Help dealing w/ my son's teacher who doesn't like me because I said I would not medicate my child.

Dana - posted on 10/13/2009 ( 80 moms have responded )

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My son Jeffrey is in the 1st grade. Kindergarten went beautifully no major issues, right on target w/ his studies all was great. Now I know the transition into 1st from K is big but this yr it is constant problems and now she is aying he doesn't know things he did 2 months ago over the summer when I sat him down every morning and did work w/ him out of workbooks his K teacher made for them. After confronting her as to what she thought might be the problem she said she just didn't think he could control himself and needed to be medicated. I lost my mind!! I talked to the principal, his pediatrician, even took him to a shrink, no one else agreed w/ her conclusion. But now she is very short and snappy w/ me hardly gives me any info as to how is doing daily and I want daily reports especially when it comes to stuff like Accelerated Reader results. I try to be nice to her to keep peace through the yr but she just seems to hate my son but it does no good....anyone deal w/ anything like this before??? Any suggestion would be helpful at this point!!!

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Crystal - posted on 10/18/2009

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Unless there are little initials after the teachers name that pertain to the medical field she has NO PLACE to suggest medication.

Fransisca - posted on 10/17/2009

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God bles you you dont need the help the teacher does has the same problem with my grandson everything that he new went some where on the field out the window down the loo lmao who knows my daughter was beside herself over it and the teacher did the same thing to her so i went to see her firstly i asked what she had done wrong she looked at me in horror and then i explained that she must have done something for the boy to have forgotten everyting he new then i told her i would be happy to prove that he new it by bring the kindy teachers and reports strange thing happened she didnt want me to do that and then she said there must be something else worng i waited and waited and yup there it was there must be soemthing wrong at home so i told her i was more then happy to prove that there wasnt anything there either maybe hes just trying out maybe hes a little boy whos a little out of his depth in school maybe he just needs a bit more attetion then the other kids and what do you know hes doing great now and the teacher still doesnt talk to nicely to my daughter when im not around but my grandson is doing a lot better and its your right as a parent to be heard and to have respect from the teacher so either take someone with you and explain that you can not talk to her alone as she make you feel unconfortable and write a letter of complaint to the school board and tell them that meds in childern is NOT the answer and you are shocked and horrorfied that a teacher would even think about such a thing that will get the ball rolling good luck.

Stand tall your kids are worth it.

Kimberly - posted on 10/17/2009

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There is a lot of good advice here. My son is now 14 and in 8th grade and his 1st grade teacher wanted him medicated. The teacher explained that she has a list of things to look for in a child's behavior and that she is required to report her findings. Our doctor said no way to meds especially if the child is not bouncing off the wall 24/7!!! I think the teachers that complained about his behavior really didn't want anything to do with my child (when he was mainstreamed/inclusion). You tell the teacher that your child has an IEP and that he belongs in her class and that she needs to find a way to make it happen. Maybe the teacher needs an aide in the classroom? It is sad when the school is full inclusion and the teachers don't want special ed kids in their classrooms. I think there are other kids that don't have IEP's that give the teacher grief but they can't complain about them.

Just keep being the squeaky wheel!!!!

Caroline - posted on 10/17/2009

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It is her responsibility to teach your son, and if she can not do her job, she should not be teaching. Your son is a normal 6 year old. I have yet to meet one that will sit still for very long. Sounds like she can't handle the younger children. Speak to the principal again, and ask him to speak to her, and if her attitude does not change, request your son to be moved to another classroom. If you do not get any where, go to the school Superintendent, and if that gets you no where go straight to the Board of Education. It is her job to be professional, and teach your son. Unless she also has a medical degree, she has NO BUSINESS telling you that your son needs medicatio.

Shannon - posted on 10/17/2009

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I have a child that has ADHD and is medicated daily and it helps. The doctors told me they won't even diagnose ADHD until they are WAY older (4th grade) Just because he is having some problems transitioning to 1st grade does NOT mean he needs medication. He is in 1st grade. Sounds like this teacher doesn't even like kids. Every teacher my son has had has been so great with him. You need to talk to the principal and get him in a different class or school. A good teacher makes all the difference in the world. I guarantee you will see a different child if you get him out of this class. Good luck to you.

Angie - posted on 10/17/2009

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You want a DAILY update on what your child is doing? I don't mean to be rude, but do you really think that is necessary? She has many other students and she truly does not have time to do that. You used the word "confront" in your post. It might be that you being confrontational (your word, not mine) may have put her off. Take a deep breath and give her some room to breath. I think you just started off on the wrong foot.

T - posted on 10/17/2009

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Unless she is a licensed counselor. She should not have spoken that thought to you. If you have tried to speak to her to no avail; take your complaint to the administration. Your request is not outrageous. As a teacher and a mother, I can tell you that daily progress reports may not be as easy to produce, but weekly should be something she can do. If you feel as though your son is not receiving adequate classroom/instruction time, speak to the administration and most importantly, document all attempts, discussions, etc...Prior to going to administration, I would suggest requesting a conference through the guidance department. Do not have anymore one on one discussions with the teacher. You know need witnesses and third party intervention.

Becka - posted on 10/17/2009

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request a metting with the teacher explain, how you feel. if the teacher is not willing to work with you, go to the principal and or school board and request to have him transfered to another teacher.

Felina - posted on 10/16/2009

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I would recommend getting him taken out of her class, I understand trying to keep peace but it was not her place to tell you that he needed to be medicated. I used to work in a doctors office and this happens way too often. Also, if your son feels or knows the teacher doesn't like him, that too could be affecting his learning. My son's principal told me " You show me an average student with involved parents and they will excel and you show me an excellant student whose parents are not involved and more times than not the student will stop caring because they feel their parents don't care so why should they." I believe the same goes with teachers, you just keep being involved mom!!!

Amber - posted on 10/16/2009

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PS: I still dont understand one part....when did school teacher become physicians recomending scripts for young children, anyways? Good luck to you and your family

Amber - posted on 10/16/2009

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Wow, I am really sorry that for your son. Maybe it is not your son it is that he has an incompitent teacher!!! No matter what the "issue" your child has, medication is a private matter, and your child's educators have no business to know! I suggest that you have your child put into another class room. If you child goes to a public school, he has the RIGHT to go to school and be accomadate. If that means a teacher has to offer more time to him, or whatever, then they are required by law to do so, no matter his "ability" or medication or whatever. Thia could be something between you and his teacher, or a more intence program like a IEP. I have a child with ADHD and I had to battle it out quite a few times with her school for them to make sure they where offering her an equal education as her peers where ( for her this is an IEP). She is now an "A" student with no behavior problems.You just have to stand up and be you child's advacate and dont back down. When your son has a good quilfied teacher he will do just fine!!! I hope I helped. Good luck

Beth - posted on 10/16/2009

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DEMAND a new teacher or move to another school! You do not have to deal with that...so don't. Talk to the principal or school board for suggestions..he will be in the same elementary school for the next 4 years!

Denise - posted on 10/16/2009

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We went through the same thing with our son and his teacher. We finally just told the teacher that he was on medication, even though he wasn't, and it seemed to calm things down alot. I would also get a letter from your doctor saying he disagrees with her. This way if anything does come up, you can show the teacher, principal and school board that a medical professional doesn't agree with the teacher about medicating your child. If this teacher continues to treat your son the way she has been, go to the principle and insist on switching classrooms. Explain to him what has been going on, show him the letter from the Dr. and tell him that he needs to have a talk with this teacher or you will go to the school board and that if the school board won't do anything that you will contact an investigative reporter about this issue. This teacher is there to teach children, not zombies. If the teacher can't handle children and the situations that arise without expecting parents to drug their children then she needs to look for a new line of work. Otherwise, the treatment your son is receiving from this teacher could turn him off of school and cause tons of trouble for years to come.

Tami - posted on 10/16/2009

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Unfortunately there are a few bad teachers out there, just as there is in any profession.

My son who is 14 yrs. old and has ADD had a really nasty bad, teacher in forth grade. This women seemed to be prejudice against little boys. SHe was so mean to the boys in class especially my son. Other moms noticed and she was never nice to the moms with boys. However, she had no problem with the girls or their parents. I, along with other parents complianed about her. The school acted as though the parents were crazy. My son was on medication at the time and was already having side effects. SHe made the situation worse by causing him to have panic attacks everyday he went into her class. I was picking him up from the nurses office every other day for chest pain! Well, after no getting the response from the princple that I wanted and after a nasty phone call from the teacher were she was screaming over the phone at me. I had him moved out of the school district. That is an extreme case, I hated the town we lived in at the time but always made sure I kept my cool with the pople at the school. Maybe see if you can have him switched to another class. There are crazy teachers out there. There people who just aren't in touch with reality ad they target in on a parent or children and make the schol year miserable for that kid. It's not worth having your son sick with anxiety and hating school.

Akilah - posted on 10/16/2009

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Oh goodie (rubbing hands together w/ evil maniacly laughter) teacher issues, always a joy to deal with (sarcasim) but if you know how to deal w/ them then you can come out of this victorious.

1) Asses if what the teacher is saying may even be slightly true which you have done and I comend you on for being so thourgh which will come in handy later.

2) Calmly discuss things w/ the teacher to see if the two of you can work together for the benifit of your son's education, its not about being friends or being able to hang out together or skipping through the tulips, etc. ITS ABOUT YOUR SON AND HIS EDUCATION, PERIOD. (Quite frankly I couldn't give a flying mouse's putoot if his teachers like me or not as long as they are doing right for my son they can hate my guts, and I have said this to one, b/c liking me does not mean they are a good teacher, it just means their very good at BSing a parent.).

***Now as you have done the first two things but there is still an issue coupled now w/ the teacher not wanting to comunicate w/ you at all about your sons progress or work w/ you to get him to be where his learning needs to be, Then the gloves come off, Ding Ding Round 2 will now begin***

I am normally a very clalm nice pleasent friendly person that gets along w/ everyone w/ the patieace of a saint which is why at times people think they can walk all over me. However when it comes to my son I can turn into a vicous rottweiler who's got a hold of freash meat, I refuse to lie down and rollover or let the issue (freash meat) go.

3) As you have already done steps 1 and 2 then your next step is to make this teacher and the principal know you are not the parent to mess w/ by putting everything in WRITING. Practically every school district now a days has a website that will list the emails for all of the State Board of Directors (its public record) and the website should also have the email for your schools principal as well. Collect these and send an email to the principal documenting a timeline w/ dates, times, what happened, what happened next, the findings from the doctor and shrink etc day by day, everything you can remember out of each conversation (attitude, snappy comments, inapproprate comments, etc) and end w/ the fact that you have been trying to work w/ the teacher but to no avil so would like assistance in resloving this issue so it no longer impacts your sons education. No matter how long this email may be keep writing it until you get it all in there then send it to the pricipal, education board, and the teacher herself if you have her email, include at the top of this email your name address, contact numbers, and email address. Then wait for no more than 2 days.

4) Before the two days is up you'll probably already have been contacted by someone trying to see if they can get this resloved b/c anytime a parent takes the time to put something in writing it gets attention, espescially if they send it up the ladder. If by then you haven't by chance heard from someone (they may be talking to each other behind the sceans) call up your principal and make an appointment to sit down w/ them and the teacher to come to some kind of resolution even if that means that your son has to be put into a different class w/ a different teacher.

Keep in mind even if this is public school (which it sounds like it is) there are still checks and balances in place that a school has to meet to keep running and if they start getting complaints about a teacher from a parent that shows they have a founded reason to be concerned then this raises an alert to be investigated. Just remember this is your son who is too young to know how to fight this himself so you have to be the boxer in the ring and give that teacher a KO for messing w/ your baby. Good luck.

PS: Sorry for the typos at work and had to type fast.

Audra - posted on 10/16/2009

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I feel so horrible when I here about situations like this. First of all, it is NEVER right for a teacher (or anyone) to tell you to medicate your child. It is one thing to voice their concerns, but it's quite another to feel its okay to push their opinions on you about your child. And even with respect to her "concern," she should have spoken with other professionals in the school (i.e. Occupational therapist, special education teachers, etc) to see if there is an actual need for concern to the point of needing an evaluation of some kind. It seems that everyone is so quick to medicate kids these days for "acting up." We often forget that pushing the limits is part of developing as a person and learning to assert our independence. He is probably bored in her classroom and not being challenged enough. Clearly, no matter what the principal did/did not say to this teacher, the relationship between the two of you will not help foster a positive learning environment for your son. It is WAY too early in the school year to try and just push through until June (or whenever the school year ends for you). I would speak to the principal again, and ask that your son be moved to a different 1st grade class room. If this isn't an option, then perhaps there's another grade school in your town, or within reasonable driving distance where you could request "school choice" and transfer your son. As short as his teacher has become with you, she is probably that bad, if not worse, with your son during class time.

Carrie - posted on 10/16/2009

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I dealt with this at the day care before school. One of the teachers said my daughter was having seizures b/c she zoned out during story time. Her husband is a neurologist, so she also felt she was an expert... I also talked to the doctor, other teachers at the center who had her before, etc., and no one else agreed. Come to find out, the other teachers didn't really like this teacher, either. However, my daughter adored the teacher, so that helped. The thing that made me feel MUCH better is just knowing it would be a sucky year for me, but it WOULD come to an end. And if you think about it, years fly by. I remember I hated my 1st grade teacher and still remember it, yet I am a fine, productive member of society. Changing teachers might help, if you have that option, too. But either way, hang in there!!!

Annette - posted on 10/16/2009

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I know what you are talking about the teacher my daughter had was the same way she has CD and when she was in K the teacher she had pick on her all the time.It seem to me because she had to teach her and she could not not just say here is your work do it she did not like it.Finley we put her in a anther school with someone who wants to teach.Turn out to be the best thing we did.As for medicated if it were me i would not do it.I do not think this help much i just wanted to let you know i fell your pain .

Maria - posted on 10/15/2009

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i would talk to the principal & if that don't help go to your next school board meeting. some teachers want our kids to be a "robot". our kids nowdays can't be themselves, they can't be kids. and i have noticed that when my son has an opinion the teacher don't like it, my son's only 5. also here in pennsylvania randell - governor - wants our children to start per-kindergarten at age 2 & be in kindergarten at age 3, plus he wants per-k in our public schools where now it's in our state owned/run by private day cares centers. if the school board don't help i would get him out of that class. good luck!

Stacy - posted on 10/15/2009

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Speak to the principal and switch teachers!!! My husband is a teacher and would NEVER do that to a parent. Especially b/c he is one.. Switch Switch Switch, before your child has a bad experience with school, and learns to not like it...

Paula - posted on 10/14/2009

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I agree!! Switching teachers is the best thing right now.. later on in higher grades you will thank yourself. If the teacher wont cooperate then its their issue and not your childs. Good luck!!

Leanne - posted on 10/14/2009

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i would just go straight to the principal over it. I mean, she's already short and snappy with ya. There's no reason she should be that way with you, and you have the right to know what is going on at school. Don't take no for an answer. If she is causing too many problems, request they switch him to a different teacher.

Diane - posted on 10/14/2009

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I would talk with the principal again about your concerns and like the other posts on here have your son put in a different class. I have had problems in the past at daughter's school with teacher, but luckily after addressing my concerns with principal teacher changed her ways.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/14/2009

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Yeah a ton of weeks left but I would definately try to change the class. What is "magnets"? I have a 4 year old who just started JK. I'm a stay at home mom. I speak 3 languages so she's been learning all. She's also been doing her alphabet, numbers, colours etc...she's been a social butterfly since day 1. She's not bored,yet! Yes, you do have to change teachers...not only for your child now but for later.

Ilene - posted on 10/14/2009

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Teacher problems.....gotta hate them.



My son started K in September. So far the teacher says he doesn't sit still, can't hold a pencil or scissors correctly (although he's getting better with this), acts up in class, etc etc. I asked for a parent-teacher conference. My husband and I walked in expecting to talk to the teacher about how to help him...we walked into a meeting with the teacher, a counselor, the assistant principal, and an IEP person. We sat there stunned as they talked about how much our son needed this help because "he was so far behind" everyone in his class. We have refused and the principal who is on our side has taken over the case agrees with us so far.



He's had some good days but it just seems as though this teacher is out to push him around. My son is very bright, he already knows how to read, use a computer and do basic addition. The teacher complains about everything. I know part of it is that he thinks it's funny to misbehave and I don't know how to break him of this. Yesterday I heard he got "red" in class for continuing to break the rules. He announced it very proudly. He seems proud that he's misbehaving in class. I just don't know what to do.



I don't like the teacher, and yeah, my son knows that. She has on occasion told me "he didn't do well in class" and then didn't explain further. I'm just so annoyed right now. I honestly think he is bored. So far she is covering stuff in class that he already knows. Boredom does cause the symptoms my son is having I just wish I knew what to do right now. I think next year I'm going to try to apply for magnets. I'm going to try to get him evaluated at the school to see if he meets the criteria for it.



So far the principal has not mentioned us changing teachers. I really do think it would help. The principal asked me to meet with her again tomorrow morning. I'm going to see what she says. There are three other K teachers and I really do think this is a serious personality conflict here. Wish us luck. It's still early in the school year. Only six weeks in. and a ton of weeks to go.

Elizabeth - posted on 10/14/2009

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I agree with Carol...she needs to be reprimanded. Change the classroom. If the principal won't do it (it's her call) tell her you'll above her head. Don't let it be an empty threat. Use your school board representative's first name, be extra confident! It's hard to deal with this in a rational manner when it comes to the "mother bear". I had the opposite problem. The school didn't believe me when I told them my son had difficulties even when I got the doctor's note! Maybe your son's bored with the whole situation. If he knows how to do everything already it's the teachers job to ensure he is kept busy, not sitting being bored!

Stacy - posted on 10/14/2009

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Change teachers. She is a know it all. Your child is what 6? Little body, bunches of energy. Doc and counselor say he's fine, she just doesn't want to have to earn her check. Zombie minds are easier to "teach" then active, thoughtful, busy little minds. Know this, your son will do great things because he is active and engaging, she just doesn't know how to engage HIS little mind. Another thing, if he learned it with you previously, he is probably BORED...lol. Change teachers and don't worry about little man...he'll be great.

Carol - posted on 10/13/2009

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Get him out of there!!! My son's kindergarten teacher wanted him medicated because she expected him to fold his hands on his lap and wait for the other kids to finish their work. He was doing stuff he mastered at 3 so sometimes she'd want him to sit up and shut up for up to 45 minutes! She was horrible. It's so good to hear that no one else shares her opinion because it should make it so very easy for you to demand that he be removed from her "care". She will not get easier to deal with. It sounds like she knows that you sought a second, third, and forth opinion and they all said she was wrong so now she's taking it out on you and her son. Perhaps the principal or someone else reprimanded her for being a horrible teacher? Good luck.

Sherri - posted on 10/13/2009

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That is so sad i haven't had that problem wsith my own children but my mother had the same thing with my brother to the extent that the teacher reported my mom to social services for neglect all because the teacher couldn't do her job so it's easier to medicate the kids so they are all zombies i say medicate the teacher !!! I hope everything works out

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