help

Melissa - posted on 03/02/2010

thank you to all that have responded i have had talks with the school have managed to sort out a solution for him. I have my fingers crossed that it works if not then i am putting him in a special need school thank you for your advice which has enabled me to think more positive.

Leigh - posted on 03/01/2010

Agree with Samantha and Ginger, especially about where you are located. I am in Qeubec, Canada. We had lived in Ontario but moved before Liam was diagnosed. When we got here, they diagnosed, assisted and he now has a code that enables any and all support neccessary for him. He is legally disabled, and while that sounds bad it isn't because no matter what happens he will be cared for. Liam is high functioning and most likely will be able to live and work on his own,Maybe not like others, but in his own way. We just had our case worker here discussing whether or not to put Liam in a larger high school next year, pro's and cons and we decided for now to leave him at the smaller school he is at. We are looking into the other school and will see where it goes. There has never been any question about taking him out of school and home schooling or even a special school. It depends on how each child develops and their abilities. We were very lucky as it was one of his teachers that suggested there may be more than just ADHD where Liam was concerned. The school has been awsome in every way. The schools he attended in Ontario were helpful as well, but still wanted to label him a problem child instead of a child with problems. I wouldn't stand for that and made sure they understood the difference. It makes a big difference in both your childs life and your own not to have him/her labelled incorrectly. I applaud your actions, both in seeking advice and knowing you need to way all the options before taking the easy way out as some schools want you to do! I have heard horror stories of schools pushing meds on kids that were just rambunctious, saying they had ADHD and needed to be medicated just bcause they didn't want to deal with a kid with lots of energy.As parents it is our responsibility to do what you are doing, ask questions and do what is best for our child, not what is best for the teachers. Just my opinion.

Martha - posted on 03/01/2010

Melissa,
I have an 11 yr old with pretty much the same diagnosis. Because your son has ADHD he is eligible for special education through your school district. I had to fight tooth and nail to get my son out of main stream school, its too stimulating for them. My son wasn't allowed recess because he couldn't get back on task after being on the playground with all that activity around him. Check within your district, many have a parents advocate or if your son sees a counselor check with their office and see if they have one. Make a request at school level for transfer to a "behavior school" if there is one in your district or request an inter district transfer if its in a neighboring district. If you dont have a meeting scheduled by the school within 30 days take it to the district level, call speial ed and hound them daily if neccesary to get them to set up the required IEP meetings. I fought for 3 years to get my son in the school he is in which has a 4 to 1 ratio of kids to adults. Don't get discouraged(it is easy to be because you have so much else to deal with just with his illness) it is a hard fight but it is worth it in the end. Home schooling is a bad choice because autistic kids tend to be antisocial anyway and that just sets him up to fail later on in life. Hope I was any kind of help for you . Martha

Jacqueline - posted on 02/28/2010

I've never home schooled before but have heard WONDERFUL stories of parents who have! Primarily because you, as the parent, can provide the most loving environment for your child. I'm a mother of four and have my own business and so I don't have the time to homeschool but if you have the time, look up local support groups or churches in your local area that can give guidance!

Ginger - posted on 02/28/2010

Parents, I think it's important to work out whether the mom is in the US or the UK, as provision for children with ASD is very different in each country (I know--I've taught special ed in both countries!). I'm assuming from Melissa's spelling of 'behaviour' that she's in the UK, so 504's, American IEP's, and IDP's don't apply in her case.

I agree with Samantha--make sure you have obtained a Statement of Educational Need, because this will ensure proper funding for extra support within your mainstream school. That won't guarantee that the school puts the right provision in place, but it will mean that they are legally obligated to do so! Definitely seek the advice of an Educational Psychologist, and any other outside agencies in your local authority that support children with special needs, such as a Language and Communication Support Team. You can request a Team Around the Child meeting to problem-solve specific issues, particularly around behaviour, and ask to attend termly IEP meetings in addition to the Annual Review so that you are involved thtoughout the year. Remember, a child CANNOT be excluded for any reason related to his disability, according to the Disabilty Discrimination Act.
If the school won't take him back (which again, I think is illegal), I would first ask the local authority to place him at another primary school, preferably one that has a history of success in inclusion. With appropriate support, your child CAN succeed in the mainstream! However, I would definitely consider a special school before homeschooling, for two reasons: 1) he needs daily social interactions with peers, and 2) YOU, as the emotionally exhausted mum, will need some time away from your child each day for a well-deserved break!! =)

Feel free to message me for more information if needed. Good luck!

Wendy - posted on 02/27/2010

I was ADHD and of course, so are my boys. My 10 yr old is autistic as well. I feel that ADHD kids need the extra stimulation that school can offer them. They also can really burn us parents out fast. Are you familiar with the 504 plan? By law, if you have a diagnosis from your doctor, the school needs to help provide the tools necessary for your child to succeed. (part of the no child left behind act.) In my state, I have a friend with an autistic child who has had and aide with him for 4 yrs now. Hang in there!

Crystal - posted on 02/26/2010

i been there with my 7 year old son who had the same problem i ended up switching schools and he has not had a problem with behavior since.

Angela - posted on 02/26/2010

I also have a son who had been diagnosed with ADHD since he was 5. It was very difficult at first, but thankfully all his teachers were really good in working with all of us until we finally got my son on the right medication for him. I would suggest talking to his teachers and find out how they can help you with this, or if they are even willing to help with things. I had asked his teachers for several years to write in a journal everyday on how his behavior was for the day, and I would in turn take it to his doctor to review it. Everyone gave me great advice, and working together, we were able to keep him under control. I hope he has some very understanding teachers that are willing to do this. If they know the situation, and you continue to work with his ped and teachers, you will get through it. It is not easy and I understand and feel for you.

Laura-Marie - posted on 02/26/2010

I've read all the previous posts and because I have a daughter with ADD I can relate to your situation. If you like to read, I can recommend a book that has been very helpful to me.
"Supper Parenting for ADD" by Edward M. Hallowell, MD
I don't know much about the Autism spectrum disorder, but have found this book very helpful and compassionate.

Amber - posted on 02/26/2010

Hey Melissa. I have a 6 year old who just has been diagnosed with ADHD. He was having many of the same problems as your son. Taking him out of school is not a good idea, he will not learn to have those social skills in a controlled setting. Try to get an IEP(Individualized Education Plan) from your school. It may be called something different depending on your state.

Leigh - posted on 02/26/2010

I have a 13 yr old, ADHD, ODD and Aspergers syndrom. Presently in grade 6, regular school and while it has it's issues, as long as he can be main stream it is the best for him socially, to maintain and even improve socialization. I have Govt support and he has a full time aid in class, as well as one at lunch and recess times. Personally as much as I love my son, having him at home would not be good for either of us. It would cause both of us too much stress and frustration. I need the time he is at school to decompress and be ready for the evening trials of homework, lol. I so agree with Yolanda!
As for Carrie's comment, while it is true that sometimes Aspergers is misdiagnosed as ADHD, they can have both. I know this from fact and experience. Do not let them label your son as a problem child. He isn't! He is a child with problems and that is a big difference.
Hope this helps, and good luck hun, be strong!

Frances - posted on 02/26/2010

I am struck by one part of your statement...."he does socialize outside of school with no problems" I'd like to suggest some books that have explored the issue of boys and school like "The Trouble With Boys: A Surprising Report Card on Our Sons, Their Problems at School, and What Parents and Educators Must Do" by Pat Tyre. Newsweek reporter Tyre examines troubling statistics that detail the academic decline of boys and cites psychologists, sociologists, brain researchers, and others to explain the reasons behind the numbers. From the Booklist Review.... "Tyre examines how schools—and broader society—have changed in ways that shortchange boys ... She focuses on boys' specific problems—fidgeting in school, scattered attention, reading problems, and a shortage of male teachers. Through vignettes, Tyre offers advice to parents concerned about their sons." "Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys" by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, also discusses ways that schools are not boy friendly. These books may help you advocate for your son at school.

Lisa - posted on 02/25/2010

here is some websites that might be helpful. Children with attention deficit desorder www.chadd.org and autism society of america www.autismsociety.org. The school has to provide services to your child unless it is private. But if the private business can prove his needs can't be met without excesive cost such as having to remodel the structure or having to hire additional staff to met his needs.they can deny him. In public school he has the right to be with "normal" peers.

Samantha - posted on 02/25/2010

Hi, my almost 9 yr old is asd and was diagnosed at 6 he is also in mainstream school but has never been excluded. He sound similar to your boy as he socialises well outside of school.
Have you got an educational psychologist involved and the LEA, he my need an educational statement of need ....this allows for extra funding to support your son in a way that is specific to his needs, The support workers and teachers need awareness of his needs to bring out the best from him rather than excluding. My son also has had social stories and an anger management book to help him deal with challenging situations.

I hope this is of some use.

Lee-Anne - posted on 02/24/2010

Wow, I feel a little like I am reading my own post. I have a 9 yr old who has ADHD and aspergers(autism) diagnosed when he was 5 too. He has similar problems with social skills too. The school we are in has lots of help for him. They have a sensory room that he goes to several times a day to let him unwind and regroup which seems to help a lot. I would be worried about homeschooling only because he needs to learn how to socialize with other kids. I definitely know how you are feeling because I have considered home schooling too. I would guess the reason for outbreaks at school and not cubs would be that less stimulation to his senses. School is like total overload for them, so they act out. Ask the school for help with de-stressing him and the situations that cause the bad behavior. Good luck!

Suzanne - posted on 02/24/2010

although i dont believe home schooling to be a bad thing, i have known many that have been and when they transfered into a public school they said it was a hard transition. i also grew up with a friend whos mom fostered children with multiple challanges such as your sons and some with may more. home schooling your son will only make it harder for him in the long run, we are all faced with people, crouds, loud noises and such. if he is taken away from the everyday norm then how will he learn to cope? talk to his teacher if they dont think they can teach him then talk to the principal if they cant help and switching classes isnt an option, research the schools around. talk to the teachers the staff, i know its hard but there are still teachers out there that are willing to teach :

Marylou - posted on 02/24/2010

He needs more help in school if he is having no problems at other activities. It seems as though his IEP (he must have one) is not covering all his bases. Make them change it, get an advocate if you need to. Contact your local Special Needs PTO or State agency. Maybe this school has a history of not dealing with special needs kids in ways that are beneficial to them. If he is mainstreamed i would hate to see him go backward. Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 02/24/2010

When you say "autism" that could mean a lot of different levels on the spectrum and that would be very helpful in answering this question. From some of the things you say I am assuming the autism you speak of is more on the side of Asperger's syndrome. If I am correct in my assumption then first let me say I would seriously have the adhd diagnosis reexamined. While kids with A S may appear to have a problem maintaining ther attention, the problem is actually that they are so focused on the thing they have on their mind that they can not switch their train of thought to another topic and that is far different from "can not pay attention". Also the hyperactivity often comes from an over stimulation of the senses and not true hyperactivity d/o. IF you can determine what is pushing his buttons they behavior can be dealt with. As far as being excluded and not allowed back to school, unless this is a private school they do not have the right to do that. Your child is entitled by law to a free, appropriate, public education in the least restrictive environment possible. Which means if he is able to be in the mainstream class he must be and they can not refuse to educate him. As a matter of fact, if the issues that are getting him removed from class are due to his dx then they under special education federal laws the school may be breaking the law. You need to know what his rights are and then fight to make sure he gets everything he needs and is entitled to. You may want to contact someone who deals with this kind of stuff more often and get them in your corner. Very often school systems don't want to spend the extra money and are not going to volunteer the information. Try an autism group which you may find at a local college or university. In Huntington, WV at Marshall University you could get information from Autism Services Center, they even have a specific department for Asperger's Syndrome. Finally, as far as home schooling your child, that is probably the worst possible decision you could make. He needs socialization and not just once or twice a week. If he is going to have any kind of a life and learn to socialize then it has to be done EVERY day not just at cub scouts. One thing you can do is get him into speech therapy for the pragmatics of speech. They can do this through the school. Make them get an IEP in place and make sure it is implemented. My son was diagnosed at 5 and he is now 11. It was REALLY hard the first several years, but I read EVERYTHING I could find on his condition. I found out why he did the things he did and then came up with ways to help him work through it. His teachers and I worked as a team (only had 1 that was not helpful and acted like it was too much work for her so I went over her head and made it crystal clear that he didn't have the problem she did b/c she wasn't doing her job). My son has friends now (which I NEVER immagined would happen), he has been invited to sleep overs and invited to movies. He understands sarcasm and uses it. He understands what he has and that it means sometimes he has to work hard to over ride what his brain is telling him to do. Don't let your school's refusal to do their job and meet his needs impact his life for the worse. Make them do what they are legally required to do. Look around and find support from people in your area who know what your rights are, become his advocate b/c you are the only one who can. I don't know where you live but if you contact the group I mentioned in Huntington, WV they will be able to refer you to somewhere closer to you and if nothing else point you in the right direction. Sometimes the bullying gets so bad in the teen years that for their own safety you have to homeschool BUT DON"T let the school bully you into doing it now. He truely needs to be with his peers at this age and it is still possible that he will benefit far more from school than from home school if you make them do what they are suppose to do to meet his needs. You know it would not kill his teacher to read a book and try to learn about your son's dx and needs either. I will have my teaching degree in under a year and I think it is a lazy teacher who won't do everything possible to try and meet every child's needs not just the average "normal' kids. Good luck.

Kristina - posted on 02/24/2010

You could try doing school online for him. Its all free depending on what state you are from and they send you all the supplies as well. My 5 yr old does it and we love it. It has helped him out so much. If you want more info on it send me a message and I would be more than happy to tell you. Also if you want to take a look at it the website is www.connectionsacademy.com.

Eleanor - posted on 02/24/2010

My son i in the same situation...but persverance, and consistant expectations from an EA who works one-on-one with him is doing wonders...if meeting with the teachers and helping them set up a program for him where he can understand the expectations anad not feel threatened by the mainstram students doesn't wrok, may you should consider switching schools...I personally dodn't think home-schooling i the answer because our shildren need to live in the worl at som time, and ned to learn adaptive behaviours that are socially acceptable, and one-on-one with parents all day dosn't really offer them that. Good luck to you and your osn..don't give up! Our school systems are not designed for our children, but with encouragement to both him and his teachers, a resolution could be made...maybe thy are just not informd about autism, and you need to advocate for your son by insisting thy become better informed so as to be able to help him better in school...

Carrie - posted on 02/24/2010

well the first thing i would do is go to the school and watch him in class. sometimes getting in truble in school is he is bord

Sherma - posted on 02/23/2010

hey Melissa, I agree with Yolanda.
Just had a meeting with my son's teacher 3 weeks ago and they are trying to push him out. They HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY to teach him. My son is diagnosed with high functioning autism. The teachers recommended special education in a class with children with mild to severe behavioral problems. other than that, they were no help. I disagreed and called a few teacher friends of mine. they recommended to leave him there and work with the teachers....a pain i know. if he reads and can count, he has a higher chance. I went above the teachers heads and contacted the board of ed in my area and, after some digging, found something called the Nest program. Program catering to autistic kids in public school. I will only allow him to go to the nest program if its at a public school with high test scores as the one he is currently in. Also, before public school, i had him in private schools funded by the board of ed for autistic children. Once again, the board of ed never recommended or even gave me that option (the only option was special ed) and after some more digging, i found out about those schools. there are programs out there but for some reason, the ones in charge or that are there to help neglect to give you all your options. research, research research ....So depending on your state, look at these options.
the end result is, you have junior high, high school and college and some sort of professional life afterward to look forward to and he has to learn how to function in those environments. Tackle them now and don't let anyone bully you. because they will try.

If you're in ny state and would like some phone numbers, please reach out.
good luck..

Yolanda - posted on 02/23/2010

My son has ADHd as well. Have you asked your scool for a 504 plan? The school has a responsibility to you and your son. be strong, do not let them push you out. It is your right to have the school provide the tools necessary for your son to be sucessful. I'm sure hes a handful-i'm sure your sons teacher is frustrated and its easier for her to run her class without him in it--guess what SO WHAT. If you haven't already request a 504 eval and IDP... My son is 10 I just had a meeting last month wioth his teacher who isn't that supportive. If i don't get answers from his teacher i go over his head. we all have to be on the same page. I might be a pain in the butt but guess what my son is doing so much better. thats the only thing that matters.

Lara - posted on 02/23/2010

Listen Melissa, you are winging this right now. He is young and you will eventually have bigger fish to fry. If he is having so many problems at that school over behavior, how is looked at by the other kids? I worked in an elementary school, those kids are rough! Maybe trying home schooling, to kick and tires and try it, wont hurt. If you try it out and it doesn't work out too well, then change it. Dont be afraid to try something..and dont take it personal if it isn't the right thing. Go with your gut and see what happens. Good luck