HELP????? my 7yr old keeps saying he miss's his late great grandfather. why is this?

Marie - posted on 07/15/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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well. long story short, hopefully.... my grandfather passed away nearly 4years ago and my son recently has been saying he really miss's his grampy, they was close but he was only 3, i wonder why he goes on about it like it was yesterday and what to do to make it better, i dont no if visiting the grave will help or pictures, or i dont know if its an attention thing as he doesnt remember his great grampy very well he just knows that he died, plus, he only ever brings it up if he has been told off or is tired and is very emotional. it isnt something i can assume if for attention and just shrug it off but on the other hand i dont want him using the death of someone for attention because he has been naughty. ahhh confused.

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Christina - posted on 07/16/2012

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My son does the same regarding his great grandmother. We talk about the kind of woman she was. She was strong, stubborn, and loving. She went to and served in the same church for over 40 years. She was moneywise, and a single mom in the 1950s. I show him pictures, and when a song she liked or some event I know she took part in I tell him. Family is important, and helps us to grow mentally by hearing about how different generations going through circumstances, and what morals you want him to have. Multi generational relationships are important. Let your son get to know his great grampy thru discussions with you.
I think your son does remember his grampy. So I suggest talking with your son about his great grandfather. Remind him how much all his family loves him, encourage him to do activities they did together. I guess at 3, that would be going for walks, or gardening? Whatever it was, tell your son what made his gg so great. If your son brings him up at bedtime, sit on his bed and talk about great grampy for a few minutes, and reassure him you can talk more about him later. Then do it. Talk about him in the car. Make a scrap book together of grampys pics and paper headlines.
Maybe you will get to know your grampy better too. And let the man he was inspire you to be the best mom you can be. Some day your son will tell his grandkids stories about you.

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Denikka - posted on 07/16/2012

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I have always found bed time to be a time to reflect on things, think about what's happened during the day and to process everything.
That could be why he is choosing that particular time to bring it up. It could very well be that he's thinking about his grampy during the day, but only starting to actually process it at bedtime.

That being said, I completely agree Christina Packard. If he wants to talk about his grampy, talk to him. Ask him to tell you what he remembers and you can tell him stories about what you remember. I would take him to the gravesite. Show him pictures. Tell him stories.
And most importantly, let him know that you understand that he misses his grampy and that he can come and talk to you whenever he needs to. If he lost him at 3, it could be that he is actually only processing losing him now that he's old enough to understand what that means. At 3, death is just *going away*. It holds the promise of *coming back*. It could be that he has held on to that since his grampys death and has just begun to really realize that death is permanent. He probably doesn't understand how to process the emotions he's going through. The best thing you can do is to listen to him and talk to him. It's quite possible that he's going through a grieving process, albeit a semi unusual one. Just remember to be as understanding as possible.
Good luck to you and your little one :)

Marie - posted on 07/16/2012

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Thank you very much, this is very helpful, it is always at bed time so will do the things you suggested. :)

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