeating a grade...it is better to do it in Kindergarten than later down the road when friends and peer pressure can complicate matters for all involved!

Tammie - posted on 06/10/2010

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I am facing the same situation with my daughter and it is such a hard decision because in ours its that my daughter is immature and wont do the work when the teacher goes to test her on it she will do it when she isnt being tested but during tests no way. So my husband and i met with the teacher and we are giving the situation through the summer and then come august we will make the decision on wether or not to try it with her in first or hold her back. good luck and stand tall and always stay proud of your child

Deidre - posted on 06/10/2010

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What kind of parent would say something mean to another's child about being held back?? Sounds like some of those "adults" need to go back to kindergarten themselves, and this time, learn to treat others kindly. :) You are doing the best thing for her, I assure you--you will all be happier in the long run as a result. Model for her how to respond to (or ignore) negative comments as needed, and tell her how proud you are of her, just as you have been doing. It may be tempting to snap back at those parents, but if you resist the urge and instead just smile, thank them for their "concern," and walk away, you will be showing your daughter that what these people say is not important and she should not waste any time feeling bad about it. Best wishes for a glowing school career for your daughter!

Anne - posted on 06/10/2010

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My son was a summer baby and we held him back an extra year in Pre-School. It was the best decision. He does very well in school and is exactly where he needs to be. Holding a kid back in the early years when they need it is very beneficial.

Toni - posted on 06/09/2010

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I held my daughter back for maturity reasons. She is now going into third grade and doing beautifully.

Crissy - posted on 06/09/2010

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I have heard that about summer babies and both of my oldest children are summber babies. Darlene is a May baby and my son Tristan is a July baby, he will be starting pre-k this year. My sister who repeated was also a May baby and even Darlene's teacher told me that she has seen alot of "summer kids" that had a little harder time with their first year. She's really excited, she got a special book the other day to practice her writing in and makes sure to remind me every day after lunch that it's time to practice. I see an improvement already and school has only been out for 2 weeks.

Shannon - posted on 06/08/2010

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It's very common to be held back in kinder, especially for kids born in summer months because they are usually early 5's or late 4's when they start. If I were in your shoes, I would tell people that you want success for your child and you are providing her with the best opportunity. After all the decision was mutual between you, your husband, and the teacher. School only gets harder over the years and there is no sense in pushing her if she is simply not ready. In 2 years, nobody will even remember or notice that she was held back. They will simply notice how much she has grown and how much she has learned in school.

Crissy - posted on 06/08/2010

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thank you ladies for your support and words of encouragment, I know that I made the right decision on this and I am very proud of my daughter. It can be discouraging sometimes when you feel alone in a situation.

Betty - posted on 06/08/2010

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my son just finished his second year of kindergarten. it was the best thing for him. he did amazingly well this year, even got an outstanding printing award at his graduation. he and i had to deal with mean parents and kids. i am like a mother bear when you mess with my kids so when comments were made in my presence i would tell my son to meet me in the car and would handle the situation sometimes politely, sometimes not so polite. whatever was required. we told him to tell the mean kids to mind there own business and made the principal aware of it. luckily he was very helpful. my other son was just coming out of 1st grade so i knew what was expected and my youngest there was no way. now he is ready and excited to move on.

Angie - posted on 06/08/2010

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You should be proud of your daughter and proud of yourself! I see so many parents that are so freaked out if their children are held back. But you're right; she needs a little more time to learn what she needs to do be a successful 1st grader. She will go one to be a better student because of this decision. GOOD JOB MOM!!!!!!

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i knew a woman who's daughter was held back in kindergarten. it is not a bad thing at ALL. and it is better to do it now, while they are still young then to do it later when they are older and have close friends that move on without them... my son just finished first grade, and man, it is tough.. if you dont master those kindergarten skills first grade will be a nightmare. if someone says something snarky to you or your daughter, tell them to mind their own business - and look at it this way, she will be ahead of all the kids in her class, cuz she will know what to expect! and then she will breeze through first grade!

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