Help! My child's teacher dosen't like him!

Heather - posted on 05/06/2013

My son is going through the same difficult situation and he is only 7. I was relieved when I found out that other parents of students in his class were facing the same problems with this teacher. I thought we were the only ones for so long. We have had about 4 meetings with teachers, principals and school counselors this year and all have had a somewhat positive outlook on his progress(he has an IEP set up to help with his learning disabilities) except for this one educator. I have let a lot of her judgemental and negative comments go, but it has gotten to the point where my husband and I are receiving emails daily that I find to be degrading in regards to our parenting abilities.In all fairness I have tried to see her perspective and as a family we have even made modifications at home to see if her perceptions were accurate. The only clear result we have found is that our son's self confidence is at an all time low. After such a difficult and stressful year, he will definitely be attending school elsewhere next year.

Joanne - posted on 12/24/2012

Jemma, your right. No one has to like or love a child.. but the child should NEVER feel that they are not liked!! That is their JOB.

Joanne - posted on 12/24/2012

This is very fair, and I agree. I think as parents it is OUR JOB to ensure we follow up on ANY and ALL complaints they share with us. If they do later turn out to be unfounded fantastic. I will not once apologize for stepping in for my children on a perceived threat.
I teach JK & Sk children in a daycare setting. Early Childhood education stresses how important good communication is between parent and caregiver (Insert teacher here). If you are hearing nothing.. NOTHING positive about the people you love the most, it does not matter how true the negative comments are.. they will be falling on deaf ears.
I am hoping that teachers are met with willing parents who want to aid the teachers in managing some of the behaviours that occur day to day. On the other hand a lot of us have two full time working parents. What do teachers expect parents to do when they aren't there?? Spend the few hours they have re-hashing what the teacher has said to the child already???

Joanne - posted on 12/24/2012

I am so sorry your son is facing such a difficult, UN-understanding teacher. My advice to you is to send the principal a blind copy of this email to the teacher;

Mrs. Jones

It is very upsetting to me as Billies mother to receive such constant and negative comments regarding his learning. You yourself have told me that Billy is not disruptive or displaying bad behaviour while in school. It broke my heart to keep Billy from attending the Christmas party, but giving the choice between keeping him home or having him be the only child left out this seemed to be the clear choice for anyone who cares about children.
Billy has begun complaining of stomach upset and about hating school. He is beginning to show signs of depression, something that he clearly did not exhibit last year. From the comments he is telling me; "Mrs. Jones hates me." I am wondering if we have a problem that the school board needs to be alerted of.
In no circumstance will I tolerate my son misbehaving or interfering with another child's learning. I will also not tolerate him making another child feel the way you make him feel every day at school.
You have clearly stated your concerns regarding Billy not completing his work on time. This has been a repeated daily message sent home for the past number of weeks. I am not a stupid woman and I feel we are working very hard at home to encourage our NINE year son to work on time management, a skill some adults still struggle with. I do not want to have one more indication come home, nor a single threat from you uttered towards my son because of his work habits. Unless you have something positive to say to me about my son, or there is a true concern I here by ask that it come with the principals signature.
Merry Christmas Mrs. Jones.

Gloria - posted on 12/24/2012

I have worked in a school for 7 yrs. Go to the principal.... if that don't work go above the principal .... I always say you have to fight for your children because no one else will

Jemma - posted on 12/20/2012

I'm not insulting him I'm just stating a possibility.
Stop being so defensive and learn to take criticism.

Betsy - posted on 12/20/2012

Jemma.

YOU are an annoying terror. and pathetic to boot.

Go get a life and stop insulting kids.

Betsy - posted on 12/20/2012

Jemma, my son is 6 years old. If you think that there is nothing oositive to say about a 6 year old child, then I truly hope you are not a teacher.

If anyone does not like (and yes LOVE) children, they should not be a teacher. Not sure if you are a mom, but if you are I doubt you would want your child spending most of every day with someone who does not like them. No one, child or adult, can learn from someone who does not show them kindness. If someone didn't show you kindness, would you listen? I doubt it. You would simply walk away, or tune them out.

Jemma - posted on 12/20/2012

It sounds to me that he didn't have anything positive to put on the report.
And teachers shouldn't have to love nor like their students.
Its a job.

Jessica - posted on 12/15/2012

So the teacher doesnt like your son? Put him in a diffrent class/school that will help alot!

Betsy - posted on 12/11/2012

Teacher - I am glad you brought an alternate point of view, however, it is too bad that you think the teacher did nothing horrible. The teacher sent home report after report without ever putting anything positive in it. Do you understand how bad that is for a child's self-esteem and developing self image? Does it really matter what kind of disability the child has? Even if severe, the teacher should be able to put something in the report that is positive. Howe about "Johnny has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to share it with friends, which is great. However, we are working on finding appropriate times for him to share his jokes."



The bottom line is that teachers should like, no LOVE, their students. And that love should show, especially in the younger years.



Maybe the reason that we are all so "down" on teachers is that so many of them seem to be teaching without any affection for their students. (I said some, not all. There are some great teachers). I have had some pretty sucky teachers growing up, and now my son has had some sucky teachers. It makes me mad because if you don't like kids, or if you are burnt out, then take a vacation or change your career. Teachers must love children. Period.



The fact that you don't see a problem with this story is a problem in itself. I urge you to remember why you originally when into teaching and also to think how this child feel having to sit in a room and submit to someone who dislikes them every single day.

Teacher - posted on 07/02/2012

I'm speaking from a teachers point of view, and some of you on this post may not like it. Being a teacher in this day and age is a very difficult job. Teachers have a not only one student to manage but many times 20-25. As I reading your post the teacher did not say anything so horribl. You stated the teacher said your son has difficulty focusing this is probably based on her observation. You never stated what type of disability your son may or may not have.Was he in a self contained class or smaller class with an in class support teacher. The problem I have with some of the comments the parents are making here

1. Calling the teacher a witch

2. Sneaking in the classroom

3. Launching a formal complaint

4. Stating the teacher does not like the child

This is the problem with the school system today. Why was your son not finishing his?. Was he fooling around in class? But here on this post you immediately have parents blaming everything on the teacher. I'm a sixth grade teacher and I have students fooling around in class so therefore they are not finishing required work. Based on why he was not finishing his work is important. If his work was not being finished due to fooling around so what he was excluded from a party. A party is a treat not a requirement. Speaking from my own experience I had a student in my class he had mediocre grades but he was capable of much better grades. However he did not finish his class work because he wanted to entertain the class. In addition he did not complete homework consistently. Keep in mind other than me speaking to his mom about him not completing his work I never met her in person (keep in mind he carried a C/D avg.) but that wasn't a concern for his mother. However he went home and told his mother I yelled in his face, I don't like him, and all the girls in my class were passing and all the boys were failing. These were all lies thank god we have cameras in our classroom. All of these lies resulted from me putting on his progress report " needs to be less disruptive in class." All of his allegations were found to be untrue I had my grade book to prove his grades. I don't give grades students earn grades. Parents lets open our eyes to situation and stop trying to take the teacher down. I'm not saying all teachers are good but they are not all bad either. Take time to read the attached article.

http://therealrexray.com/2011/01/30/why-...

Jemma - posted on 05/06/2012

that sounds reasonable to me.
So your child doesn't finish the work its vital that he does.
He doesn't have time for frivolities like christmas parties if he cant cover the curriculm.

Jenifer - posted on 08/19/2011

My son is ADHD and does good in his school for now. Have you had him tested or dianognosed. If so request a 504 Plan or an IEP for him. My son struggles with homework because he is ocming off his medication in the evenings. Let her know in order to help your child you will have to work together you may not agree with each other but if you both try to get on the same page it would help. Ask her to write down the good things he does do. I have a chart I made for my soon to be 9 year old. If he gets so many checks during the week then I reward him with mcdonalds or letting him go to dollar store etc. I do know and understand there are like 17 kids per classroom now days and it's hard for teachers these days they are more aware of the kids situations today. Call a meeting with her with the school councelr also that way you have a mediator. Hope this helps you some.

Lisa - posted on 01/27/2011

Definately get him into another class with a better teacher. Insist on it and don't give in. If the school won't switch him to a new class, call the board of education about it.

Joy - posted on 12/31/2010

I can't believe this teacher is treating him this way, I think that the reason he can't focus is because of her, definitly have a meeting with the principal and her together and tell them whats been going on, but good luck, my niece is going thru the same thing and she is in 1st grade and she hates her teacher and school, and its a christian school. I will pray for guidance for you and your little boy. Good luck.

Janice - posted on 12/31/2010

I'm so sorry that this is happening. My son went through this in 4th grade too. Unfortunately I didn't know it was going on until the end of the year and it all came to a head with his teacher telling me that he is disinterested in social studies and was lazy in class. He loves history and it is his best subject. It was sad that she hadn't tried to get to know him all year. There is no telling what he went through with her. I talked to the principal and it did help. I agree that you should volunteer in class if you can and talk to the principal. You might also try a fish oil supplement. It really helps my son to focus! I would not give him a drug so I chose a supplement instead. So some research online to find one that might work for you. Good luck.

Jah - posted on 12/30/2010

OMG my heart goes out to you. Your post almost made me cry. Is the teacher having the same issue with other kids? If not, speak with the principal, let them know exactly what you said in this post and demand a transfer. Some people shouldn't be teachers. Hope all is better in the new year.

Bekke - posted on 12/28/2010

I would make an appointment with the teacher to discuss the remarks. If he/she becomes defensive, schedule an appointment with the principal. I don't think that pulling your child out and homeschooling is necessarily the answer but the decision is ultimately yours. I think that this issue needs to be addressed and agree that your son probably isn't the only one dealing with this. Being a teacher means you need to learn to deal with ALL kids no matter their behavior or ability. It's like customer service in retail, you have to work with all people and treat them equally! I don't think you have done anything wrong, especially if you haven't had notes like this before this year.

Good luck!!

Heather - posted on 12/28/2010

Run, do not walk, to your local library. Check out the book _Bad Teachers_. Read the appropriate passages. This book is awesome and will help you talk first to the teacher, then with the principal. You will need to talk with both of them.
We withdrew my son from school this year and ought to have done it last year, when he not only had a teacher who didn't like him, but was the subject of massive bullying from all his classmates.

Jen - posted on 12/27/2010

That is awful, I am so sorry to hear about your experience with your sons teacher. My son had a similar experience with his 3rd grade teacher. She just really disliked him and said things like "he is arrogant". By the time she got done with him his self-esteem and confidence that had always come naturally to him were at rock bottom. He was getting in trouble on the playground and getting sent to the principals office. And at home he was very angry and sullen. It was horrible. I talked with her after school several times and scheduled a couple conferences. I eve had a meeting with the teacher, my son, myself, the vice principal, my sons second grade teachers, and his grandpa! It was almost like an intervention. But the teacher would commit to try different approaches but she was just lying, she never did anything but belittle my son.
The next year in 4th grade I just focused on getting him to like school again, he had a really nice teacher and I didn't hound him about his grades or his homework.
This year in 5th grade he has another great teacher he likes school and he loves science and he got straight A's on his report card. And he hasn't been to the principals office since he got out of that witchs class 2 years ago. But it took a full year for him to recover from the experience. :(
I hope you are able to fix the situation with your sons teacher and it dosn't keep going on all school year. But if you can't resolve it, my suggestion would be to pump up the love at home. Extra hugs and quality time, experiences like sports and hobbies to build his confidence, and try to cut him a little slack with chores etc. because he is going through a rough time right now. He really needs home to be a safe happy place, which I'm sure it is! Good luck!

Sharalyn - posted on 12/27/2010

I hate to say it, but we were in a school where there wasn't another classroom in the same grade level. We ended up pulling him and homeschooling (which we love and are still doing).

I spent the first 6 months undoing what the teacher had done as my son went from loving school and learning to crying if we went to the library or Barnes & Noble as it reminded him of school.
He now loves to learn and begs to do more learning activities constantly. I couldn't stand that he was getting such a negative perspective on school.
Best wishes!

Kim - posted on 12/27/2010

Shawn hit the nail on the head! My son is currently in an IEP. We started the process by contacting his teacher and school counselor. Her complaints seem to describe 95% of 9 yr olds. Regardless, she had years of training and school to learn to deal with this kind of situation. You have the right to request that he be placed with another teacher, but I would "surprise visit" the classroom. Don't give her a heads up. I volunteer at the school alot, but I am known for signing in, and just "observing" quietly outside the door before I let the teacher know I'm there. If you give her a heads up, she may act differently. This will at least give you a first hand view of what is going on, and give you the ammo you need when you do talk to the principal. I wouldn't stop with him, if you don't get results either. No school district wants to be in the news for treating students badly.Good luck!

Barb - posted on 12/25/2010

I hope you have better luck than I did. My problem was that the principal agreed with the teacher and they excluded my child from birthday parties. I walked in one day during a party to find my child sitting at a desk with her back to the party and some girls making fun of her. I was unaware this was happening and talked to the teacher to see why. She said she did not turn in her homework on time. I went to the principal and she backed the teacher saying the child has to learn and this was an incentive. I kept her home from special activities after that when I knew of them but some were last minute and she was forced to sit out because she didn't get her work done in the past. I tried to talk to the superintendent but he never returned my calls and found out from his secretary that he was talking to the principal first. Nothing was accomplished and now my son is being treated the same way. All I can say is keep on trying and hopefully you have a better education system than we do. Be an advocate for your child and let them know you want things to change. Don't give up your child is too important and bad self esteem can affect them forever.

Deanna - posted on 12/24/2010

You can talk to the principal, and if that doesn't work request a move internally from one classroom to another, last resort would be to have him moved from one school to another in the district. My daughters bff went through this at age 8 and she ended up moving to a different school in the district.
good luck and god bless

Sherri - posted on 12/23/2010

You can't do that in our school system Rebecca unless you have a parent meeting or or volunteering that day. Parents can NOT randomly be in the school. You have to be let into the school, assigned a pass based on the reason you need to be in the school during hours. Just to monitor a class would not be allowed, unless you were escorted by the principal or vice principal.

Rebecca - posted on 12/23/2010

I would speak with adminstration along with that I would also do a surprise visit to the classroom....Observe thru the doors...don't tell your son or the teacher just pop in and check it out...good luck

Linda-Leanne - posted on 12/23/2010

You need to launch a formal compliant to the principle and show him the reports.
This teacher needs to be knocked down a few notches!!

Misty - posted on 12/22/2010

thats horrible,but don't show your angry or your frustration,next time she makes a remake about your son,simply tell her in a very concerned voice that you have a aunt who works with teachers who need that extra help with their skills in teaching and you would love to help her out with learning new ways to make her job less stressful,smile then suggest maybe she needs a break she looks a bit tired and we need our teachers to be on their best game,lol

Priscilla - posted on 12/22/2010

I would try and get my child into a different class. We all have our bias, but your professionalism should always prevail. Excluding a student from their classroom's party is horrilbe and teachers have to realize evil things like that, have lasting memories on children. One bad teacher, can have him hating teachers, and school. All individuals are diffent and all students work at different paces. Teachers are supposed to remember this and keep trying different techniques until they find the one that works for your child. Im glad you kept your child home, because that was hurtful, or would have been. (I'd bring that up with the principal) Also, daily reminders of how your child's behavior was undesirable doen't help anyone. The teacher needs to understand, your child is not bad, his behavior is undesirable. Some classrooms work better when the teacher lets the students assist in creating the class rules. By the student havin an imput, they are somewhat more inclined to follow a rule they created. I think if you can't get him out of that class, you should tell the teacher to slow down on those daily bad reports. Or maybe she'd like it if her students gave her daily reports on her teaching abilities.

Kara - posted on 12/22/2010

Jennifer - I would definitely talk to the Principal about this. My son had a similar experience last year with his teacher and I kick myself for not having him pulled from the class. This year, he has the RIGHT teacher and the change in him is so positive. Don't wait like I did. Take action. Your son will have a better year because of it!

Ellen - posted on 12/22/2010

Last year my son's teacher threatened to exclude him from the Halloween party at school in an email to me.

I brought it to the principal. He said that it was not policy to remove a child from a special event, and that was not going to happen and he would talk to the teacher.

With the principal on my side, I was able to work with my son's teacher.

I really think you need an intermediary here. If you can work with this teacher it is better. I would not get an IEP unless I really felt that my son had a special need. If he does, then get the IEP. But if the teacher is the problem, try going to the principal to get some help. I am sad for your son that he didn't go to school on the day of the Christmas party. Of course, this is not acceptable.

Just to let you know, my son actually did have behavior issues. I put him on a behavior chart at home. He would receive a reward for behving well 10 days in a row, and he would not play video games if I got a note home.

Sherri - posted on 12/20/2010

I would recommend you begin to look into if he has ADD or ADHD. If he is unable to focus and can't get work done then he will ultimately fail. I don't think the teacher is handling it 100% correctly however, if he is not completing work it MUST be completed and the threat of having to miss something fun to get it done is reality. He is in 3rd or 4th grade and it is going to get increasingly harder for him if he can't buckle down. They will begin to back off and it will be up to him to get things turned in or not and if he can't he will fail. So a meeting with the school and see what they recommend is really key here.

Shawn - posted on 12/20/2010

Have your son evaluated for an IEP, an Individualized Education Plan. He may need help with certain learning techniques that the school can provide. My youngest daughter was evaluated and has been receiving help during class for her reading and it has not disrupted her learning in other areas, nor has it caused a problem in class. The school evaluated her and then I sat down with the Psychologist to discuss how her reading skill was affecting her at home and in class. After the school finished with the evaluation I met with the panel to determine if she qualified for the IEP. Once it was decided she qualified the school provides the services based on the level of help needed. My daughter has a 30 minutes session each day with a reading teacher and he also comes into the classroom to help during certain aspects of class. She is not separated from her peers in the normal learning environment, nor do they make her feel like she is being single out or considered dumb.

Your son doesn't have to have medical issues to be evaluated for an IEP. You have to put in the request to start the process, and it helps if the teacher is a willing participant but it is not just her decision. There are many professionals involved in the evaluation and they make it as painless as possible.

Good luck and keep your chin up.

Angie - posted on 12/20/2010

I'm sorry this is happening to your son. I sub in schools and I see teachers being disrespectful to students every day that I'm in elementary schools. Sometimes the not perfect child is the least liked child. He's only imperfect because he's not completing his work and my guess is that he's not the only one being treated this way. Volunteer in the classroom and see how the teacher is interacting with him and other children. She may be nice to your child when you're there but it won't change the way she's treating others. Let her know that this is unacceptable and if things don't change, go to the principal and schedule a meeting with the three of them. Keep any written record you can so you can bring it to the principal.

Amanda - posted on 12/19/2010

This is absolutley disgusting! I mean if your son has no actual bad behavior than wtf is her reasoning for not liking him?! That's absolutley unexcusable on her part! Just because he has trouble finishing his work on time doesn't justify excluding him from a class Christmas party! If I were you I would most definetly speak to the principal first, show him or her the reports she sends home daily that prove how he is NOT a defiant child...than ask him or her what they plan to do about his considering your concern for your son and how down he's feeling about himself...that's not right...he deserves to have a positive experience at school not to feel hated by his teacher...if your principal can't help you I'd suggest looking for a different teacher at that school or transfer schools all together...anything will be better for your son than being in her class another few months...she disgusts me! And if I were you I'd let her know that! :) Good luck!

♏*PHOENIX*♏ - posted on 12/19/2010

If your not happy and this teacher doesn’t seem to be helping your son, Speak with the Principal about it…if that doesn’t work then you should think about Requesting a diffrent teacher.