Holding my 6yr old back in kindergarten.

Cassie - posted on 04/26/2012

I also should have mentioned to have her vision checked. We found out that my daughter had a cataract in one eye and a stigmatism in the other. The school tried to tell me she had ADHD because she was constantly getting up,turns out she couldn't see the board!

Cassie - posted on 04/26/2012

I would seek outside tutoring during the summer like Sylvan or find a retired teacher. I wouldn't hold her back just because she can't write a sentence. Age does matter, the older they get especially in Jr high and High school she will probably be the oldest in her class and they makes her a target for teasing and studies show kids who are older and are held back have a higher drop out rate. I held 3 of my kids back and for my son it was the worse thing I could have done. My middle daughter who just turned 18 and is a Junior is now in a independant study program because of all the teasing and bullying she was a target of at school. If I hadn't pulled her out before she turned 18 she might have dropped out. If you can you might consider homeschooling her for a year or 2 to get her up to speed and then put her back in school. I know a lot of people who are doing that because of all the budget cuts and over crowded classrooms and their kids aren't getting the help they need.

Sweetblonde1982 - posted on 04/25/2012

I have to disagree, they do at my school, and they have to be able to read sentences by the end of the year.

Tracy - posted on 04/07/2010

Regina, I have to tell you that you are completely wrong. There are teachers who don't care. But if this child's teacher is recommending he/she be held back it is because she does care. Every child who struggles does not have a learning disability. I am a preK teacher. I teach four and five year olds. I care about these children as if they are my own. You don't see a problem with your child being in first grade and not being able to write a sentence??? You think children that are struggling should just keep getting pushed further and further??? Don't you see how frustrating and discouraging that would be for a child causing them to loathe school or whatever subject they are having difficulty? Please do not blame the teacher unless you know the person specifically. Perhaps your child had a teacher that doesn't care but for most of us (teachers) we are not in this field for the money. We are in this field because we care about children and their future!

Kristine - posted on 04/07/2010

I myself was held back as a kindergartner and it was one of the best things my parents did for my education and self esteem. I made the mistake of doubting the schools when they suggested this of my youngest son. I thought they were asking too much of him at his age and figured he would catch up. BIG mistake on my part. He is finishing up his 2nd grade year and is still way behind. The difference in age has made holding him back now a real struggle. We are now dealing with private tutors and summer school to try and get him caught up. In kindergarten they bounce back easily, they don't care as much about peer influences and it will not effect their self confidence as much. I say do it now because if you wait the decision gets harder.

Stephanie - posted on 04/07/2010

I don't see anything wrong with holding her back if she needs to be. She probably won't even mind because she probably really likes her teacher, they usually do at that age. I'm sure she wouldn't mind staying another year in kindergarten. If any time to hold a kid back now is a good time rather than later in school.

Doris - posted on 04/07/2010

Mine is being held back also and she will be seven in Nov. She has no idea about things and doesn't know her alphabet yet, but with our help now she is doing much better. We just got her the beginning of the year so she has had no exposure and was just hanging in K, now she changed schools and things are going much better for her. Her teacher said that she has one in her class now who was held back and he is having zero problems and feeling real good about his performances in class. Remember they rarely catch up if they missed the beginnings of reading, and that will most likely turn into behavior problems. It'll be bad all the way around. In elementary school age doesn't matter anyway, then in middle school they are usually old enough to understand why they are older than some, but won't care. You'll be glad to have given your son another chance, and if there are any problems they will catch them early enough to fix them. That is my outlook. I have not had one held back before, but am looking at it as learning experience for us all.

Debra - posted on 04/07/2010

been there no problem with it my son had problem with speech and with writing and reading but now goes good it was for the best when you think about it do it when there younger because doing it latter will be a problem when there got friends they dont wont to leave

Kim - posted on 04/07/2010

my daughter is 5 and is struggling in kindergarten, we asked her teacher if they will hold her back? they told us no! they will push her threw to the 1st grade! how crazy is this??? it makes me sad thats the school would even conside this!
I think if you don't make a big deal out of it maybe it will be good for her and give her that extra bit of confidence. Good luck! I hope things go well with what ever you do.

Dawn - posted on 04/07/2010

Although this was several years ago but my oldest daughter went from kindergarten to transition then the following year went to first grade. While the rest of her class went straight to first grade. We didnt make a big deal of it and she is doing wonderful. She is in the 8th grade now, the oldest in her class but nobody cares. She is where she needs to be education wise and not because she is a specific age. She has a 3.69 GPA and is doing wonderful. When it came time for my youngest to start school we waited til she was 6 to go to kindergarten, again best decision we made. Do what you feel is right for your child not what the standard is. She will thank you for it one day.

Celeste - posted on 04/07/2010

Hi Heather. This is such a hard decision. My daughter repeated Kindergarten. She had a FABULOUS Kinder teacher and I trusted her opinion. She was a young 5, and she struggled and also she was a bit immature as well. After researching, talking to her teacher, talking to other parents, we felt that having her repeat K was the best thing for her. Was I upset? Sure. It hurt that most of her peers were moving on and she wasn't. I felt that I had failed her.

She did very well. We also had help in place, set up IEP's, got her services that she needed. In first grade, she's doing fantastic. Reading, she struggled with but now? She's 2 levels ahead of where she's supposed to do. I am very glad that we decided to hold her back.

Also, I was SHOCKED about how much different Kinder is in our district. At the end of Kinder, they were expected to be reading at a certain level and writing a sentence. In first grade, they are writing ESSAYS. YES! 5 sentence essays (speaking of which, we need to finish that tonight!)

It's a tough decision for sure!

Tracy - posted on 04/06/2010

Don't think about the age, think about the benefits to your child. She could really struggle next year and as the kids get older they start to notice who can and who can't do things. You don't want to push her through and regret it later. Some children just need more time for things to click.

Andrea - posted on 04/06/2010

Heather, i know exactly how you feel. I've been so stressed and worried the last couple months bc my 6 yr old is so far behind in kindergarten. he is in the under the 10th percentile in all categories.i feel like it's my fault and have spoke with his teacher about my concerns and she questions whether i'm working with him or not. she hasn't mentioned holding him back and i just received his report card and it shows he is mastered or working towards mastery in all categories. this doesn't make sense to me bc he is struggling so much. i'm affraid he will be pushed through with the whole no child left behind act and will always be behind, so i've just recently let it all go. whatever happens is whata needs tio happen and if anything, next year if he goes to kindergarten again he will be ahead of the class.

Misti - posted on 04/06/2010

I am in the same boat, my son is 5 and in Kindergarten. They want to hold him back for being the youngest in the class. They said it would help him mature and he would be able to stay on task better. I can't believe the work they have kids this age doing. Addition, subtraction and sentences!!!!! I'm still undecided. He's doing a lot better and we've been working with him, using hooked on phonics! It's great and makes it fun for kids. I think they are pushing a little too much on kids these days, it's no wonder they can't stay on task. Thier 5!!!!!!!!

Jeniffer - posted on 04/06/2010

Just think she will be the first one able to drive in her high school class. There are advantages to being the oldest in the class think positively and she will too

Joella - posted on 04/06/2010

Heather,
After reading so many of the posts I am sure you are more confused than ever!! I am a substitute teacher and spend a lot of time in elementary schools. I see time and time again children who struggle with school who often did not have a "learning disability", but just needed that extra year to grow and mature. We struggled with the decision on whether to send our son to K when he was 5 or wait a year and send him at age 6. Our pediatrician gave us the best advice when he said "no one has ever made a mistake by waiting". I think the same thing is true when having a child repeat kindergarten. If there is a learning disability then that needs to be established (my state is required to test within 30 days of a parent's request--they don't stand by that if the parent is not proactively aware of the law---so do some research, request the testing). When my oldest child was in kindergarten there were 4 students who really struggled. They were all held back at various times between K and 2 and now as 6th graders are all doing very well. You don't want school to be a constant struggle for your child. At our elementary school there are many, many children who are older for their grade....it is a very mixed group and kids don't really care how old each other is. Bottom line is that I believe it is a good thing to give your child every academic advantage they can get!! You should see what our state teaches in 7th grade math!!! It is "stuff" I didn't even have in college!

Sandra - posted on 04/06/2010

That's not right. I have a 5 year old daughter and also a 4 year old son, they both have very severe speach delay, they both don't know how to write sentences, she doesn't even talk in a sentence, my son is worse that my daughter, she has all the help in school, they can not hold her back just because of the fact that she doesn't talk the way she is suppose too. but i have learned alot from all this, you have to fight for your kids quite alot because some school just prefer not to have issues to deal with, the school does not care like a mother does, they would like to have all the " normal kids " ... the teacher does not understand her much and she has 4 speech therapies in school, but she knows her numbers, colous and prints her name and that's enough to pass to grade 1 ths coming semptember :) my son is totally different, he doesn't know the difference between 3 and 5 or the colour red from blue, or a c from a d, so he might get held back but its only because he's not learning at JK level, like other kids... but like i said , fight for your kids because if it was up to the school , my son would be at home now, schools don't want to deal with it, they don't say that and they aren't supposed too. i tried both public and catholic schools.. for me public school has been more helpfull. i hope that helps you :)

Michelle - posted on 04/06/2010

Perhaps it is more important to identify why your daughter cannot write a sentence. My son struggled for years with reading and writing. We were eventually referred to a behavioural optometrist and it was found that my son's eye muscles were too tight - resulting in him being unable to scan words and follow lines of reading also making writing difficult. With simple eye exercises set out by the optician he has successfully caught up to his peers with regards to reading and is almost there with his writing. Simply keeping the child back is not going to help, find the underlying cause of the problem.

Ntombikayise - posted on 04/06/2010

I don't get it, in your part of the world 6 year olds can write sentences? My daughters could hardly write their own names when they went into grade 1. And they are managing just fine. one is in grd 4 and the other in grd 6. I believe children only learn to write sentences in grade 1.

Regina - posted on 04/05/2010

Do not let them keep her back a year! The teacher is not doing her job. Move your child to another school where the teacher cares and WANTS to develop your child or even HAS the time to spend with your child in class. Just push her ahead. You also might want to diagnose her for any learning disabilities.
BTW my son is going to be 7 and is in grade 1 and he can't write a sentence on his own. He does well in Math though. It is very wrong to allow your child to fall back based on one school's evaluation, especially at this age! You need to be strong and make sure your daughter get the best in life. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Ronda - posted on 04/05/2010

It is better to do it now than to have to do it later. I had to hold my sixth grade daughter back last year. It was very hard for her in the beginning but she is doing great now. It was a very hard decision for me. Lots of feelings that I failed her somehow. I am very glad thatit was done now.

Laura - posted on 04/05/2010

hey there Heather I have 4 children and out of 4 2 have been held back and my 1st grader is on the verge of being held back ... I can tell you our older 2 kids that were held back I am so grateful that they were because they are both honorroll students and they are right were they should be ... Now as for my 1st grader I wished that he was held back in kindergarten rather 1st but his kindergarten teacher passed him knowing that he was not up to par with his reading ... Anywho good luck and she will do great my older kiddos are the oldest in their class as well and it doesnt bother them anymore....

Theresa - posted on 04/05/2010

HI my son is 6 years old in Kindegarten his birthday is in December...In my ons school they have to read before they can be promoted to first grade..Since the beginning of the school year they get 10 new spelling words a week, they also have a book report everry week. They have a spelling test wvery week, where she dictates the spelling word and the sentence and they have to write it every week, that also helped him to read. Kindergarten is not what it use to be when we went. They are alot of kindergarters that are 7 don't feel bad...good luck

Shantell - posted on 04/05/2010

my son is going threw the same thing you don't have to hold back if don't want to,

Wendy - posted on 04/05/2010

do not let them keep her in kindy she will learn to do things at school my son is a slow learner but school has helped greatly if she stays at kinder again so will be way to old my son stayed down in prep he is in grade 4 now and going 11 my son didnt know how to write sentences when he started couldn't even count so dont worry they do learn and my son could get even a teachers aide the school got him help

Mandi - posted on 04/05/2010

Take the advice of the teacher who has worked with her all year - they keep so many records of all the informal testing etc that they do.
It is true that there will be an age gap, but the ages are less important than being able to cope with the work confidently. Take some of this great advice about the testing and extra help available but also be realistic about your child and how well they will cope if every task is too hard for their current ability - it can be so crushing and make school unpleasant for them. My daughter went in early and I do notice the huge difference in ages and abilities - particularly in sports and physical things - there are positives and negatives to both sides!
Oh, and my child has just started Year 1 and they are expected to write sentences etc - not with perfect spelling and grammar, but they are expected to write about their experiences in an age appropriate way which shows they understand how sentences are made.
Good luck with your decision

Kekua - posted on 04/05/2010

no, honey, she won't be the only one. where I live there's not cutoff date for entering kinder. if they're born in the year X they enter. both my kids are dec babies so they are the youngest in their respective classes and I was/am very aware of the age differences, because I had enrolled them so young. there are several kids who are more than a year older than them. in fact my daughter's kinder year there were 3 or 4 kids who turned 7, while she was turning 5. so it's really not all that unusual.

Michelle - posted on 04/04/2010

My son ended up doing two years of Kindergarten due to an issue with the school division cut off date for enrollment which in our old school division had him going to school with kids his own age, now we have moved and he is no longer with kids his own age as the cut off here was after his bday....people say they don't know any better but that is not true, my son now in grade 3 knows that he is 9 and all of the kids in his class are 7 & 8 this bugs him.....he has never really liked the kids his own age and now he will spend the rest of his school days with kids who he does not feel are his peers, unless there is a concrete reason as to why they are holding her back I would find her a tutor help her over the summer and move her to gr.1

Laura - posted on 04/04/2010

Regarding the notion that "Kindergarten is the new first grade": this is true mostly because so many children now go to preschool. However, in most states kindergarten is still not mandatory. The first mandatory year of school is first grade. In kindergarten, as in pre-K, schools try to ensure that everyone can follow instructions, sit still for an activity, has the small motor skills necessary to use a pencil and scissors, and knows the alphabet. Yes, there are 50 sight-words to learn, and they do start to teach reading. Some years half the entering kindergarten class can already read, and some years (like this year in my son's class), none of the children read at the start of the year. They learn rudimentary addition first and then move to subtraction. They learn to count to 100 and to skip count to 100 by 5's and 10's. However, a good deal of this is repeated in first grade, which can make the first grade a "lost year" for academically advanced children.

Laura - posted on 04/04/2010

Writing a sentence-? That's quite a high expectation for a kindergartener. Our son (who just turned 6) is in kindergarten and the entire class is still learning to read. We don't have any wunderkinder who are already reading Harry Potter, writing poetry and doing calculus. "Writing" is done in class, but the way they do it is to encourage the kids to write "text" to describe a picture they have drawn. My son drew himself in a plane after going to visit grandparents in Florida. My son's story of going to Disneyworld read a bit like this (my translations are in parentheses): "I wNt (went) wd (with) my DaD to flrda (Florida) n (on) a playn (plane). we wnt to DsNyWrlD (Disney World). it wsa (was a ) Lun (long) trp (trip)." So - all consonants and no vowels is considered normal and age appropriate. The primary reason to hold a child back in kindergarten is if they cannot hold a pencil or scissors properly, cannot yet control themselves in a classroom situation, or are socially immature. Let your daughter draw stories and try to write an explanation of what is happening in the picture. Then have her "read" her story to you. See how this goes before making your decision. I'm not planning on holding my son back because he can't write a "proper" sentence - that's something they work on in second, third, and fourth grade. Don't worry!

Rhonda - posted on 04/04/2010

Has she been evaluated? Also how much help has she had from her teacher? Have you tried a tutor? I also was held back in the first grade, due to absences from Dr. visits, and it helped in the long run.

Jeneffer - posted on 04/03/2010

dont feel bad if you feel it would benafit her then by all means do it my daughter was held back in first grade and she started school very late she is 8 in 1st grade but thanks to this second chance she is doing so much better with school now

Krystal - posted on 04/03/2010

Dont feel bad my daughter will be 6 on the 6th of April and her teacher and i have decied to hold her back. I felt the same way but then i thought that with her starting over it would give her an advantage because she will be ahead the other students her her class next yr. Just look at it that way she will have a better advantage over the other kids and that may help her excel in class because she will not be trying to play catch up

Jessica - posted on 04/03/2010

1. Kindergarten now is not how it was when we mom's were in kindergarten. It is no longer play time and half a day of school. They have to know 50 sight words, write a complete sentence, count to 50, and add and subtract. So those of you who think it is wrong to hold a child back in kindergarten so they succeed later it is not wrong.

2. For those of you that need to have your child tested for LD's- go on your states website, look under education and search for IEP (individual education plan), IDEA (part of No Child Left Behind that focuses on special ed). Also go to the pediatrician and ask for a referral to a pediatric occupational therapist. In my state a parent can request testing and the school has to have the first IEP meeting within 60 days. If the school refuses that is when you go to the district special education director and request it again. Do this in WRITING- that is very important, document everything. I noticed something was wrong with my daughter's learning when she was two it took me 4 years to get her help and she now after that help she has flourished, instead of years behind she is months behind. A reading teacher also told me to be as sweet as honey to the staff at the school even if what they say makes you want to scream some sense into them. And absolutley go to an optometrist and ask about vision therapy. If you can't get the school to do what they are supposed to with testing, vision therapy in the mean time will help. I lucked out in my community and have one of the original doctors that started vision therapy, if I would have known about him 4 years ago, I would have taken my daughter to go see him instead of the speech pathologist (even though she still needs speech) and I can honestly say the man works miracles. And above all else be patient( yes easier said than done sometimes) and praise the child for trying even when they get it wrong because the child is learning something new. Try different ways of teaching like to music, using flash cards with raised lettering, over enunciating the letters and words, find the way that your child learns best and then tell the teacher in the letter requesting LD testing.

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2010

I didn't think that they failed children in elementary anymore..does she have a learning disability? my children were in grade 2 by that age and I think she is a little old for being in kindergarten, maybe there is a way for you to help her learn or have an assistant at school..I don't know if being 7 and still in kindergarten can really be good for her well being..if that is the only thing holding her back get her some much needed help.. Good Luck and I hope things work out for her

Beth Ann - posted on 04/03/2010

That is ridiculous! I think holding children back in kindergarten is unnecessary. So she can't write a sentence yet, big deal. She is in kindergarten, not 3rd grade. She probably just has some small motor skill development issue which is easily corrected with a few exercises like using scissors and playing the game operation for example. Don't be bullied into it by a teacher that just doesn't want to see another way around helping your daughter succeed. Holding a child back for this in kindergarten is wrong on so many levels. Talk to her doctor or get advice from some other source. Good Luck.

Judy - posted on 04/03/2010

Jessica, We suspect that my son has some learning disabilities too. I have tried to get them to test my son and they refused. Even after the ped. requested it.

Teresa - posted on 04/03/2010

I work at a school and I think it it better to do it in KG than later on. Yes they should know how to write a sentence in KG. They start reading books in first grade and need to know what they are doing. If you think that she has a learning disability then I would have her tested, however they usually don't do that around here until like 1st grade or older. But I agree don't make a big deal of it and she won't.

Jessica - posted on 04/03/2010

My daughter is 6 and would have the same issue, The big difference is that my daughter has a learning disability and a processing disorder. She also has to know how to write a sentence and do adding and subtracting. You wouldn't think that for kindergarten but kindergarten is the new first grade. I can say that if your child is having problems learning check out vision therapy, at the optometrist-not all optometrists do it. It is the best thing I have ever done for my daughter. She went from barely counting to 10 and barely knowing her ABC's to counting to 200 and knowing her ABC's and writing/knowing words in three months.

Judy - posted on 04/02/2010

Please don't feel bad. Age or not, if she is not ready and they are willing it could be the best thing. Let me tell you right now I am fighting with our school to hold my son and they wont. My son is in 1st and can't even handle the work of K hardly. I tried and tried to get them to hold him back in K and they wouldn't. Now he is struggling so bad. He hates school and cries and cries about having to go. He is not anywhere near where he needs to be and all they want to do is send him to 2nd. I keep trying to get them to realize you have to crawl before you walk. My son would have been 7 in K too, but if they had held him back I don't think we'd be having nearly the problems that we're having.

Katherine - posted on 04/02/2010

Hi Heather,



We went through the same thing with our 9 year old. We saw some signs of problems when he was in kindergarten, but got very little input from his teacher. Then in first grade they informed us on the last day of school that they were holding him back. This decision was made with no input or advance discussion with his parents and so we met with the principle and staff throughout the summer and they continued to say, "he would benefit from the extra year, he was too young to know what grade he was in, etc, etc. The only solution they had for him not grasping the material was to repeat the same process that didn't work the first time, for an additional year. Fortunately, we have good friends in the school system that gave us some very good advice and told us that first of all, if they feel that the child is not learning the material and they are sure that they have done all that they should have done as teachers, then they need to evaluate the child to make sure there isn't anything else that may need to be addressed, such as a learning disability of some sort.



In addition, in most states there is no actual criteria that has to be met for the student to advance from kindergarten to first grade or from first to second. During those years, it is a decision that should be made between the teachers and the parents keeping in mind what is best for the children.



Quite frankly, a child doesn't fail in kindergarten. If the child isn't getting it, then the teacher is the one failing to teach them, unless there is a learning disability that has not be diagnosed



In our case, we told them that that we do not want him held back and we had our son evaluated to see if there was any other issue that needed to be addressed. Ultimately, it was determined that our son had a mild learning disability that focused on comprehension in reading and writing and needed to be addressed.



The bottom line is that either, your daughter is just learning the information at a slower pace, in which case the teacher and the parents should address it and give her the additional instruction that is needed or if that doesn't work, then she should be evaluated to insure that there isn't a LD that needs to be addressed.



In either case, holding her back does nothing to address her needs and if you do a little research on the long term effects of holding a child back, you will see that it is not the best option for them. In addition, if there is a LD and they hold her back instead of addressing that issue, then she will likely be held back again later as the problem gets worse and then you really begin to run into problems. Every child learns a little differently and at different speeds at that age, so don't get discouraged, but don't let them make you feel that it is her fault.



We finally gave up on public school for our son and moved him to a private shool this year and he is in the third grade and is excelling wonderfully. Holding him back would not have been the right choice. He just needed to be given the tools that he needed to be successful.



Good luck

Angi - posted on 04/01/2010

look at the Department of Educations web site for your state, look under K and find the standards of K...print them out and high light the ones that your daughter struggles with...if it is more than just the writing...then yes, i would keep her in K...the teachers should have testing to back their theory on why they think your child needs to be held back...

i know a lot of students who are held back in K...it will be okay...encourage her to be a leader if this does happen...stats show...that if students who don't have a sound education by the 4th grade then they never will...(knowing how to read for example)

Michelle - posted on 04/01/2010

If it is in a SpEd classroom, I think it is ok, but if she's not receiving intensive services around her writing they should be working on that. My child couldn't form a real sentence in kindergarten but she had the rudimentary starts of one that they built on in 1st grade.
It wont' be too bad since she's a late birthday but if she's not receiving any services specifically around the written language skills you should make that a requirement of repeating the grade. Holding kids back as a way to not do special education is the wrong way to do things.

Jessica - posted on 04/01/2010

It is so much better to hold them back now, and give them that needed time to catch up, than when they are older! He will make new friends very fast, and it will be a lot less embarrassing than if you were doing this at age fifteen, or he moved on, and felt like the dumb kid (which he is not). Don't worry! He will be okay!

Amy - posted on 04/01/2010

Good luck I held my son back in first grade he really needed it. And I made it worse for him all his friend moved on and he had to make new ones which isnt that bad but he went further behind cause he already did that grade and didnt want to again. Alson in kindergarten they shouldnt be needed to make sentences. Good luck

Amber - posted on 04/01/2010

we did this for our son it has worked out for him as far as school work but you are right about them either feeling bad or great for being older we have just told him that he has to be the leader since he was older but then when he went on to 1st there were other kids his age he is now in 4th and its not a problem at all plus rember it is better done now then later if their not ready kids only get more senstive about thier grades as they get older if there is an option change teachers as well good luck

Crystal - posted on 03/31/2010

Wow! I feel so clueless about Kindergaten now... it seems a bit advanced that she'd have to know how to construct a sentence in Kindergarten. My son will be 5 this fall and we're planning to enroll him in Kindergarten. Hmmm... Well, is she lacking in any other "subject", or do they think that maybe it's something she can maybe work on over the summer with you at home, or with a tutor? I would be conflicted too.

Rhonda - posted on 03/31/2010

If you don't make a big deal about it she won't! My son is 11 and is in thye 4th grade this year because of being held back in kindergarten and being in 3rd grade twice. He doesn't know there is an age difference and we don't stress about it! The main thing is what's best for your daughter! If it will ensure more confidence later on then it will be best for her and I know that's all you want! God bless you and your family!