Help, my son is very sad!

Rebecca - posted on 02/24/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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My son is 10 and lately he has become very sad and unhappy about going to school, he claims he has no friends at school and the boys in his class take no notice of him at break times. I spoke to his teacher who informed me it was quite the opposite, my son is not interested in the games the others play! It's breaking my heart to see him so upset and he's so convincing that he feels alone, where should I go next, back to his teacher? He used to be such a happy little soul but he;s become very withdrawn and sad lately! Any suggestions anybody?

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Kylie - posted on 02/26/2010

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I have agreed with all the comments that have been shared here, I would like to make one more suggestion......since he is 10years old I would have him on Minerals and vitamins that you get from the health food store, puberty is starting to take effect hormonally.

I think that there is a strong possibility off some form of bullying going on, if you aren't getting any joy from his teacher ask to speak to the principle as well. Be direct with your son and ask if there is bullying going on in the class room/playground. Has you Son got any males in his life that could talk to him also? Goodluck. be proud that he is talking to YOU.

Jennifer - posted on 03/01/2010

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It sounds like bullying to me, the teacher is often the last to know. But it could be depression. He needs a full check-up. Make sure to have his iron level tested as anemia can mimic depression. Also, lead poisoning can too. Hope it gets better!

Cheryl - posted on 03/01/2010

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First i think your son needs to see a therapist about his feelings
also have a sit down with him. See what he interest are and try did that.
(like music, karate, sports.) It like he need a outlet. your love him sounds
like his a awesome boy good luck

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

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I think you have been given some good advice, just don't let him continue to suffer if he is in fact dealing with depression. It's very common and treatable ((((HUGS)))))

Karen - posted on 02/27/2010

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Kids at this age can be brutal and very cruel to one another. As a past victim of "mean girls" in the fifth-eighth grade, I can personally attest to that. It was definitely a challenge for me to get up and willingly go to school every morning, knowing that the other kids would tease me and constantly put me down--never really figured out what started all of this....they were all my good friends the year before. As for your son, just make sure he knows that you're there for him and perhaps get him interested in activities outside of school. Community basketball and neighborhood kids my age that didn't go to the same school saved me from a world of heartache. School might have been unpleasant, but at least I had some friends to call my own outside of that hellish existence. One note: make sure all medications are locked away.....I was in no way considered a clinically depressed kid, but going through something like that day in and day out can wreak havoc on your normally good judgment....thought about downing a bunch of pills more than once over the four years of harassment. Good luck--hope it helps. Just so you know, after four years of such awful treatment from my peers, I was a much better person for it--I was a better friend to others and was able to pick out friends that truly liked me for me...also learned lots of patience and realized there are two sides to every story...putting myself in someone else's shoes before judging them became instinctual. There are definite positives that come out of an experience like that, but while you're going through it, it's just plain awful!

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Vickie - posted on 03/03/2010

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how is he doing in school academically? i'd double check with the teacher to cover that base. is it making him feel not up to speed with his classmates..that could be so frustrating.

is it possible to hook up with some of the kids on weekends...maybe on another turf just to play outside somewhere, offering an outlet. maybe he could bond a little away from school and it might help.

only other thing i can offer that could be of tremendous help to you as it has been to me is a book i'm reading for the second time.
Raising Cain, protecting the emotional life of boys. i've found it to be my bible in understanding what my son feels like and needs....he is 7.

my heart goes out to you and your son....this is such a tender age and should be filled with magic and joy, i pray this will turn around with some deeper understanding...keep us posted to the situation

Ellen - posted on 03/03/2010

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Don't be afraid to seek out help. My 12 year old son was missing a lot of school due to really bad stomach aches that were traced back to anxiety. We saw a therapist (MSW) for only about 5 or 6 visits and resolved the problem completely.

Kathleen - posted on 03/03/2010

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Was the teacher able to give details about his 'un-interest?' sometimes teachers get so overwhelmed they may not notice the little things. It would be good to get details not only from his teacher but I would talk to gym teacher and any other teacher he may have just to see what other opinions are. Then I would go see the doctor. Depression is a very serious thing that gets missed or mis-diagnosed so often with little ones, that it is important to be able to give them as much detail as you can when you go in. Even the little things matter in diagnoses. Also make sure he knows that you are always there for him to talk to and that you wont be judgmental over what he says. Good luck and I hope things work out.

Tasha - posted on 03/03/2010

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I had this problem when my son didn't like the teacher, and how she was running the class. He would always look somewhere else to put the blame, but the next year with a new teacher was fine.

Michelle - posted on 03/02/2010

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Our teacher was describing this "good friend" my daughter had in class and was shocked when we informed her of the way this little girl behaved out of class and even when teacher was out of earshot.
So I'd agree that teachers don't always know what is going on.
However my daughter did have a tendency to want to do only her own things and not participate. So we had discussions about how to participate and get along with others as well.

Denise - posted on 03/02/2010

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Hi Rebecca,
I have a 10 year old daughter and she became withdrawn for a while from the other kids so I called the school and asked for help. They directed me to the school therapist who was very helpful. We all put our heads together, had a session (meeting) to try to get to the bottom of things..
Something may have happened to him..he may have been picked on by an older child on the school bus, embarrassed, or something..but its best to just talk to other parents in his class..see if they have heard anything from their child.
Then, maybe invite some of the kids over for movie night..so they can all get to know eachother again..(maybe think your child is the 'cool kid' on the block..
Hope this helps
Good luck!!
Denise Bouchard

Jo - posted on 03/02/2010

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Definitely go back to the school about this as their storey conflicts with the one you're told at home. Other things to do are for him to go to clubs out of school that are nothing to do with his school. He will then have confidence that he can possibly do something that they cannot, and he may make friends their and realise that he is interesting and can make friends. A confidence boost before he starts secondary school will be really good for him.

[deleted account]

OMG!! That is why I am up at this ungodly hour - worried about my oldest boy Sam who use to be such a happy go luck little boy. Has been inc are since 8 weeks no separation issues until now! Week 5 of school and I am told that the little girl who sits next to him does talk to him at all. Week 2 got held down by another kindy kids and pinched, week got kicked by a yr 4 kid. Spoke to the teacher couldnt even be bothered to speak to me face to face! Stated in the playground when I finally caught up with her that he interacts with all children in his class - couldnt give me their names though! Ended up speaking to the assistant principal who helps when hes on duty first thing but hes not on all the time! I leave with him standing in the play ground all by him self! I am going to do a bit of a bit of quiet watching without him knowing and am seriously considering removing him from school! This is a private school too!!! Havent been this worried for a long time. I know what you are going through, I hope something works out. I have been taking Wendesdays off to spend with him but work wont tolerate that for long!

Wendy - posted on 03/02/2010

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My son is going to be 10 on the 21st and he is going through the same thing. In fact, my husband and I were just talking about it yesterday. As a Medical Assistant, soon to be Nurse, I have to agree with EVERY mom that has replied in one aspect or another. Before I got to the mom that mentioned puberty that was the first thing I was going to suggest. He is at that prepubescent age. Hormonal changes are going on within his body that he may not be able to explain. Although puberty won't settle in for another couple years, these are the years that are going to be most important. I would suggest continuing to talk to him. The fact that he is open with you shows that he trusts you. Have you talked to him at all about puberty? This is something I am almost "afraid" to do. However, I know with my son, it's going to have to happen soon. He seems sort of "angry" or sad, almost like moods swings all the time. The ave age for prepuberty to begin, for males, is usually around 11 or 12. However, everyone is different. I would like to suggest a website, www.medicinenet.com. It is a great resource for many, many things and there is a section on prepubescent stages in males and females. I'm not trying to say this is what is going on for sure in your son,, only comparing to what I am going through, mom to mom. Definitely talk to his pediatrician, however, as one mom said, whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM PUT HIM ON MEDICINES. At his age, there is an increased risk for suicide and many depression type medications.... Good luck! Hope all works out! You got alot of great advice (and so did I) Thx everyone!

Amy - posted on 03/01/2010

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I have the same problem with my son, though my son has ADHD. It's tough when he wants to be included, but his antisocial behaviors work against him. It's even more frustrating for me that according to the law, he has a disability, and because of it, he has the antisocial behaviors, yet all of the social repair work falls on his shoulders.

We've had him on meds for a couple months now. It was a long road getting there, and I tried several natural remedies before I finally caved. But they've made a huge difference. If only it didn't take so long for the other kids to forgive him, and for him to unlearn some bad behaviors.

I guess what I'm getting at is that it might be helpful to see if he's suffering from anything similar? ADHD, Aspergers, etc? Do you have any reason to get him tested? Sometimes this stuff isn't textbook, but if you can figure out WHY other kids aren't including him, you'll be better able to "fix it."

Good luck!

Sherry - posted on 03/01/2010

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I had a child that did the same thing. I tried everything. The Dr. said it wasn't my son. It was the environment. So I looked into it more . And sure enough. The teacher just really didn't make things all that fun for him. To our advantage, I was able to move him out of the school. Into a school that had more activities. He loves the kids, the teachers and he tells me about it all the time. It may just be the enviroment is what's making him feel like this. And the teacher can be the one setting the stage for that. Just something to consider. I do hope you find a med. for this. I know how hard it is to see your little guy so upset.

Selina - posted on 03/01/2010

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I would go talk to the teacher again. Express to her that she should make sure that he is a part of the group games. Maybe she should move his seat in class by some other children, maybe the ones that are next to him at this time are not into the same things that he is. If he's not in any sports, I would sign him up for one. This way he would meet new kids, make new friends.

Rochelle - posted on 02/28/2010

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we went through that with our 11 yr old daughter take him to ur family doctor, he may be suffering some depression.. I would also take to your school guidance counselor, they have ways too of helping children who are withdrawn get comfortable to make new friends.. :) hang in there it gets better

Deanna - posted on 02/28/2010

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Thank you. I happen to agree. we try to watch stuff with high cholesterol and MSG. Definitely makes a difference with more natural foods and less "Little Debbies". lol

Allison - posted on 02/28/2010

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This is probably going to sound really weird, however, I have six children and I've been through some very interesting stuff with them. Sometimes, this sad feeling can be related to diet. I agree, there are possibly issues within the school and the playground as well, but these can be enhanced with reactions to food. My kids were perfectly wonderful kids, and we changed our diet to help my husband and I with health issues and we found that a lot of the 'normal' behaviour our kids had, like sometimes feeling very sad (I mean very sad), bed wetting, fighting with siblings etc was all food related. We now follow Sue Dengate's Failsafe diet. Just food for thought.

Deanna - posted on 02/28/2010

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Well the only thing I can say is maybe it is just that age. You are definitely not alone. I too have a 10 year old, and he has went through the same thing. The kids made fun of him because of his teeth. The grew in kinda funny and now he needs braces. They used to call him names and there was even a point when he said he wanted to kill himself. We got him some counseling and I think it helped some. He now has a couple of friends that he hangs out with and seems to be getting better. Kids can be the cruelest. I think the key is teaching them that they are leaders instead of followers. They need to learn to accept them selves for who they are. It hasn't been easy let me tell ya, but it does get better with time and lots of patience. Just love them, that is the best advice I can give.

Varsha - posted on 02/28/2010

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I am facing the same problem with my 9 yr. old daughter. We just moved to this place from another country. So, it's a whole another world for her and this is a very small town. She tries very hard to make friends with other children. She is always left alone in the classroom activities where they have to form groups and work on something. And she is a very freindly person. I have talked to the school counceler and she is working on this problem. But the things she is telling my daughter to do, are the ones she is already doing and it's still not working. I feel very bad that not one person in her class wants to be her friend.

Lorrie Ann - posted on 02/28/2010

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I just had the same problem with my 5 1/2yr who is in Senior Kindergarten. She would cry and not want to go to school. I talked to the teacher, and she was shocked that my daughter didn't want to come to school, and I asked what was going on. She said nothing, then one nite just after we left school, my daughter started to cry and she finally told me that she was being called names by two girls in her class. (My daughter is in a SK/Grade 1 split). Our school has a "No Bullyiing",but it was happening. The girls are in Grade 1. I went to the teacher and told her what was going on, and she was SHOCKED!! The Vice Principal was called in and the situation explained, she told me that it would be dealt with the next day. The one girl had been calling my daughter names, while her friend stood back and watched. They both got in trouble with notes being sent home to their parents. The mother of the daughter who was standing back has approached me and explained that she also got in trouble when the letter came home. The other mother acts like she has just ignored the problem. But the problem was dealt with and my daughter is back to herself, loving school, and the girls are including her. If you can, pay a visit to school at recess time and go out and walk around and stand back and observe. I also had a problem with my 8yr old, and this was what was happening to her as well. I had went to her teacher, nothing happened so I went to the principal, and it was addressed.

Rebecca - posted on 02/28/2010

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All is well again, it appears he was acting up a little, he thought if he played the sad face enough I would let him stay at home, turns out he was struggling with some work they were doing in class recently!! Cheeky little Minx! We've sorted it now and he realises now he doesn't need to pull that one over us as it doesn't get him anywhere, we had a chat, teachers etc and we're working together, all seems to be well again!! Thanks for the advice though guys!

Samantha - posted on 02/27/2010

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hi r you sure hes not getting bullied at school.or on way home?there must be something thats making him sad.maybe its the school hes dislikes now.my son went this phase at primary untill he started seconadary school.now hes always happy.id keep any eye on him and try and get to the bottom of it.good luck

[deleted account]

Don't always take what the teacher says as correct. My cousin's daughter was just like your son. She became very sad and depressed. My cousin went to the school to find out what was going on, they said that it was nothing to do with them, it was something wrong with her daughter. She is now attending a different school and has returned to her normal happy self and is once again happy to attend school.

Mary - posted on 02/27/2010

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Wow!!!! I feel so much better now knowing the fact that I'm not the only one going through this with a 9yr old. He cried on Friday telling me that he doesn't want to go to school tommorrow, because he's got 2 kids that bully him in class right in front of the teacher, yet the teacher does nothing about it. Mind you I have spoken to the teacher 3 times already in the last 3 weeks about it. Think it's time for me to see the principal aswell and see what they will do about it and maybe even request that he be moved into another class and also take him to the doctors and hope they don't tell me that he is depressed. It's a real shame that kids of this age have to go through a trauma like this when they still have so many years ahead of them. I feel bad for him because he is a bright student and loves learning but to have 2 little bullies teasing him that he is cheating on his work well........
I wish us all mums best of luck and hope our kids come out of this in a positive way

Anita - posted on 02/27/2010

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I'd talk to the guidance counselor or a psychologist, they may be able to get to the root of the problem, sometimes kids just don't want to talk to parents or family.

Sweet - posted on 02/27/2010

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I agree with Karen O above 100% been there, personally too, Grade 5 was hell & I did take that bottle of pills(moms 30 vallium @ 12y/o.... not cool!!). What we go through ladies! Give yourselves all a (((hug))) I was suggested many times Karate or other types of MMA...jujitsu is very good, I love it because they do not strick, it is all submission through holds, non violent! The goal main goal with these art and a proper sensei is to be in balance with the world and at peace... it is not to fight everyone, this can really make a kid feel better.... I could never get my kids interested though.... they preferred things the could be great on all on there own, such as skating, music & arts...then the friends flocked to them!

Kamini - posted on 02/27/2010

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I had the same problem with my 10 yr old last year, his marks dropped and he seemed unhappy, i found out he was being left out of groups and certain kids where being nasty to him, i spoke to the teacher, then to the principle and she sorted it out after speaking to him. He is now happy again.

Sweet - posted on 02/27/2010

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Great advice moms! I would like to add, what ever you do MOMS don't put your children on DRUGS to change/alter/improve their moods. If your pediatrician wants to do this, get a second & third opinion! This will effect the development of their brains and they will have a lifetime of serious issues. (I know, I was one of those kids/ adults & Ive learned a lot doing my homework and educating myself) There are many natural, healthy alternatives to drugs, including diet. We are feeding our kids toxic foods supplied by big corporations & filling them with what the pharmaceutical companies push on us through doctors! I know it is hard, Im struggling with the same issues a a single mom (13y/o, 22 y/o, 24y/o only the youngest is at home, the other 2 left the nest 3-4ys ago... yay, but I miss them always xox). My kids went threw things and each case is unique! Get to the bottom of it! If it is bullying, this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed head on immediately!. Support you children by standing behind them. Give them love & guidance! Teach them to Know & understand themselves & their feelings! Give them plenty of opportunities to build their confidence & self esteem! Its not a pretty world out there for them when they grow up. Give them the tools they will need to succeed!

Denise - posted on 02/26/2010

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My daughter is going throught he same things right now. I have put her in therapy because of this saddness and found that there has been some bullying going on by her classmates. I was not aware of this because I got the same answers from her teachers as you did. It is not that the girls are outwardly mean to her, but they go out of their way to ignore her and "pretend" she's not there. When she asks to play a game with them they tell her it is a x person game and she is always 1 to many. I wonder if this is not what your son is experiencing. I would speak to him and then take this up with the principal and work on resolving this issue asap...it seems the teacher might not be very helpful.

Carrie - posted on 02/25/2010

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My sone went through a stage a few weeks ago where he wanted to be homeschooled. He is 8 and I jsut kept talking to him. Finally I found out that it was his teacher. She and I were riding him to get him to work to his full potential and stop doing the minimum all the time. He is very bright and does not have to try at all in school and we are trying to challenge him. Well he was taking his teacher pushing him personally. She is a super warm and loving grandma type that doesn't put up with bull. I simply explained that his teacher loves him and like mommy wants him to be the best him he can be. After our little heart to heart he was a different kid and the reports coming back from his teacher were night and day. No complaining and now he is participating in school.

Long story short...don't give up, keep talking to him to find out what is going on. have a lot of "date"time with him and pull it out. Boys this age are also trying to find where they fit...keep that in mind too.

Good Luck!!!!

Desirae - posted on 02/25/2010

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There is definitely someone or something making him feel this way. If the teacher will not acknowledge that there is a problem, then talk to the principal or the school nurse. School nurses are great because the kids feel safe with them whether it is a problem at school or at home. I would follow up with a physician also, but I wouldn't medicate him unless it becomes your only option.

Khristine - posted on 02/25/2010

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I think both Moms gave you good advice. You should talk to his teacher again to see if bullying is a possibility. If he is being bullied then that's something that needs further discussion with his school. But whether or not bullying is a factor, you should talk to his doctor b/c he may be depressed. If your son is not interested in joining the games the other kids play at school, he feels he has no school friends or he doesn't enjoy his friends anymore, and he no longer finds pleasure in things he used to enjoy those are classic symptoms of depression. Talk to his pediatrician and ask him/her to refer you to a psychiatrist who specializes in child psychiatry. I'm sorry you and your son are having to go through this, but at least he's feeling comfortable enough to talk to you about it. And good for you, Mom, for recognizing the changes in your son's behavior. Best wishes!

Rebecca - posted on 02/24/2010

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i very much doubt what the teacher says is true ... if he is not interested in the games they are playing there is a reason behind it, and it is probably bullying that the teacher is blind to. i would ask the teacher what she is doing to integrate him into the group, and expect a proper decent answer.

Rebecca - posted on 02/24/2010

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Thanks Emily, I had thought about that, just needed to hear if from another mom's prospective. I think I need to talk to the school again though aswell.

Emily - posted on 02/24/2010

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I would talk to his doctor right away. It sounds like he's depressed. Try to be glad that, while I'm sure this is breaking your heart, he's talking to you about it and that's really good. Good luck!

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