Help with a naughty 5 year old...

Jennifer - posted on 12/02/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am new here and looking for any advice you are willing to give... I have a 5 year old daughter, who will be 6 on Friday. She is a great kid, but she is so naughty sometimes and I lose my temper. I am at my wits end trying to figure this out. She whines when she doesn't get her way, throws temper tantrums, hits her big sister when she doesn't let her play on her laptop or listen to her ipod. When I try for a time out, she fights it, kicks, screams... doesn't stay where I put her. I am sad to say that I have to spank her bottom sometimes just to get her attention, and that only makes it worse... When she has her melts downs, I get grouchy and start snapping at my husband and 15 year old daughter... This needs to get better but I am at a lose and about to call in Super Nanny.... ANY IDEAS?!?!?

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Debbie - posted on 12/14/2009

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I know how hard it is not to lose your temper. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm the adult and how I can't let her get to me. I have an 11 year old stepson and 2 daughters - 8 and 2 years old. Every child is so different too. Timeouts didn't work on my 8 year old since I would generally have to sit on her to get her to stay when I told her too. Taking things away from her worked the best - games, tv, time with mommy, and such like that. I used to ask her "Do you want to be happy or sad? If you continue this behavior, you're going to be one sad little girl." (smile)

Timeouts seem to be working so far with my 2 year old but it's hard with her though since I'm still trying to figure out how much I should expect with her. I would have to agree with consistancy. That's when I noticed things unravelling for me is when I would sometimes do one things and then something else at another time. It seems that if I was consistant (which was difficult in the beginning) but if I was consistant, things seemed to run smoother. Of course there were bad days, but there were less bad days than if my reactions varied.

I think you just need to find out what works best for you and your child and then just stick with it. I also have to sometimes say out loud (just for it to click with me as well so I won't get so frustrated) that I understand that she's acting like this because .... her sister looks like she's having so much fun and she wanted to play too, she's tired, she wants attention, and such like that. For some reason when I make myself actually state why she's doing what (if I can figure it out) it seems to take a bit of the frustration factor away and I'm not quite so tense.

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Angelia - posted on 12/13/2009

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Well I will tell you this I am a mother of 4. I have a 10 y.o boy, 6 y.o. boy 5y.o. girl and 2month old boy. I must say that boys are so much easier than the girls.. I am going through the whinning stage with her now. She whines about everything. It is hard. But I don't put up with this especially in public. We have certain time out punishments and they are like stand with arms out and keep them there without whinning. If you whine time starts over. We started at like 5 mins. The arms get tired and they learn to stop the whinning. We take play time away, write sentences or find a book instead of play. She also tried having a tantrum in walmart because I told her no candy because she showed out in the store. She fell out on the floor beside the registers and I walked away without feeding in to it. I always stay where I can see her but she would think I was leaving her and she quickly got up and came along. I learned that if we put focus in to them falling out they keep on because it gets them attention. But when you don't give in to her she will come around. The hitting and kicking well I would spank on the butt for that. But not while being angry. I would send her to her room give you a minute and her to calm down then go and talk with her and give her the spanking. The biggest thing is doing what we say we are going to do and actually doing it. We have to stick to our guns. Take deep breaths and don't take it out on the others. It is not their faults. But I know that it is hard. I could just scream sometimes but what would that solve.. You really should not let her see you get upset and show your temper because that lets her know what pushes your buttons and she will continue. Its the attention, that is what she wants but it is not the right one. I know because my daughter is the only one that does it. One girl all alone is fine but add boys or another girl and that is when they show out. One thing that I was once told was to not use the room as a punishment because that is their comfort zone and their relaxing place not a punishment. I would find a quite corner for her to do her time for time out and let her know that is her corner..

Sheal - posted on 12/13/2009

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Every child is different. Have you tried parent present time outs instead? Take a favorite book, bring her to the couch or a quiet area\room and sit with her and just start reading out loud enthusiastically. If you have a cd player (boom box style) put some music on in another room and dance around, make a big deal of it, have fun. It'll most likely draw her attention to you and stop the tantrum - it may take a few times of doing this but at this age repetitive redirection is what is needed.

Stacy - posted on 12/06/2009

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Are you consistant when you put her in time out? Putting her back every time she leaves her naughty spot? Do you have a permanant naughty spot? Try if not.
We have a point system at home, and behavior is one of the things my kids can do for a point. If they get only one warning during the day they get a point. Usually I only have to remind them of their points. At the end of the week, if they get ex amount of points, they get a special treat.

Valerie - posted on 12/04/2009

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stop losing your temper as you are teaching her to lose her temper and when you spank her you are teaching her to hit to get her way...we all do it so don't beat yourself up but stop it now for both your sakes...if you can work together as a team you will be less worn out..get dad and big sis on board...when she starts to act out tell her yu are counting to three and if she doesn't stop it is a time out...she isn't going to listen right away so be prepared for the time out and it doesn't start until she sits quietly on her own..if she starrrts throwing her toys start putting them up (not to be given back for a period of time but in view if at all possible).set the timer for five minutes...if you all have to take turns holding for an hour DO IT, say calmly that when she begins sitting quietly she can start her time out...if she pitches a fit for smething that she can have sometimes let her know that if she doesn't stop the fit immediately she wont have it for the rest of the day...that will teach her to wait (patience)...in times when she is not acting out, acknowledge her for her virtues (cooperation, friendliness, helpfulness,...) tell her how you see it and how much you appreciate it..that will help them to grow in her. kids are either giving love or calling for love...her acting out is a call for love...putting your arms around her and telling her that you love her as she begins to get upset might help to calm her down before its a tantrum...since she likes the computer and ipod, if they are an option sometimes use them as rewards for good behavior...

Stephanie - posted on 12/03/2009

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You have to learn to keep calm and try not to hit her, tell her she has been naughty and put her in her room where she can calm down, once she has calmed down talk to her and tell her what she did wrong. If all else fails put her in the corner it works with my two kids but they are older too but i have a son of 3 mths old and we will do the same to him. Try not to snap at your husband or daughter cause it makes it worse if you can when your husband is there you can always leave him with your daughter and take your other daughter for a walk not for long but just enough time to calm down. Hope this works for you. Good Luck

Emma - posted on 12/02/2009

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My 6yo son used to be very whiny, still has his moments but has got much better lately. I was getting frustrated because his teachers said he never acted like that but it continued at home. We agreed family rules for behaviour and consequences, then as soon as the whining started I would sit down with him and try to get him to talk about what was wrong. At first he would usually just get worse so we would send him to his room and he would lose something for the day. Now we get an answer when we ask whats wrong, usually tired, hungry or frustrated with his little brother and we can work it out. The thing that changed it was deciding that we wouldn't put up with it anymore, it was a habit we had to break. Hope this helps a little, good luck.

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Take a deep breath and let it out :) corners do not work with my youngest who just turned 5 last month. I'll pick her up and put her in a quiet place- her bed or mine, or the couch depending on who's all home ( I sometimes have up to 13 kiddos in the house). I tell her it's her time to calm down then we'll discuss her behavior. Usually it works, not all the time, but she is still young- Just keep taking those breaths. I've started walking in the mornings and have found (I didn't really think it would work) that I am much calmer the rest of the day towards my family.

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